Sasukie Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Hi Keepsake, I personally do not and have not ever had the intentions of cheating ever. I think you should just judge his character from his actions. The moment you see a guy send messages like that and give his interest to other girls like that, its no longer even worth it. I don't think he's worth it if he's not commited. While it may not have been right to check his phone (that is a fault), given that you have found out now, you should just slowly detach from him at whatever pace you're comfortable with. Best of luck Keepsake 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Oh yea, if you're interested, I have some tips for "breakups" and what not in this forum. Check it out if you want. I actually did the same thing as you, I sat next to my phone waiting for replies and everything, checking if my ex gf was online. When I thought about it, it made me feel pathetic. Do...you want to feel like that too? Anyways Ciao! Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 See, I am not as strong as I thought I was, I just broke NC... I texted him... It's eating at me.... Have at me.... What did Rico Suave have to say? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I completely agree, they have suffered enough through the divorce and everything else. I remember he wanted me to meet them right away when we started dating and I said no, let's wait awhile before we do that. We did but he kept insisting. Funny enough, one of the text that he sent to that girl in November that he never met, was asking her to go out and do something with him and his kids. I think that is wrong and confusing to children. What do you think? That's just my opinion. Well, based on the behaviors he's exhibiting, it's not like I was going to nominate him for Dad of the year... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 He hasn't responded. It's hurts.... I'm a idiot.... I guess I was listening to his words through all of this and not his actions. He doesn't love me or want me he just wants me to think that he does. Guess he is out dating different women. That doesn't show that he wants me. It's all a load of bull. I wanted to believe in him... Believe that he was telling the truth but people show you who they are through there actions. I just can't believe he did what he did on New Years Eve. Doesn't make me feel better and it doesn't make me think better of him, it makes me think worse of him... and I don't like that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 7, 2014 Author Share Posted January 7, 2014 Really just having a tough time... We had such a great relationship, I was so in love with him... my family loved him, still does, they seem heartbroken as well.. Any men out there have an opinion? Is he really just confused and scared or does he really care. I don't believe in GIGS but I don't know. Just looking for some more guidance and support, I really don't want to break NC again and am just trying to understand his actions. I'm really hurting and have lost 14lbs, which I DO NOT NEED TO BE DOING but I can't keep it down and most times can't even get food near me without vomiting. Work is troublesome cause I can't focus and keep making mistakes... Not like me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 I could really use some support, maybe it's bad that I counting on people I don't know... Other things are bothering me as well ... Anyone want to help, I would appreciate it... Link to post Share on other sites
Sasukie Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I think its pretty clear. I was with my ex gf for a year - it was romantic - we made vows, I'm a pretty solid guy in terms of taking care for my gf. It was only me and her, but good times will pass and it won't always last. Most relationships will run their course. I held on like you, you can imagine as much as you want, but it seems like you're trying to rationalize for him even though he did you wrong. "Oh he's a great guy, I remember this and that that he did." None of that matters because now is now. I don't think he's scared at all, if a guy was scared he would confide back to his gf. A guy who explicitly chooses to go after other girls have given up on their own girl. At the end of the day you should ask yourself two simple question. 1) is this a man you would want to marry. Don't think shallow, if he's able to give you this much heartbreak at this age, whats to stop it when you guys do get even more intimate. 2) Do you have any gains from being in this relationship still? I know its tough, but stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 I think its pretty clear. I was with my ex gf for a year - it was romantic - we made vows, I'm a pretty solid guy in terms of taking care for my gf. It was only me and her, but good times will pass and it won't always last. Most relationships will run their course. I held on like you, you can imagine as much as you want, but it seems like you're trying to rationalize for him even though he did you wrong. "Oh he's a great guy, I remember this and that that he did." None of that matters because now is now. I don't think he's scared at all, if a guy was scared he would confide back to his gf. A guy who explicitly chooses to go after other girls have given up on their own girl. At the end of the day you should ask yourself two simple question. 1) is this a man you would want to marry. Don't think shallow, if he's able to give you this much heartbreak at this age, whats to stop it when you guys do get even more intimate. 2) Do you have any gains from being in this relationship still? I know its tough, but stay strong. He was the man I wanted to marry No, I don't think I do. I know none of it matters now, I miss him terribly or maybe I miss the guy that I thought I knew. I don't think he set out to intentionally hurt me. I don't think that's who he is. I think people make mistakes. Yes, he should have been upfront with me. I don't really know what to think anymore. I just keep telling myself actions speak louder than words and I haven't heard from him. That's why I don't understand why he said the things that he said on New Years Eve. Why bother, what had already been said was said, why change your mind and tell me all those things. Why tell me you want me and love me and want to see me??? That didn't have to be said if he clearly intended to date and see other people, why say anything at ALL?? Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 He was the man I wanted to marry No, I don't think I do. I know none of it matters now, I miss him terribly or maybe I miss the guy that I thought I knew. I don't think he set out to intentionally hurt me. I don't think that's who he is. I think people make mistakes. Yes, he should have been upfront with me. I don't really know what to think anymore. I just keep telling myself actions speak louder than words and I haven't heard from him. That's why I don't understand why he said the things that he said on New Years Eve. Why bother, what had already been said was said, why change your mind and tell me all those things. Why tell me you want me and love me and want to see me??? That didn't have to be said if he clearly intended to date and see other people, why say anything at ALL?? The only way to truly know is ask him, and I don't know if you really want to do that. And any answer he gives is not going to be good enough to satisfy your heart. I think you're looking for answers that ultimately won't make any difference to your recovery. Focus on yourself and leave the questions to the ages and let it go if you can. Thats what I'm trying to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 The only way to truly know is ask him, and I don't know if you really want to do that. And any answer he gives is not going to be good enough to satisfy your heart. I think you're looking for answers that ultimately won't make any difference to your recovery. Focus on yourself and leave the questions to the ages and let it go if you can. Thats what I'm trying to do. I don't know that he would answer me. I just want to know what he really feels because if he did that just to do it, that's pretty ****ty. It isn't making me feel better. I somehow am now feeling like this is partly my fault. Just makes no damn sense!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Woke up feeling really really sad - still losing to much weight, I can't eat... He never did respond to the text I sent last Monday. and I have kept NC.... I am having a hard time with all the things he said and now ignored me and hasn't contacted me. Just makes no sense whatsoever. Feels like I meant nothing to him at all. I know I should be trying to make sense of it but I am and would like to see what you guys think? THANKS Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Sorry if I am bumping my thread, just would like some thoughts/opinions and mostly I am having a really bad day and would like to hear from you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 I figure at this point I am probably just talking to myself on here but maybe it helps to write it out. I want to text him, see how he is. I don't think he really set out to hurt me. He isn't that type of person. It's very possible he just doesn't know what he wants with everything that was going on. I get that. The difference is I know what I want. I don't believe NC works in all situations. I am not even sure that I want him back in my life that way but I do know that I miss my best friend. He is a kind gentle, fun and I could keep going on about that. I want to contact him and maybe we can both come to some finality and part ways. Not so much to reconcile because I truly believe even if he said that he wants to still see me, he doesn't know what he wants and I can't be with a man whom I had been dating for over a year to say I don't know what I want right now. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Teejee Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Does it makes you feel better if you contact him (whatever the outcome might be)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 Does it makes you feel better if you contact him (whatever the outcome might be)? I'm not sure I would say it makes me feel better, I haven't done so yet. I want to and am hoping that we both get something good out of it. I know in my heart he isn't a bad man. I think we as people all makes some mistakes in life that we wish we could take back.. It's tough, I think we all want the honesty but I think some people just can't do it, they want to feel good as people and hurting someone makes them feel bad, so they lie or try to sugarcoat it. Relationships are are easy in the good times, it takes effort to get through the bad times. Kinda went of on rant there.. sorry.. Link to post Share on other sites
Teejee Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 You gotta do what is best for you. If you feel the urge to text him, do so. In my opinion I think it is best not contacting him. It is done and the only thing that matters is you now. It is time to detach and move forward Hope you will feel better soon! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 You gotta do what is best for you. If you feel the urge to text him, do so. In my opinion I think it is best not contacting him. It is done and the only thing that matters is you now. It is time to detach and move forward Hope you will feel better soon! Thank you... I am not sure NC is best in this situation, I have done that in my past and it was the best thing. I'm not absolutely sure but I think it is something I need to do for me. If it blows up in my face which I don't think it will do, then I will have to deal with the set back which I would not look forward too. If he doesn't answer or respond, well then there is that too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 I could use a some support today, spent most of the weekend crying.. He responded to my text that I sent last week just telling me how work was and how busy it's been and that he hoped I had a good weekend. Other than that, it's been three weeks and I haven't heard a word. I did what I said I wouldn't do and looked at his facebook page (stupid social media) and he was on there bragging that same day that he was going home to watch a raging fire in his fireplace with a sweet lady next him. UGH That made me vomit, I was so incredibly crushed. I guess his online dating already found him a new lady. How could he replace me so quickly???????? Who does that? Why did he tell me all those things on New Years Eve - That he loved me and wanted me and still wanted to see me -just didn't want to jump right back into things. All I ever asked of him was to be honest. I wish he had been - I can honestly say I would have just closed the door. but now, I feel angry betrayed and hurt beyond belief. I still have all his stuff and I don't know what to do with it.. I can't stand it being around, it doesn't help. My heart is so broken - my soul is broken. I've never felt like this and it's killing me... Please guys, I really need some support, thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 I'm bumping my thread guys - I really need some wisdom-support. I couldn't even work today - mind racing, crying... PLEASE Link to post Share on other sites
k10k Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Ah no Keepsake, big hug xxxx I'm so sorry you're hurting so much.. It is who he is, and he will more than likely do it with the next girl that he is with. Most important right now, is to take care of yourself and get back to basics: 1. focus on things to help with your physical well being: drink lots of water, have a nice hot bath, put on some soothing music - focus on breathing - have you been sleeping well? If not, see if you can go get yourself some herbal stuff to help with that. Have you been eating well? If not, have some fruit - it will help your body cope will the stress hormones that you're dealing with. 2. just get rid of that stuff, get angry, throw it away, it will make you feel better I promise 3. block his facebook so you don't look anymore. No contact = no new pain You now know all you need to know. 4. lean on friends/family, and find some books to read, fiction or self-help 5. force yourself, whenever you realise you're doing it, to stop thinking about him. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will heal. You will get through this, your heart will mend, it's going to be okay. Remember, one day you will meet someone else and you will count your lucky stars, you're awesome and he doesn't deserve you!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 Ah no Keepsake, big hug xxxx I'm so sorry you're hurting so much.. It is who he is, and he will more than likely do it with the next girl that he is with. Most important right now, is to take care of yourself and get back to basics: 1. focus on things to help with your physical well being: drink lots of water, have a nice hot bath, put on some soothing music - focus on breathing - have you been sleeping well? If not, see if you can go get yourself some herbal stuff to help with that. Have you been eating well? If not, have some fruit - it will help your body cope will the stress hormones that you're dealing with. 2. just get rid of that stuff, get angry, throw it away, it will make you feel better I promise 3. block his facebook so you don't look anymore. No contact = no new pain You now know all you need to know. 4. lean on friends/family, and find some books to read, fiction or self-help 5. force yourself, whenever you realise you're doing it, to stop thinking about him. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will heal. You will get through this, your heart will mend, it's going to be okay. Remember, one day you will meet someone else and you will count your lucky stars, you're awesome and he doesn't deserve you!!! Thanks K10K...... No, I haven't been eating right for weeks now. I've lost 14lbs that I did not need to lose. Trying but I can't keep anything down, what is wrong with me, I have never felt like this before. Focusing is very hard for me right now, even when I try to just relax. I don't understand why he would do this to me, he could have left it where it was before Christmas? I wish I could turn my brain off but I can't.... My friend wants me to go see her tonight and hang out but I just don't feel like it.... Don't want to be around her very happy family right now, would just make me feel worse.. It's Killing me inside... Link to post Share on other sites
k10k Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 I know, it sucks.. I've been where you are before, so you're not alone. The eating and weight loss thing is normal, but it's essential that you get some nourishment.. And I know you're trying to understand his behaviour, but at some point the only productive thing you can do is to stop questioning, and to let it go. It's up to you to help yourself in order to heal.. you can do it Keepsake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 I know, it sucks.. I've been where you are before, so you're not alone. The eating and weight loss thing is normal, but it's essential that you get some nourishment.. And I know you're trying to understand his behaviour, but at some point the only productive thing you can do is to stop questioning, and to let it go. It's up to you to help yourself in order to heal.. you can do it Keepsake. In my mind I know that... but my mind isn't rational right now... Maybe I'm different but I would never have done that to someone, I have always been honest and upfront. That's always the best way.. Yes, it will still hurt but you just don't BS people... I'm hoping I just get angry but that's not who I am ..... I want to be angry, I want to not care, I want it to go away... Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 In my mind I know that... but my mind isn't rational right now... Maybe I'm different but I would never have done that to someone, I have always been honest and upfront. That's always the best way.. Yes, it will still hurt but you just don't BS people... I'm hoping I just get angry but that's not who I am ..... I want to be angry, I want to not care, I want it to go away... You're going through the remnants of your breakup normally. You're not alone. Please remember that. We are all still proud that you continue to seek camaraderie on LS. I'm sorry you had to see for yourself that your ex seems to be merrily moving on with his romantic life. Don't latch onto that. It's hurting you now and it's going to KEEP hurting you if you continue to stay in any kind of contact with him. Take the aforementioned advice by LS members to block/delete him from FB. Make the decision not to contact him again for "one last conversation" It won't make him suddenly turn around and be the same person he used to be. An ex is like a vase...once broken, you can glue the pieces together, but it will never ever be the same again. Your ex is showing you who he is, what type of person he is, and how much he cares for you. As much as it hurts, realize that this is what you DO NOT deserve and start this day as the day that you will not accept being just his afterthought anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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