My wife does not feel the same about me anymore

[2sunny]

Is she sleeping in the same bed as you tonight? A stressful job shouldn't keep any spouse from sleeping together - in fact, when stressed, most loving couples find it comforting to lay down to rest with the one person who loves and supports you.

 

Especially when it may be the only few hours you actually get to be with each other while one person is overworked.

 

And speaking of overworked - does she not see that you are working full time yet still MAKING your kids, the home and meals your priority?

 

Or is she so selfish that she can't see beyond herself and how her selfish mindset is affecting others?

[Steadfast]

I'm a bit disappointed you didn't take my advice and leave her alone. You did the opposite Brian, and you got exactly what I knew you'd get.

 

Nothing. That's understandable, when you consider you're taking her freewill away. Only you decide for you Brian. Ultimatums are for losers.

 

Look, friend, I'm not a control freak. I give advice on what works in these situations just like the others. All, I'm reasonably sure, are telling you what they think will help. The general consensus? You must take control of you.

 

Please, do understand that I realize you are doing your best. I know your instincts are telling you to find a way to save it. But you can't Brian. Relationships and romance doesn't work that way. If you felt you'd ignored or taken her for granted I could see making a loving wife a real priority, but she's not loving. She's unloving. You trying to make her want it makes her want it less and less. She knows you care. You remain in denial.

 

It's simple. Loving couple are together because each wants the other. The wise ones realize that not everyday, every week, every month or even every year must have the happy upside to return to them the love they've invested. Romance and attraction takes us over Brian, unpredictably at times, but love -real love- is a decision. It is a commitment.

 

You love her. She's willing to decide to try to love you back. At her pace. The old saying "whoever cares less controls the relationship" is true, but that saying doesn't explain that such a relationship isn't a relationship at all. That's based on need where success depends on one pleasing the other enough to sway them towards staying. That isn't love Brian. That's heartbreaking.

 

Deep breath friend. IMO, what's on her phone or email or secondary to what's on her heart. It is what she's doing...or isn't doing. To me and speaking personally, the threat regarding her privacy would be enough for me to file. She's broken Brian. Whether she is or isn't having an affair, the issue isn't another person...it's her. She's the enemy of your marriage.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Steadfast

[2sunny]

Add things up:

 

Don't look at my private correspondence - you aren't going to like what you find

 

I'm already spending the day with my family why do I have to then spend time alone with you?

 

I'd rather be alone in another room than cuddling up to you

 

I'm busy working at the office so you handle everything I keep dumping onto you

 

Now I'm busy at my Moms too, so that takes precedence over getting connected within my family

 

I'm paying all my attention somewhere else - so stop requiring me to pay attention to my family too, let alone you

 

You're a big boy, who knows how to do things, so stop being mad that I'm completely ignoring you

 

I'm scared to lose the man who makes my life look pretty while I flirt with the hot OM - so I better pay him a LITTLE attention so he doesn't blow up my perfect setup.

 

I better start pretending at home better so he doesn't realize I've been cheating - that way this thrill from the OM can last longer if I can keep flirting with him

 

Life at home is boring compared to the thrill with OM so I'll just keep finding ways to be busy so I can ignore my boring life

 

I really want that OM so I better pay more attention to him - oops, my H is starting to notice that I'm not as into him now - I better show him SOME attention, but not so much that he expects me to spend time with him constantly

 

I need to find other excuses to be busy so I don't have to be home - but I need to text my H so he doesn't think something is wrong

 

I've got two more weeks worth of excuses then I'll need to find another excuse to ignore my husbands demands and expectations. I hope he doesn't notice I want to ignore him

 

Two weeks to delete any evidence of this fun I'm having - I sure hope he doesn't get smart and check up on all my correspondence - I hope he doesn't find my secret apps that I use to flirt with my OM. I hope he doesn't look over my phone bill or check to see if I'm where I say I am

 

My kids will be fine - they won't even notice I'm gone - if my H does a good job at home like I expect he will

 

 

 

Look closely, it's all there - you're just not seeing it properly.

Edited March 1, 2014 by 2sunny

[beach]

Believe her when her actions match the words she has said...

 

I don't feel the same about you anymore. And her actions support that.

 

But you trying to force her to feel anything differently is just wasted energy. Forcing her to do differently is equally difficult.

 

Accept how she feels. Accept that this is now what she chooses to do.

 

When you accept what is real and what she's told you - that's when you'll stop the battle and divorce her.

[tired girl]

.she said she was really looking forward to it and thought it would be fun

Fun for who?

 

she has said that if I do she will walk.

 

Let her go. Unwillingness to be transparent should be a deal breaker for you.

 

Please, do understand that I realize you are doing your best. I know your instincts are telling you to find a way to save it. But you can't Brian. Relationships and romance doesn't work that way. If you felt you'd ignored or taken her for granted I could see making a loving wife a real priority, but she's not loving. She's unloving. You trying to make her want it makes her want it less and less. She knows you care. You remain in denial.

 

It's simple. Loving couple are together because each wants the other. The wise ones realize that not everyday, every week, every month or even every year must have the happy upside to return to them the love they've invested. Romance and attraction takes us over Brian, unpredictably at times, but love -real love- is a decision. It is a commitment.

 

You love her. She's willing to decide to try to love you back. At her pace. The old saying "whoever cares less controls the relationship" is true, but that saying doesn't explain that such a relationship isn't a relationship at all. That's based on need where success depends on one pleasing the other enough to sway them towards staying. That isn't love Brian. That's heartbreaking.

 

Deep breath friend. IMO, what's on her phone or email or secondary to what's on her heart. It is what she's doing...or isn't doing. To me and speaking personally, the threat regarding her privacy would be enough for me to file. She's broken Brian. Whether she is or isn't having an affair, the issue isn't another person...it's her. She's the enemy of your marriage.

 

Good stuff.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Why are you accepting this? The idea that she is telling you she wants to fall in love with you again and date is a crock. She's stringing you along and playing a game with you and expects you to be a sucker.

 

I don't want to sound crass and a sexist male, but how about you tell her that you are happy to take her on a date, but then you expect her to have sex with you like she is auditioning for the lead in the remake of "Deep Throat"....

 

I expect her rerspionse will be less then enthusiastic.....

[2sunny]

Ask her why her feelings about the M are more important than yours?

 

Why are your needs less important than her needs?

 

Why does she get to determine what does or doesn't take precedence within the marriage?

 

Ask her!

 

Then tell her - when you ignore someone long enough - they do go away!

 

Ignoring you and your feelings and needs is NOT loving behavior!

 

You shouldn't have to beg a spouse to be loving to you!

[Brian Smith]

I agree.

 

I know that the way I have reacted to my wife's news has not helped at all. The more I have pursued the faster she has run away. I also do not think it would have made a difference whatever I did, she has evidently been feeling like this for a long time.

 

The sad truth is, whatever her reasons she has fallen out of love with me. I have spent far too long dwelling upon why and thinking about wether or not she is having an affair, rather than on how I should behave or respond and move on.

 

I know the answer to your above question. She is over 90% certain that she wants to leave me. She is almost sure that she does not love me and thinks it unlikely that this will ever change. She hasn't because she is 10% unsure. It is only her insecurity about her future and the realisation that it would be harder for her to manage work and kids that have stopped her leaving. She is also afraid of damaging the kids. She feels sorry for me, she feels pity for me, she does still care about me, but she dies not love me.

 

What I need to do right now is focus on myself and my future. She knows how I feel and if she changes her mind she will let me know. I will not accept a loveless marriage so I will not stay if I do not believe she loves me. I don't think things are hopeless but I do know that right now they are far from hopeful and I don't think that anything I do or say will change her mind.

 

Due to our financial situation we will have to live together for a good while yet. I know that she will not move out and I do not want to give the impression that I have abandoned my kids. After her project finishes I will demand a much more even division of responsibilities. I have enlisted help from her and my family in the meantime to allow me to support me so that I am not just stuck inside dwelling on what has happened.

I have spoken to my parents and her mum, not in any detail, but they are now aware that we may be splitting up - I told my wife I was going to do this because I needed support, she wasn't happy but agreed. The children are still unaware and this will remain the case until we are 100% certain and probably only when financially I can afford to move out.

 

I also want to see if her promises about wanting to work on the relationship come true. She still insists that she wants the marriage to work. If she takes no action on that front in 2 weeks then I will know that it is time to plan the exit strategy. We have already discussed some options, our favourite one is to jointly find me a deposit for a new house and have a fair shared custody arrangement. Obviously I have already consulted a lawyer and know my rights, I do however think that she is prepared and is willing to be fair to me because she also wants the best for the kids. We don't really want to share what little equity / savings we have fighting each other and paying for lawyers.

 

I have now reached I point where if I need to I can finally accept this marriage is over it hurts but I am to functioning normally again. I am sleeping much better, I can focus in work and am growing a fulfilling social life again. When I finally reveal the situation to my friends I know they will rally around in support - I am not ready to go there yet.

 

I do not bear my wife ill will. I know she has not done this to hurt me. She has told me the truth about how she feels about me. I am disappointed that she did not do thus 6 months or so ago because I think we would have had a better chance of saving thing then. Anyway thanks for all the advice and support, I'll post again in a few weeks to give an update but think I need a break from this as well.

[beach]

I wish you well Brian. Glad you're staying strong and developing a plan.

 

Keep us updated.

[beach]

What's the update?

 

And what did her phone bill show?

[BlueIris]

OP’s first post was on February 22. His wife’s high-pressure work project was going to be done “in three weeks.” Three weeks is tomorrow, March 15. She didn’t even get that grace period. Yet she is a HORRIBLE WOMAN!!! ohferheavensake… And she’s working, taking care of her mom’s house, taking the kids, made the not-good-enough effort to hug and kiss? Yeah, horrible…. Shakes head.

 

Now for something completely different….

 

I see this through the lens of my own experience as a trial lawyer who was married to a manufacturing line designer who travelled to Japan and Germany for 1-2 weeks every couple of months. I never would have pressed him to meet my emotional needs when he was under tremendous pressure at work- and I didn’t. When he was super-stressed he got his favorite meals, foot rubs and my attention as he talked off the stress. Yes, he got to be selfish sometimes.

 

We divorced solely because my husband vetoed my working full time because he said the kids’ and his needs had to come first for me, not for him. No affairs. No drugs, alcohol or abuse. He knew when he married me that he’d married a smart ambitious woman. He said he loved that. Yet he demanded that my personal goals and fulfillment had to come behind his. I suggested we get a nanny. No. Vetoed. Both the substance of the demand and that he actually truly believed he had veto power in our home and marriage made me sick, and no, I did not love him any more. I got 85% custody because he asked for that- his career- and I got a nanny, who was basically this holy angel. He had the kids every other weekend Fri 6 pm - Sun 6 pm, except when he cancelled for travelling. My kids are more than ok- one a prosecutor getting married this summer and one finishing her accounting degree. Strong and sure appear to have good relationships, too.

 

Because I deal with lots of male clients and colleagues, sometimes its like a freaking locker room at work, especially in the heat of trial. We do 12-15 hour days for a couple of weeks here and there. I’ve gotten many lewd-ish messages and emails associated with work. I’ve been little-ladied, sent sexist joke emails, been told my “ass” looks good in that suit, told to wear lower cut blouses, been called one of “the girls” many times. I’ve bantered with the horndogs- “yeah, you’re a hottie too.” Pfft. Comes with the territory. I’ve never had a physical or emotional affair. Not once has any of the BS come to anything or has one of the horndogs assaulted me. But I have had a couple guys I dated freak out about the frequency of contact with male clients and colleagues. (They ignore all the other calls, texts and emails from the women and the non-lewd-over-the-line guys, and hone in on the horndogs. It really annoys me.) I’ve been chastised for “letting” work “come first” even though they also put work first, and don’t just take off during an emergency at work, or refuse to travel when needed. Whatever. It’s egotistical myopia. She might be having an affair. I never was, but I've been accused of it!

 

I’d be really ticked off that you couldn’t hold it for three weeks and be a rock, OP. Hope her project was a huge success.

Edited March 15, 2014 by BlueIris

[2sunny]

OP’s first post was on February 22. His wife’s high-pressure work project was going to be done “in three weeks.” Three weeks is tomorrow, March 15. She didn’t even get that grace period. Yet she is a HORRIBLE WOMAN!!! ohferheavensake… And she’s working, taking care of her mom’s house, taking the kids, made the not-good-enough effort to hug and kiss? Yeah, horrible…. Shakes head.

 

Now for something completely different….

 

I see this through the lens of my own experience as a trial lawyer who was married to a manufacturing line designer who travelled to Japan and Germany for 1-2 weeks every couple of months. I never would have pressed him to meet my emotional needs when he was under tremendous pressure at work- and I didn’t. When he was super-stressed he got his favorite meals, foot rubs and my attention as he talked off the stress. Yes, he got to be selfish sometimes.

 

We divorced solely because my husband vetoed my working full time because he said the kids’ and his needs had to come first for me, not for him. No affairs. No drugs, alcohol or abuse. He knew when he married me that he’d married a smart ambitious woman. He said he loved that. Yet he demanded that my personal goals and fulfillment had to come behind his. I suggested we get a nanny. No. Vetoed. Both the substance of the demand and that he actually truly believed he had veto power in our home and marriage made me sick, and no, I did not love him any more. I got 85% custody because he asked for that- his career- and I got a nanny, who was basically this holy angel. He had the kids every other weekend Fri 6 pm - Sun 6 pm, except when he cancelled for travelling. My kids are more than ok- one a prosecutor getting married this summer and one finishing her accounting degree. Strong and sure appear to have good relationships, too.

 

Because I deal with lots of male clients and colleagues, sometimes its like a freaking locker room at work, especially in the heat of trial. We do 12-15 hour days for a couple of weeks here and there. I’ve gotten many lewd-ish messages and emails associated with work. I’ve been little-ladied, sent sexist joke emails, been told my “ass” looks good in that suit, told to wear lower cut blouses, been called one of “the girls” many times. I’ve bantered with the horndogs- “yeah, you’re a hottie too.” Pfft. Comes with the territory. I’ve never had a physical or emotional affair. Not once has any of the BS come to anything or has one of the horndogs assaulted me. But I have had a couple guys I dated freak out about the frequency of contact with male clients and colleagues. (They ignore all the other calls, texts and emails from the women and the non-lewd-over-the-line guys, and hone in on the horndogs. It really annoys me.) I’ve been chastised for “letting” work “come first” even though they also put work first, and don’t just take off during an emergency at work, or refuse to travel when needed. Whatever. It’s egotistical myopia. She might be having an affair. I never was, but I've been accused of it!

 

I’d be really ticked off that you couldn’t hold it for three weeks and be a rock, OP. Hope her project was a huge success.

 

You seem to overlook that his wife doesn't feel the same about him anymore.

 

But it's one thing to ignore a spouse you might not love anymore - but she's also ignoring the needs of her kids too.

 

If she intended to delve into her career that much - she shouldn't have had kids - but she has them - and being a kind, supportive and loving mother doesn't include ignoring your kids.

 

 

Any new updates OP?

[BlueIris]

Pretty harsh, 2Sunny. He clearly doesn’t feel the same about her either. He’s planning a divorce and speculating about getting a new wife. People get hurt and scared and sometimes their feelings aren't ideal. You say she (only she?) shouldn’t have had kids (awful thing to say) but this is what he’s said about the kids that are positive about her:

 

“We do things together with the kids and we are taking them out for the day together tomorrow. … I'm focussing on friends … hobbies and the kids.” “She said that she recognises … the support that I give her by looking after the kids etc..” “Meanwhile she wants us to carry on doing things together with the kids” “On a positive note came home early today and offered to take the kids to their class and give me a break.” “In the meantime I'm having a great time with the kids, exercising and have played a bit of golf. I'm quite enjoying doing what I want when I want in the evening without worrying what the other half wants to do.” “I love my kids but do find it difficult having them 24/7 without being able to get out and let my hair down with some mates and some beers.” “We make sure that we spend time together as a family on the weekend, typically take the kids swimming together or yesterday we all went to a museum and that had a meal together in a restaurant. … Usually she will take the kids somewhere like the cinema on the weekend whilst I play a game of golf, so it is during the week that she doesn't see much of them.”

 

This isn’t horrible stuff. Lots of parents travel, are deployed, work overseas. Such terrible things said about her. Yes, she’s been working way too much right now. But they’re both parents and parents take care of their kids and pick up the slack for each other. The family could have been excited for her rather than resentful. He hasn’t been perfect either.

 

I hope they work this out, avoid oppositional thinking, move to the middle, and give each other credit and appreciation. The three weeks is over, so I hope he planned dinner out or something special for them to celebrate and recognize her success, before everything shifts to being about inadequacies and divorce. It sounds as though it was a big deal to her.

[topaMAXX]

OP’s first post was on February 22. His wife’s high-pressure work project was going to be done “in three weeks.” Three weeks is tomorrow, March 15. She didn’t even get that grace period. Yet she is a HORRIBLE WOMAN!!! ohferheavensake… And she’s working, taking care of her mom’s house, taking the kids, made the not-good-enough effort to hug and kiss? Yeah, horrible…. Shakes head.

 

Now for something completely different….

 

I see this through the lens of my own experience as a trial lawyer who was married to a manufacturing line designer who travelled to Japan and Germany for 1-2 weeks every couple of months. I never would have pressed him to meet my emotional needs when he was under tremendous pressure at work- and I didn’t. When he was super-stressed he got his favorite meals, foot rubs and my attention as he talked off the stress. Yes, he got to be selfish sometimes.

 

We divorced solely because my husband vetoed my working full time because he said the kids’ and his needs had to come first for me, not for him. No affairs. No drugs, alcohol or abuse. He knew when he married me that he’d married a smart ambitious woman. He said he loved that. Yet he demanded that my personal goals and fulfillment had to come behind his. I suggested we get a nanny. No. Vetoed. Both the substance of the demand and that he actually truly believed he had veto power in our home and marriage made me sick, and no, I did not love him any more. I got 85% custody because he asked for that- his career- and I got a nanny, who was basically this holy angel. He had the kids every other weekend Fri 6 pm - Sun 6 pm, except when he cancelled for travelling. My kids are more than ok- one a prosecutor getting married this summer and one finishing her accounting degree. Strong and sure appear to have good relationships, too.

 

Because I deal with lots of male clients and colleagues, sometimes its like a freaking locker room at work, especially in the heat of trial. We do 12-15 hour days for a couple of weeks here and there. I’ve gotten many lewd-ish messages and emails associated with work. I’ve been little-ladied, sent sexist joke emails, been told my “ass” looks good in that suit, told to wear lower cut blouses, been called one of “the girls” many times. I’ve bantered with the horndogs- “yeah, you’re a hottie too.” Pfft. Comes with the territory. I’ve never had a physical or emotional affair. Not once has any of the BS come to anything or has one of the horndogs assaulted me. But I have had a couple guys I dated freak out about the frequency of contact with male clients and colleagues. (They ignore all the other calls, texts and emails from the women and the non-lewd-over-the-line guys, and hone in on the horndogs. It really annoys me.) I’ve been chastised for “letting” work “come first” even though they also put work first, and don’t just take off during an emergency at work, or refuse to travel when needed. Whatever. It’s egotistical myopia. She might be having an affair. I never was, but I've been accused of it!

 

I’d be really ticked off that you couldn’t hold it for three weeks and be a rock, OP. Hope her project was a huge success.

 

I don't see where your husband was wrong. If you don't want to be a woman, a mom, and a good wife, don't get married and have children. Just have a career instead.

 

Sounds like a good guy that just married the wrong woman...

[oldshirt]

 

Sounds like a good guy that just married the wrong woman...

 

Naw, they both married the right person when they were young, single, no kids and both ambitious in building their careers. They just weren't the right mix for each other in maintaining the home and family once they had one.

 

They were probably the perfect couple when they met and were hitting it off. But dating and maintaining a home and family can be two completely different things.

 

They each admired the traits they saw in each other because they were reflections of themselves. But sometimes marriage and family are like a football team, you need people with differing traits and skill sets to make the team function properly. Quarterbacks and defensive tackles require two completely different sets of traits and skills but both are needed for a successful team.

 

They tried to make a home and family with with two quarterbacks.

[BlueIris]

I agree, oldshirt. Teamwork. I’m a hockey fan more than a football fan, though. Hockey has a different dynamic and type of teamwork, including line shifts, and less rigid hierarchy. Pretty interesting, though… my ex was a football fan!

Hockey fans for me! Though I've really liked baseball players and fans, too. The man I'm dating now is a former baseball player and now a fan. INteresting....

 

 

 

Back OT, OP and his wife agreed to do the two-career marriage, evidenced by their buying a house that required that they both work. The problems arose when she got the new job, and OP says he was jealous and not as supportive as he could have been. I wonder if that's why his wife told him that she wanted to talk about what got them to this point, or part of it. I hope its going well for them.

[krewzn]

Im so stressed, your causing me more stress, I have so many things to think about,waa waa waa, its all about her, right? does she care about the amount of stress anxiety pain, that she's causing you to endure,? nope, sorry but I get really bitter when I hear all the crap from a suppose to be wife.

[beach]

I wonder how supportive his wife would be if he got super busy at work for a month or two - so much so that he put all the household responsibilities on her along with her full time job?

 

Would his wife be so understanding if the roles were reversed and she had all the work, kids, and house chores all while being ignored by her husband?

 

Why is it not possible to practice balance - even when super busy?

[Brian Smith]

Things have improved since her project finished. We are sharing a bedroom again and have had sex. She has told me that she does love me but she has not been happy for a while. She says that she really wants our marriage to work but she does want us to make some changes.

 

I have listened carefully and recognise that things were not so good although for me at the time I didn't quite realise how unhappy she was. The pressure of work, the children and me had left her feeling that she had no time for herself and she felt like she lacked an identity of her own outside of work/ being a mother. A wall of resentment had grown up between us because she felt guilty about not giving me any time and I had become worried that she had stopped wanting to spend time and be intimate with me.

 

We both agree that due to pressures of work and having a young family we had become too dependent on each other, my wife in particular seldom went out or did anything for herself. I did encourage her to do things but she would always say that she had too much work to do. She realises that it us not me who stopped her going out but she didn't because she already felt guilty about working so much.

 

We have decided that in order to repair our marriage we need to both be a little more independent, she is going to join a health club with one of her girl friends and go out more. We have also made a commitment to spend more quality time together without the kudos and have committed to making sure we go out together as a couple at least once every 2 weeks. We just had our fist date night last night and we both enjoyed it.

 

We both recognise that we have a long way to go, but she has told me time and again this week that she loves me, she wants the relationship to work and that she believes we can be happy together again. I think that this is a good start.

[Brian Smith]

Phone bill did not show anything. She has a male work friend that she did not tell me about. She admits to being flirtatious because that is her personality - this is true. The emails were work related but were also a little flirtatious She saw it as harmless fun but can see that it was upsetting for me because she had never said anything about him to me. She apologised for giving cause to doubt her and explained that she has been really angry with me for violating her privacy but does not feel angry anymore because she can can understand why I would because of the way she had been acting towards me. She has promised not to keep anything from me any more she was just concerned that i would be jealous if I knew she had male friends.

 

She says that We have problems in our relationship that she wants to sort out but they are not caused by anyone else. She also said that the thought of losing me has made her realise that she does still love me.

 

She had also offered to remove all the passwords Off her phone and internet and says that she only upped her security because she was angry not because she had anything to hide.

[oldshirt]

any discussion of counseling?

[Els]

Things have improved since her project finished. We are sharing a bedroom again and have had sex. She has told me that she does love me but she has not been happy for a while. She says that she really wants our marriage to work but she does want us to make some changes.

 

I have listened carefully and recognise that things were not so good although for me at the time I didn't quite realise how unhappy she was. The pressure of work, the children and me had left her feeling that she had no time for herself and she felt like she lacked an identity of her own outside of work/ being a mother. A wall of resentment had grown up between us because she felt guilty about not giving me any time and I had become worried that she had stopped wanting to spend time and be intimate with me.

 

We both agree that due to pressures of work and having a young family we had become too dependent on each other, my wife in particular seldom went out or did anything for herself. I did encourage her to do things but she would always say that she had too much work to do. She realises that it us not me who stopped her going out but she didn't because she already felt guilty about working so much.

 

We have decided that in order to repair our marriage we need to both be a little more independent, she is going to join a health club with one of her girl friends and go out more. We have also made a commitment to spend more quality time together without the kudos and have committed to making sure we go out together as a couple at least once every 2 weeks. We just had our fist date night last night and we both enjoyed it.

 

We both recognise that we have a long way to go, but she has told me time and again this week that she loves me, she wants the relationship to work and that she believes we can be happy together again. I think that this is a good start.

 

Glad to hear things are picking up, OP. Those all sound like good ideas all around, especially date night and making time for her hobbies. Hope you both manage to work things out!

[Brian Smith]

No she is not interested in counselling old shirt although we have agreed to read / work through some self help books. My wife is a very clever, capable person but has always had problems discussing her feelings - I think this is part of our problem now - she keeps it bottled up. She has issues from her past that we have rarely if ever discussed to do with her parents divorce and her dad basically having nothing to do with her since age 10. She is very uncomfortable about discussing personal issues with anyone let alone a stranger. I think it would be a good idea but I can't make her go, I think we are going it gave to do thus Alone.

[jimmytwowheels]

So glad to hear that things are working out!

Sounds like you just had a subtle communication breakdown. I've learned things for myself by reading this thread.

Best of luck.

[beach]

I'm glad for you if you feel like you're back on track.

 

Since she won't go to counseling - and it is HER feelings that have changed - what does she plan to do about getting more attached/connected/in love with you?

 

I like the date idea. That should always be a priority (much more together time). And has she promised to eliminate her fitting with other men? That is an attention seeking trait - and if she expects to use it - it should be on her husband.