Devastated

[Leelou]

So it's what to do, should I still stand my ground given the fact that it's her who left ME or relent for my daughters sake?

You should stand your ground and live in your own house. Always arrange to have your daughter come live with you for 50/50% of the time.

 

If you stbx wants her lover so much, she WILL have him someplace else... so yes, stick to your guns about not moving out.

 

Your stbx will let your daughter stay with you in the home if that is truly best for your daughter. Let things benefit you.

[Leelou]

Yes, Im beginning to think getting off the mortgage and walking away debt free could be the best option. Go for 50/50 custody and let her get on with it. After 11 years it hurts when you think you know someone inside out but it turns out you never knew them at all. Talk about a woman scorned :-)

 

If you sign off the mortgage, the OM will undoubtedly help her maintain the mortgage.

 

It's up to you if you want to stay in the house or not. But make sure that it is YOU who chooses, don't let your stbx make you take the options that she chooses!

[lolablue17]

She's beat me to the punch. Received papers this evening notifying me of a court appearance tomorrow. She wants the house minus myself.

 

Not sure of any potential legal consequences if I disclose anymore info but it's safe to say things are going to get even more messy.

 

Take a lawyer!!!!!!

The court must be aware of her selfish illegal actions. She transfered your daughter to another place without your permission ,she violated yours and your daughters rights by preventing you from seeing her constantly - Does she have a court order allowing her to abuse your daughter like she did? NO!!

 

and on what ground does she ask you to move out? its your mutual property.

 

So, the judge must see that he is dealing with a woman that takes the law to her hands. Show also the evidence, and now she want to kick you out of the house so her lover can come in to YOUR HOUSE!!!

 

She doesnt have a case. YOU surely have.

[Intheclouds]

Im going to offer her an undertaking and vacate the property. She is alleging that I am abusive & potentially violent. Utter rubbish. No accounting for the fact she has met another man.

 

I dont want any issues with access to my child so I feel it may be a battle that isnt worth winning regarding the house.

 

Just try and pick up the pieces and move on with my life.

[TaraMaiden]

Speak

 

To

 

A

 

Solicitor

 

FIRST.

 

make no concessions and agree to nothing, until you know where you legally stand.

 

This isn't drama.

It's not emotional.

It's plain, bloody common sense.

[peruano99]

You should know the person you want to marry really well to prevent things like this from happening.

 

Get the best lawyers you can, admit no guilt because it's not your fault, and be a man and make sure this woman gets what's coming to her regarding the divorce. Don't let her take the house.

Edited February 26, 2014 by peruano99

[Intheclouds]

Speak

 

To

 

A

 

Solicitor

 

FIRST.

 

make no concessions and agree to nothing, until you know where you legally stand.

 

This isn't drama.

It's not emotional.

It's plain, bloody common sense.

 

Agreed obviously, but I have visited a solicitor this morning. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing I would like more than wiping the floor with her in court, I could make a very powerful case against her but it would not solve the issues with regards what happens long term with the home & also access to my child. They are both separate issues to the one I am attending court for today.

 

If she does stay in the home, I will have my child living nearby. If I stay in the home it is likely she will move out of the area.

 

With any luck, she'll wake up in the years to come and wonder what the hell shes done. I'll be long gone by then though.

[TaraMaiden]

Very good advice Tara.

 

I'd ask my wife what she thinks (she's a solicitor) but I am too scared of her reading my threads

 

Not surprisingly.....

[miguelcervantes]

Inthecloud, your wife comes across as a particularly vicious and more importantly, disrespectful person (having the POSOM in your house and bed with your children around!).

 

When you say she could take your child and move out of the area, I am sure that there is legislation in the UK that says she cannot move so far away as to make your visitation/custody access difficult. You really need to get a good divorce solicitor working on this.

 

I would not accept that she can simply get away with this AND force you out of the house.

 

I would gather all your evidence (including this scumbag being in your bed if possible) and:

 

• give it to a good solicitor who knows what to do with it and actually goes on the attack rather than simply defending/responding to her nonsense
  
• expose it far and wide - she is not going to come round by you being nice
  
• go for custody of your kids on the grounds that she is an unfit mother - this way at the very least you should come out with 50/50 custody and not her calling all the shots
  
• blow up the POSOM's world if you can - expose to his gf/wife (if he has one), work and family if you can (under the pretext of can you keep this scumbag away from my family)
  

 

Make her life and disrespectful behaviour difficult to continue with.

 

Keep your chin up in the meantime and don't let her grind you down. You are not responsible for this despicable behaviour!

[lolablue17]

I could make a very powerful case against her but it would not solve the issues with regards what happens long term with the home & also access to my child. They are both separate issues to the one I am attending court for today.

 

If she does stay in the home, I will have my child living nearby. If I stay in the home it is likely she will move out of the area.

 

Wrong! Her behavior has a direct influence with child custody issue.

 

for example, If your planning to claim 50\50 custody, then her behavior till now (taking your daughter away, having an affair ect..) will help you to get what you claim.

 

Her illegal behavior can convince the judge to forbid her to take your daughter out of the house. the judge might say: "you can stay or leave, but dont take the child if you choose to leave.

 

her affair + her "kidnapping" your daughter can be a major issue for the judge to belive her or not with her "abusing" claims about you. The judge will see a totally carefree woman with no boundries.

 

How can she claim that you are "abusive & potentially violent" if she didnt go to the police, and its on the same timing of the affair? judges are experienced, and know all the tricks.

Edited February 26, 2014 by lolablue17

[harrybrown]

Have you exposed the affair to your family and your wife's family? You will not nice your way out of this mess.

 

Have you exposed the OM? Does he have a family or a wife? Tell this far and wide. Your wife loves the dark of the affair.

 

Expose far and wide. You are in a war and your child could be molested by the OM. He does not mind cheating with a married woman. That is what happened to my friend.

 

Having the OM in you house and around your family is one the biggest F U that your wife could do to you. She has no respect for you. Respect yourself.

[Fearful]

Inthecloud. You have to be strong for your self and your daughter. Let the love you have for your daughter be the source of your strength not weakness. As it is, your ex have no sense of shame. As such, she can do anything. Never give in to any of her demand otherwise she will riped you off. Her wanting the house have nothing to do with the interest of your daughter but only to spite you with the OM. If you are not strong, they will make it impossible for you to even live in your parent's house because they will torture you with their presence. Surprise not, if you finds out that her affair with this OM or another OM even predated your affair. Be strong. Move on with your life.

[gettingstronger]

Let the love you have for your daughter be the source of your strength not weakness.

 

 

WOW- great advice- simplistic and buried in a longer (very good) post but really could have stood all on its own-

[Intheclouds]

I have agreed to an undertaking. This means I will remove myself from the property for a 12 month period. However, I will be taking my custody & long term property battles to court.

 

She has won this particular battle but not the war, that is far, far from over.

[miguelcervantes]

How on earth did that come about? Why did you have to give an undertaking ?

I don't understand this at all ?

[Intheclouds]

Have you exposed the affair to your family and your wife's family? You will not nice your way out of this mess.

 

Have you exposed the OM? Does he have a family or a wife? Tell this far and wide. Your wife loves the dark of the affair.

 

Expose far and wide. You are in a war and your child could be molested by the OM. He does not mind cheating with a married woman. That is what happened to my friend.

 

Having the OM in you house and around your family is one the biggest F U that your wife could do to you. She has no respect for you. Respect yourself.

 

My ex's family have no moral compass what so ever. It would not surprise me if they have been advising her on actions to take.

 

But it is a valid point you make re OM & one I will be taking up during the custody battle.

[lolablue17]

I have agreed to an undertaking. This means I will remove myself from the property for a 12 month period. However, I will be taking my custody & long term property battles to court.

 

according to the court, Is she allowed to have her lover sleeping in your house?

[Intheclouds]

That wasnt in question today but according to my solicitor there's very little I can do if a member of the household consents to having someone at the house, I could apply to the courts to apply an injunction but it is unlikely to succeed if he has no criminal convictions etc. I will be raising the issue as part of my custody case though.

[lolablue17]

That wasnt in question today but according to my solicitor there's very little I can do if a member of the household consents to having someone at the house, I could apply to the courts to apply an injunction but it is unlikely to succeed if he has no criminal convictions etc. I will be raising the issue as part of my custody case though.

 

But on what ground you're kicked out of your house? Did the judge think you are abusive and potential violent?

 

If you're out of your house, what about child temporary arrangments?

The judge only told you to leave and that's it? you have no more rights with your daughter? not for the long term, i mean tomorrow morning.

Edited February 26, 2014 by lolablue17

[kalimata]

Intheclouds:

 

Why haven't you exposed the Affair yet? Please explain.

 

EXPOSURE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND HERE. You need the OM and WW scampering for cover. Once the word gets out about their affair, it will wither away and die.

 

Expose, expose, expose. What are you waiting for?

[The Samurai]

My friend, your weakness will allow her to eat you alive..

Stand up and be a MAN

[goodyblue]

What she did can be defined as kidnapping you daughter. She is not in a position to "allow you to see or not seeing you daughter any minute you want to.

 

Go immediatly to a lawyer. he may advice you Inform your EX that if she doesnt bring your daughter back home today you're going to the police. , her actions are violation of the law!

 

This is not true. She hasn't broken any laws. She has as much right to her daughter as anyone. She can take her wherever she wants. It's not against the law.

 

Just as he could go to her school and take her, as he is her father, and would be breaking no laws.

[sweet_pea]

This is not true. She hasn't broken any laws. She has as much right to her daughter as anyone. She can take her wherever she wants. It's not against the law.

 

Just as he could go to her school and take her, as he is her father, and would be breaking no laws.

 

Actually, I believe when a parent removes a child from the family home to another to live in without the permission of the other parent (save for abusive/violent situations) and doesn't tell said parent where their child is, nor lets them have much visitation if any then it would count as kidnapping. I don't know how you would think that a parent has the right to do this to another parent (save for abusive situations, like I said)… I mean, c'mon….

Edited February 27, 2014 by sweet_pea

[BeholdtheMan]

I took a slightly cowardly way by asking my 4yr old who had been to the house the previous evening

I wouldn't say "slightly"

 

I was stunned that my partner had done this, I never imagined she would bring her affair to the home and around my child.

Why are you stunned? You cheated on her while she was pregnant. You deserve no sympathy and very little respect.

 

You two will probably end up with joint custody of the child. AP might very well be a part of your child's life. The child might as well get to know him.

 

The tipping point came just yesterday, I discovered that the AP had stayed the night at the house and had a day out with our daughter.

So?

 

I am at a loss as to what to do now.

See a lawyer, find out what rights you have

 

Will a dose of reality help her out of the affair fog? Or is she in love and this is this really an exit affair?

An exit affair is quite likely. She has probably wanted to get out since you cheated on her while she was pregnant with your child

 

Are you sure the child is yours btw? Any possibility of an affair you don't know about?

 

Am I really deluding myself and should I just walk away and ignore the possible financial consequences and impact on my child?

You should see a lawyer

[miguelcervantes]

But on what ground you're kicked out of your house? Did the judge think you are abusive and potential violent?

 

If you're out of your house, what about child temporary arrangments?

The judge only told you to leave and that's it? you have no more rights with your daughter? not for the long term, i mean tomorrow morning.

 

This is what I was asking and do not seem to be getting any kind of response on. I am from the UK and am aware of the judicial system here and cannot understand how this came to be. I have posted twice here and have had no response.

 

Did your wife accuse you of violence that did not take place ? That is perjury in court. If this is the case, this (while it may seem common practice for wives who are trying to kick their husbands out of the house) is a major issue and should be contested in court. What exactly did she say ?

 

If this is not the case, then what the h3ll happened ?