Why do women include their heels as PART of their natural height?

[ctxinfl]

I don't like dating women taller than me (I'm 5'11"). I went out with one young lady who described herself as 5'9". When we met up she was a couple of inches taller than me due to heels. Not the worst thing in the world, though it isn't for me.

 

I see nothing wrong with her being upfront in what she is looking for.

[SoleMate]

I'm 5'2" and prefer tall men (slight preference but since I had the choice, why not?). My bf is 6'4". I like the way I feel like a petite and dainty little lady next to him, and his big wide shoulders and the way he can and does pick me up when we're goofing around.

 

He also never calls people "shallow", "bitch", or "retarded", let alone "f***ing retarded". He's rarely mean or bitter like that. I like that even more than his height. Something for all of us to keep in mind.

 

I usually wear flat shoes as they are most comfortable, and do have a few pairs of shoes and boots with heels up to 2". Maybe 1 pair that's higher.

[iris219]

Because she's a shallow bitch.

 

I'm 5'6, and if a 5'4 woman turned me down because she'd be 5'7 in heels, she's fu*king retarded.

 

How is that shallow? What if she turned you down because you have brown hair, brown eyes, a large forehead, a squeaky voice, or a sense of humor she didn't get?

 

I just don't get how wanting to be attracted to someone and enjoy being around them makes anyone shallow or a bitch.

[somedude81]

I'm 5'2" and prefer tall men (slight preference but since I had the choice, why not?). My bf is 6'4". I like the way I feel like a petite and dainty little lady next to him, and his big wide shoulders and the way he can and does pick me up when we're goofing around.

Good for you.

 

Though I wonder why a guy would want a woman so much shorter than him. Does he like it when you call him "Daddy?"

 

He also never calls people "shallow", "bitch", or "retarded", let alone "f***ing retarded". He's rarely mean or bitter like that. I like that even more than his height. Something for all of us to keep in mind.

I sure hope he doesn't say that stuff around you in public. Such a man has no class.

Edited March 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Repaired post.

[somedude81]

How is that shallow? What if she turned you down because you have brown hair, brown eyes, a large forehead, a squeaky voice, or a sense of humor she didn't get?

 

I just don't get how wanting to be attracted to someone and enjoy being around them makes anyone shallow or a bitch.

Yup, if a woman turned me down because I have brown eyes or pointy elbows, she'd be shallow. And I'd just laugh at her for using such a stupid reason to turn me down.

 

I've said thousands of time that it's retarded to reject somebody because of a physical trait that they have no control over.

[William]

As a reminder, let's keep this discussion focused on why do women include their heels as part of their natural height, apparently relevant to online dating.

 

There are appropriate height threads, which I can link to, to discuss general height preferences amongst men and women and the attendant perspectives on those issues. This one is about heels. Thanks!

[iris219]

Yup, if a woman turned me down because I have brown eyes or pointy elbows, she'd be shallow. And I'd just laugh at her for using such a stupid reason to turn me down.

 

I've said thousands of time that it's retarded to reject somebody because of a physical trait that they have no control over.

 

But what if you're not attracted to that trait? You're not attracted to every woman in the world. Are you shallow? According to your definition, everyone is shallow.

 

Shallow to me is preferring looks over substance.

[somedude81]

Frankly it is pretty stupid if a woman includes her height in heels as part of her natural height.

 

Being afraid that she'd be taller than the guy when she's in four inch heels says a lot about her insecurity.

[anne1707]

Frankly it is pretty stupid if a woman includes her height in heels as part of her natural height.

 

Being afraid that she'd be taller than the guy when she's in four inch heels says a lot about her insecurity.

 

Or maybe she has had to deal with too many men who felt insecure when she was taller than them with her heels on and no longer wants to put up with that nonsense

[dragon_fly_7]

Saw this profile of an "addendum" of a woman...she added 3 things where...if you're NOT 3 of those things, don't email her.

 

For one, the obvious...if you're looking for a booty call 2nd, "Don't call me 'honey', or 'hottie'".

 

3rd...."I wear heels, (shes only 5'4") and if I'm taller than you in heels, sorry, but it won't work".

 

Now, wouldn't you say it's asking too much if a woman is only 5'4", but if she's wearing 4" heels, she's 5'8"? I sent off my email to her, just to see if she even responds by asking her, "So how tall ARE you in heels, if you wore them, would you be taller than me even though your'e only ...realistically...5'4"?"

 

Is it pretty superficial to include your heels along with your height as your standards in dating?

Wow talk about superficial. There are a lot of things in life much important than that.

I was slightly taller than my then bf (I broke up for other reasons, it wasn't even the physical aspect) even with median hells and didn't really care. I don't care about little things. I focus on deeper deal-breakers.

 

I'm not sure if this is because I'm already 5'7 and feel happy about it (and he was 5'7 1/2) as it's slightly above average. Generally, the short women might even feel conscious or kind of insecure about their own height and want to compensate that by only going for very tall men because a shorter guy will remind them of themselves. It's a type of defense mecanism.

[irc333]

Both are preferences. In both cases it would only become shallow if a person was really drawn to another individual and fancied them, but decided not to go with the feelings on the basis that "I need other people to see me out with somebody taller/thinner".

 

Yeah, but you can do something about your weight, but nothing can be done for height...unless a man would put "lifts" in his shoes. lol. But then he'd be misrepresenting himself. lol

[somedude81]

Or maybe she has had to deal with too many men who felt insecure when she was taller than them with her heels on and no longer wants to put up with that nonsense

That's pretty much the same thing as this.

 

 

I've heard many women say, "I dated a short guy before, he had XYZ insecurities, and I'll never date a short guy again."

You do realize how ridiculous that sounds right?

 

That's almost as bad as saying that all short guys are insecure which is a stereotype.

[anne1707]

That's pretty much the same thing as this.

 

 

You do realize how ridiculous that sounds right?

 

That's almost as bad as saying that all short guys are insecure which is a stereotype.

 

I didn't say "all". I just provided an argument to the stereotype you were trying to promote that's all.

[topaMAXX]

To be fair to him, he didn't make that big a deal about it. He would compliment me and tell me I was "hot" - but women are very tuned in to the men they're with. We know their type, and if we're not that type then even if the man in question regards us as objectively attractive there's going to be a sense of things just not really being right. That he'd prefer to be with somebody else. Certainly he made drooling type comments about very small and frail looking brunettes, often enough to let me know that was his preferred type (and it was a girl like that he eventually cheated on me with).

 

I mean I do see where he's coming from. I prefer petite women (though, I wouldn't say "frail" lol). My sweet spot is generally from around 4'10-5'1. Women this size just really turn me on.

 

However, I wouldn't rule a girl out based on that. Also, since I've been hitting the gym hard, it's become less of a preference.

 

So maybe your guy could try that too?

 

 

I think on this site there's so much of a song and dance about height because a lot of people are doing online dating, where it's always going to be a bit of a jungle. The subtle aspects of people that attract others to them - their essence - isn't really going to be captured by an online profile. Success in online dating is likely to come down to whether a person meets commonly sought after criteria and if they're photogenic.

 

The things that won't necessarily hold a person back in real life probably become something close to deal-breakers in online dating. Which not surprisingly can knock confidence and result in people developing a few confidence issues they didn't have before.

 

I don't do a whole lot of online dating personally. I just find it very boring and unauthentic. However, I do have friends that are either short or not very good-looking that do VERY well online. So I'm convinced that any guy could be successful at it. Like anything else though, they just have to find what works for them and not be afraid to experiment.

[Badsingularity]

I don't care if women want someone taller than them. I don't care if most women like tall men. The thing that bothers me is seeing people actually try to defend putting shoes, something they were not born with and is not a part off them, as a part of a requirement for a mate as being not superficial when it absolutely is.

[Taramere]

Yeah, but you can do something about your weight, but nothing can be done for height...unless a man would put "lifts" in his shoes. lol. But then he'd be misrepresenting himself. lol

 

There are shoes men can buy that add a couple of inches in height by virtue of having a bit of a heel. I don't mean like those cowboy boot type things that the guy from The Big Bang Theory wears. Just shoes that are designed to add an inch or two of height without having a particularly obvious heel. I mean I have trainers (sneakers, running shoes whatever you want to call them) that make me about an inch and a half taller. I didn't buy them for that reason, but they have a thick heel and therefore they make me noticeably taller.

 

There's nothing deceptive about that. It's not like there are lifts inside the shoes. Anybody looking at them can see they have a thick sole. I don't see why it should be a big deal for a guy to wear something like that if he wants. Why not just do it if it'll give you a bit of a confidence boost? It seems like a more positive piece of action, to me, than just continuing to get down about the preferences other people express on dating sites.

[Taramere]

I mean I do see where he's coming from. I prefer petite women (though, I wouldn't say "frail" lol). My sweet spot is generally from around 4'10-5'1. Women this size just really turn me on.

 

However, I wouldn't rule a girl out based on that. Also, since I've been hitting the gym hard, it's become less of a preference.

 

So maybe your guy could try that too?

 

He hasn't been my guy for a long time, thank goodness. Looking back we weren't at all suited. I don't know wtf was going on in my head back then. I definitely couldn't see him being a gym regular. He came to the gym with me once, and it just wasn't his environment at all. I think his environment would probably involve living in a treehouse with a dreadlocked tiny.

[normal person]

Because she's a shallow bitch.

 

I'm 5'6, and if a 5'4 woman turned me down because she'd be 5'7 in heels, she's fu*king retarded.

 

How exactly does that make her "fu*cking retarded?" She has preferences just like everyone else on the planet. Just because hers are aren't inclusive to you or don't happen to accommodate your desires for her doesn't mean they're invalid or shallow. You can't control a physiological attraction to certain traits or a dislike for others. Some people want certain things in a partner and are willing to wait for it even if it means passing up other, seemingly just as viable partners.

 

I don't see why other people having personal preferences is so ludicrous to you and other people.

 

Guess what? It goes both ways. I'm a 5'10" guy and I won't date a girl who's taller than 5'7". I want to feel bigger than them and they usually always want to feel smaller. Girls like to wear heels and I don't want to be shorter than them when they wear them. "Height in heels" is one of the first things I'll think about when I notice a girl.

 

If height in heels is a deal breaker for her, then she has every right to use it as a criterion no matter how many shorter guys whine about it. It's not like she's going to rationalize her desires and start dating 5'4" guys after she realizes she wasn't being fair to them. So honestly, I think if it's that important to her she's doing you a favor by putting it in her profile so you don't waste her/your time otherwise.

 

 

I've said thousands of time that it's retarded to reject somebody because of a physical trait that they have no control over.

 

...And thousands of times you've been completely off base because people can't control who or what they're attracted to. Would you date a women who weighed 400 lbs because of a glandular problem? She has no control over her weight so why aren't you attracted to her? She has no control over her weight so by your logic, you can't discriminate against her. Oh wait, you aren't attracted to 400 lb women? Really? You have your own preferences you can't control? Too bad, you have to discard them otherwise it's "fu*king retarded." See how this works?

Edited March 2, 2014 by normal person

[Yamaha]

people can't control who or what they're attracted to

 

I love this argument!

If that is true, then why are there leagues?

I mean, if you can't control your attraction then why do people usually pair up according to how attractive they are?

 

Just wondering....

[somedude81]

Guess what? It goes both ways. I'm a 5'10" guy and I won't date a girl who's taller than 5'7". I want to feel bigger than them and they usually always want to feel smaller.

And I'd say that you're shallow as well.

If height in heels is a deal breaker for her, then she has every right to use it as a criterion no matter how many shorter guys whine about it. It's not like she's going to rationalize her desires and start dating 5'4" guys after she realizes she wasn't being fair to them. So honestly, I think if it's that important to her she's doing you a favor by putting it in her profile so you don't waste her/your time otherwise.

I still think that it's completely ridiculous.

 

Even if a woman is my height, unless she weighs more than I do, I'm still technically bigger than her, and she can feel small.

 

 

...And thousands of times you've been completely off base because people can't control who or what they're attracted to. Would you date a women who weighed 400 lbs because of a glandular problem? She has no control over her weight so why aren't you attracted to her? She has no control over her weight so by your logic, you can't discriminate against her. Oh wait, you aren't attracted to 400 lb women? Really? You have your own preferences you can't control? Too bad, you have to discard them otherwise it's "fu*king retarded." See how this works?

No, because such a person is unhealthy in more ways than one. I'm not 5'6 because there is physiologically something wrong with me.

 

Rejecting somebody because they are ill is very different than rejecting somebody because of an external factor that they can't control.

[topaMAXX]

How exactly does that make her "fu*cking retarded?" She has preferences just like everyone else on the planet. Just because hers are aren't inclusive to you or don't happen to accommodate your desires for her doesn't mean they're invalid or shallow. You can't control a physiological attraction to certain traits or a dislike for others. Some people want certain things in a partner and are willing to wait for it even if it means passing up other, seemingly just as viable partners.

 

I don't see why other people having personal preferences is so ludicrous to you and other people.

 

Guess what? It goes both ways. I'm a 5'10" guy and I won't date a girl who's taller than 5'7". I want to feel bigger than them and they usually always want to feel smaller. Girls like to wear heels and I don't want to be shorter than them when they wear them. "Height in heels" is one of the first things I'll think about when I notice a girl.

 

If height in heels is a deal breaker for her, then she has every right to use it as a criterion no matter how many shorter guys whine about it. It's not like she's going to rationalize her desires and start dating 5'4" guys after she realizes she wasn't being fair to them. So honestly, I think if it's that important to her she's doing you a favor by putting it in her profile so you don't waste her/your time otherwise.

 

Also, another thing that SD misses is that just because tall is a preference doesn't mean being short is a deal breaker (in fact, I've even dated girls where height WAS a deal breaker for them and I was the first guy they ever dated that was under 6 feet).

 

 

...And thousands of times you've been completely off base because people can't control who or what they're attracted to. Would you date a women who weighed 400 lbs because of a glandular problem? She has no control over her weight so why aren't you attracted to her? She has no control over her weight so by your logic, you can't discriminate against her. Oh wait, you aren't attracted to 400 lb women? Really? You have your own preferences you can't control? Too bad, you have to discard them otherwise it's "fu*king retarded." See how this works?

 

As a person that works in the medical field, I can attest to the fact that glandular diseases are way more rare than people seem to think. And very few can't be adequately controlled with medication.

 

The vast majority of people are overweight due to poor diet and lack of exercise (basically, lack of self control and laziness).

 

Still though, in my experience and observations, short guys can do way better (and date way more attractive members of the opposite sex) than fat women can.

[somedude81]

Also, another thing that SD misses is that just because tall is a preference doesn't mean being short is a deal breaker (in fact, I've even dated girls where height WAS a deal breaker for them and I was the first guy they ever dated that was under 6 feet).

I don't miss that point at all. I know that there are ways to overcome a woman's height deal breaker if one is very good looking and/or they have pretty good game.

 

Though if the above doesn't apply to you, then you will be stuck. And yes, I have been rejected by women because of my height.

 

As a person that works in the medical field, I can attest to the fact that glandular diseases are way more rare than people seem to think. And very few can't be adequately controlled with medication.

 

The vast majority of people are overweight due to poor diet and lack of exercise (basically, lack of self control and laziness).

Yup. I believe that in the vast majority of cases of a woman or a man being overweight, it's a choice that they made. And they are continuing to make that choice by not doing anything about it, or giving up.

 

Still though, in my experience and observations, short guys can do way better (and date way more attractive members of the opposite sex) than fat women can.

Eh, I don't know about that. I think that fat women do have an easier time dating than the average short guy.

 

I'm going to point out that I got my first GF at 31, and I bet that there are very few fat girls out there that took nearly as long to get their first BF.

[topaMAXX]

I don't miss that point at all. I know that there are ways to overcome a woman's height deal breaker if one is very good looking and/or they have pretty good game.

 

Though if the above doesn't apply to you, then you will be stuck. And yes, I have been rejected by women because of my height.

 

 

Yup. I believe that in the vast majority of cases of a woman or a man being overweight, it's a choice that they made. And they are continuing to make that choice by not doing anything about it, or giving up.

 

 

Eh, I don't know about that. I think that fat women do have an easier time dating than the average short guy.

 

I'm going to point out that I got my first GF at 31, and I bet that there are very few fat girls out there that took nearly as long to get their first BF.

 

I'm your height, man. I had my first girlfriend when I was 14.

 

Sure, height matters, but not nearly as much as many people seem to think.

[somedude81]

I'm your height, man. I had my first girlfriend when I was 14.

 

Sure, height matters, but not nearly as much as many people seem to think.

Good for you. You're probably much better looking than I am. You probably also weren't as awkward as I was with girls.

 

Both things I brought up in my previous post.

[normal person]

I love this argument!

If that is true, then why are there leagues?

 

Well I'd consider your "league" to be the people that are attracted to you, which you also have little to no control over.

 

 

I mean, if you can't control your attraction then why do people usually pair up according to how attractive they are?

 

Just wondering....

 

I don't think people pair up on the basis of a conscious decision to be with someone of their same level of attractiveness. However I think certain traits are inherently attractive and if you have them, you're likely to attract people and you can pick your partner from that pool. And since certain traits are inherently attractive to you as well, you'll pick the person who appeals the most to you from that pool. The more you've got to offer, the "better" partner you can probably attain. But you're not going to think about it that way necessarily. You'll choose who you like the best, they will probably coincidentally be as attractive to you. But you won't say "I'm an 8 so I need to find another 8." I feel like the dynamics and of scenarios human interactions will just manifest in a way that leads you to each other. Because the 10 will likely you reject you and you won't want the 3. The same goes for her. I don't like reducing people to numbers but I'm doing it here for simplicity's sake. If Brad Pitt can get Angelina Jolie (let's say both, for the sake of argument, have it all going for them -- personal preferences aside), why would he go after the shy, frumpy girl with acne and a Beanie Baby collection?

Just my two cents.

 

 

Yup. I believe that in the vast majority of cases of a woman or a man being overweight, it's a choice that they made. And they are continuing to make that choice by not doing anything about it, or giving up.

 

 

I know glandular diseases are a lot less common than people think, but that's really not the point at all. You can plug in any characteristic that a person can't help and it invalidates your argument. You think it's wrong for people not to like someone on the basis of something that's uncontrollable. Well whether you like someone or not is uncontrollable too. You talk like being attracted to someone and having preferences is a conscious choice.

 

How about someone with a facial deformity then? Their deformity isn't their fault, so you can't be dismissive of them, right? Well if you're not attracted to them for whatever reason, just make the choice to be attracted to them to prove me wrong.

 

The point being that in a perfect world, we'd love to believe that everyone will be fair and consider everyone else's character first and foremost before anything superficial. But that isn't the way the world works. Attraction is irrational. If you are attracted to tall people, you can't help it and you aren't going to suddenly not be attracted to them after some short guys say "it isn't fair!" Well life isn't fair. It's harsh and you have to deal with the reality of it. If you think I'm wrong, then just change who you're attracted to and you'll be much more successful with women. I'm sure it's just that simple.

Edited March 3, 2014 by normal person