Author Keepsake Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 Well he is right in this regard: They're his issues, not yours. Seasonal mood disorder..hah. so does this mean he gets to act like an arse every time the seasons change Thanks!!!! HUGS You are right once again, his, not mine... doesn't take the hurt away though... If I am so amazing????? He says he shuts down every year around the end of October, when its get darker earlier etc... He said he has been this way since he got back from Iraq when he was injured. He is medically retired from the military now.. Also previously diagnosed with PTSD... Which is why I tried to be understanding.... I just don't know... Link to post Share on other sites
k10k Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 PTSD can be tough to deal with.. but still, no excuse to be asking another girl out. Therapy would've been a better option. Just think carefully about whether he is able and willing to give you what you really need and deserve 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Apparition Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 That is some great reverse psychology he pulled there, trying to twist it around and making you feel what you did was wrong, as though you should be the guilty one. It seems to me that during the period of time he was "off" with you, he was chasing this female. You said it seemed like she was trying to blow him off, so perhaps she wasn't interested and he knew this, so that's why he kept you on the side. Sorry about your heartbreak. Though, it seems you have dodged quite the bullet there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 PTSD can be tough to deal with.. but still, no excuse to be asking another girl out. Therapy would've been a better option. Just think carefully about whether he is able and willing to give you what you really need and deserve I don't think he can in all honesty... but we got along so well.... never argued... it was great... I really was so in love with him... I suggested that he go back to therapy before he did his "missing act" as he calls it.. He said NO, I can deal with it, just need to focus.. So, I let it go.. Didn't harp on it... I could tell he was different.... withdrawn... from everyone at that point.. Maybe he thought something different (girl) would make him feel better???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 That is some great reverse psychology he pulled there, trying to twist it around and making you feel what you did was wrong, as though you should be the guilty one. It seems to me that during the period of time he was "off" with you, he was chasing this female. You said it seemed like she was trying to blow him off, so perhaps she wasn't interested and he knew this, so that's why he kept you on the side. Sorry about your heartbreak. Though, it seems you have dodged quite the bullet there. Thank you Apparition.... Yeah, I definitely think that was what he was trying to do.... and I think last night he was still trying to do that... His last words were, I want still see you but I don't want to jump back into things... I don't like what happened that night... Once again, left me with words how much he loved me but didn't like what I did.... This is helping me alot, please keep helping me... I need to stay strong... THANKS SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU.... Link to post Share on other sites
Apparition Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 "His last words were, I want still see you but I don't want to jump back into things" He wants you there as his back-up, so he's not lonely and has someone there for him when he wants to get laid. If he loved you so much, he wouldn't have done what he did, and he wouldn't be trying to point the finger at you. He does not love you, not purely at least, and that's what you deserve. To be loved purely from a man who won't lie, cheat, manipulate, etc. He is not worthy of your love. You should love yourself more than you love him and not put your heart, your body, your mind through his BS. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
k10k Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Maybe he thought something different (girl) would make him feel better???? Irrelevant.. he never considered how it would make you feel... There you were, waiting & worrying about his depression.. and there he was, trying to get a date with someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 "His last words were, I want still see you but I don't want to jump back into things" He wants you there as his back-up, so he's not lonely and has someone there for him when he wants to get laid. If he loved you so much, he wouldn't have done what he did, and he wouldn't be trying to point the finger at you. He does not love you, not purely at least, and that's what you deserve. To be loved purely from a man who won't lie, cheat, manipulate, etc. He is not worthy of your love. You should love yourself more than you love him and not put your heart, your body, your mind through his BS. I do love myself..... I like who I am.... it's just hard when someone changes right before your eyes and it's like you don't even know who they are... You thought you did.... but you really don't... Sad but true... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 Irrelevant.. he never considered how it would make you feel... There you were, waiting & worrying about his depression.. and there he was, trying to get a date with someone else. OMG... Exactly my thoughts.... That's what gets me the most... and he doesn't see that.... Or doesn't want to, so he can feel better by blaming me... I couldn't help but cry last night when he held my face in his hands and kissed me and told me "I Love you, remember that". I guess now he feels better about himself... I love all the help & support... I need it right now... THANKS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) Your story is close to my heart because I have been through what you are going through. These men are like con artists at twisting and manipulating things around to place the blame on you for their cheating/bad behavior. My ex was text flirting with another girl right in front of me at lunch one day, and then got mad at ME when I calmly told him it made me feel bad. He didn't talk to me for two days after that incident. This is only one example of how he manipulated me through most of our relationship. When I reflect back at that time, I feel like the biggest fool for not dumping him right then and there. By that point, our relationship had been winding down and I could tell he wasn't as interested in me and was trying to seek out others. But he sure was plenty comfortable using me. The truth is, no matter what his words of love were, he did not love me. He only kept me around because he had no one else at the moment and your guy is doing the same. His words of love are meaningless because he doesn't have the actions to back them up. And I don't care about all your guy's excuses, because in the end, people know what is right and what is wrong and if he loves and respects you - plain and simple, it is wrong to be flirting with other women. He knows this - he just doesn't care. Does NOT care. Trust me, you don't want this. You don't need this kind of deception in your life. You do not deserve to be used. It will only serve to bring you down and doubt your self-worth. Be rid of this parasite. Send him on his way. Say good-bye and don't look back. You have lost nothing, truly you haven't. You don't need to have anything to do with a person who only has his best interests at heart. There is a huge world of people out there and I am certain beyond a doubt that there is one special man out there just waiting for a wonderful girl like yourself. The best is yet to come for you!! Edited January 2, 2014 by LadyM 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 And as far as those last words of his......"His last words were, I want still see you but I don't want to jump back into things"....... What he is really saying to you is "I'll keep you around while I look for someone better/new/different/more exciting." .......... "If it is alright with you, can I use you physically until I find someone I like more than you?" If he really loved you, not only would he WANT to jump right back into things, he would be jumping hoops, begging, pleading, sending flowers, giving gifts, writing poetry to get back in to your good graces after all the horrible things he did to you. You are worthy of being loved. Being loved the right and normal way. You have no time for the likes of him to deplete your self-esteem. He cannot fool you anymore. You are beyond him. Be rid of him. Shoo him far away. He is a deceptive and shrewd rogue and not someone you want in your future. Be grateful he has given you the ammunition you need to escape from this fool. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gullibleme Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 your story is text book to mine..don't let him make you the bad guy. You did NOTHING wrong. My ex made me feel so insecure like I was Jealous and clingy but I wasn't. I was curious as to his change in personality and began to question him. He said he was depressed and didn't know what he wanted, all the time he was also texting other girls. Long story short ...1 1/2 ago I stopped all communication to heal for myself..it wasn't easy but thinking of all the disrespect and humiliation Pissed me right off and got me through and made me stronger. Two Months ago he began texting me quite a bit for a few weeks for another chance and I was the right girl but it was the wrong time back then...OH PLEASE! I held my guns and stuck to no contact...gave him some of his own medicine and it felt good! You will realize eventually HE isn't the right guy for YOU!! Stay Strong you will see the light! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 your story is text book to mine..don't let him make you the bad guy. You did NOTHING wrong. My ex made me feel so insecure like I was Jealous and clingy but I wasn't. I was curious as to his change in personality and began to question him. He said he was depressed and didn't know what he wanted, all the time he was also texting other girls. Long story short ...1 1/2 ago I stopped all communication to heal for myself..it wasn't easy but thinking of all the disrespect and humiliation Pissed me right off and got me through and made me stronger. Two Months ago he began texting me quite a bit for a few weeks for another chance and I was the right girl but it was the wrong time back then...OH PLEASE! I held my guns and stuck to no contact...gave him some of his own medicine and it felt good! You will realize eventually HE isn't the right guy for YOU!! Stay Strong you will see the light! You have the most amazing avatar!! I LOVE it!!! Anyway, I wanted to say how brave you were to pull yourself away from your ex and have come out of it a stronger person. How long did it take you to stop thinking about him all the time? When he contacted you two months ago, was there a part of you that still cared for him and would have wanted to try again? Link to post Share on other sites
gullibleme Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 It took MONTHS to get over him because he kept stringing me along..that was so hard..complete no contact was the only way. Ignoring the texts and messages on FB and e-mail takes alot of strength but feeling hate towards him helped, I told him too!! I had to get him to stop stringing me along. I know we shouldn't hate but it was the only way I could do it. For a split second I was thrilled to hear from him...then all of a sudden I remembered the humiliation and thought...no..you disrespected me and I can't go back to that...there will be someone who values all I have to give...I am still waiting but not in any hurry..still no desire to date at the moment but thats ok I will get there eventually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 It took MONTHS to get over him because he kept stringing me along..that was so hard..complete no contact was the only way. Ignoring the texts and messages on FB and e-mail takes alot of strength but feeling hate towards him helped, I told him too!! I had to get him to stop stringing me along. I know we shouldn't hate but it was the only way I could do it. For a split second I was thrilled to hear from him...then all of a sudden I remembered the humiliation and thought...no..you disrespected me and I can't go back to that...there will be someone who values all I have to give...I am still waiting but not in any hurry..still no desire to date at the moment but thats ok I will get there eventually. I am amazed and impressed at how strong-minded you are. That you really didn't given it a second thought when he wanted to come back to you is incredible to me. How did you come about feeling hate toward him? I don't know why I don't feel hate toward my ex. I still feel fond of him for some outrageous reason. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) "His last words were, I want still see you but I don't want to jump back into things" He wants you there as his back-up, so he's not lonely and has someone there for him when he wants to get laid. If he loved you so much, he wouldn't have done what he did, and he wouldn't be trying to point the finger at you. He does not love you, not purely at least, and that's what you deserve. To be loved purely from a man who won't lie, cheat, manipulate, etc. He is not worthy of your love. You should love yourself more than you love him and not put your heart, your body, your mind through his BS. Keep remembering what Apparition wrote because it's very true. I had an ex back in 2009(when I joined LS) do something similar. He ended up leaving me ENTIRELY for that person. I'm so happy that you do recognize that you love and should love yourself more than your ex, Keepsake. That's what will get you through this with a logical, clear thinking mindset. Your ex has his nerve. When he gave you that kiss, he was basically giving you the proverbial breadcrumb. It's classic. It can keep you hanging around as a backup plan (as already mentioned) while he dates other girls as joyfully as he wants. You will NEVER have the relationship you once had because he will see that he can get over on you with utter BS and use you as a doormat. You are not one. Reading your thread I can tell you are a wonderful, loving person. Continue to work on your healing and when ready, share your heart with someone who won't shift undeserved blame onto your shoulders like your ex has. Edited January 2, 2014 by LovelyDaze 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gullibleme Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 It wasn't an instant hate...I sulked and cried daily and woah is me for quite a while ...My heart was aching so bad I was sick of myself!!!...I had to think about how I was treated...had to change my train of thought. I know I would give the shirt off my back for another person but I have been used alot by people I've helped...I think he was just the straw that broke the camels back and that made me stronger..I am not bitter towards men at all just very cautious and not as gullible anymore...(Gullibleme) Link to post Share on other sites
gullibleme Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 BTW I do not hate him anymore...I am indifferent, he asked me to dinner in those texts to talk also but what for...it's over and I cannot be his friend, but I can be friendly finally...he is no longer blocked and it doesn't bother me...you will get there too! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 BTW I do not hate him anymore...I am indifferent, he asked me to dinner in those texts to talk also but what for...it's over and I cannot be his friend, but I can be friendly finally...he is no longer blocked and it doesn't bother me...you will get there too! You didn't feel tempted to see if he had changed and could now give you the love you deserve? Do you not have any romantic feelings left toward him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 All of you are so wonderful.... I cried when I read all of your repsonses... Now to the truth... I am shaking right now..... Literally... Crying... My cousin was talking to me about his online dating that he has been doing and we were discussing my problems... It dawned on me that maybe my guy meet this girl he was chatting up on a online dating site. Well, I did a quick search and who do you think I found... Yep, there he was..... His profile.. This is the line that got me the most... " When I'm yours, I'm really yours... I'm not looking to rush into anything or for a new mom for my kids but to find a best friend to explore this crazy world and perhaps fall in love with... I'm an open book that's happy to share, if you want to know more about me!!!! HOLY ******, I am a complete fool..... What the *****..... I seriously can't even stop shaking..... I am hurt beyond belief... Please Please help me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 I can't think..... Shaking.... I have never felt like this in my life... This is beyond anything I thought... I am feeling pathetic, humiliated, lost and I just don't know... I guess I wasn't good enough for him... I thought I was his best friend.... Hell that night he was here when I had looked at his phone, he told me that he loved me, that the reason he was with me was I was amazing, smart, gorgeous. That he loved me. WOW..... How stupid can I be... I knew in my gut something wasn't right... I wonder how long he has been on the online dating?????!!!!!!! What is so wrong with me, I am a confident, loving, caring, smart woman......... Please guys, help me.... Link to post Share on other sites
LadyM Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Once again, your story is so similar to my own. I also found my ex's profile on a dating site before our final break up. It is so hurtful beyond words. Devastating to the max. I don't understand how people can be so cruel and deceptive. I also was a mess when I first found his profile, but you will see, in a couple hours, you will stop shaking and have a better handle on the situation. Calling family or friends can also be a huge help right now. That's what I did and it helped me a lot. You did nothing wrong here. All you did was try to love him. But, unknowingly, you picked a bad guy. And while you may feel fooled now, he will continue fooling others way into the future. That is his nature. To be deceptive. One day, you will be so grateful that this crazy fool is out of your life. Can you imagine having married this guy? That would have been the real agonizing pain. You got out in time. You are so lucky he cannot hurt you any longer, but you can be assured, he will continue to hurt others. But it's over for you. He is in the past. Now you can move on and find a man worthy of your good and loving nature. You have the capacity to love another in a normal, loving manner. Your ex has no real clue about how to love another. He only knows about satisfying his own needs for the moment. My heart goes out to you, but I know you will be fine! Just give this a little time to sink in and you will be able to give the whole situation it's proper perspective. Also, do let your friends and family help you through this crisis. Please let us know how you're doing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
k10k Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 keepsake, please don't ever, never, ever, take the view that "something was wrong with you" or that "you weren't good enough for him". Be thankful that you followed through on your gut instinct by checking his phone when you did, and then by checking for him online. He can't lie to you anymore, you found out the truth for yourself. Box up that stuff, or even better throw it away!! No more contact now for sure. Don't waste any more of your precious self with this manipulator. My thoughts are with you. You will get through this. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepsake Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 Thank you.. You have no idea how much the support means to me... It really does help me.... With trying to stay strong.... He knew I was sick the other night when he came by and has been texting me asking how I am feeling... Seriously? What is wrong with him? I feel like hell physically and mentally.... I wish I had the energy to write more.... again, thank you for all the great support.... Please keep in coming... I certainly need it... HUGS TO ALL.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gullibleme Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 When I remember back to where you are now ...I was scared for my own health..seriously I was in your shoes. I thought I was physically dying!! It was the jump start to my life to finally see what an A**hole I was dealing with. I began replaying all the crap in my mind of the humiliation I felt just being with him...Thats when I began to feel hate it helped me get stronger. He is trying to ease his own guilty conscience asking you if you are ok...don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how you really are...just cut all contact..it IS the best way to go. Just tell him "I'm fine and not going to dwell on this...life goes on.. we need to stop contact from here" When I found out my ex had a gf I gave him a piece of my mind in an e-mail and told him something similar along with -I feel Hate towards you right now...lol..he was not happy with that but it ended things! You will come out of this but you need to decide he isn't worth any of this!! You will find someone who is deserving of everything you have to offer..it isn't him!! Count your blessing you are not with him ...it will never change and you will never fully trust him again...thats how it was for me...trying to get back together never ever felt right!! Link to post Share on other sites
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