My Story - End of my marriage

[GorillaTheater]

How do we private message on here?

 

I think they use some algorithm of number of posts and the time since you registered here. Call it 50 posts, give or take.

 

Keep posting.

[hurts1968]

Well, my sister lives in the UK and she's now in the middle of a divorce process. Her husband is a real jerk and use's the british law against her.

 

Alimony - according to you're (foolish) UK law they have 3 children and for that he has to pay maximum 25% of his income, which he is allowed to reduce expenses as mush as he wants. (For example, He is allowed to buy an expensive table and claim that he wants to write his memories so he must have a new table, and he is allowed to reduce that money from the alimony).

 

If he prefers to be unemployed, (or in his case, earning money from the side without reporting it) listen to this: He almost doesn't have to pay alimony at all!! he is a free bird (only 70 pounds a month - WOW!)

 

The thing is that the wife gets a bigger part of the house. (only the part that has been paid until now). He is allowed to stop paying the mortgage. In my sister's case he stopped immediately because he expected her to not be able to pay the mortgage by herself and then she would be forced to sell the house. (Where will his children live? its not his problem, and the UK law support him with that)

 

But my sister managed to pay and now he cant force her to sell the house until their youngest son is over 18. So now he pays almost nothing for alimony, all according to the UK law. So, I think you're situation is not so bad.

 

I hope you will take care of your kids better than my sister's STBXH.

 

 

 

Sorry for your sister...the law in any country could be much better!

 

My daughter is my life, we fought 8 years to have her and I can't imagine her not in my life every day!

[hurts1968]

Morning all....

 

Following my visit to the solicitor yesterday I tried to sit down and talk sensibly to my STBXW...that didn't work, she is under the misguided idea that I am trying to manipulate the money in an attempt to make her change her mind!

 

She doesn't care or want to know that she is going to be in a very tricky financial situation once all is sorted, she is just burying her head in the sand.

 

I found out last night that for the past 3-6 months she had not been taking her medication for a very under-active thyroid that she was diagnosed with 4 years ago. I know the seriousness of not taking this medication, i have been there through it all with her!

 

Could this be partly to blame for her sudden decision to end the marriage, looking at some of the side effects of not taking the medication certainly account for some of her action!

[GarrusVakarian]

Morning all....

 

Following my visit to the solicitor yesterday I tried to sit down and talk sensibly to my STBXW...that didn't work, she is under the misguided idea that I am trying to manipulate the money in an attempt to make her change her mind!

 

She doesn't care or want to know that she is going to be in a very tricky financial situation once all is sorted, she is just burying her head in the sand.

 

I found out last night that for the past 3-6 months she had not been taking her medication for a very under-active thyroid that she was diagnosed with 4 years ago. I know the seriousness of not taking this medication, i have been there through it all with her!

 

Could this be partly to blame for her sudden decision to end the marriage, looking at some of the side effects of not taking the medication certainly account for some of her action!

 

I found that my wife buried her head in the sand when we split up. In the end I had to force the situation to get it resolved. Still working on that!. Whether or not her not taking medication has anything to do with it I don't know. But at the same time, are you just trying to find reasons for her actions?. I went through exactly the same thoughts as yourself but the end of the day you will never know her head or what is going on. She will never tell you either!.

 

Its tough not knowing the reasons behind it all. But you have to be strong for your kid.

[road]

Lawyers only know how to do divorce.

 

 

Now if you want to save your marriage you need to get proof of your WW's affair. And read the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.

 

 

That book will give you the tools to fight the affair and recover your marriage.

[hurts1968]

I found that my wife buried her head in the sand when we split up. In the end I had to force the situation to get it resolved. Still working on that!. Whether or not her not taking medication has anything to do with it I don't know. But at the same time, are you just trying to find reasons for her actions?. I went through exactly the same thoughts as yourself but the end of the day you will never know her head or what is going on. She will never tell you either!.

 

Its tough not knowing the reasons behind it all. But you have to be strong for your kid.

 

 

 

Your right, I may be clutching at straws but guess that is still where I am at at the moment!

 

She is just the same as you describe, tried talking last night and today about things, money, little one, house etc....at the moment all she is focused on is me not being there, that is the be all and end all of any conversation.

 

My solicitor has said for me not to move out of the house, anybody else had similar advice?

[GarrusVakarian]

Your right, I may be clutching at straws but guess that is still where I am at at the moment!

 

She is just the same as you describe, tried talking last night and today about things, money, little one, house etc....at the moment all she is focused on is me not being there, that is the be all and end all of any conversation.

 

My solicitor has said for me not to move out of the house, anybody else had similar advice?

 

Listen to your solicitor, don't move out. Your end up just empowering her. My wife legged it back to her parents when I found out that was the end of September, that's where she has been since!. She feels like a total stranger to me now. The woman I knew and loved doesn't exist anymore, feels like she has been brainwashed. Still shocks me somewhat how she brushed away ten years like it was nothing. I am guessing you have the same thing?. Your never know what went on unless she decides to tell you.

 

Noticed from a post you said earlier you was emotionally abusive and controlling. That's what my wife said about me, only thing I am guilty of was being too over protective and sometimes got wrapped up in other things. Don't let her try to blame you, that just makes her feel better about herself and allows her to justify her actions and her decisions. But from what you have said in EP's, she is definitely seeing someone else.

 

Did at any point over the last few weeks, you think something wasn't right?. Did alarm bells ring at any point?. From my own perspective, I had a suspicion something wasn't right for about a month.

 

You may never get the answers you want. I know I wont, I just treat it now as one of life's mysteries, like does the Loch Ness monster exist!. Either way, don't let her try to blame you. If she was seeing someone else, it wasn't your fault. If she was unhappy she should of spoken to you and told you!. Instead it seems likely she decided to do the most destructive thing you can do in a marriage.

 

I am just glad I don't live with mine now. It would of done my head right in.

Edited March 14, 2014 by GarrusVakarian

[hurts1968]

Listen to your solicitor, don't move out. Your end up just empowering her. My wife legged it back to her parents when I found out that was the end of September, that's where she has been since!. She feels like a total stranger to me now. The woman I knew and loved doesn't exist anymore, feels like she has been brainwashed. Still shocks me somewhat how she brushed away ten years like it was nothing. I am guessing you have the same thing?. Your never know what went on unless she decides to tell you.

 

Noticed from a post you said earlier you was emotionally abusive and controlling. That's what my wife said about me, only thing I am guilty of was being too over protective and sometimes got wrapped up in other things. Don't let her try to blame you, that just makes her feel better about herself and allows her to justify her actions and her decisions. But from what you have said in EP's, she is definitely seeing someone else.

 

Did at any point over the last few weeks, you think something wasn't right?. Did alarm bells ring at any point?. From my own perspective, I had a suspicion something wasn't right for about a month.

 

You may never get the answers you want. I know I wont, I just treat it now as one of life's mysteries, like does the Loch Ness monster exist!. Either way, don't let her try to blame you. If she was seeing someone else, it wasn't your fault. If she was unhappy she should of spoken to you and told you!. Instead it seems likely she decided to do the most destructive thing you can do in a marriage.

 

I am just glad I don't live with mine now. It would of done my head right in.

 

 

 

 

I can't say that I wasn't controlling and emotionally abusive etc but there was also many fantastic things about our time together.

 

I can honestly say that I never saw it coming, it was a complete shock. as I said in previous posts the week before I had started a new job, MD of a company so really stressful position. She was over the moon, telling everybody via every means available (Facebook, Twitter, in person) kept telling me how great it was, how much she loved me etc

 

I actually leave for work an hour later in the day now and she was so excited that our daughter could now spend 30 mins in bed with mummy and daddy in a morning as before I left before my daughter awoke.

 

your right, can't get my head around the fact that everything we have been through..and that's a lot has just been dismissed, like it never happened....it's like she has an eraser and is trying to make me disappear from her life and from ever having existed.

[GarrusVakarian]

I can't say that I wasn't controlling and emotionally abusive etc but there was also many fantastic things about our time together.

 

I can honestly say that I never saw it coming, it was a complete shock. as I said in previous posts the week before I had started a new job, MD of a company so really stressful position. She was over the moon, telling everybody via every means available (Facebook, Twitter, in person) kept telling me how great it was, how much she loved me etc

 

I actually leave for work an hour later in the day now and she was so excited that our daughter could now spend 30 mins in bed with mummy and daddy in a morning as before I left before my daughter awoke.

 

your right, can't get my head around the fact that everything we have been through..and that's a lot has just been dismissed, like it never happened....it's like she has an eraser and is trying to make me disappear from her life and from ever having existed.

 

No one can really see it coming, I never dreamed it could happen to me!. I am still dumbstruck over the whole thing. Six months later, I think about her still and I do miss her. But the person she was is gone, its like she was brainwashed, I don't recognise who she has become. But these days I try my best to put it to the back of my mind. I know after a few ****ty months, I will be ok, life will go on and I will meet someone else.

 

At present I am trying to avoid any contact with her, sort of going down the NC route, not because I feel it will make a difference to marriage, that's dead. I just don't want her to ruin the progress I have made into moving on. Once the house is all sorted I am filing for divorce.

 

Your situation however does seem very familiar to mine and other people I have read on these forums. Kind of wish I had came her earlier!. But reading one of your replies to a post. Everyone goes through the same feelings of being alone and not meeting someone else. But you will do.

 

With regards to the wife and I made the mistake of letting her know your there for her if she changes her mind. Don't let her think that!. Don't be her PLAN B. She will only respect you less. Give up on your marriage to her, she isn't interested at the moment, her mind is elsewhere. Anything else you do, will just make her think less of you. You cant say anything to make her change her mind, you can only do things to make her not want to come back to marriage. Tough words I know and hard to hear. If I had heard them earlier, might of been in a different position?.

 

Should months down the line she decides to come back, she has to do all the heavy lifting and don't make it too easy for her to come back and she has to be honest. She has to prove she wants to be back, she owes your a lot of apologies. Any faults you have and I think you know them, you can work on them. But its all on her to do the work to prove she wants to be back. But at that point, you may decide I don't want you back!. Either way, its a decision your have to make.

 

Focus on your daughter 110% and yourself. Improve you and your lot for your kid. Your wife is a lost cause for now. Sorry for being blunt.

[hurts1968]

No one can really see it coming, I never dreamed it could happen to me!. I am still dumbstruck over the whole thing. Six months later, I think about her still and I do miss her. But the person she was is gone, its like she was brainwashed, I don't recognise who she has become. But these days I try my best to put it to the back of my mind. I know after a few ****ty months, I will be ok, life will go on and I will meet someone else.

 

At present I am trying to avoid any contact with her, sort of going down the NC route, not because I feel it will make a difference to marriage, that's dead. I just don't want her to ruin the progress I have made into moving on. Once the house is all sorted I am filing for divorce.

 

Your situation however does seem very familiar to mine and other people I have read on these forums. Kind of wish I had came her earlier!. But reading one of your replies to a post. Everyone goes through the same feelings of being alone and not meeting someone else. But you will do.

 

With regards to the wife and I made the mistake of letting her know your there for her if she changes her mind. Don't let her think that!. Don't be her PLAN B. She will only respect you less. Give up on your marriage to her, she isn't interested at the moment, her mind is elsewhere. Anything else you do, will just make her think less of you. You cant say anything to make her change her mind, you can only do things to make her not want to come back to marriage. Tough words I know and hard to hear. If I had heard them earlier, might of been in a different position?.

 

Should months down the line she decides to come back, she has to do all the heavy lifting and don't make it too easy for her to come back and she has to be honest. She has to prove she wants to be back, she owes your a lot of apologies. Any faults you have and I think you know them, you can work on them. But its all on her to do the work to prove she wants to be back. But at that point, you may decide I don't want you back!. Either way, its a decision your have to make.

 

Focus on your daughter 110% and yourself. Improve you and your lot for your kid. Your wife is a lost cause for now. Sorry for being blunt.

 

 

GarrusVakarian, you are being blunt but that's what I need...I'm a soft touch who still thinks things are going to be all ok if I just give it enough time!!!

 

I guess that's why I'm still in the house. maybe I should get a pair, find myself somewhere to live and get on with my life....great words but not sure I'm there yet.

 

I was married before this and ended up having to leave my son when he was 10, guess that's one of the reason why I just can't face leaving my daughter behind. That and i love my W more as each bloody day goes by...why the hell is that?

[GarrusVakarian]

GarrusVakarian, you are being blunt but that's what I need...I'm a soft touch who still thinks things are going to be all ok if I just give it enough time!!!

 

I guess that's why I'm still in the house. maybe I should get a pair, find myself somewhere to live and get on with my life....great words but not sure I'm there yet.

 

I was married before this and ended up having to leave my son when he was 10, guess that's one of the reason why I just can't face leaving my daughter behind. That and i love my W more as each bloody day goes by...why the hell is that?

 

I thought I could work it out with her. Then one night chatting to her on the phone trying to talk her around. I thought, who the hell am I talking to?. This isn't my wife anymore. I then said, look us talking now is pointless goodbye. That was almost two months ago now. I thought I loved her more each day, but now I think, Was it because I couldn't have back what I lost?.

 

My wife was fantastic, I loved her to pieces. Didn't always show it. But I never deserved to go through what she put me through and after only 2 years marriage and 8 years together. Doubtless you don't either. But knowing what is going on in either of our wives heads, we will never know. But my wife is a stranger to me now and I just want her gone. But all of this impacts on your little one. You have to protect her from it as much as possible, she is the important one. Your wife much like mine, has made her decision. You cant change it.

 

At the moment, I am trying to secure the house we bought together, after all of what she put me through, I don't deserve to lose my home as well!. But we will see what happens.

 

But keep saying it stay strong for the little one. Just keep telling yourself, this wasn't your fault and your be alright, what I tell myself. Would your wife be a pain in the arse over access to your kid.

 

Sorry for being blunt, wish someone had told me straight at the beginning. Situation may of been different?.

[loyalkind]

Hi hurts. I can relate to your situation. After reading through this thread I feel like you've handled things well. I respect people with a cool temper, those who would prefer to make things work, and those who strive to do the right thing despite it being difficult.

While this woman may not appreciate you, I'm confident there are others that will. Hang in there till you meet them.

Best wishes from across the pond. (32/M)

[hurts1968]

Thanks for all your replies, I have now found out that what everyone on here was saying is true...there is another man!

 

She abandoned the home again for the 7th weekend on the trot this weekend, even though it was her birthday and she wouldn't see her daughter!

 

Came home Sunday evening and it all came out, having an affair with somebody we know...all of a sudden not bothered about the house, child anything!

 

I'm in a complete state...my heart is broken, my life in a mess, can't think about not seeing my little baby every day!

 

Help!!!

[GarrusVakarian]

Thanks for all your replies, I have now found out that what everyone on here was saying is true...there is another man!

 

She abandoned the home again for the 7th weekend on the trot this weekend, even though it was her birthday and she wouldn't see her daughter!

 

Came home Sunday evening and it all came out, having an affair with somebody we know...all of a sudden not bothered about the house, child anything!

 

I'm in a complete state...my heart is broken, my life in a mess, can't think about not seeing my little baby every day!

 

Help!!!

 

Hi, I am really sorry to hear that. Did check over the weekend to see if you had put any updates. Hard to hear, but it did seem there was someone else. I can only sympathise with your situation, finding out your wife/partner is one of the most shocking and upsetting things I have ever experienced.

 

From what you said in post, she isn't bothered about house or the child!. Doesn't care about her own kid?. Basically, your wife's head is in the fog, she is only thinking about this other guy, nothing else matters. This is so similar to my situation!. All I can really advise, firstly kid comes first. Wife has made her choice. I wouldn't bother trying to get her to change her mind or saying things like you love her. It doesn't mean **** to her, didn't to mine!. Don't slate or say things about OM, wife wont hear it. She has placed him on a pedestal. Nothing you say about him to her will make a difference.

 

Don't beg her or anything, will only make you look weak to her. How did you find out?. Did she tell you?. Or did you find out yourself?. Was it family friend?. Did anyone tell you?.

 

But you have to ask yourself now, do you want to sort marriage to wife?. After the way she has behaved and didn't see her kid on birthday, not to be rude. She sounds like a bitch!. How could a mother do that to her child?.

 

I know its a ****ty situation and your probably in a dark place. But don't say anything stupid. You have a kid to think about and anything you say your wife may potentially use it against you. Women can be bitchy like that.

 

It don't mean much now, but you will get through this and your be a far stronger person for it. Also, do you have a lot of friends and close family?. Mine got me through this and in situations like this, you really realise who your friends are!.

Edited March 17, 2014 by GarrusVakarian

[hurts1968]

Hi, I am really sorry to hear that. Did check over the weekend to see if you had put any updates. Hard to hear, but it did seem there was someone else. I can only sympathise with your situation, finding out your wife/partner is one of the most shocking and upsetting things I have ever experienced.

 

From what you said in post, she isn't bothered about house or the child!. Doesn't care about her own kid?. Basically, your wife's head is in the fog, she is only thinking about this other guy, nothing else matters. This is so similar to my situation!. All I can really advise, firstly kid comes first. Wife has made her choice. I wouldn't bother trying to get her to change her mind or saying things like you love her. It doesn't mean **** to her, didn't to mine!. Don't slate or say things about OM, wife wont hear it. She has placed him on a pedestal. Nothing you say about him to her will make a difference.

 

Don't beg her or anything, will only make you look weak to her. How did you find out?. Did she tell you?. Or did you find out yourself?. Was it family friend?. Did anyone tell you?.

 

But you have to ask yourself now, do you want to sort marriage to wife?. After the way she has behaved and didn't see her kid on birthday, not to be rude. She sounds like a bitch!. How could a mother do that to her child?.

 

I know its a ****ty situation and your probably in a dark place. But don't say anything stupid. You have a kid to think about and anything you say your wife may potentially use it against you. Women can be bitchy like that.

 

It don't mean much now, but you will get through this and your be a far stronger person for it. Also, do you have a lot of friends and close family?. Mine got me through this and in situations like this, you really realise who your friends are!.

 

 

Hi GarrusVakarian, God I feel terrible, just can't believe that the woman I love can do this to me....sat here at my desk at work shaking!!

 

Really rubbed it in my face last night...I'm so happy etc, it was terrible. Sat down last night and told me after her birthday weekend away with him.

 

Little one was quite ill over the weekend, messaged my wife but was busy posting pictures of cocktails on her nights out!!

 

Family are really spread round the country and never really did have many close friends, always thought my wife was enough...really learning a lesson there!

 

Emailed my solicitor this morning to give her an update....wife currently at hers telling them god knows what.

 

My little baby is everything now...wish the courts in the UK were different as I can only think I'll get screwed there too!

[GarrusVakarian]

Hi GarrusVakarian, God I feel terrible, just can't believe that the woman I love can do this to me....sat here at my desk at work shaking!!

 

Really rubbed it in my face last night...I'm so happy etc, it was terrible. Sat down last night and told me after her birthday weekend away with him.

 

Little one was quite ill over the weekend, messaged my wife but was busy posting pictures of cocktails on her nights out!!

 

Family are really spread round the country and never really did have many close friends, always thought my wife was enough...really learning a lesson there!

 

Emailed my solicitor this morning to give her an update....wife currently at hers telling them god knows what.

 

My little baby is everything now...wish the courts in the UK were different as I can only think I'll get screwed there too!

 

Mate, she may be happy now. But it wont last!. Relationships based on deceit never do. Once all the excitement dies down, there will probably be very little there between them. I remember when I found out, it totally shook my world. I never ever expected her to cheat and after two years of marriage as well!. But you never know with some women!.

 

But not to be funny, she does sound like a total bitch?. The way she is rubbing it in your face!. How long have you been married?. Its a strange thing, how quickly someone can change?. Me and my wife where talking about kids this time last year. Four weeks after our second anniversary she started an affair with a 50 year old married man. I found out 6 weeks later.

 

I think your find as the months go by your hear bits and pieces come out over what went on?. Was the OM married or did he have a partner?. But I don't think your ever learn the truth of all of it. I hear bits and pieces here and there. Sometimes it bothers me, others it doesn't. Think your be the same.

 

Yes, the UK courts are ****ty. For some reason they always take the woman's side. Even if they are in the wrong. Don't matter if your the good guy. Are you both filing for divorce?.

 

Keep strong for the little one and don't let the wife beat you down. You only make her feel better about herself and her actions.

[hurts1968]

Mate, she may be happy now. But it wont last!. Relationships based on deceit never do. Once all the excitement dies down, there will probably be very little there between them. I remember when I found out, it totally shook my world. I never ever expected her to cheat and after two years of marriage as well!. But you never know with some women!.

 

But not to be funny, she does sound like a total bitch?. The way she is rubbing it in your face!. How long have you been married?. Its a strange thing, how quickly someone can change?. Me and my wife where talking about kids this time last year. Four weeks after our second anniversary she started an affair with a 50 year old married man. I found out 6 weeks later.

 

I think your find as the months go by your hear bits and pieces come out over what went on?. Was the OM married or did he have a partner?. But I don't think your ever learn the truth of all of it. I hear bits and pieces here and there. Sometimes it bothers me, others it doesn't. Think your be the same.

 

Yes, the UK courts are ****ty. For some reason they always take the woman's side. Even if they are in the wrong. Don't matter if your the good guy. Are you both filing for divorce?.

 

Keep strong for the little one and don't let the wife beat you down. You only make her feel better about herself and her actions.

 

 

 

Other person is divorced, kids, even grandkids...

 

I'm a mess, not sure I'm going to get through...having to go off to the Doctor's tonight for something

 

Suffered from depression for the last 20 years and this is obviously making it worse.

[GarrusVakarian]

Other person is divorced, kids, even grandkids...

 

I'm a mess, not sure I'm going to get through...having to go off to the Doctor's tonight for something

 

Suffered from depression for the last 20 years and this is obviously making it worse.

 

I thought that, but you will get through it. I thought I wouldn't, its not all done and dusted, well the marriage is. But you will get through it. I remember all the sleepless nights I had. Went weeks without sleep, in the end I had to get sleeping pills.

 

You will get through it. Be strong for the kid. Like I said, don't give the wife the satisfaction.

[No Limit]

Don't waste strength on the shell that once housed your wife, she's gone now. Dead basically. It's sad and grieving is fine, but don't waste your strength on it. Put it into your child.

[hurts1968]

Don't waste strength on the shell that once housed your wife, she's gone now. Dead basically. It's sad and grieving is fine, but don't waste your strength on it. Put it into your child.

 

 

 

Wish it was that easy...how do you turn it off???

 

Feel like my world is ending, never, ever felt like this before

 

Spent the day shaking...can't shrug it off, haven't slept for days/weeks

 

How I am still functioning as a human I have no idea.

[karnak]

Wish it was that easy...how do you turn it off???

 

Feel like my world is ending, never, ever felt like this before

 

Spent the day shaking...can't shrug it off, haven't slept for days/weeks

 

How I am still functioning as a human I have no idea.

 

Yes, it's terrible.

Betrayal is the worst thing a human being can do to another. Many women (not all fortunately) are capable of trading an entire life (husband, kids, job, etc) for a new penis.

 

Twisted and perverted, yes. But that's how it is.

Focus on the statement above. Is this the kind of women who you want to share teh rest of your life with?

 

Remember this: she traded her family life for a new dick. Right now she has been banging another man and enjoying it. And you're crying.

 

Do you think she deserves your tears? Do you??

[Chi townD]

Well, it sounds like that she was trying to force you out of the house to move this guy in. What you need to do is expose the affair. Let people know that you are divorcing because your wife has been cheating on you. Tell your in laws the truth, you stated having grandkids, so tell your older children, tell friends that you're getting divorced for this reason and that you hope they'll understand and try to be supportive.

 

 

See, affairs are like roaches. They love the darkness, but when the light comes on, they scatter. Well, you need to bring this affair into the light. Blow up her fantasy world. Because, if you don't say anything, I guarantee you that she's going to tell people a bunch of lies. That you were abusive and that you were emotionally abusive and that you two have grown apart....blah....blah....trying to make you out as being the bad guy; a monster that she needed to get away from.

 

 

DO NOT TELL HER THAT YOU'RE GOING TO EXPOSE!!! Just do it. Don't give her a chance to come up with a viable story to tell people. Catch her off guard.

 

 

The quickest way to ending an affair is to expose it. People will be less accepting of their relationship if they know how it came about. Your mutual friend that she's having an affair with might throw her under the bus if he's getting blasted by other mutual friends because of this. He might think, "I didn't sign on for this." and skip out.

 

 

And if you're thinking, "Well, what's the point! We're still going to get divorced!" Well, at least people will know the truth. I guarantee you that your wife will not tell ANYONE the reason that you two are getting divorced is because she's been cheating on you. Nah, she'll make you out to be a monster and that's not fair to you.

[GarrusVakarian]

Yes, it's terrible.

Betrayal is the worst thing a human being can do to another. Many women (not all fortunately) are capable of trading an entire life (husband, kids, job, etc) for a new penis.

 

Twisted and perverted, yes. But that's how it is.

Focus on the statement above. Is this the kind of women who you want to share teh rest of your life with?

 

Remember this: she traded her family life for a new dick. Right now she has been banging another man and enjoying it. And you're crying.

 

Do you think she deserves your tears? Do you??

 

Karnak, the above sums it all up perfectly!.

 

Hurts1968, what Karnak says its really hard to hear. But as he says, do you think she is worth your tears?. Your better then this, you deserve more, don't let her drag you down!. Focus all your strength on your little girl, she needs you more then ever.

 

Its hard to hear, it was hard when I heard it. But you have been traded in. You can do better for yourself and your little one.

[GarrusVakarian]

Well, it sounds like that she was trying to force you out of the house to move this guy in. What you need to do is expose the affair. Let people know that you are divorcing because your wife has been cheating on you. Tell your in laws the truth, you stated having grandkids, so tell your older children, tell friends that you're getting divorced for this reason and that you hope they'll understand and try to be supportive.

 

 

See, affairs are like roaches. They love the darkness, but when the light comes on, they scatter. Well, you need to bring this affair into the light. Blow up her fantasy world. Because, if you don't say anything, I guarantee you that she's going to tell people a bunch of lies. That you were abusive and that you were emotionally abusive and that you two have grown apart....blah....blah....trying to make you out as being the bad guy; a monster that she needed to get away from.

 

 

DO NOT TELL HER THAT YOU'RE GOING TO EXPOSE!!! Just do it. Don't give her a chance to come up with a viable story to tell people. Catch her off guard.

 

 

 

The quickest way to ending an affair is to expose it. People will be less accepting of their relationship if they know how it came about. Your mutual friend that she's having an affair with might throw her under the bus if he's getting blasted by other mutual friends because of this. He might think, "I didn't sign on for this." and skip out.

 

 

And if you're thinking, "Well, what's the point! We're still going to get divorced!" Well, at least people will know the truth. I guarantee you that your wife will not tell ANYONE the reason that you two are getting divorced is because she's been cheating on you. Nah, she'll make you out to be a monster and that's not fair to you.

 

 

Wish I took this advice at the time!. Who knows where I could of been, hopefully rid of her sooner.

[RuralGuy]

I'm a mess, not sure I'm going to get through...having to go off to the Doctor's tonight for something

 

 

 

Don't tell your soon to be ex-wife anything about this, as it will just get used against you later when you are working on custody/access to your child.