Mme. Chaucer Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 No need to lie or hide. Just don't bring it up. Women do it with their sexual history all the time. If we're talking about stand-up people rather than loserly sleazebags, they will not lie about it or hide. They will either tell the truth, or say something along the lines of "none of your beeswax." If either is unacceptable, the other person is free to walk away. When I've dated a man in a serious way, if either one of us felt that an aspect of our past would be significant to our relationship and potential for a future, we would be honest about it. "Numbers" have not been important to me or my partners. Ethics around sexuality have. Personally I would date a guy who had used escorts in his past ONLY if he had evolved to a place where he seriously regretted his past choices. I don't have issues around prostitution per se, but I do not view sex and / or intimacy with another human being as things to be bought and sold, from the standpoint of my PERSONAL code of ethics. Most men who do believe that closeness with women is for sale are … correct in the world of prostitution. But from my own perspective they have a huge disconnect with MY idea of sexual intimacy. So we would not match well, at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 The problem is that nothing I do works. Evertime I ask out a girl I get rejected. I have had over 100 rejections in a row. If I used escorts to relieve tension while I was struggling, would that change some womens perspective? Don't make your decision based on what some women MIGHT think. Look honestly into your own heart and see if that is a good choice for YOU to make. So far, with your track record, sorry to say that it's kind of a moot point what women will think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 No, I absolutely would not. Categorically, no. Period. I don't care the circumstances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Your partner asks you this question, point blank : " Could you, please, tell me more about your past? Have you ever had ONS, FWB, been with an escort, hooked up with any of your friends that we both interact with?" . And you're telling me that the best policy in this instance is to play dumb, lie by omission or straight up answer a big, fat " No"? ... What a great idea! Thanks for the generalization, by the way! Whenever a girl asks me this question, I always say: "I don't talk about these things. I don't ask you about your history, you don't ask about mine." I never had someone fight me for the answer, they all respected it. In fact, some even thought that was a great answer. To add to that, I'm quite private about a lot of things in my life. I often use this line early on in relationships, "sorry, I'm kind of private on things. We're not going to discuss this." After a few times of that, the girls just learn to respect my space and privacy. So when the question arises about sex stuff, I just don't tell them. They never care to ask again afterward . So yes, just don't tell them! I never had experience with escorts int he past, but if I did, I wouldn't EVER consider telling someone that. Keep that **** to yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 (edited) I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. On some of the previous threads on here, several women clearly got defensive and angry when some of the men said (or at least when the women interpreted what some of the men said) that a woman going through a "slutty" period in her past was grounds for dumping in the future. How judgemental of us guys! And yet women on here are taking a hard-line stance on the escort thing. Hmmmm. Edited July 16, 2013 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Whenever a girl asks me this question, I always say: "I don't talk about these things. I don't ask you about your history, you don't ask about mine." I never had someone fight me for the answer, they all respected it. I would've told you that was a deal-breaker to me... if you wouldn't share your past, we couldn't move forward. If you still chose not to, that would've been our last date. Some women prefer openness... those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing Chances are girls who asked probably didn't care that much about the answer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I would've told you that was a deal-breaker to me... if you wouldn't share your past, we couldn't move forward. If you still chose not to, that would've been our last date. Some women prefer openness... those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing Chances are girls who asked probably didn't care that much about the answer I agreee with this 100% so long as it's a couple months + into the courtship when things are progressing. I'd certainly be turned off a heavy question like that a few dates in. Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Man here, never paid for sex, never will, been to strip clubs a handful of times with friends, never gave a stripper money. That's just me though. A woman with my same views might be bothered, others will not and just see it as part of your sexual past, no harm done. Like others have said, why volunteer this? It sounds like YOU are experiencing some guilt assuming you have done this and would project that on a future mate... Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. On some of the previous threads on here, several women clearly got defensive and angry when some of the men said (or at least when the women interpreted what some of the men said) that a woman going through a "slutty" period in her past was grounds for dumping in the future. How judgemental of us guys! And yet women on here are taking a hard-line stance on the escort thing. Hmmmm. The past is in the past. Unless it involves using an escort/prostitue. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. On some of the previous threads on here, several women clearly got defensive and angry when some of the men said (or at least when the women interpreted what some of the men said) that a woman going through a "slutty" period in her past was grounds for dumping in the future. How judgemental of us guys! And yet women on here are taking a hard-line stance on the escort thing. Hmmmm. Apples and oranges. I also wouldn't knowingly date someone who'd cheated. The way a person views and values sex itself as well as the opposite sex's body doesn't usually change over time. A person who'd ever hire a prostitute simply doesn't value sex the same way I do. I wouldn't date a reformed manslut or cheater for the same reason. But a guy who'd hire a prostitute does value sex the way a whore/slut does. THAT's hypocrisy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Prostitution Statistics Here are prostitution statistics in the U.S. showing 92% of prostitutes want to leave the profession. Some studies show higher than that. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. On some of the previous threads on here, several women clearly got defensive and angry when some of the men said (or at least when the women interpreted what some of the men said) that a woman going through a "slutty" period in her past was grounds for dumping in the future. How judgemental of us guys! And yet women on here are taking a hard-line stance on the escort thing. Hmmmm. From what I understand, the view of using an escort for sex implies that they view women as nothing but a sexual commodity whenever they are horny - whereas a "slutty" period is between people who are just having sex. Also a lot of women assume that all men are capable of getting sex the way that they can also get it. They aren't much wrong, a lot of guys can - they just tell themselves they can't. I find it quite funny aswell, but that's because I don't think seeing an escort is that disgusting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I call bull****. Oh, I guess we should believe a troll on the internet instead of published statistics from reliable sources. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Get real. That isn't a dealbreaker. Any smart guy would just call a session with an escort a relationship. Eh, it's been a deal-breaker for me in the past. Some women have higher expectations than others and enough self-esteem not to settle for less. Oh, and I'd call that a liar... not a smart guy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I agreee with this 100% so long as it's a couple months + into the courtship when things are progressing. I'd certainly be turned off a heavy question like that a few dates in. Agreed. That's not first-date conversation material! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. On some of the previous threads on here, several women clearly got defensive and angry when some of the men said (or at least when the women interpreted what some of the men said) that a woman going through a "slutty" period in her past was grounds for dumping in the future. How judgemental of us guys! And yet women on here are taking a hard-line stance on the escort thing. Hmmmm. Did you write down a list of names and compare who said what? I have no interest in being with someone who is into ONS, FWB, etc., either. I haven't engaged in those behaviors myself, so no hypocrisy there. I've never hired an escort and would never want to be with a man who did. I don't understand what's confusing about this. If you asked me to compare ONS, FWB, and prostitution according to my own personal belief system, you'd find that I don't consider them all to be equal or interchangeable. That a man would have a few ONS throughout his life says one thing. That a man would hire a few prostitutes throughout his life says another. Just because some people view them as being the "same thing" doesn't mean we all do. I imagine some women (and men) here have no problem at all with ONS/FWB but have a problem with prostitution. In that case, it's kind of like saying, "Well, you guys were all complaining that it's judgmental to criticize someone for where they went to college, but now you're aaaaaaall about being judgmental when we're discussing robbing banks! I thought the past didn't matter, ladies! :rolleyes:" Obviously using hyperbole to exaggerate my point here, but I hope you get what I'm saying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 'It's like you sign a contract to be raped' | World news | The Guardian Here is what life is like for women working in legal brothels in Nevada. Link to post Share on other sites
Pompeii Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Your partner asks you this question, point blank : " Could you, please, tell me more about your past? Have you ever had ONS, FWB, been with an escort, hooked up with any of your friends that we both interact with?" . And you're telling me that the best policy in this instance is to play dumb, lie by omission or straight up answer a big, fat " No"? ... What a great idea! Thanks for the generalization, by the way! Someone could ask me "Could you please steal money for me from a bank?" Why would I say or do something just because someone asks me to? I would give them a big fat "no" or just say "I'd rather not". Same thing with being a virgin, if someone asks me, I'd just lie with a big, fat "NO". Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I would've told you that was a deal-breaker to me... if you wouldn't share your past, we couldn't move forward. If you still chose not to, that would've been our last date. Some women prefer openness... those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing Chances are girls who asked probably didn't care that much about the answer Why would my past be that interesting to you? How does it show you what kind of person I am now? I try and not judge someone on whom they WERE, I judge them on who they ARE. It seems like you'd be digging for trouble or material that turns you off if you're asking about their past. I try and avoid conversations about previous relationships, courtships, etc. It can only do one thing-- leave you with a sour taste in your mouth. When have you ever asked someone about their past and felt like the person exemplified some sort of excellence? If they tell you they had x amount of girlfriends, you might think "oh, he had too many, what a commitment phobe," or "oh, he didn't have many. what's wrong with him?" If he had y amount of sex partners, "oh, he's a manslut. who wants that? does he cheat?" or "only that many? why is he so undesirable?" or better yet, what if the man has little amount of girlfriends and high amount of sexual partners, what does that say? Simply better not to ask. Like I said, that's why I keep things private. Ignorance is bliss. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pompeii Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Absolutely! I was a virgin when I met my current boyfriend. It's not like I lacked opportunites, believe me! I was and still am sought after, I didn't and still don't care. I was straight-forward from the very beginning with my bf. Very early, I told him verbatim : " I am a virgin. I am waiting for a deep connection and a respectuful, loving, meaningful "something". I know some guys do not want to deal with virgins. If such is the case for you, the door is behind you...". That was me being honest and open. I made a choice, I stick by it and I do not hide it from people. I gave my bf the choice! Besides, what's wrong with being a virgin male? ... Nothing! If I told a woman that crap, she'd drop me faster than a hot potato. Nothing screams "clingy guy" than those words. A woman being a virgin is not nearly the same as a man being a virgin. Female virginity is put on a pedestal in many cultures, while male virginity is seen as shameful. Men usually pursue and women usually accept or reject, so if a man fails to lose it is a sign that he is a pussy and/or undesirable to women. Women usually want guys that other girls have been with (I've seen it many times) over guys women tend to pass over. I will never forget the amount of times a woman calls a guy a "manwhore" with a slight smirk on her face. If anything, it's a compliment. Sleeping with a lot of women takes quite a lot of effort, especially if they are of a good degree of physical attractiveness. As a male virgin, I will tell you that it doesn't feel that great. That's why I've made the decision to pursue being elite in my career instead. That way if a woman ever becomes attracted to me, I know it will be for my money instead of being for me. I'd dismiss her so fast it'll make her head spin. Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Lets say you meet a guy who has a great personality, good job, and not ugly. Later after dating for a whole you find out the he used escorts in the past. He did not do it while in any relationships, just when he was single. He has been tested and is clean. Would you overlook his past? I would have flat out said no in the past, but everything changes with the right person 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Most women wouldn't, but its not because most women think prostitution is wrong. Oh no, the biggest supporters of its legalization I know are female. It's because women feel a guy who has to "pay for it" is undesirable and most women won't date a man like that Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Lets say you meet a guy who has a great personality, good job, and not ugly. Later after dating for a whole you find out the he used escorts in the past. He did not do it while in any relationships, just when he was single. He has been tested and is clean. Would you overlook his past? THAT guy? Sure, why not....? You? No. You have so many hang-ups and insecurities, I think I'd end up being your unpaid shrink. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pompeii Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Stating the obvious yet it isn't obvious to dummies so it has to be restated. My 50 year old virgin coworker won't go to an escort. What a dummy he is. If I was a virgin at that age and worked at a dead-end job, I'd probably just go have sex with as many prostitutes as possible and then jump off a bridge or something because that means that I'd have ****ed my life up somewhere along the line. If you aren't getting laid you better be working some high-paying, high-status job. Because at that point if you don't have either career or family, you're better of dead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 My coworker refuses and we laugh about him. He's totally beta and just spent $150 on a meal with an ugly 60 year old and she wouldn't even let him kiss her on the cheek. Well, at least he's dating someone who actually WANTS to be with him, rather than paying someone to pretend to like you for an hour, which is totally pathetic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts