Cheated in my house..On my bed...to my Cd...I walked in!

[HokeyReligions]

Do not go to that spot.

 

Change your cell phone number. Turn off your cell phone until you have the number changed.

 

Cease all contact with him except through an attorney.

 

Get your finances in order! Separate any joint accounts. Contact any joint creditors that you have and get your name off of those you don't want and as a single-owner on those you do want----this is where you need an attorney!

 

Focus on doing these things and do not think about him right now. You have to look out for yourself.

 

You suspected he was cheating for a while. Remember, he's only sorry he got caught!

 

Don't let familiarity dictate your comfort zone. You can not go back - so go forward. You can allow yourself time for grieving and seeking answers once you don't have the worry about property and finances. You need time to get your thoughts together before you deal with the emotional side. There will be time for answers and closure.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Pocky

I think you're still too emotional to deal with talking to him tonight. This is a very hard thing to come to terms with and seeing him at such a vulnerable point may not be the best decision for you. You need to be able to come to terms with what has happened without dealing with the drama that stems from his presence. I'd suggest taking a few days with no contact to get yourself a little more situated. If you really want to stay strong and not give in, then in my opinion you should wait a few days. I think you should have a talk to sort things out so you can have closure, but right now I think you need to focus on yourself and meeting him will make it difficult to do that.

 

This is great advice. Give it a few days. Or weeks. If you still feel like talking to him, do it then. NOT now...nothing will make sense. Everything is too horribly new...

[Stone]

Hokey's got a point if you have ANY tied finances seperate then NOW!!!

 

Then redeoricate your house, so it's YOUR house with your new life.

[NiCoLe20]

DONT MEET HIM!!! let him suffer and feel the pain of hurting someone he loved or thought he loved...

 

girl--let him apologize till he's blue in the face... ignore him, it'll drive him crazy... dont give him the time n day to speak w/ you... hes trash and now u know it and just let it go....

 

it wont be easy just take one day at a time...and no MAN is worth your tears and remember the one that is wont ever make you cry.... itll take some time to get over this ... try to look at it like this- be happy you found out how he was before getting pregnant and starting a family...being a single mom is rough nowadays and be thankful you werent a mom yet...

 

just spend some time with your family for the next week dont spend a night at ur place alone...he can become phsycho and break in or something like that... and just avoid him altogether....

 

"you got to keep your head up"

[GirlDown]

it's easy enough to feel that you want to see him and get some answers. i did this with my ex-boyfriend too...when i should have just ignored him.

 

i don't know what i was thinking when i decided to let him talk to me. all it did was make me miserable and angry--and provide him a sense of relief that i would listen.

 

by the time we broke up for good, he probably had gotten used to the idea that i wouldn't be around much longer, and that made it slightly easier for him, because he saw it coming.

 

don't make it easier on him. obviously he knows it was wrong, or he wouldn't have hidden it, lied about it, and then turned into a bawling baby when he got caught--because he got caught.

 

it's like the cookie jar effect...a kid sees an opportunity to sneak a cookie, eats it, and gets caught eating it (or...with crumbs all over his face) and gets yelled at. maybe even [/i]punished.

 

but guess what? the fact remains that the cookie has been eaten. there is no getting that cookie back.

 

don't give in. even if you do get to a point where you do forgive him, it can't be now. it needs to be after some serious methods of proving himself on his part, and even then who knows. if he loves you like he says, he'll keep trying and trying.

 

let him try. doesn't mean you have to listen until when (or IF) you're ever ready to deal with this shady ba*stard.

[FreeMe]

Jessica - check in and let us know you're ok. Last we heard you were thinking about meeting him at your special place. Just want to make sure you're ok.

 

By the way, what you did was amazing. I would have gone into that room throwing things. What he did is inexcusable. What a lowlife.

 

Hang in there.

[Chan]

these things u only think happen in movies but in reality i guess they dont,hope you get through it,couldnt imagine what your going through....what an arsehole...could say worse but i wont

[SoleMate]

I agree with everyone - DON'T MEET HIM. You may want answers, but I guarantee you will not get any useful, helpful, or even accurate information from him. There is no correct answer to "Why did you lie to me, why did you rip my guts out, and WHY DID YOU DO IT IN MY BED?"

 

When he says "I love you", that clearly doesn't mean the same to him as it does to many of us. It may just mean, "I enjoy the benefits of living with you."

 

Please follow the good advice from jmargel, Hokey and others. And be sure, after the dust has cleared some months out, to thank your mother for her steadfast love for you. The way she has been treating you does meet my definition of love, so now we can all see the difference.

 

And may I add....I think you handled it very well. Running out and trashing her car or her clothes makes the neighbors think that YOU'RE the messed up one.

[JessicaAlmond]

Ugh how does your life go from him telling me

"I made reservations in heaven, overlooking eternity so that we could be together forever".....

to sticking his penis in the hole of a whore.

Oh I found out who it was..some 18 year old little hood rat. She works at the place where we rent our movies every Friday night.

I remember now how she would be extra nice to us and tell us what a cute couple we were and the whole time she was with my Boyfriend.

I am destroyed. I can't look in the mirror. I don't think I have felt any pain as strong as this before. Like Jmargel wrote I feel as if he has died, and with him my heart has as well.

I didn't meet him that night. I sent my cousin. He never showed. I drove by the movie rental place and wanted to get out of the car and confront her and ask her why? But I kept on driving and then parked in front of her workplace and cried. OMG I haven't stopped crying. My eyes are so swollen and my chest hurts from sobbing.

I'm alone. My mother is a great comfort, I love her and do not know what I would do without her. I see it in her eyes though. She wants to say I told you so, because she did, she warned me. But love is blind.

He keeps calling and I keep crying. I haven't seen him or talked to him since he left my house drunk.

As for finances everything is under my name, I paid for everything. He helped a little but if he wants his money back I can give it back to him whole I don't care. As long as I don't have to see him or face him. I have my own account. We were going to get everything together once we were married, but now...

I am so sad..I feel ugly, used, stupid, naive, alone. ALONE.

I can't even begin to think about dating or moving on like my mother has said. I can't. I don't think I can ever love again. I don't believe in love anymore. I don't believe in trust anymore. Except for my mother.

The world is a very ugly place right now and I'm just praying every night that god can take this pain away and help me to deal with this situation. To help me get through this and give me the strength to hold my head up and continue.

And every night, my god, every night it's as if I die a horrible death. I lay in bed and my mind can't help but go back to what I saw hat day and replay it over and over again. Then my imagination goes crazy and I start seeing them together and I hear her again and the clothes and I try to shut it off but I can't. I turn on the TV and it makes it worse. Again the images start and I feel that pain in my stomach again and I swear my breathing stops and I feel as if I'm dying. I actually churn in bed holding my heart because I can feel it breaking and turning to stone. I am miserable. I can't eat or sleep and I just wish I could pretend it never happened and run into his arms, and live in our house and just go back to that morning before I left for work and he kissed my forehead and said

"I love you sugar, I'll see you after work"

ugh! (sigh) I took a day off yesterday and stayed at my mothers and cleaned her house while she was away and then went running. My boss told me he showed up with flowers looking for me. Thank god I didn't go to work. My boss told him he was not allowed to come back. So now I am here at work. Still crying trying to cope. Everyone has given up trying to console me. I have given up on trying to hide it. I am a mess.

[tiki]

You are being so strong.

 

And nooooo, it's way too soon to start dating just yet! Give it some time. Each day will get a little easier, but it will take a lot of time to heal from this.

 

Thank you for keeping us posted. Your story touches my heart and I am so sorry that you've had to experience this, but on the other hand, so glad that you caught it before you were married to him.

 

We are thinking of you constantly. Please feel at ease knowing that you are several steps closer to a wonderful, fulfilling life. Much closer than you ever knew you were before.

[Pocky]

I am sorry someone has hurt you. I am sorry that someone found a way to wound you and cause you pain. However, you are the one to determine how much this is going to affect your life. You are the one that is going to determine whether or not you will be crippled from this experience or move on and become stronger. People with a lot less than you fight every day for their life because they understand how fortunate they are to just be living. Maybe you will realize just how important your life is too without him in it.

[EC]

Could you believe this....His mother knew the WHOLE time!!!

 

I just, I am at a loss for words! How could she do this to me. The people I loved, that I wanted to bring into my life...all lied to me. I feel so stupid right now.

Now it all makes sense...I would tell her how I was worried about him working late and she would say don't worry Hun he loves you..how about I pick you up and we go watch a movie. And she would get me out of the house so that I would not bother him or just get me out of the house so that he could use it!

 

I am so empty right now.

 

Thank you Tiki and Pocky and Hokey, sole mate, girl down. and just everyone I didn't name. You may not think so but your words are helping me. My head is just a puddle of confusion right now and you are helping me, reminding me that life goes on. Even though I just can't see it right now. How could his mother do this to me? She is a WOMAN...she is married...doesn't she know what it feels like? Has she no clue? No morals? I question if she has ever known love now? Because I know I would never...I am in just total shock right now and I don't think I can take anymore.

[EC]

Jessica is my Co-Worker and couldnt get on I posted for her...I showed her this site. She is a mess right now.

[NiCoLe20]

ok whats done was done and there is no going back to erase it... i understand the pain you feel and how your crying all the time and even though its a way to relieve pain we gotta take that down a notch!!! you can become really sick if you keep crying and finding it hard to breath so here's a lil' suggestion... GO SHOPPING!!! everytime i feel like sh** ill go to the mall walk around a little bit and get some clothes or something... im trying to lighten you up a little bit so dont get mad for me saying to go out to take ur mind of it for a while atleast...theres nothing wrong with that right? its better then sitting around sad you know? hey and there's some cuties out there too if u wanna check some out!! but besides that- even tho ur hurt - i think u should set aside some time and get out for a little bit & get your mind off him.. u gotta start working on urself and here's a start.. well this is what i would do but everyones different...so give it a try if you want... hope u feel better! if i lived around u i wouldve cheered you up if u needed somebody...(im not gay!) but just lending a hand to someone in need i guess u can say... cheer up - turn that frown upside down!! well hope i helped in some sort of way but good luck let us know if anything else happens mmkay?!! take care

[NiCoLe20]

well now u can see where her son inherits his traits from damn what losers

[tiki]

God EC, Jessica, I was sooo f*cking confuzed....lol.

 

At least you have each other.

[EC]

Life is funny...

 

Like I said I showed her this site for advice on other subjects and even forgot her log name. I remember when she first came on and said OMG I hope that all that never happens to me..I guess she jinxed herself.

 

Shes trying to get back on but her boss is a meanie. I still don't know why shes at work?

 

So anyways as an update because I have the inside scoop, his freaking mother knew the whoooole time. I'm sorry but if it was me so many a**es would have been kicked. Grrrr...It makes me so mad. And he never showed up at the spot because he went to go see the other girl. He makes me sick, this other girl is one year younger than I am. What the hell was he doing with her. Well obviously we all know what he was doing but my god!

 

And omg hes here again more flowers...what a loser.

G2G for once something interesting is happening at my job. This is more dramatic than some posts on LS.....

 

OMG he is here with the other girl..WTF????

[Stone]

Call the friggin cops the boss told him not to come back WTF get a Trustpassing warant!!

[Leikela]

Jessica,

 

First, I am sooooo sorry that you are going through this. It is devastating! I know the feeling of you hurting so much emotionally that you physically hurt too. The pain is too much to bear that you'd rather suffer the pain of having your limbs severed rather then the pain from a broken heart.

 

The pain will eventually stop and you'll look back at the events and see the positives from all of this. I know nothing seems positive right now, but the first positive is that you found out before you got married and he can't hurt you anymore. In the meantime, hurt, grieve and get it all out. Most importantly, do things that make you happy. I've also found music to be a great therapy. Stock up on heart breaking songs and just being able to relate to the lyrics and almost kinda "grieve" with the person has helped me in the past.

 

You'll get through this. There is a sunny day ahead after all this rain, you'll see. Trust will take awhile to regain, but you'll get there. Eventually, you'll find a guy that will love you with every fiber of his being. You have this past relationship to compare that too and you'll see and realize just what you were missing.

 

Take care. You'll get there!

[NiCoLe20]

whaaatttt he came there with her? lol this is horrible its like a jerry springer story damn...get the bats start swinging!! strike out them b**ches!!!

[lovesucks]

Jessica,

 

My heart goes out to you. I can almost absorb your pain by just reading your posts. My husband is also cheating on me and we are separated. I know the kind of pain you are going thru but don't give up on yourself. There are plenty people here at LS are supporting you. Meanwhile stay strong and do something that makes YOU feel GOOD now. You need to get away from him or the pain. Perhaps try getting away with your mom for a vacation to refresh your mind may do you good. You will feel stronger and more ready to deal with what's coming ahead of you.

 

Hang in there and do keep us in the loop.

[EC]

Jessica took the rest of the day off today. It was way too much to handle. Jessica and I usually don't speak as much but since this has happened and we have LS in common I feel like I am the only one she can open up to. It's so cool though I have a new friend now. Not just Hi and Bye or petty talk. Everyone at work is gossiping and They all have the story wrong and it's getting on my nerves. I work in a 12 story building and each floor has a different story man.

 

Turns out that the girl is pregnant now but doesn't know if it was Jessica's BF or her own BF who also didn't know this was going on. Who ever wrote Jerry Springer could not have been more correct. I'm praying for her but I would really hate to be in her shoes right now.

 

I'm sorry Jessica if you read this when you get home. You don't only have me you have all of LS with you. I agree with taking a vacation for a while maybe alone or with your mother if you can't handle being alone. I think It would be best and that way the gossip at work can die down and they can forget it and you could have some time to clear your mind and get away from him. Jessica like everyone said it feels like the end of the world but it's not. It may sound dumb but you are lucky. Your young, single, very well off. Beautiful, your own place, you have a career. Imagine you had been pregnant and married already and then had to deal with this. You have no children with him and your not married. He's scum and you could walk away from this and move on.

 

Please keep your head up.

[FreeMe]

I can't believe his mother knew and actually helped in his deceit. She must be one of those mothers who thinks her son can never be wrong.

 

You have to cry. You have to get it all out. Eventually, you'll get to a point when you can't cry anymore. It's going to be awhile before you feel normal. Jmargels stages are a good indicator of how you'll feel. Be selfish. Do whatever you have to make yourself feel better.

[lovesucks]

Absolutely, I got to agree with EternallyConfused. It is NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Believe me, Jessica, I am in a lot worse situation than you are:

 

- You are still single and are still free to leave this relationship anytime you want without having to go thru any legal hassles. I am married and at the verge of considering a divorce and I can just picture going thru the legal settlement will be a nightmare.

 

- I don't know how long you have been with your bf. I have wasted 14 years of my life being committed to this man.

 

- You are young, I suppose. So you still have plenty of choices and chances meeting THE ONE who truly loves you and appreciates you. I am 34, going to be divorced with no children. It is gonna be not as easy as younger women who are in their twenties to start dating again. It's going to feel so different and probably not easy to find the right man for me.

 

- You are surrounded closely by friends and family like your mother who gives you lots of support and comfort. I am now living alone since I moved out a month ago in a foreign country where I have no close friends or family that I can easily seek any support from. The most I can ask for support from close friends and family is by phone.

 

- You have a career. I gave up my career and family back home to follow my husband to come to Paris almost 2 years ago. I stopped working ever since cos' I was ready to have a baby with my husband before the affair happened.

 

My point is, even I still have the power to struggle from nothing to getting my life back on my own, you can do it too, Jessica. It has not been easy at all but I feel much better now than 6 months ago. There is still a long way to go for me but I know I am getting there. He is not your whole world. Remember, whatever happens, you still have your own life, with or without him.

[bnakach]

Hey J.A. how have you been doing? HOw are you coping with all of this? I'm truly sorry about what you had to go through, I don't think that anyone deserves to be treated with so much disrespect like this "man" has done to you. You deserve a lot more than he can or didn't offer. What's happened after this?