Husband Left Suddenly & it's been pretty bad.

[Misadventure]

Yes, I have a foster dog- same one I have had for a while because she acts up like a fiend at every single adoption event or meet and greet. It's like she knows I need to find her a home but she likes to be with me and her furbaby siblings lol.

 

I have been in rescue about 3 yrs now.

 

And good news... seems like we have actual celebrity interest from one or two that are internationally known. When my friend and director told me today, all I could say what "OMFG OMFG, I think I just peed myself." It's just interest, but hey, if a dog lover would just lend his face and voice for a quick 10 second snippet, it would do so much.

 

Second good news, doing make up for an indie film on Saturday. I will be on IMDB finally. I feel like I should never have left the part of me that was into filmmaking and now I have a second chance.

 

I do still need to find a well paying steady position but I feel that this is such an opportunity.

 

As far as my personal life...just hanging out with friends really. I had some invites for "coffee" or drinks but I found myself telling them I am not really free till mid December cause busy with projects... basically my free time I rather spend with friends I guess, or family. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm never going to be able to really put myself out there again, meanwhile two tone cow is cowing it up with every herd he finds.

[Grumpybutfun]

 

As far as my personal life...just hanging out with friends really. I had some invites for "coffee" or drinks but I found myself telling them I am not really free till mid December cause busy with projects... basically my free time I rather spend with friends I guess, or family. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm never going to be able to really put myself out there again, meanwhile two tone cow is cowing it up with every herd he finds.

 

MisA:

Nothing is wrong with you. You are healing and it is prudent to give yourself time. Getting involved in make-up application, doing this commercial for animals are positive things that make you grow as a person. Dating someone new is an experience that you get to have when you are ready, on your own terms and at your convenience. Being alone for a while is good for you because it helps you to value yourself and your abilities without the superfluousness of external distractions.

Congrats on your accomplishments. Ole Grumps is proud of you.

[dumped2013]

The last thing I want to do is go on a date at this point in my life. If I run into someone that knocks me off my feet it might be a different story but for now I'm happy going home to my kitty every night. She is waiting on the counter for me when I walk in and first thing I do is give her some loving and a treat.

[WreckedDan]

MisA,

Just caught up a bit on your thread.. wow, just wow! You are doing amazing and really living life again! I am guessing once the paperwork is topped off you will shed this guy like old dead snake skin and you will be brighter and shinier than ever! Sounds like you had a pretty sweet night out (Thor2 was pretty good), cute Italian chef eh? You are opening up really well.. try not to get down on yourself though, your marriage didn't really fail, it just ended, badly... do things like this ever really end happily? Your transition is rolling along and you are bouncing back really well.. I worry not for you!

 

Bring on more adventures!

Dan

[trippi1432]

MisA - Look at you GO!! :D So proud of how far you've come!! Keep it up girl because the future is going to be bliss for you, I just know it. I love hearing these great things that are coming your way!!

 

Herd/Smerd....who cares?? That two-tone cow pie is just a bunch of bull-hocky.

 

But......LOOK AT YOU!!! It's got to be exciting to be given this opportunity and not even just that, getting back a part of you, things you love to do. That IS wonderful. I can't wait to hear more. Keep it up!!

[littlejaz]

You go girl. I hope you know what an inspiration you are. I can't wait to hear what is next for you. There will always be setbacks, but you are on your way to a beautiful life. If you can, post your spot on youtube so we can all see it.

 

As for your STBXH, don't worry he will never be truly happy because he will never know himself, accept himself or love himself, so you have already won because you will go on to be a happy, fulfilled, loving woman. Good things are on your horizon.:):)

[revitup]

MsA, you are a STAR!

 

I think it's super cool that you are tackling a new area in life-film!

 

You will do great at this,the passion you show in your posts will now be directed into something you already like and care about.

 

It's really cool to hear your excitement in your posts...it comes through.I am certain that will also be the case in your film and production venture.

 

Keep it up and stay passionate.

 

REVITUP

[Grumpybutfun]

MisA:

Just checking in on you as I know holidays can be rough when going through he!!. I hope you founds some peace and he has left you alone and not harassed you any further. Let us know how you are doing, and how your new project is working out.

Best,

Grumps

[Canadiangirl78]

MisA;

 

I have been following your story from the beginning and WOW! Look at you go! I just wanted to drop you a line to say that you now have the strength, power and courage to change the direction of your life and it has been a beautiful journey to watch. Of course not everyday is a good day, but damn don't those good days feel good?! Thank you for sharing your story with all of us here. You're sure one tough cookie!!

 

I wish you all the best in life today, tomorrow and always! Xo

[revitup]

That's how it goes I guess....MsA becomes a huge success in the movie biz and just vanishes from all of us here in the land of the lonely:).

 

Just kidding - How is life today MsA?

 

You still matter BTW!

 

REVITUP

Edited December 4, 2013 by revitup
To see if Trippi notices

[Canadiangirl78]

Lol! I was thinking the same thing Rev! She will be back, unless she's decided to go NC on us! Haha! Glad she's keeping busy and doing well, gives me some much needed hope..

[Misadventure]

Hi Guys! No, I wish...So sorry for being away. I jumped back into rescue immediately after the last time I posted. There was a big kill list and I knew I could help. So thats what I did, videos, social media, etc and then shortly after, a rescue who I used to trust moved back to town.. and she was hoarding 81 dogs!!!

 

Most of which I knew...

 

It was several weeks working on that...then the foster situations, one of which I am tending to tonight... work is eh... film stuff.... well, the clip is done but not edited right, will have to be re-filmed.. and then the release date is now pushed back.

 

Back in end of Oct, beginning of Nov, I had submitted all the financials to my lawyer for financial affidavit... since then I called several times every week for a status check...and got the assistant or a voice mail saying everything was fine.

 

Today I look up my case online and I see:

 

Motion To Compel DISCOVERY AND MANDATORY DISCLOSURE (STBC's name)

 

So basically on my end...something was not done. Am I in trouble????

 

Can it default on me?????

 

Short of me going without an appt to atty's office, I have just been calling.

 

So what do I do now?? Am I in trouble, freaking out??? Can it be defaulted on me...??

 

And btw he put his net after taxes on his financials... is it supposed to be gross?

 

He makes 66k almost 67 and he put down he makes 58k? Also all that he is putting that he pays for supposedly....makes him have 300-400 left over which is a lie.

 

I just don't know alot about thus stuff and I am started to feel really screwed.

[Misadventure]

Ah yes.. and btw no dates.... I haven't even felt like it.

[dumped2013]

Girl,

So good that you checked in. You need to get your lawyer involved.

[Misadventure]

I am freaking out!!! Do I have to go to court over this?

 

I plan on going to lawyer tomorrow morning... sometimes I have gone and waited.. just for assistant to tell me everything is fine and on schedule...and then I see this!!

[trippi1432]

Hi Miss A, glad you came back to give an update. I wish I knew more about the law...my divorce was relatively easy compared to some nightmares I've read about.

 

I do find it interesting that he is the one lying about his income and then his lawyer is filing the motion to compel as if you haven't disclosed everything or turned in the paperwork...typically if you fail to disclose, the opposing attorney can file the motion to compel in which you may have to pay the attorney fees.

 

Please do sit right in your attorney's office tomorrow and demand some answers. In my first divorce, my exH filed the papers three years after we split up. A lot of the facts in those documents were inaccurate, so I hired an attorney to correct them and send in an answer to the response. I was surprised when I got the final papers and they were HIS papers in which no amendments had been made. My attorney refused to see me when I inquired as to why she didn't get my paperwork into the court, she also had a complaint filed against her with the Bar Association.

 

Lawyers are only as perfect as their staff and, most likely, it's not been the lawyer who has been gathering together all these documents to comply to the disclosure. They typically rely on their staff to put the file together.

 

Sounds like someone didn't get your file to the attorney on time to comply with the disclosure due date. I would definitely be in my attorney's office the next day asking why and not accepting less than a definitive answer in how they are going to handle this....including making your attorney's office eat the billable charges and your STBX's attorney fees which his side can ask for in a motion to compel. Never forget to protect your own interests first...that even includes those on a retainer.

[RightThere]

And btw he put his net after taxes on his financials... is it supposed to be gross?

 

Definitely supposed to be gross amounts. Make sure your lawyer knows this but it should be apparent to the judge when he provides the back up evidence for it.

[trippi1432]

Hi Miss A - Hope you are doing okay. Did you get an answer from your attorney on the Motion to Compel?

[Misadventure]

So right after I spoke to you last.. I did go to my lawyer.. guess what they were typing up.. my financial affidavit..so I needed to go and sign. I went and I reviewed and signed it..then I asked and made sure that I wasn't going to have any fees. I put my paperwork in a while back...they said no fees. Then they said I owed $1500... they said by this time we should have gone to court already to get lawyer fees and that has not happened.. so for me to pay..and I will get reimbursed if it swings my way...This was DAYS before Christmas. I told them I don't have it. They were fine taking a little less than half and will go from there...

 

The next step is actual mediation.... Do you know if mediation happens in the same room together??

 

So then....my best friend comes to my house last Friday night..guess who she got a call from.. My stbx.

 

He called her that day, saying hi, wanting to see how things were.. and she asked him why he was calling her and he said she was the only one of my friends who was friends with both of us who had not declared war on him. Officially she had not because she stays away from FB but she doesn't like him.. but she was curious so she stayed on the phone, and said that she understood why my friends and family have said what they said...

 

She asked "So did you find those butterflies yet?"

 

He said "No.. I don't know if I will ever find butterflies again...things aren't like I thought they would be."

 

She said "Grass isn't as green as you thought. huh?"

 

Thats what she remembered verbatim...the rest basically sums up to him feeling lonely, he does WANT someone and WANTS to be with someone as he is not anymore...he is finding that most women his age range are divorced, a single mom, smoke, or don't have his political beliefs or like to do the same stuff he does. He doesn't want any of that....he wants his OWN child etc with someone.

 

So now his age range.. he is looking at is 21-27... seriously?? wtf?? That's my BABY sister's age range!! I literally grew sick to my stomach about that.

 

Then he had the nerve to ask how I am.. if I have met the guy of my dreams yet.. if I was dating anyone, sleeping with anyone...he asked her saying he knew we have been out..and she said that yes we have, and yes, men hit on me but that I wasn't interested at that time....

 

He goes on to tell her that every Friday he goes out with his buddies from work drinking and on Saturday and Sunday he takes long walks through parks to clear his head but that he does want to be with someone again, he IS looking..

 

She asked how his side of the divorce is going, he said that he barely hears from his lawyer..that he doesn't care as much as he did before..he said "She is going for everything I have!!" She told him that I wasn't alot like most women but that I was the same in the sense that if you break my heart I am going to go for the money. He said that in mediation "I am going to ask for everything she asks for"..... Great... so this will be a mature mediation....

 

He also mentioned to her that he wants to have his space again to live in but he doesn't want to live in the house if I am not in it.. that he will come back to live until he can sell it.

 

She said out of her own curiosity she wanted to know what BIG LIE he always thought I had said...he said it was the two big reasons he left (besides having shamu on the side..yes, I am being mean.. because it makes me very mad)...I hadn't had a baby yet and he wants to be a father...and he feels I sabotaged a position that I applied for by not writing the resume in the way he wanted me to write it (never mind that I actually went to college and had done HIS resume many times for him in the past)... These things added up to no butterflies and him up and leaving in the way he did.

 

It hurt me to hear all this.. but also somewhat... as a closure. He is a self centered, controlling, pig rat B@st@rd of a man.. and I hope whoever he sleeps with him next.. LAUGHS at him for his shortcomings and premature moments.

 

My best friend is an optimist.. she said she left herself as a bridge in case he wanted to call her...for me. I told her I don't want his a$$...but I admit, it would be nice for him to apologize just so I can tell him to go die and die slowly.

 

That night I decided something.. I am going to sell my engagement ring and wedding band. Its the most beautiful ring I ever have seen. But I can't even look at it. I need money.. and this would sell at a good price if I can get it. I am also going to sell all the jewelry he has given me over the years. I can't wear it, it still hurts. I might as well sell it. Going to get it appraised and sell to a jewelry probably in January.

___________________________________________

 

Christmas:

 

It was ok... I only cried once. It didn't hurt all day like I thought it would be. I think right now I am more anxious about the unknown... the future... cost of living, divorce settlement..where am I going to live.. my dogs.. what is going to happen to me...But I can only worry about now.. so just going to do that for now.

 

So.. that's where I am.

[trippi1432]

Hi Miss A - Reading that commentary between him and your friend, I'm left with this:

 

:eek: What an over-inflated egotistical and maniacal SOB your stbx is!!! :mad:

 

Personally, I think I would have bought him a Christmas prezzie....a nice, little, anatomically correct female blow up doll and sent it to him....sheesh!! Poor guy can't find his butterflies...pity. His two "reasons" for divorce have to be the most insane reasons I've ever heard. Please know that you dodged a bullet of decades of misery with this moron....none of his "reasons" are even plausible for asking for a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. You should be asking for a divorce based on infidelity, abandonment ...etc.

 

I'm not familiar with mediation, I didn't have that in my divorce. My exH knew he had stepped out of the marriage bounds and committed adultery, he also had signed a pre-nupt and we always said the person who cheated would be the one to go away and not ask for anything. I do wish now that we had mediated the joint debt, but I wanted him to just be gone and a distant memory so I took that on as not to completely be financially ruined by him.

 

Your stbx is living in a fantasy world in his own head....but there are plenty enough young girls out there with no self-respect that I'm sure something will come along for him. He should be careful what he asks for, he may get more than he bargained for.

 

For you though Miss A, I hope you can look at this for what it is and be glad for that bullet you dodged, you deserve so much better. Keep on the attorneys as they sometimes need reminding (even at the rates they charge) and make sure they itemize their billable time, keep a record of it even if they charge for keeping the record so you can bring it up in court and ask the judge to make him pay your fees. I'd hurl everything at him so fast his head spins.

 

Keep your head up!! Hugs!!

[Misadventure]

Hi Miss A - Reading that commentary between him and your friend, I'm left with this:

 

:eek: What an over-inflated egotistical and maniacal SOB your stbx is!!! :mad:

 

 

Yes!!!!!! Seriously.. and what was his real reasoning in calling my friend.. another act of manipulation?? Or is he THAT "lonely" that he is calling one of my best friends?!

 

Does he honestly think I will feel bad for him? REALLY?

 

My friend said he sounded really bad and like he finally realized all he lost and he sounded very lonely. Perhaps it's immature but my words were BOO HOO...Good! I want him to feel the loneliness and have it weigh on him. He STILL takes no responsibility for his actions and sees everything as the things I did or didn't do that ate at him... effing sorry a$$ excuses and like you said, the sorriest reasons for divorcing someone.

 

I DO feel like I dodged a bullet but I am still hurt... I know I am finally getting some kind of closure cause I at least know his "reasons".

 

I do want him to come back to the house after everything is final and feel the pain of what he has done. He has NO friends over here.. NO FAMILY...NO DOGS...He will have to come to this empty house day in and out.. and I want him to feel that crushing and hurt. He really did break me and hurt me so badly... I am glad I am not broken on the floor crying anymore, and pathetic, asking him to give things a chance. I am no longer that pathetic fool who loves him and wants that. Now I just want him to feel pain.. and the pain of money coming out of his account in one way or another.

 

I know it sounds bitter...hurt.. and maybe that is what I am.. but I sure will feel a lot better knowing he has to feel even a portion of what I went through and still am to some extent.

 

I do want to get over this and move on.. and I DO want to forget him.

[revitup]

Hey lady,

 

Happy New Year!

 

It's good to see you're posting again.Good to see an update.

 

It sounds like your stbx is "sniffing" to me.Maybe he would like to "feel" he still has some sort of hold over you.Calling your girlfriend was an attempt to send a signal or get into your mind during the holidays.This is because he has experienced reality and also lost his "safety net" - you.

 

They always trade down.He is no exception.

 

His 25 - 27 yr old comment was intended to get to cause you to ponder.Maybe Miley Cyrus is available?

 

As for your friend's comments to him....tell her to tell him you are twerking like a rock star and just out of control!;)

 

Keep above the fray and keep rising to your full potential.You have came a long way and have grown too smart to fall for his mind games any longer.

 

As for the future and your finances,I see it being better than ever.Money is important and financial stresses are spooky right now.Change doesn't feel too good either.Your skills and mindset are very rare,many people would be happy to change places with you and have the opportunity to make the life they always dreamed about.

 

Your future is going to be different,all of our futures are going to be different.It's one of the most certain things we can count on in this life.

 

You will find a way to do this and I think it will be the most exciting and rewarding way imaginable.The challenges you didn't deserve will be the very reason you will be so prosperous in 2014 and beyond.You're just a baby.Your real life is about to take off and my only concern is that you be able to handle the prosperity and joy you have been denied before.

 

Other than that, You matter.You are important.You are special.You are valuable.You are an asset.You are awesome.You are someone's dream come true!

 

Now don't let me down,I've never been wrong in my life.Just ask those who hate me for being me.

 

REVITUP

[No Limit]

I've fleetingly read through this entire thread, and WOW. Honestly, you should print it out, write some details every now and then and afterwards sell it as a book. Many left wives would be glad to read it, 'cause many are or were in the same situation.

 

And that call from your ex? He's weak. He gave up on everything and now he fears you might take his last plate away, and to be honest considering the way he treated you I would have done so. Or at the very least no fair and square sharing.

Because what he probably still doesn't realize is that you were his option, the greatest option he could have ever found. That's what marriage is all about, securing the best option you've ever had and are certain of.

 

Just keep it up and for the fun update this when your ex is getting weak and tries to contact people. I just wonder what the hell he thinks he's doing. The girls in the age range he's looking at would run away screaming if he ever mentioned getting a baby, not even as roleplay. He's have better chances with women aging from 40 - 50 despite high age causing problems during pregnancy.

Some men behave so stupidly it's a true shame for the good ones. Heck, it's a shame for humanity.

 

And seeing how you're doing - keep it up. And while it might still be to early for you to begin a relationship with someone, just think of someone who will love you as much as you loved your garbage-half-male just a few months ago. He's out there, the real prince with shining armour.

Edited December 27, 2013 by No Limit

[Misadventure]

Rev, I needed to hear that and I wrote down what you said so I an POST IT to my mirror.. I need to remind myself of these things. I am scared of the unknown alot... I wish I wasn't. In a couple weeks, doing make up again for the same director for his next project. But it's not an income.. and the income I make is so not even close what I need to... I worry about where am I do and with my dogs too. I have interviewed for at least 22 positions.. some say I am over qualified, some say not enough, some wonder if it's what I want to do....aye vaye! So.. I am going to have to squeeze him for every drop I can for the pinch he left me in. Diary of a Mad Black woman was on the other day and I was so rooting her on. Apparently, he believes he will trade up...

 

NoLimit, I actually have thought about that too. Writing, I love, and I can do it, I firmly know I can. I think I could really write something that will let both men and women know they are not alone, while at the same time make them laugh their a$$es off and let them see it does get better after day one. The hard part is finding a book agent who will accept me to shop it around. Just the cow looking p-e-n-!-s ongoing comment alone is worth it.

 

I said to myself and it still lingers in my mind.. why did he call my best friend? I start to try and figure it out, and bottom line.. it's manipulation. I need to stop because he is the same two tone ********* that left me without a moment's thought. If he is suddenly lonely and realizes that grass is indeed not greener, I want him to feel more of that...the one thing he doesn't feel yet as evidence of his conversation... GUILT... and he should.

[K Os]

The hard part is finding a book agent who will accept me to shop it around.

 

You don't really need one of these any more. The world of publishing has changed radically in the past few years and you really can do it yourself. My father has been successfully writing books for around 45 years and he's finally decided to quit using publishers and agents and just do it all himself. The technology and platforms are there, you just have to use them.