Why do women include their heels as PART of their natural height?

[anne1707]

Short women are usually the most vocal about their preference for tall men

 

Well I am 5' my H is over 6 feet tall

 

But I have dated men around 5' 6" and once went on a date with a man who was shorter than me - the reason it did not go any further was nothing to do with his height.

[somedude81]

The point is its a preference. She has one preference as do you. Simple as that so there was no need to call her a shallow b*tch.

Preference

 

: a feeling of liking or wanting one person or thing more than another person or thing

: an advantage that is given to some people or things and not to others

: something that is liked or wanted more than another thing : something that is preferred

 

 

 

Requirement

 

: something that is needed or that must be done

: something that is necessary for something else to happen or be done

 

 

 

 

So you don't like shorter women now. Or are women under 5' too short? That would be another preference then and would imply, following your logic, that very short women are not going to get dates either just like short men.

No, it's that the fact that women 5' or shorter are very rare and it would be very stupid of me to limit myself to them.

 

And no, a woman height does not affect her ability to get dates. Guys don't think about height the same way women do. Height is a non-issue.

[anne1707]

You have got at least 2 women who are 5 feet and under posting on this thread. We are not that rare.

 

Oh and I have had "height-ist" things said to me in the past. Women can also be seen as too short by some men.

[Taramere]

I didnt realize dating was merely a staistical formula were people physically match up by a certain height i thought other factors were involved in attraction as well my mistake

 

Well, now you know.

[somedude81]

You have got at least 2 women who are 5 feet and under posting on this thread. We are not that rare.

 

Oh and I have had "height-ist" things said to me in the past. Women can also be seen as too short by some men.

Yeah, when I'm in a dance class where there are about 30 girls and two of them are under 5', I'd say that's pretty rare. In my experience women under 5' are about as common as women who are over 5'9.

[topaMAXX]

Saw this profile of an "addendum" of a woman...she added 3 things where...if you're NOT 3 of those things, don't email her.

 

For one, the obvious...if you're looking for a booty call 2nd, "Don't call me 'honey', or 'hottie'".

 

3rd...."I wear heels, (shes only 5'4") and if I'm taller than you in heels, sorry, but it won't work".

 

Now, wouldn't you say it's asking too much if a woman is only 5'4", but if she's wearing 4" heels, she's 5'8"? I sent off my email to her, just to see if she even responds by asking her, "So how tall ARE you in heels, if you wore them, would you be taller than me even though your'e only ...realistically...5'4"?"

 

Is it pretty superficial to include your heels along with your height as your standards in dating?

 

I wear lifts when I go out so I'm around 5'8. This is the height that I use in my dating profile.

 

I believe that height only matters when it comes to image and what others think. So as long as I'm that height sometimes, I don't believe that I'm lying about anything.

[topaMAXX]

You don't get it, do you?

 

It works both ways:

 

"I love wearing heels. I am of average height. This is how tall I am in heels.

I may therefore end up being taller than you, in my heels." (Many men cite heels as making a woman look sexier).

 

bear in mind that if she hesitates to date a guy who's shorter than she is, when she's in her heels - there are an awful lot of guys who EQUALLY don't enjoy dating a woman who seems taller than he is.

 

Just to balance things out, I'm 4'10" and I can't wear heels at all, since breaking my back 12 years ago.

So no bias here.

 

Off topic but damn that sucks! How did you do that?

[topaMAXX]

Short women are usually the most vocal about their preference for tall men

 

I don't know why I keep seeing this. It has been the opposite of my experiences. I'm 5'6. Most girls that are 5'1 or shorter are in awe of me. I've actually had very short girls say "wow " when I started talking to them. This has happened a few times.

 

Do you actually approach them or do you get all of your info from the internet?

[Taramere]

The problem with the whole physical equivalent thing, is that who is going to date the short guys?

 

Should I limit myself to women who are 5' or shorter?

 

Well, you could say the same about older women. If men prefer younger women, who's going to date the older women? Yet in reality there are shorter men and older women out there who do attract interest from the opposite sex.

 

I'm 5 ft 4" and I dated a guy who was 5 ft 7" for 5 years, on and off. His height wasn't an issue for me initially, but I remember wondering if it was an issue for him. It seemed to be, and so eventually it became an issue for me too. Especially as he made much of liking girls who were very small (ie smaller than me) and frail. I'm hardly a heifer, but I've always been physically strong. A bigger guy who's more into fitness will say that's a good thing. A frail man will be more likely to put me down for it - especially if he's got issues about his own size.

 

Women want to feel beautiful and feminine around the man they're with. You could call it shallow, but I think it's just natural. My personal experience of going out with a short guy was that

 

a) I felt less attractive and feminine around him than I felt with taller men, and

b) I got the vibe that he saw me as being less attractive and feminine than women of 5 ft 2" and shorter.

 

Like I say, we went out for 5 years. So we were a match in many ways, but it would be a lie to say the lack of physical compatibility didn't matter....and I believe we'd both have been happier had there been more physical compatibility that would have resulted in both of us feeling more attractive in the other person's company.

[topaMAXX]

Well, you could say the same about older women. If men prefer younger women, who's going to date the older women? Yet in reality there are shorter men and older women out there who do attract interest from the opposite sex.

 

I'm 5 ft 4" and I dated a guy who was 5 ft 7" for 5 years, on and off. His height wasn't an issue for me initially, but I remember wondering if it was an issue for him. It seemed to be, and so eventually it became an issue for me too. Especially as he made much of liking girls who were very small (ie smaller than me) and frail. I'm hardly a heifer, but I've always been physically strong. A bigger guy who's more into fitness will say that's a good thing. A frail man will be more likely to put me down for it - especially if he's got issues about his own size.

 

Women want to feel beautiful and feminine around the man they're with. You could call it shallow, but I think it's just natural. My personal experience of going out with a short guy was that

 

a) I felt less attractive and feminine around him than I felt with taller men, and

b) I got the vibe that he saw me as being less attractive and feminine than women of 5 ft 2" and shorter.

 

Like I say, we went out for 5 years. So we were a match in many ways, but it would be a lie to say the lack of physical compatibility didn't matter....and I believe we'd both have been happier had there been more physical compatibility that would have resulted in both of us feeling more attractive in the other person's company.

 

Ehhh maybe.

 

I think the issue was that he made a big deal about it. Height was something that I was insecure about for a little while. The way I dealt with girls (both before and after I had issues with my height) and the responses that I got were way different.

 

I recently dated girls that were 5'2, 5'3, and around 5'10. As I said, I'm 5'6. I didn't care if any of them wore heels (YOLO! ). We did break up, but it wasn't because of our respective heights.

[somedude81]

 

I'm 5 ft 4" and I dated a guy who was 5 ft 7" for 5 years, on and off. His height wasn't an issue for me initially, but I remember wondering if it was an issue for him. It seemed to be, and so eventually it became an issue for me too. Especially as he made much of liking girls who were very small (ie smaller than me) and frail. I'm hardly a heifer, but I've always been physically strong. A bigger guy who's more into fitness will say that's a good thing. A frail man will be more likely to put me down for it - especially if he's got issues about his own size.

 

Women want to feel beautiful and feminine around the man they're with. You could call it shallow, but I think it's just natural. My personal experience of going out with a short guy was that

 

a) I felt less attractive and feminine around him than I felt with taller men, and

b) I got the vibe that he saw me as being less attractive and feminine than women of 5 ft 2" and shorter.

 

Like I say, we went out for 5 years. So we were a match in many ways, but it would be a lie to say the lack of physical compatibility didn't matter....and I believe we'd both have been happier had there been more physical compatibility that would have resulted in both of us feeling more attractive in the other person's company.

Yeah, it sounds like that guy had some serious issues.

 

I would have no issue at all dating a woman that is 5'8 and has some muscle on her. I also don't need a woman to be really skinny. Actually I prefer that she has some fat on her because it's pretty rare for a girl to have big boobs and be rail thin. I'd be fine with a girl that was 5'5 and 140lbs.

 

"A bigger guy who's more into fitness will say that's a good thing. A frail man will be more likely to put me down for it - especially if he's got issues about his own size."

 

So this guy was pretty thin? Do you remember how much he weighed? I'm 5'6 and 160lbs, nobody would ever call me frail nor am I fat.

[Keenly]

Because I want to play devils advocate...

 

 

So when a man has a weight limit, he is shallow, but when a woman has a minimum height, its preferences.

 

 

Is that correct ?

[Taramere]

Ehhh maybe.

 

I think the issue was that he made a big deal about it.

 

To be fair to him, he didn't make that big a deal about it. He would compliment me and tell me I was "hot" - but women are very tuned in to the men they're with. We know their type, and if we're not that type then even if the man in question regards us as objectively attractive there's going to be a sense of things just not really being right. That he'd prefer to be with somebody else. Certainly he made drooling type comments about very small and frail looking brunettes, often enough to let me know that was his preferred type (and it was a girl like that he eventually cheated on me with).

 

I recently dated girls that were 5'2, 5'3, and around 5'10. As I said, I'm 5'6. I didn't care if any of them wore heels (YOLO! ). We did break up, but it wasn't because of our respective heights.

 

I think on this site there's so much of a song and dance about height because a lot of people are doing online dating, where it's always going to be a bit of a jungle. The subtle aspects of people that attract others to them - their essence - isn't really going to be captured by an online profile. Success in online dating is likely to come down to whether a person meets commonly sought after criteria and if they're photogenic.

 

The things that won't necessarily hold a person back in real life probably become something close to deal-breakers in online dating. Which not surprisingly can knock confidence and result in people developing a few confidence issues they didn't have before.

Edited March 2, 2014 by Taramere

[Phoe]

And no, a woman height does not affect her ability to get dates. Guys don't think about height the same way women do. Height is a non-issue.

 

Just gonna put it out there, more than once men have told me I am too tall.

 

 

Yes it's really silly.

[Taramere]

Yeah, it sounds like that guy had some serious issues.

 

I would have no issue at all dating a woman that is 5'8 and has some muscle on her. I also don't need a woman to be really skinny. Actually I prefer that she has some fat on her because it's pretty rare for a girl to have big boobs and be rail thin. I'd be fine with a girl that was 5'5 and 140lbs.

 

"A bigger guy who's more into fitness will say that's a good thing. A frail man will be more likely to put me down for it - especially if he's got issues about his own size."

 

So this guy was pretty thin? Do you remember how much he weighed? I'm 5'6 and 160lbs, nobody would ever call me frail nor am I fat.

 

I think he weighed about 11 stone. That would be 154 pounds. He often went through phases where he was a bit paunchy, but he was fairly small boned and didn't have much muscle. He'd never been involved in any kind of sport - and I think to be honest that was where the real difference lay.

 

Physically he didn't look like somebody who played a sport, and that was because he didn't. Had he been exactly the same height, but active in a sport (and with the mindset that comes with that) then we would probably have meshed better. I think because he wasn't a sporty sort of guy, it sometimes made me feel that the side of me which was active in sports and fitness was too guy-like.

 

Looking back, it's absolutely ridiculous - but when you're embroiled in a relationship and wanting to be the other person's ideal person, it's amazing how things that you should embrace about yourself and be proud of can start to feel "wrong". That's how it was with me and him. It just wasn't a good relationship, and I can't believe I didn't have a better realisation of that at the time - but I'm going off topic there, into an area which actually has very little if anything to do with height.

[carhill]

Why do women include their heels as PART of their natural height?

 

Been with and have known a fair amount of women and have never heard of this. Must be something new.

 

All of the women I dated used the height they'd receive at the doctor's office, as have I. Now that I'm older, I've shrunk about an inch or so, as I imagine the ladies have too, to some extent. Of course, they can always wear taller heels and won't get any complaints from this leg man

[Keenly]

Just gonna put it out there, more than once men have told me I am too tall.

 

 

Yes it's really silly.

 

How tall might this be, my friend?

[Phoe]

Been with and have known a fair amount of women and have never heard of this. Must be something new.

 

All of the women I dated used the height they'd receive at the doctor's office

 

Yeah, I've never known someone who felt the need to specifically mention the added height with heels.

 

 

I'm 5'8, about 6 feet tall in heels, but I never specifically MENTION that to anyone.

 

 

5'8 is 5'8. *shrug*

[Taramere]

Because I want to play devils advocate...

 

 

So when a man has a weight limit, he is shallow, but when a woman has a minimum height, its preferences.

 

 

Is that correct ?

 

Both are preferences. In both cases it would only become shallow if a person was really drawn to another individual and fancied them, but decided not to go with the feelings on the basis that "I need other people to see me out with somebody taller/thinner".

[carhill]

Yeah, I've never known someone who felt the need to specifically mention the added height with heels.

 

 

I'm 5'8, about 6 feet tall in heels, but I never specifically MENTION that to anyone.

 

 

5'8 is 5'8. *shrug*

Yeah, prior to online dating profiles, a lady's height wasn't ever an issue I even thought about. Women were people and people come in different sizes and shapes. Everything is so complicated now! I want my rotary phone back!

[somedude81]

Just gonna put it out there, more than once men have told me I am too tall.

 

 

Yes it's really silly.

But you're dating a guy know that doesn't care about your height and everything is perfect right?

I think he weighed about 11 stone. That would be 154 pounds. He often went through phases where he was a bit paunchy, but he was fairly small boned and didn't have much muscle. He'd never been involved in any kind of sport - and I think to be honest that was where the real difference lay.

 

Physically he didn't look like somebody who played a sport, and that was because he didn't. Had he been exactly the same height, but active in a sport (and with the mindset that comes with that) then we would probably have meshed better. I think because he wasn't a sporty sort of guy, it sometimes made me feel that the side of me which was active in sports and fitness was too guy-like.

Ok, so he doesn't sound like an active guy at all and he didn't have muscle. So he was definitely insecure about himself. And that led him to preferring tiny girls.

 

Looking back, it's absolutely ridiculous - but when you're embroiled in a relationship and wanting to be the other person's ideal person, it's amazing how things that you should embrace about yourself and be proud of can start to feel "wrong". That's how it was with me and him. It just wasn't a good relationship, and I can't believe I didn't have a better realisation of that at the time - but I'm going off topic there, into an area which actually has very little if anything to do with height.

Actually no, what your are talking about is very common.

 

I've heard many women say, "I dated a short guy before, he had XYZ insecurities, and I'll never date a short guy again."

[anne1707]

Yeah, prior to online dating profiles, a lady's height wasn't ever an issue I even thought about. Women were people and people come in different sizes and shapes. Everything is so complicated now! I want my rotary phone back!

 

No OLD, no FB, no texting,..... the good old days. You actually talked to people in real life.

[TaraMaiden]

"Oh Mr Darcy.....!"

[Taramere]

I've heard many women say, "I dated a short guy before, he had XYZ insecurities, and I'll never date a short guy again."

 

Average height and tall people can have insecurities that are every bit as destructive. Most of us have insecurities about something. Or things. It's not necessarily a person's insecurities that are the problem so much as how they handle them. ie whether they handle them by trying to bring others down.

 

In his case, yes - he definitely dealt with insecurities by putting other people down in subtle ways. Other people weren't his intellectual equals, they didn't "get it". They didn't know as much about art, music or literature. He could be very narcissistic. Initially I had thought he was just a really fun, happy go lucky sort of guy...but there was a darker and quite spiteful side that took a long time to show itself. I started to get glimpses of it, but would keep telling myself that he didn't intend to be hurtful. Looking back on it, older and wiser, it's perfectly obvious to me that he did in fact have malignant intentions.

 

But again, I don't think this was related to height so much as to various childhood issues - and, perhaps, a bit of a personality disorder (he suffered from depression but also had a very manic side to him).

 

As far as women saying they wouldn't go out with shorter guys because of the way they handle insecurities etc...I have encountered many short guys who are in happy marriages, have good jobs they enjoy and don't give out any sense of having issues about not being tall. It's not something I really gave much thought to until I started reading LS. Certainly, I never thought (of my ex) "I wish he were taller."

[Keenly]

Yeah, I've never known someone who felt the need to specifically mention the added height with heels.

 

 

I'm 5'8, about 6 feet tall in heels, but I never specifically MENTION that to anyone.

 

 

5'8 is 5'8. *shrug*

Holy Amazon, batman!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding. You're perfectly normal.