Women, would you date a guy who had used escorts in the past?

[Eclypse]

In Australia prostitution is legal in brothels. That means here there is security, everything is tight and you won't get raped and killed in an alleyway. If you decide to go on the street... then you will have issues. But there's no need to be a streetwalker here since you can do it legally and safely. Of course the mere act of having sex with others for money is pretty gross. Yes they can make money, but I am fairly certain that most johns don't look like Richard Gere. You really are dealing with the dredges of society for the most part really.

 

For OP, I asked my girlfriend, she said if I had been to hookers she wouldn't want to be with me because it's gross.

[Arabella]

Short answer for this question... No.

 

And to me, there's no difference between a prostitute or an ONS.

[Auguria]

Whether we agree with prostitution or not aside... I can't believe so many of you guys are suggesting that OP doesn't disclose such information to his/her SO. If SO asks about OP's past, it is because he/she wants/needs to know. Why can't OP be honest, sincere, transparent?

 

I would not want to have a romantic relationship with a man that has used escorts/prostitutes in the past. I wouldn't want to have a romantic relationship with someone who used escorts ever. I have my own moral compass and if my relationship with OP, for instance, seriously progresses, it is because I believe that he hasn't used any escorts at any point of his life.

 

Depriving me of said information is very low as I am stripped away of my own choice of what I want in a partner. Let aside the talk about how good of a man he is now, how loving, sweet, attentionate etc he is with me... I still want to have the truth when I ask him about him using an escort/prostitute at any point. I want the partner that I deserve/desire, damn it! I should be aware of any past actions that would make me question my connection to my SO.

 

Preach honesty and deal with all past mistakes/ shortcomings in an open manner, not burrying them in a mountain of disappointment for the one you supposedly love.

[ThaWholigan]

Whether we agree with prostitution or not aside... I can't believe so many of you guys are suggesting that OP doesn't disclose such information to his/her SO. If SO asks about OP's past, it is because he/she wants/needs to know. Why can't OP be honest, sincere, transparent?

 

I would not want to have a romantic relationship with a man that has used escorts/prostitutes in the past. I wouldn't want to have a romantic relationship with someone who used escorts ever. I have my own moral compass and if my relationship with OP, for instance, seriously progresses, it is because I believe that he hasn't used any escorts at any point of his life.

 

Depriving me of said information is very low as I am stripped away of my own choice of what I want in a partner. Let aside the talk about how good of a man he is now, how loving, sweet, attentionate etc he is with me... I still want to have the truth when I ask him about him using an escort/prostitute at any point. I want the partner that I deserve/desire, damn it! I should be aware of any past actions that would make me question my connection to my SO.

 

Preach honesty and deal with all past mistakes/ shortcomings in an open manner, not burrying them in a mountain of disappointment for the one you supposedly love.

Would you date him if he was a virgin and honest about it?

 

Be honest

[Auguria]

Would you date him if he was a virgin and honest about it?

 

Be honest

 

Absolutely!

I was a virgin when I met my current boyfriend. It's not like I lacked opportunites, believe me! I was and still am sought after, I didn't and still don't care. I was straight-forward from the very beginning with my bf. Very early, I told him verbatim : " I am a virgin. I am waiting for a deep connection and a respectuful, loving, meaningful "something". I know some guys do not want to deal with virgins. If such is the case for you, the door is behind you...". That was me being honest and open. I made a choice, I stick by it and I do not hide it from people. I gave my bf the choice!

 

Besides, what's wrong with being a virgin male? ... Nothing!

[ThaWholigan]

Absolutely!

I was a virgin when I met my current boyfriend. It's not like I lacked opportunites, believe me! I was and still am sought after, I didn't and still don't care. I was straight-forward from the very beginning with my bf. Very early, I told him verbatim : " I am a virgin. I am waiting for a deep connection and a respectuful, loving, meaningful "something". I know some guys do not want to deal with virgins. If such is the case for you, the door is behind you...". That was me being honest and open. I made a choice, I stick by it and I do not hide it from people. I gave my bf the choice!

 

Besides, what's wrong with being a virgin male? ... Nothing!

 

You'd think that - problem is not everybody believes there isn't a problem. It's something I had to deal with, girls who knew I was inexperienced didn't want to date me. It's a little different for guys.

 

Fortunately for me, I don't let things like that bother me - as a result, I am no longer a virgin, albeit after a long time. It takes a certain mentality to pull it off. But I'm not oblivious to how difficult it can be when you pass a certain age. I am from a place where everybody gets laid and into relationships, so I was an outlier of sorts, but from what I've read outside of my own reality, the difficulty I experienced exists elsewhere. Hell, they make movies about it now ever since 40 year old virgin!

 

I try to give the advice and uplift as a result, because I feel it's beneficial to be a little positive about it. But if nobody wants to date you because you lack experience, and hence cannot get experience to even be in a relationship or dating or having sex, then paying to see an escort will look like an attractive offer - even I had considered the possibility before deciding against. I don't think women should dismiss that, much in the same way I tell the bitter guys to empathise with women's struggles.

[Auguria]

-- said every woman ever whilst not actually being faced with the prospect of being with a virgin male over, say, 21.

 

I am not saying it is easy to be a virgin male... I am not and have never been a virgin male. I was a virgin woman. Our experiences, of course, cannot be the same.

But as it turns out, I, Auguria, would not refuse to have a relationship with a male virgin solely because he is a virgin. But again, I value emotional connection a whole lot more than say sexual experience.

[Els]

Nope. Nothing wrong with seeing an escort, per se. But I'm entitled to my own preferences, just as anyone else is to theirs. I have no problem dating virgins.

 

I don't know any woman who would prefer a guy whose sole experience was with an escort, over a guy with no experience. Yes, there are women who don't want to date virgins, but even those women are unlikely to see you as any better than a virgin if your only sexual encounter was with an escort. And that's assuming the best-case scenario of those women being fine with escorts in the first place.

[ThaWholigan]

Nope. Nothing wrong with seeing an escort, per se. But I'm entitled to my own preferences, just as anyone else is to theirs. I have no problem dating virgins.

 

I don't know any woman who would prefer a guy whose sole experience was with an escort, over a guy with no experience. Yes, there are women who don't want to date virgins, but even those women are unlikely to see you as any better than a virgin if your only sexual encounter was with an escort. And that's assuming the best-case scenario of those women being fine with escorts in the first place.

Thus is the paradox

 

Catch 22!

 

The only way forward is to read my thread in my sig. Do it!

[Auguria]

You'd think that - problem is not everybody believes there isn't a problem. It's something I had to deal with, girls who knew I was inexperienced didn't want to date me. It's a little different for guys.

 

Fortunately for me, I don't let things like that bother me - as a result, I am no longer a virgin, albeit after a long time. It takes a certain mentality to pull it off. But I'm not oblivious to how difficult it can be when you pass a certain age. I am from a place where everybody gets laid and into relationships, so I was an outlier of sorts, but from what I've read outside of my own reality, the difficulty I experienced exists elsewhere. Hell, they make movies about it now ever since 40 year old virgin!

 

I try to give the advice and uplift as a result, because I feel it's beneficial to be a little positive about it. But if nobody wants to date you because you lack experience, and hence cannot get experience to even be in a relationship or dating or having sex, then paying to see an escort will look like an attractive offer - even I had considered the possibility before deciding against. I don't think women should dismiss that, much in the same way I tell the bitter guys to empathise with women's struggles.

 

I understand.

And, of course, my experience has been different while being a virgin. I've thought long and hard about it, and I've come to the conclusion that it was easy for me to deal with it... well, first because I was/am a woman, and second because I've never had the impression that I was a virgin because no one wanted me or wanted to sleep with me... Quite the contrary, in fact! And in that sense, I think it made me more powerful in that I was actively choosing to refuse men and their advances. It's sad thinking about it but in my group of friends and acquitances I wasn't known as the virgin girl but rather as " the unattainable one". All this due to my perceived exterior attractiveness. Yeah, sad.

My truth, though, is different. I have a very high self-esteem and I was simply waiting for someone who saw me for who I was, and wanted me for me, sincerely and truly. It just happened that I hadn't met that man until I was 21. A year later, at 22, I still am proud I did what I wanted to do.

 

The matter is, though, that although I can understand a man's desire to go and look for an escort, people have things and qualities that they are actively looking for in a mate. Not being honest is, I think, deceiving at best. Finding out that your whole perception of the man that you love is not what you thought it was, is devastating.

[Auguria]

I, Erich, would not refuse to have a relationship with an x,y,z female just because of x,y,z

 

I am not currently nor have I ever been with an x,y,z female but still.

 

Dear Erich,

 

There are some things in life for which you do not absolutely have to experience in order to know your stance when presented with said situation. I have an understanding of myself and my desires.

[Arabella]

Yet serial monogamy....totally different.

 

Yes, absolutely. Trying to build a long-term relationship with somebody and having the relationship fail is quite common. It doesn't show promiscuity.

 

Not going to argue with you. You have your opinion, I have mine.

[therhythm]

Actually everybody is entitled to have their own criteria to whom they want to date. Trying to convince someone that they are wrong for not wanting to date someone is useless and has no point as who do we date is a totally individual decision and there is not right or wrong.

I think many women would not want to date a male who used a escort or a guy who is virgin or a guy who is fat or a guy who is too thin or to short, etc... well I think people should just move on with their life and not feel influenced to do something or not to do something for fear of rejection... you will always be rejected for one or other reason, even fear of rejection can be unattractive for some people

[Arabella]

Leap frogging between relationships isn't even attempting to build anything long term. Viewing serial monogamy as different from other forms of promiscuity is a classic example of giving oneself a pass since one wants to forgo harshly judging oneself in order to harshly judge others. Those types whistle a different tune once they become guilty of what they criticized.

 

If you're describing serial monogamy as having short "relationships" in which there's no interest in turning it long-term... then it's the same in my book.

 

However, genuine attempts at building a relationship? Like, for example, I've only had relationships from 15 to 28, up until when I met my fiance. I went into each one thinking it was going to be the last, and the shortest was about a year.

 

In an ideal world, that's how I'd want my partner's past to look too.

[Eve]

OP, I doubt if you go to a prostitute it will be a singular experience if that is all you can achieve right now. Even if you do it will be difficult to really prove that it was just once, once you start telling a future partner.

 

H'mmm.. there could be a problem with seeing a future girlfriend as being 'too nice to tell' about ones past if you choose this route. That in itself says a lot about how you would be classifying a woman and if somehow she did find out she may not take too well to this - if she is educated and cares about social issues that is.

 

Still by the choices you are aiming at, it may be that you are on trajectory anyway to be with someone who wouldn't care.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Els]

If you're describing serial monogamy as having short "relationships" in which there's no interest in turning it long-term... then it's the same in my book.

 

However, genuine attempts at building a relationship? Like, for example, I've only had relationships from 15 to 28, up until when I met my fiance. I went into each one thinking it was going to be the last, and the shortest was about a year.

 

In an ideal world, that's how I'd want my partner's past to look too.

 

Eh, don't worry about justifying your preferences. There are plenty of people, men as well, who would be fine with a partner who had sex in previous LTRs, but not fine with a partner who visited escorts.

 

As long as you and your guy are happy and compatible in this, that's all that matters.

[Arabella]

IME women are most likely to use this to excuse a sordid past. My problem isn't the past but how people wish to misrepresent and redact it to come out as fragrant as a scented candle.

 

Well, if you're questioning whether I'm telling you the truth about my past... how's this? In the past 10 years, I've worn engagement rings from 3 different men. I married one (too young & he cheated), left the second before I married him (mentally unstable and abusive), and I'm marrying the third next month... and I am pregnant by him also. The intent was there every time... just didn't quite work out.

 

I see what you're saying, though. Many people (men and women alike) disguise a colorful past by calling them relationships when they really weren't. This is particularly true for many girls who are promiscuous in their teens and early 20s. They go from a guy to another, never really developing a bond with one... until they hit their 30s and realize time is running short. Suddenly, they re-invent their past to appear more serious and attract a man who will want to marry them.

[Arabella]

Eh, don't worry about justifying your preferences. There are plenty of people, men as well, who would be fine with a partner who had sex in previous LTRs, but not fine with a partner who visited escorts.

 

As long as you and your guy are happy and compatible in this, that's all that matters.

 

Well, more explaining than justifying, you know? Trying to make him understand where we come from

[sweetjasmine]

But if nobody wants to date you because you lack experience, and hence cannot get experience to even be in a relationship or dating or having sex, then paying to see an escort will look like an attractive offer - even I had considered the possibility before deciding against. I don't think women should dismiss that, much in the same way I tell the bitter guys to empathise with women's struggles.

 

You can empathize with someone's plight but still not want to date them. You can empathize with someone's plight but think that their solution to it goes against your own beliefs and morals.

 

And lying about it, IMO, is disgusting. I understand the pressure to hide it, but that doesn't make it right.

[ThaWholigan]

You can empathize with someone's plight but still not want to date them. You can empathize with someone's plight but think that their solution to it goes against your own beliefs and morals.

 

And lying about it, IMO, is disgusting. I understand the pressure to hide it, but that doesn't make it right.

That's all fine. I don't agree with lying about it either. In fact, my advice would be to not to see an escort to lose one's virginity, full stop. It's much better to actually bear the rejections until someone says yes. Doesn't make it any easier unfortunately.

[Auguria]

No need to lie or hide. Just don't bring it up. Women do it with their sexual history all the time.

 

Your partner asks you this question, point blank : " Could you, please, tell me more about your past? Have you ever had ONS, FWB, been with an escort, hooked up with any of your friends that we both interact with?" .

 

And you're telling me that the best policy in this instance is to play dumb, lie by omission or straight up answer a big, fat " No"? ... What a great idea!

 

Thanks for the generalization, by the way!

[Auguria]

That's all fine. I don't agree with lying about it either. In fact, my advice would be to not to see an escort to lose one's virginity, full stop. It's much better to actually bear the rejections until someone says yes. Doesn't make it any easier unfortunately.

 

Ideally, that would be the best solution. I think, though, we're not necessarely talking about one losing his/her virginity with an escort... We're talking about all kind of men and women who, at any point of their lives, have decided to use the services of an escort.

It surprises me that so many people in here are in the " don't talk about it" team...

[ThaWholigan]

Ideally, that would be the best solution. I think, though, we're not necessarely talking about one losing his/her virginity with an escort... We're talking about all kind of men and women who, at any point of their lives, have decided to use the services of an escort.

It surprises me that so many people in here are in the " don't talk about it" team...

Yeah, I specifically targeted that point because that was the true agenda of the OP, who is a virgin.

 

It does not surprise me to be honest - some think it doesn't matter, others think they will never get the relationship they feel they should have as a result of their past.

[thefooloftheyear]

Frankly I would never put a woman in an uncomfortable postion by asking her about her sexual past...Its not like you are trying to vet out a potential thief or child molester...

 

Also, no woman has ever asked me, so...(shrug)...

 

TFY

[Sun Devil]

The problem is that nothing I do works. Evertime I ask out a girl I get rejected. I have had over 100 rejections in a row. If I used escorts to relieve tension while I was struggling, would that change some womens perspective?