Devastated

[No Limit]

Wow, your ex is quite the caddish type isn't she?

[inpeices]

I just don't know how I will feel or what to do if my daughter isn't biologically mine. I know my ex must have been terrified at the time she found out she was pregnant but I can't believe it.

 

Having an affair and or leaving someone is one thing but to allow a man and his family to believe a child is his and let them bond together and love unconditionally before revealing the child may not be his is a massive betrayal.

 

Ok, listen, all of this is blindsiding I know, and I doubt you truly know what on earth to do either way on many fronts... I'm in the uk, and I've been around the block a few times so to speak, so hear me out. I have a VERY close person in my life who went throughout the very same thing & to protect identity I cannot elaborate, but here is what I think you need to do...

 

1. You take care of you, your job, money, relationships of ALL KIND and retrieval to safe place of personal belongings & assets

( Taking care and shoring up or taking care of above allows you then to take care of no. 2)

2. Paternity issue to be resolved by DNA.. Please seek CSA advice on what you SHOULD as a father be contributing for your child (just found it online so should be easy for you to do the same), and PUT IT in a NEW bank account for child UNTIL the issue of paternity is resolved, so your wife cannot spend it on other things!!!!!!!! And if the DNA shows you are not the paternal father, the money is not lost in clothes, shoes, nights out and new bed sheets for OM... OK????? Also you can show judge, CSA & the queen if need be, what you have done to safeguard your child's future, it's tough and it sucks I know, but start splitting up how you finance the home! Immediately! Your child will not be without.

4. You need a 50/50 residency order, this depends on paternity and for you a permanent residence, often it's grandparents, but not always so...your child's age is a factor, but without contest, a residency order is a good thing, also access rights which I believe you are sorting.. You may also wish to locate your child's passport if they have one, for safe keeping.

 

I totally feel your pain, you can get through this, it is a long road, but stay with us and keep posting, so many before you, have been here, myself in many ways included.. Stay strong and focused, do not bite, be the better man, hold your head proud, stay dignified even though you may feel dark feelings..

 

It gets easier I promise x

[inpeices]

I just don't know how I will feel or what to do if my daughter isn't biologically mine. I know my ex must have been terrified at the time she found out she was pregnant but I can't believe it.

 

Having an affair and or leaving someone is one thing but to allow a man and his family to believe a child is his and let them bond together and love unconditionally before revealing the child may not be his is a massive betrayal.

 

Ok, listen, all of this is blindsiding I know, and I doubt you truly know what on earth to do either way on many fronts... I'm in the uk, and I've been around the block a few times so to speak, so hear me out. I have a VERY close person in my life who went throughout the very same thing & to protect identity I cannot elaborate, but here is what I think you need to do...

 

1. You take care of you, your job, money, relationships of ALL KIND and retrieval to safe place of personal belongings & assets

( Taking care and shoring up or taking care of above allows you then to take care of no. 2)

2. Paternity issue to be resolved by DNA.. Please seek CSA advice on what you SHOULD as a father be contributing for your child (just found it online so should be easy for you to do the same), and PUT IT in a NEW bank account for child UNTIL the issue of paternity is resolved, so your wife cannot spend it on other things!!!!!!!! And if the DNA shows you are not the paternal father, the money is not lost in clothes, shoes, nights out and new bed sheets for OM... OK????? Also you can show judge, CSA & the queen if need be, what you have done to safeguard your child's future, it's tough and it sucks I know, but start splitting up how you finance the home! Immediately! Your child will not be without.

4. You need a 50/50 residency order, this depends on paternity and for you a permanent residence, often it's grandparents, but not always so...your child's age is a factor, but without contest, a residency order is a good thing, also access rights which I believe you are sorting.. You may also wish to locate your child's passport if they have one, for safe keeping.

 

I totally feel your pain, you can get through this, it is a long road, but stay with us and keep posting, so many before you, have been here, myself in many ways included.. Stay strong and focused, do not bite, be the better man, hold your head proud, stay dignified even though you may feel dark feelings..

 

It gets easier I promise x

[lolablue17]

WOW. You married a devil! No doubt!

 

She can't play with yours and especially with your daughter feelings just to get a victory in court.

 

I don't know what did she claim until now in court but this new thing should prove to the court that she is a liar bitch! If she holds that "little piece of information" to herself for 5 years - She must lose every piece of reliability from court because it proves her disgusting low human values.

 

It doesn't matter if you're the biological father or not (allow me to take a guess - you are the biological father), You are still the father and it should be in the eyes of court. The fact that you raised her gives you the rights. It's like you adopted her.

 

Listen... Didn't your lawyer told you all that?

She was talking about feeling abused? What she is doing to her daughter now is one a hell of a giant abuse in all terms. UUUGGGHHH

[Chi townD]

Wow dude. I re-read this thread and you did EVERYTHING wrong.

 

 

Hope you're learned from this. Sorry to hear about the current bombshell she threw at you. What you should have done was got a restraining order out on the OM the day you moved out. Family courts in the US and the UK could give a damn about you or your WW. All they care about is if the kids are taken care of. You could have got a restraining order out on the OM that he couldn't be around your daughter until your divorce is finalized. It would be too confusing and emotionally traumatic to introduce your daughter to another man so soon after the break up of your marriage. Most judges would agree and sign off on that.

 

 

So, if you find out that your daughter is, in fact, your child, then you still have that option. The OM would have to move out. If you're not the childs biological father and this OM is, then go after him for back child support.

[Intheclouds]

It has been confirmed - via DNA test - that my daughter is not mine.

 

Total shock, dont know what to do or how I should deal with things moving forward.

[Clay]

I am really sorry to hear that. I hope your keeping friends and family close.

 

Clay

[aliveagain]

I know your pain, my only son was named after my deceased father, DNA test proved he was O/M's son. The pain is no different than having lost my son to a childhood illness. My heart goes out to you. There is nothing holding you to this bitch now including child support payments, she played this last card to sever all ties with you. Have your lawyer remove you from title by posting that you have no further claim on the property, force the sale if that is what it takes to get yourself out off the title. Make sure that you have no further responsibility for any of her debts, file for divorce if that process hasn't happened yet. Claim infidelity as cause even if you are in a no fault jurisdiction, it will always be on her final decree. You will get over this trashy excuse for a woman, live a great and successful life, they hate when you are happy without them.

[Hope Shimmers]

I'm so sorry. I know your mind and emotions must be all over the place. I can't even begin to imagine.

[FusionCutter]

Wow. I don't know you as a person but I feel so incredibly sorry for you.

[brokenangel1]

I don't know how can you be so calm? if I was in your shoes all hell would have broken loose already, I'll probably burn that house down with her and her lover inside, fire fire fire poosh no house all burnt even her and her lover.

[thummper]

Good God, what a mess!

[No Limit]

I find the fact that this threads' title fits so perfectly terribly sadistically ironic. And respect to the OM, he's got a lot of guts that he's even considering to even speak with the type of woman your ex seems to be - who by the way has reached the bottom of the barrel.

 

OP, I think it is clear that the b!tch revealed it now to cut off all ties with you. And I think you should take her offer; it's the only and biggest kindness she has ever sincerely shown you.

 

And don't let anyone make you the bad guy for loosing all feelings to your exes' kid. You've been deceived, for a very long time.

 

And as aliveagain already said; by all means, mention the infidelity. I remember reading a guys' report about his divorce; he did the DNA testing himself and the test too showed he wasn't the father. He also wrote of his exes' blushed tomato-red-face in court when all her attempts to screw him over for aliments were crushed, and also the surprised look of her lawyer.

 

It's hard, but cut them all out. The kid (which I feel even more sorry for) and the w*ore.

[Buckeye2]

There is a backstory to this and it's one I'm not proud of. Around 5yrs ago I conducted an affair with a work colleague which continued when my partner fell pregnant with our child. I fell in love - or thought I did - with my AP and was heartbroken when she ended it.

 

You have been the bad guy and feeling guilty all this time for your affair when your partner was having one at the same time your were. You were both bad but only you paid for it.

[Intheclouds]

I find the fact that this threads' title fits so perfectly terribly sadistically ironic. And respect to the OM, he's got a lot of guts that he's even considering to even speak with the type of woman your ex seems to be - who by the way has reached the bottom of the barrel.

 

OP, I think it is clear that the b!tch revealed it now to cut off all ties with you. And I think you should take her offer; it's the only and biggest kindness she has ever sincerely shown you.

 

And don't let anyone make you the bad guy for loosing all feelings to your exes' kid. You've been deceived, for a very long time.

 

And as aliveagain already said; by all means, mention the infidelity. I remember reading a guys' report about his divorce; he did the DNA testing himself and the test too showed he wasn't the father. He also wrote of his exes' blushed tomato-red-face in court when all her attempts to screw him over for aliments were crushed, and also the surprised look of her lawyer.

 

It's hard, but cut them all out. The kid (which I feel even more sorry for) and the w*ore.

 

I think you're right, certainly from a logical point of view at least, it may well be for the best to remove myself from this whole situation. The child is at an age were she will not remember me in her future. The thought of actually doing that though brings unbelievable amounts of pain.

[Intheclouds]

You have been the bad guy and feeling guilty all this time for your affair when your partner was having one at the same time your were. You were both bad but only you paid for it.

 

Yes, there are no moral victors in this mess, just a lot of suffering & an innocent child in the middle of it.

[2sunny]

Oh man - I'm just going to give you a big cyber hug!

 

((((Hugs))))

 

I'm really sorry you're hurting.

[Intheclouds]

I know your pain, my only son was named after my deceased father, DNA test proved he was O/M's son. The pain is no different than having lost my son to a childhood illness. My heart goes out to you. There is nothing holding you to this bitch now including child support payments, she played this last card to sever all ties with you. Have your lawyer remove you from title by posting that you have no further claim on the property, force the sale if that is what it takes to get yourself out off the title. Make sure that you have no further responsibility for any of her debts, file for divorce if that process hasn't happened yet. Claim infidelity as cause even if you are in a no fault jurisdiction, it will always be on her final decree. You will get over this trashy excuse for a woman, live a great and successful life, they hate when you are happy without them.

 

Aliveagain, how did you come to terms with your loss/situation? Do yo still have contact with your son? If it's too personal to talk about, I understand, thanks.

[gia37]

Please dont give up on the child... she is still your daughter, biological or not!

[Clay]

Honestly Its probably best he does. He will have no legal rights to be able to see her and help make decisions in the child's life. The mother has already proved she cares little for herself and the people that loved her. It really shows there is a good chance she would just break your heart and the childs heart later without even a ounce of care.

 

Its horrible but its better while the child is young.

 

I can't even imagine the pain he is going through over all of this.

[No Limit]

Please dont give up on the child... she is still your daughter, biological or not!

 

This isn't about "Ohh but this is still your child" etc.

 

It's going to hurt to cut her off, not doubt, but if you don't this ex will terrorize you until this kids' 18 years old and will take thousands of dollars out of your pocket for herself and all her other OM. And as long as you can't take that girl to live with you - which the court will never decide - her life is bound to take very bad influences thanks to her handywork of a mother.

 

Yes, it would be great to save someone and be happy forever after while the "evil one" goes on her merry way doing whatever she likes far, far away. But this is reality, and considering that the child is still young enough that she'll not even remember the OP, I think he should really, really reconsider keeping in touch with her. You've already lost 11 years to this vile monster, do you want to loose even more than that (and also block your healing process)?

[tom670]

This isn't about "Ohh but this is still your child" etc.

 

It's going to hurt to cut her off, not doubt, but if you don't this ex will terrorize you until this kids' 18 years old and will take thousands of dollars out of your pocket for herself and all her other OM. And as long as you can't take that girl to live with you - which the court will never decide - her life is bound to take very bad influences thanks to her handywork of a mother.

 

Yes, it would be great to save someone and be happy forever after while the "evil one" goes on her merry way doing whatever she likes far, far away. But this is reality, and considering that the child is still young enough that she'll not even remember the OP, I think he should really, really reconsider keeping in touch with her. You've already lost 11 years to this vile monster, do you want to loose even more than that (and also block your healing process)?

 

As sad as this is he has to move on.

She is a real witch as now I'm sure he has no right for visitation.

The kid will probably be as screwed up as her.

[No Limit]

The kid will probably be as screwed up as her.

 

If the kid is very lucky, her mother is incapable of providing for her basic needs and she gets into a foster home. But since that's not going to happen either, there's no way to save her.

 

Really, governments should advertise sterilization instead of condoms who aren't used by a majority of couples/FWBs as soon as the female part says they're taking the pill.

[ForeverTainted]

Honestly Its probably best he does. He will have no legal rights to be able to see her and help make decisions in the child's life. The mother has already proved she cares little for herself and the people that loved her. It really shows there is a good chance she would just break your heart and the childs heart later without even a ounce of care.

 

Its horrible but its better while the child is young.

 

I can't even imagine the pain he is going through over all of this.

 

Actually, if he is the father on the BC he may get the child. I know one rl situation where the step dad got custody of his non biological son. He had cares for the kid enough years and his w was living an unfit life for a 7 year odl so the courts awarded him full custody and her supervised visits. He later adopted the child and cleared up any legal hassle that may have cropped up.

 

If the Op loves the child he raised for 4 or five years only a holes would encoirage him to stop and cut ties. It isn't the preshcoolers fault. A baby is one thing but this child will have memories.

 

If the OP is on the BC he may habe rights. If you care for the child still go see a few lawyers and see what can be done. But don't abandon your daughter only to cut ties or save your pocket book. Do it because you tried everything first.

 

You don't need to share dna to love her.

[Clay]

Actually, if he is the father on the BC he may get the child. I know one rl situation where the step dad got custody of his non biological son. He had cares for the kid enough years and his w was living an unfit life for a 7 year odl so the courts awarded him full custody and her supervised visits. He later adopted the child and cleared up any legal hassle that may have cropped up.

 

If the Op loves the child he raised for 4 or five years only a holes would encoirage him to stop and cut ties. It isn't the preshcoolers fault. A baby is one thing but this child will have memories.

 

If the OP is on the BC he may habe rights. If you care for the child still go see a few lawyers and see what can be done. But don't abandon your daughter only to cut ties or save your pocket book. Do it because you tried everything first.

 

You don't need to share dna to love her.

 

 

There is no doubt that could be a chance he could have. It is something only he and his lawyer will be able to look into. I helped raise a boy until he was nine months old. I was 21 at the time. He was not my child. Things did not work out for me and his mom but I loved him none the less. I tried everything I could to get access to him. There was nothing legally I could do. It sure is heartbreaking.

 

Clay