Dating a much younger girl :/

[Simon Phoenix]

Im talking about physical ability. Not whether men are more attractive as they get older. And a man being more attractive as he gets older has a lot more to do with security and maturity than physical ability. Which is what we were discussing here.

 

So dont try to sidetrack by bringing up this idea that I dont know about men being attractive when they get older. I never said such a thing.

 

And again, all youve provided is your personal opinion. Only one man have backed up his points with factual stats...ie...me.

 

I've recited plenty of facts in my NFL post. Feel free to backcheck Randy Moss' age in 2007, Charles Woodson's age in 2009 and Calvin Johnson's age last season if you don't believe me. But yeah, you can't fall back on the fact point either. And I completely agree with BlakeShelton's post.

[Shepp]

And a man being more attractive as he gets older has a lot more to do with security and maturity than physical ability. Which is what we were discussing here.

 

So dont try to sidetrack by bringing up this idea that I dont know about men being attractive when they get older. I never said such a thing.

 

I'm pretty sure what we should be discussing here is OP and his relationship! Way to sidetrack a thread!!

[Shepp]

Ronnie,

I have to echo the other users and say that I'm sorry for the loss of your wife.

 

Personally I think that you should bite the bullet - you've waited six years for a girl you connect with and your going to let her walk out of your life based on age?

[kaylan]

I'm pretty sure what we should be discussing here is OP and his relationship! Way to sidetrack a thread!!

Meh, I wasnt the one who originally said how dudes in their 30s outclass men in their 20s.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yep, let's get back to the OP. My apologies.

 

22 and 30 is fine Ronnie. Even if you use the "Half your age plus 7" eliminator, you fit right in. I agree with the poster above me -- you might as well try it out and see how it goes.

[Simon Phoenix]

Meh, I wasnt the one who originally said how dudes in their 30s outclass men in their 20s.

 

You should have. You would have been right

[AMusing]

Hi Ronni,

 

I'd advise you to stay cautious about your relationship and try to move slowly, but don't give up on it out of fear (fear of age difference, her willingness to stay in your town, etc). Very mature 22-year-old women are hard to find, but they do exist. You may have found one, and that's fantastic! Stay excited, don't let unfounded negative thoughts drag down your new relationship.

 

As for worrying she's sacrificing a lot by staying where you live: that's the beauty of being so young. She doesn't yet have mortgages, dependents, a stable career... nothing that would make relocation really hard. Assuming she can find a job in her field where you live, she's not losing that much by sticking around. She's weighed the pros and cons of staying for you, and decided you're worth the gamble. Respect her decision, be grateful for it, but don't let her sacrifice intimidate you.

 

Good luck, I'm happy for you.

 

Also: DID YOU FIND THE DOG?!?

 

I was out running and got caught out in a thunderstorm and bumped into her looking for her dog who'd done a runner - I helped her look, that was the first time we met, I didn't think anything of it at the time only from then on our paths just kept on crossing.

[melodymatters]

OP, you sound like a sweetheart ! I too was widowed and after three yrs made a friend at work, that turned into a lover then a husband. I too had doubts due to the age gap and get this, he is 18 yrs younger than I !

 

We have nothing in common "on paper", but we clicked and the connection level borders on psychic, the attachment level both physically and mentally is insane. Who knows, it may not last forever, as you and I both know : people die young unexpectedly all of the time, but in the meantime I am going to revel in finding such an amazing connection with another human being in the short time I've been given on this earth.

 

My advice is for you to do the same !

[StanMusial]

For non fulltime athletes, one's physical "prime" is far far more dependent on individual genetics, behavior and lifestyle choices over time than any age limits or generalizations, so all the "physical prime" back and forth is silly, and not relevant to OP.

 

Everyone they mentioned are people who earn their living based on their elite-level physical skills and abilities. Indirect relationship at best to what would constitute one's "prime" when it comes to interpersonal romantic relationships for the vast majority of us.

[Run_Ronnie_Run]

22 and 30 is fine Ronnie. Even if you use the "Half your age plus 7" eliminator, you fit right in.[/Quote]

Is that the general rule? Scrape through that don't we!

 

I agree with the poster above me -- you might as well try it out and see how it goes.

Yeah, I like her, I do...I would miss her a lot if we called it off now - I just, I want to do the right thing by Harry, I've always aimed to give him as much stability and normality as I can. On one hand I don't want to jeopardize that but on the other I think, this worlds tough, he knows that better than most 10 year olds but he'll always have me, whatever, and I can date and still be a good date and actually when I see that written down I know that that's the truth, I guess, I've never dated before Lexi was my one and only gf and then I married her, I guess it all seems a bit scary!

[Run_Ronnie_Run]

Very mature 22-year-old women are hard to find, but they do exist. You may have found one, and that's fantastic! Stay excited, don't let unfounded negative thoughts drag down your new relationship. [/Quote]

Yeah very true!!

 

As for worrying she's sacrificing a lot by staying where you live: that's the beauty of being so young. She doesn't yet have mortgages, dependents, a stable career... nothing that would make relocation really hard. Assuming she can find a job in her field where you live, she's not losing that much by sticking around. She's weighed the pros and cons of staying for you, and decided you're worth the gamble. Respect her decision, be grateful for it, but don't let her sacrifice intimidate you

.

Yeah i'd never really looked at it like that!

 

Also: DID YOU FIND THE DOG?!?

Haha aye we did, running round on the beach

[Simon Phoenix]

Is that the general rule? Scrape through that don't we!

 

 

Yeah, I like her, I do...I would miss her a lot if we called it off now - I just, I want to do the right thing by Harry, I've always aimed to give him as much stability and normality as I can. On one hand I don't want to jeopardize that but on the other I think, this worlds tough, he knows that better than most 10 year olds but he'll always have me, whatever, and I can date and still be a good date and actually when I see that written down I know that that's the truth, I guess, I've never dated before Lexi was my one and only gf and then I married her, I guess it all seems a bit scary!

 

I bet Harry wants to see his dad happy and if this girl can do it, he'll be OK. He realizes that you loved his mom and that you are there for him.

[AMusing]

 

Haha aye we did, running round on the beach

 

Awww, then your story gives me even bigger warm fuzzies than before.

[CptSaveAho]

whats this rule of ages? its a bs feminist rule

 

i dont get why theres a 5 page discussion for a guy wanting to pound out some younger girl

 

all the "girls" come in here with rules/age factors etc. YAWN!!! no wonder they are so miserable, single, etc... cant figure it out

 

I dont even get the general topic of this thread either. Quit being a "woman" hit it until you get tired of it and spring on to someone hotter/better/more mature.

[Run_Ronnie_Run]

OP there are prospective issues with every relationship, and unknowns to boot. As a widower, you have experienced some of those unknowns, and should know better than anyone that projecting out into the future is a fool's errand.

Aye that you can say again!

 

Point is it's all contextual, not hard wired to a number. No one can say anything reasonable about her character or attitude, "place in life," due to her age alone, or yours either. Those things are functions of -individuality-, and only you and she are in a position to gauge that.

Yeah totally, I understand that! She is mature, she's got her head screwed on (and I probably stopped mentally growing up at about 12 ) I've got to be honest I don't feel the age gap when we're together.

 

As long as you and this woman enjoy each other, treat each other well, then try not to discount those very valuable, rare things on worries about age alone. Focus on what really matters, and as you know, finding what really matters doesn't just fall in our laps sometimes. When it does, don't second guess. Sounds like you have a great thing going, as long as it's great, keep it going. Good luck.

Yeah that's true!!

[Run_Ronnie_Run]

OP, you sound like a sweetheart !

Thanks

I too was widowed and after three yrs made a friend at work, that turned into a lover then a husband. I too had doubts due to the age gap and get this, he is 18 yrs younger than I

We have nothing in common "on paper", but we clicked and the connection level borders on psychic, the attachment level both physically and mentally is insane. Who knows, it may not last forever, as you and I both know : people die young unexpectedly all of the time, but in the meantime

wow, i'm sorry for your loss and im pleased you found someone. Its nice to hear age gaps can work!

 

I am going to revel in finding such an amazing connection with another human being in the short time I've been given on this [/QUOTE]

Aye that cant be argued with!!

[Run_Ronnie_Run]

I bet Harry wants to see his dad happy and if this girl can do it, he'll be OK. He realizes that you loved his mom and that you are there for him.

Aye, I think that I think that too, deep down. Maybe my brothers right, maybe im just overthinking and overcomplicating.

 

 

Awww, then your story gives me even bigger warm fuzzies than before.

hahah - it would of been a pretty suckish story if we hadn't!

[Object_a]

I have nothing to add except that I really hope it works out for you

[pteromom]

I don't think there is anything wrong with pursuing a relationship with her. See what happens.

 

But - 22 is a strange age for a young woman. Usually sometime in the late 20s, this thing happens where you figure out who you really are and what you want. If your relationship lasts, it is possible that when she goes through this change, that she'll want to stay with you. It's also possible that she will decide she wants to know what it is like to be single or with someone else.

 

But then - you can't make decisions based on fear of what might happen in the future. Sometimes you just have to take a risk.

 

My main concern is for your son. You don't want him to get attached to someone then have them leave. So I would wait until a relationship gets very serious before bringing him into it.

[Run_Ronnie_Run]

But - 22 is a strange age for a young woman. Usually sometime in the late 20s, this thing happens where you figure out who you really are and what you want. If your relationship lasts, it is possible that when she goes through this change, that she'll want to stay with you. It's also possible that she will decide she wants to know what it is like to be single or with someone else.

 

But then - you can't make decisions based on fear of what might happen in the future. Sometimes you just have to take a risk.

 

My main concern is for your son. You don't want him to get attached to someone then have them leave. So I would wait until a relationship gets very serious before bringing him into it.

 

I guess that's what I'm second guessing to some extent - when she's 28 I'll be what like coming up to 37...and I don't want to bring someone into Harry's life for a long time and then like you say hAve them leave. And truth be told, not just for him but for me too, if we get serious I don't know if I can take another heart breaking down the track.

But at the same time I know first hand how stupid it is to predict your future - I swore I'd stay with my wife forever and we'd bring Haz up together and he'd have brothers a sisters and I was just a fool cause your futures not in your hands

I don't know...I don't want to mess her around but I know I'm holding back slightly just cause I can't make up my mind.

[Els]

I didn't go through all 6 pages, sorry.

 

I think that if you're forthcoming and honest with her, and she chooses to be with you, there's nothing wrong with you dating her.

 

I do think that it might be difficult to make things work out for the long term, due to both of you being in very different stages in life. Still, every R has its own hurdles, and if you feel it's worth trying to make this work, by all means go for it.

 

FWIW, I do know a couple who are about the same ages you mention. They seem to respect and treat each other very well, have been together for more than 5 years, and the guy plans to propose to her when she graduates.

 

All the best.

[Nyla]

My husband is 8 years older than me and it works very well for us. For a long time, he was the less mature one. I don't think a 9 year age difference is a huge deal. It is far less cringe worthy than a 20 or 30 year difference.

[Onward_Upward]

All this talk about the age difference is a crock...

 

Who cares?! We're not talking about a 16 year old girl here, she's 22 for heaven's sake!

 

I've met 20 year olds who show enormous maturity, and by the same token I've met 40 year olds who think they're still 20!

 

Couples marry in their 30's and break up two years later, others marry at 18 and remain together forever!

 

Whatever scenario you can think of, has been achieved by someone, somewhere.

 

What matters is NOW... THIS moment in time. And if two adults (whatever their sex, whatever their respective ages) see eye to eye, then so be it... Who cares how they dress, what their backgrounds are, if they're gay, straight, or how "great" the age gap is between them!

 

It's 2013 folks! We're no longer living in the 20th century!

 

Age, like race and sexuality, is IRRELEVANT.

 

Let the man be, and let him live his life the way he CHOOSES.

 

Personally, I say GO FOR IT! Sure, you can take your time about it, just to be sure she's the "right" one, but don't let a number get in the way of your feelings for each other

 

And Ronnie, regarding your late wife, you have my deepest sympathies. When I read that in your original post, my heart went out to you. I'm so sorry...

[MightyHeracross]

Okay so a bit about me:

I'm a widower, I met my gf when I was 8, started dating her at 14, we had our son when I was 20 and got married the following year. She died when I was 24, it broke my heart

 

So flash forward, Im 30, my boy, Harry is 10. We're good me and him, he's my world. I haven't really dated at all (bar a couple of one off first dates) but I guess I do miss being in a relationship, its just ive never met anyone I click with like I did my late wife.

 

So then I met Katie...and I dunno, I just click with her, shes funny and she gets me and...she makes me happy, I guess the last 6 years I've been feeling a bit like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and she just, makes me feel 21 again.

We've been seeing each other for about a month, very casually at first, more seriously now, which is basically whats freaked me out...

 

See theres a whole host of reasons we shouldn't be together: she's only just 22, that's a big big age difference! I've got a son. She's from up north, like the other end of the country and is very close to her family, she was meant to be going back up there at the start of october for good.

How can there be a future in a girl staying miles from home with a guy almost 9 years older than her, who's widowed with a son - its just all to complicated, right?? I dunno, I dunno if im just making excuses cause...cause I actually really like her and, and I guess falling for someone does scare me to some extent.

 

urgh dunno, advice?

 

If you like her and you enjoy being with her, why do you care about the ages?

[Shepp]

I was out running and got caught out in a thunderstorm and bumped into her looking for her dog who'd done a runner - I helped her look, that was the first time we met, I didn't think anything of it at the time only from then on our paths just kept on crossing.

 

don't fight fate bro