He says it will happen in the future...maybe??

[Simon Phoenix]

Way, way too much rehashing.

[amkxoxo]

Oh my God. This is me. Well Kinda. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201208/who-wants-be-needy-six-solutions

Oh no. What do I do to fix this. How do I regain all my self esteem that I had before I met him. I was so carefree. I do worry a lot and I grew up like that. My family is great though and raised me right so its not from them, it me. Oh No, I drove him away. He said i did nothing wrong, but what if I drove him away. I'm so scared of being vunerable. OMG he even told me a story about his ex and how they got together. He said "Jessie didn't need me, she was fine without me, and I wanted and needed her, then one day she came to me and needed me." Maybe I did it this to myself.

Edited July 9, 2013 by amkxoxo

[happydate]

I get what your saying and I appreciate the concern. I am a very lonely person, which is wierd because I have a very close knit wonderful family who loves me. No daddy issues. And I have a great group of friends. I lack love from someone else.

 

I want to have a boyfriend and I eventually want to get married, but not just to anyone . I want the gushy love struck butterflies feeling when I'm with someone. I don't just date because I'm lonely. I am 21 and have never been in a long relationship. I have dated a few people, some for a couple months, but I dump them because I just don't feel as strongly for them. There's nothing wrong with them.

 

I have never had sex, and even with this most recent guy, we fooled around but didn't have sex. He knew I was a virgin and he didn't push me. He was very sweet and understanding of my inexperience. I was sexually assaulted by a guy at school when I was 16 and it made me afraid to be intimate with people. Over the years I have gotten comfortable enough with it and this guy was so patient and understanding of it. He wouldn't push me and asked me if there was a certain thing that made me scared so that he would know not do it. I went further with this guy than anyone else and I enjoyed it. I wanted to kiss him and touch him and hold him all the time. I never thought I would ever get to that point. I am not a prude but will not have sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with. My morals on that are strong. Trust me I definitely wanted to with my guy, but I knew it just wasn't the right thing to do, and I wanted a commitment from him.

 

 

Even before my assault I had issues letting people help me. I am such a nice, sweet person that people often take advantage of me for my niceness. Some of my close friends have done it. I had a best friend a few years back that I was like in love with. I would do anything for him and he held me like a puppet. I was his little puppy because I wanted him to like me back and no matter what I did he wouldn't. He would rail me in at all the right times to keep me around but we never amounted to anything. Eventually it came out that he was gay so that explained a lot and made me feel better. But he used me knowing I liked him and would do anything.

 

I gave my all to this guy and though he didn't use me I am hurt. I think I do need to work on myself and my life. I felt like before I met this guy I was so confident and strong in myself. I had my values and morals and a steady life going for myself. As time went on with him he made me question my morals and values and I was becoming weak.

 

If you have no family issues, then why are you controlling and manipulating others in treating them "NICE"? You are called nice for a reason. Because, you do not like being criticized by others and that you do not ACCEPT the opinion of others who are not nice to you. You manipulate yourself into befriending people who would agree with you, only to disagree with your approach like the guy you tried so desperately to date. So my question to you is, why can't be yourself? What's wrong being authentic to yourself and accept criticism and being bad? It is impossible to make billions of people on earth to like you. You will have to say "NO" to some people because you will disagree with them based on your high moral values which I like btw. Not everyone will abhor to your specific moral values, so is this why you are being nice to people so others have to like you? In the end, being unauthentic will actually make you more lonely and you are not attracting friends who you are truly attracted to. People are attracted to others who can voice their own opinion and hold their own and being authentic.

 

There is a difference between nice and courteous/polite. Courteous and polite are good traits, but being nice is not.

 

Secondly, you prayed to the lord for help. Lord actually answered your prayers in a form of sending the guys that make you happy. Guys that do the same like you did; being nice by being controlling and manipulative. Laws of attraction is like attracts like. You are happy being nice to get people to like you, so the lord sends a guy to you acting in a similar fashion; like a mirror of yourself.

 

Work on yourself and just be yourself. Are you a sensitive person who tried to avoid constructive criticism from others who are there to help you grow? Just be careful that you are still young. The way these men operate is that, if they aren't getting sex by 2 to 3 dates or less than 10 dates, you are a write off. My advise is, maintain your high moral values. Do not compromise.

Please work on being authentic and accept criticism with grace. Trust me. There are tons of guys out there who won't play games with you like this guy did. I mean, how lame is with him who has no job and no apartment.

Guess what when he meets a woman he likes? All of a sudden, he'll tell her he's got a job and an apartment (no mama boy here) cause he needs a place to host sex you know. Having sex in the basement of your parents place just ain't so cool you know.

Edited July 9, 2013 by happydate

[amkxoxo]

Thank You. You are right on the money. All the things I hate that those other guys do to win me over, I am doing with this guy. I'm not afraid to be myself, I hate constructive criticism because I'm sensitive and it hurts me a lot. I am a kind, sweet, empathetic, and compassionate person. I have always struggled growing up with being the under dog, the second best all the time. It wasn't due to anything from my family it was just always there. I always felt like I was never good enough. I knew I had a lot of potential just that people could not see it.

 

In the middle of my high school academia, I had a big change in my life. I realized all of my full potential and went after it. I showed everyone I was a force to be reckoned with. I lost lots of weight and looked and felt amazing and it showed. I was so super confident. My best friend back then, who is still my best friend now has noticed that I have less self esteem. She has said it to me. "You are not like you were in high school" I was so set in my ways and radiated it to everyone.

 

Dancing my whole life has both helped me and hurt me. I grew to love it with all my heart, and it has helped me through some rough times, but it has also brought about fears of being second best too. Like i always feel like I do so much for everyone and it is not appreciated. Or I don't get the same level of it back. That scares me. Giving my heart to someone who doesn't give me as much. It will crush me. It already has.

 

I am going to try and change myself for the better and be that girl I once was. I am afraid that if a guy comes along again I will fall back into the same pattern. I'm not completely saying that everything between him and I was all me. He has his far share of issues and he didn't give me everything he had.

 

I do extremely care for him and want to try and see if someday it will work out between us, I truly think we are a great match. The thought of him finding someone else and loving someone else and moving on is killing me.

 

I want to learn how to totally trust him or someone else that may come along. I don't know how to acquire this. I wish i could have trusted him more at school. But i can't keep thinking that i did something wrong for us not to be together or it will eat me alive. He always used to ask me what I was thinking at random times or what my fears were. I could never really tell him, because it was like my brain went into auto defense mode. He's such a wonderful person I wish things were different. I am so protective of my thoughts. Only those most worthy hear them. People like my mom, my best friend from high school, my roommate/bff, and that gay guy who is now my best best friend. They all know the real me. I want to show everyone, I want to show my guy.

 

It might be too late for us. We live 3 hours away and i havent heard from him in a week now, since i last called him. in the fall we will only be 45 mins away from each other and i will be traveling his way for a internship all the time. maybe we could re-connect. I don't know.

[happydate]

God made us all in the image of him; so why do you think you are second best? Did God made a mistake on you and produced a defect? I think not!

Second best is all in your mind and it is due to your insecurities. I suspect that while your parents are kind to you, perhaps your mother is projecting the second best image onto you! And that jealousy and being insecure about herself after seeing how strong you are and how determined you are self-esteem wise made herself insecure. Thus, she could have psychologically program you to feel like you are #2. And that now you may carried this burden onwards into your relationship which causes an imbalance.

 

When people are insecure, they tend to seek external sources of love and affection to make them whole. People who are secure are secure within themselves, so why do they need an external source? Get it. You want to attract guys who are themselves whole and full of internal unconditional love. There are guys out there like myself who are naturally or reformed. We tend to stay away from people like yourself, because your neediness to fill the void inside of you. The void of love and affection. The lord gives us all of this so you don't need to seek love elsewhere. You just don't trust it. I can see that you still believe that sources of love can be found on this guy. Go for it, cause it's okay to fail and feel extreme pain. We all had been there and we are giving advise to you because we hope you don't repeat. But then, the lord does mysterious things and letting things like this happen. You will learn your lessons only through pain and lots of emotional pain. Lord is full of compassion and forgiveness even if you had to give your virginity away to get what you want. In the end, I really hope you don't end up 20 years later with some ladies who are dead set with the addiction for this external sources of love. You can find a lot of them at the swingers sites. AFF comes to mind.

 

A good friend and a loyal friend is a person who is NOT afraid to voice his or her own authentic observation of you. Your best friend did and yet you did not cherish this. If you hang around with many of these looser exes, they will drill you down and make you even more insecure and less self-esteem. That's what a manipulator does. Makes even the best warrior with high self-esteem down.

 

My advise to you and others the same is this. Stay away and NC him period. You don't need his influence. What did he and other guys did to you?!? You knew it and yet you let him walk over you. Your stubbornness is your weakness and they know it because they know you won't ask for help. Help from your real friends who care.

 

Good luck and god bless!

Edited July 10, 2013 by happydate

[amkxoxo]

Thank you. I'm trying to regain my self esteem. I don't think its because of my mother, I think they make me anxious and I have told him this. I think they unknowingly made me into a worry wart. I'm really not a desperate person and was not going looking for a boyfriend because its not a big deal for me. This guy was an acquaintance and we just started talking more one day and I fell for him. I never thought things would have amounted the way they did.

Its not that I feel number two all the time. I'm very confident in my dancing etc...I get afraid that people will get sick of me and decide to leave or find someone better. I don't know where this fear comes from but growing up as a little kid I had a lot of best friends who went on to ditch me for friends they saw as better than me. I am a people pleaser. I know you can't please the all. I really have no problem being friends with my gay friend well for one...he's gay. Two...he knows me to well. Three...I got over him and literally have no feelings for him..gross. he's been good friend. This guy though I got so close to him emotionally and physically and that I cannot just be friends. When I'm with him I wanna be so close like kissing and hugging. I need that from him so just being friends is so hard.

 

Even talking on the phone is hard because I feel like I need to hold back my love and feelings because we can't. I'm really not insecure all the time. I only became this way when I was seeing this guy. He wasn't very reassuring. He would be gone for days no contact so I would think he suddenly didn't like me so I would get freaked and sad and I wouldn't understand. then he would text me after days and he would be fine. That's unstable. It made me an emotional roller coaster.

 

I don't necessarily go out seeking love and affection from others. I have never been like that because I have great family and friends who love me. It was just this guy I wanted him to love me and it was a slap in the face that he couldn't give me 100%. He's been nothing but straight forward with me about everything and his feelings. We shared special times at school emotionally and physically I got attached...who wouldn't. I saw us moving towards a relationship. Like we slept next to each other all the time...who wouldn't be let down not going into a relationship from that.

 

I'm very strong willed about my sexuality...I'm not a crazy keep my virtue christian and I would have slept with my guy. But its important to me to share it with an important person and when were in a committed relationship.

 

I think if anything were to change with me and the guy he needs to win me. He needs to get me back and show me he missed me and wants me back. I haven't heard from in a week and its killing me. I called him last last week. I'm not planning on contacting him. He can do it. That's what " friends" do. They give and take. That's what a relationship is. It needs to be a compromise. I gave my part. He couldn't give as much. He admitted it. I'm not planning on contacting him. Though I miss him so much. I hope he calls. It would suck if he didn't contact me at all. Like Mr. We will work in the future. His do you expect that to happen when we don't talk. Confusing. He was suppose to be my date for the winter dance at my school in December. Like he just put up a status about wanting to make music again. He is very musical and very talented and I have been his biggest fan. He has played all his songs for me which is big for him because he is very insecure. So Mr. wants to get his life together and is sick all the time, has time for music again. But can't be with me. I deserve someone who can. We talked about it. That probably won't happen. It makes me sad.

I'm gonna live my life. Get my confidence back. He'll be sorry he let me go. I am better than him.

Edited July 10, 2013 by amkxoxo

[happydate]

A real healthy relationship is about balance and feels smooth and without nervousness. It should feel like that. It's not like that playing immature games of NC and missing in action to draw your insecurities that you miss him or her and then people seek for what they can't get. Leave that to Apple Inc. and for the dummies who lined up for their iPhones and iPads. Last I've heard, it didn't work no more or as effective. Manipulation won't last in a real relationship or at least a successful one.

 

You really need to address your issues first. I see plenty. Being a dancer can be stressful. I've dated a ballet dancer once; awesome lady with graceful legs. Incidentally, she was a people pleaser too and had similar attributes like you.

We dated a while, but I felt so confined, so suffocating and she became so predictable it's boring. She had strong Christian values so we had no sex. So with no sex, I had nothing else to keep this relationship going. All the best actually cause that would complicate things. She was so sweet that I was afraid if I ended, she would have ended up like you -- longing for me.

 

So I did the unthinkable. I turned my Alpha self into an A.F.C (Mr super looser nice guy). Guess what? Within a month, she dumped me. Disappeared into thin air. Never regretted myself.

[amkxoxo]

I know. At times I think I was predictable. He told me he thought I was fun and interesting because I would always ask him to go to the beach or make dinner together. I got frustrated three big times the first one was when he was going to a party and he didn't invite me. I spoke up to him. Another time he was MIA because he was sick for a couple days and then he ended up having friends over when he felt better and I still thought he was sick and I didn't know where he was. Annoying then he told me that we could have some drinks at his place that night, before he and the boys went out. I got all dressed up and waited around for him to tell me he was going out with the guys only. I was mad so we had an intense discussion about it.

 

The last time I was mad was a Friday afternoon we spent the whole afternoon until evening together so I figured he would ask me to go out with him. He didn't and told me to go see what my friends are doing. I saw him on campus late that night and laid into him that I was mad. Especially because my friends already had made plans and left me, thinking I would be with him so I was Alone the whole night. He was like " you should have told me". What cause you would have rushed back from your party?? We made up the next day. All three times he had to come to my room at like 2am to explain himself. He acts like he is a saint for it. I said one measely comment to him and it hurts his feelings. He mentioned how he needed to buy more alcohol cause he was out. I said "oh you can buy alcohol but taking me to dinner is out of the question" he was super hurt by it and told me I was rude. Money had been tight for him and he wished more than anything he could take me out. He said he wished he could buy alcohol not that he was going too. I felt like a jerk after and kept apologizing.

Im just still at a loss at how someone could kiss you, sleep next to you, say they are going to miss you but can't commit. He claims he likes me a lot. He told me multiple times that I am perfect and I have 9 out of 10 attributes he looks for in a girl. I'm assuming the missing one is sexual. And he was fine with us not having sex. That wasn't even an issue. Tell me your mother would love me and I remind you of her, because he loves her. Or telling me his little sister would love me because I'm the nicest person in the world. I hold onto things like that. That smells like relationship in the making.

He claims to suddenly realize he loves a girl and needs her in his life then is willing to go to the ends of the earth to be with her and do stuff for her. I want that guy and he says he can't give that to me right now but in the future??? Wtff? After all that stuff he said. He just doesn't love me yet. What???? One point he told me "why now, why does it have to be now and not later." Well I'm not sitting here knitting a sweater, so its now or nothing. Like he even said at the end of school he was "so into it" then summer came and it was like we were standing on a cliff...huh???

He told me it was like I was at a carnival and my favorite ride (him) was broken. So I go enjoy the carnival and ride other ones until he is fixed. He said he felt guilty everyday that he couldn't give me what I deserved and " I almost called you to tell you I didn't like you anymore but I would have been lying and I didn't want to lie to you" . Like it makes sense but idkkk????? Mr. I would be a great boyfriend my life would revolve around you and I would want everyone to know you were mine and PDA and yada yada....why say that??

I can ponder all I want. I need to move forward and live my happy life with the people who appreciate me. I need to move on to end my pain. I can't keep living like this. I'm worth more than what he gives me. At this point its been a week and I haven't heard from him. I might never. I have to live with that and so does he. He had his chance and he didn't want me. I want me, my friends want me. I have people who love me right here.

Edited July 10, 2013 by amkxoxo

[lamaga]

OP. Let me tell you, just like other people already mentioned, your problem is that you really overanalyze everything to the point where it feels like you add things to the story that are totally made up, because you want to be in denial about the reality of this situation. This guy is not interested in you and is being nice about it, because he probably knows you are sensitive and so he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but well, trust me, if he was another kind of guy with more balls and no regard to your immediate feelings, he would definitely tell you to go and **** off.

Anyway.

Here is what you need to do:

Stop lying to yourself.

Get off this forum.

Find a new hobby.

Stop thinking about this dude.

You are 21, you are a virgin, you haven't seen ****.

If you keep doing what you are doing now you will beat yourself up over this 5 years from now, realizing how much time you wasted on this damn forum just so you could formulate your own fake reality.

 

Good Luck!

[happydate]

amkxoxo;

 

You are worth more only on what you can give to yourself! You are loosing friends left right and center. Typically if you grow spiritually, you will loose friends that don't serve your friendship and gain an equal or more new friends that will serve your friendship on a new spiritual level. Self-esteem, high spirited and confident people are attracted to more of the same winners. People are only attracted to your uniqueness and what you can offer spiritually. There's only one amkxoxo in this world and that is you. Why do you have to manipulate reality so that you can fit the general mould? It's boring and obviously as you see it now counterproductive.

 

Blessings..

[amkxoxo]

Thank you. So so much. I want to regain my sense of self, by myself. I feel weak now but growing strong every day. I had a conversation with a good friend yesterday and I feel so bad. I can't be happy for anyone else because I'm not happy for myself. I wish I could change this because its not my personality and I'm pushing the people close to me away. I'm sad today because its been an official week since we have spoken. He claims to want to continue to talk but that hasn't happened. Since summer started my phone has been like permanently attached to my body. I need to change this.

 

I wish I was happy. I hate feeling like this. I'm confused about how I'm manipulating reality?? I consider myself very individual. I know I'm good at it and I'm not afraid to say it or show it. I know what my values and morals are and I think I need to get more in touch with them and rely on them more. I need to move past this. I will eventually meet someone who does give me equal time and affection that I gave them. They will love me for me and I hope to learn to trust and open up again. Its going to take a while. I need to be strong.

[lamaga]

I'm sad today because its been an official week since we have spoken. He claims to want to continue to talk but that hasn't happened.

 

Please stop this!! It's not worth it. You really will beat yourself up over this in the future. You will hate that you wasted so much time on some guy who wont even matter in the long run, trust me. In two years, if not earlier, you wont care one bit about this guy and you will wish you wouldn't have wasted time on loveshack rehashing and rehashing and overanalyzing.

 

 

Get yourself together, delete this guy's number, delete him on facebook or whatever you need to do, go total NC and do something for yourself, I don't know, join the gym, go out with girlfriends, go on a vacation, write a book, watch a new tv show, take long baths, go running, find a new hobby... anything... anything! BUT PLEASE get your ass off of loveshack - you are WASTING your time!!!!! Your precious time!!

 

 

Don't listen to the people on here who tell you what you want to hear, listen to the people who tell you what you don't want to hear, because that's the only healthy thing to do. Get out of denial, and back to reality.

[amkxoxo]

I appreciate the tough love. I feel like people are expecting me to go out have fun and be happy again overnight. That is impossible. My heart feels literally like its been pulled out, squashed on, and put back in to beat regularly. I am trying to get myself excited for upcoming things. I have a family vacation to look forward too,

 

and I am really excited today because my work is sending and paying for a group of us to go hours away to another struggling place to help them out. I will be gone for about a week and I will be working everyday except two days where I have off. My co workers are super fun people and I'm excited to go with them. We figure we can hangout and explore on our days off. I'm super excited, but in the back of my mind, I know that this place is right near where he lives. I probably won't see him, but I could if we both mutually wanted to meet up. I have been NC so far. Last time I went NC on him about a month ago he noticed and after two days of nothing from me he contacted me apologizing. This time its been one week of nothing. I reassured him I wasnt mad at him and he appreciated it and we agreed that we would talk.

 

I'm sick of waiting around. Wondering. But i can't seem to stop myself. I'm worried about going next week because just knowing I'm so close to him and in the same state might make me sad. Even going down to where my college is makes me sad because everything reminds me of him. My apartment has bad connotations now because that is where we talked about not being together anymore. The area reminds me of all the good times I had with him. I bring him up in conversation randomely because sometimes we'll talk about something and it will remind me of something he said or conversations we've had. I can't stop myself.

 

At one point he said to me he wished he had stopped himself early on knowing that he wasn't ready for a relationship, but he couldnt stay away from me. And he ended up liking me more than he ever expected. He kept saying "I hurt you, I didn't meant to." He felt so guilty. He said he didn't realize how invested I was until i got emotional (no crying) and upset when we were talking.

 

Sorry I'm re hashing again. I am done. I need to be done. I need to enjoy the present and not go back on the past or focus on the future. I need to look at myself and say your awesome and he missed out. I am awesome. I am awesome. I am pretty. Motivated. Smart. Classy. Fun. I have to keep reminding myself that I did all that I could and it was him. I did everything right he just didn't want it. Its all him, not my fault. Someone else will want me and prove to me that I'm worth it.

Edited July 10, 2013 by amkxoxo

[Simon Phoenix]

No one expects you to be healed immediately, or even soon. But the going back and rehashing everything all the time has got to stop. None of that matters now. That relationship is over.

[amkxoxo]

Thanks. I really am trying to heal. He obviously doesn't care all too much since its been a week. I deserve better than that. Someone who cares. I will never lower my standards that much again. I don't expect all that much, the normal dating regulations. I gave him the benefit of the doubt over and over again, and though he didn't mean to and I'm not blaming him, he hurt me. I am better than this, and better than him. Moving on, is my new beginning. I care abut him so so much and not talking to him is killing me, especially because he gets sick and I worry.

 

I am not mad at him, but If he wants a part in my life he needs to earn it and show me he is willing to not only be a good boyfriend, but a friend. I'm not even getting that at this point. He needs to get his **** together, and in a way I do too. He always used to say "real opportunity reveals true character" and "actions speak louder than words." Now I don't know if he was talking about me, or more himself. He talks a lot, and I think he needs to practice what he preaches. I am done. I had a great life before I met him, and I will now that he's left. This was a big learning experience for me and its going to be hard to trust again. I am going to trust myself and I am a great person, and my life and people around me reflect that. I appreciate all the help and comments I have received. Thank You for taking your time to read, write, and care about someone you don't even know. I am grateful for your consideration. I wish you all the best.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks. I really am trying to heal. He obviously doesn't care all too much since its been a week. I deserve better than that. Someone who cares. I will never lower my standards that much again. I don't expect all that much, the normal dating regulations. I gave him the benefit of the doubt over and over again, and though he didn't mean to and I'm not blaming him, he hurt me. I am better than this, and better than him. Moving on, is my new beginning. I care abut him so so much and not talking to him is killing me, especially because he gets sick and I worry.

 

I am not mad at him, but If he wants a part in my life he needs to earn it and show me he is willing to not only be a good boyfriend, but a friend. I'm not even getting that at this point. He needs to get his **** together, and in a way I do too. He always used to say "real opportunity reveals true character" and "actions speak louder than words." Now I don't know if he was talking about me, or more himself. He talks a lot, and I think he needs to practice what he preaches. I am done. I had a great life before I met him, and I will now that he's left. This was a big learning experience for me and its going to be hard to trust again. I am going to trust myself and I am a great person, and my life and people around me reflect that. I appreciate all the help and comments I have received. Thank You for taking your time to read, write, and care about someone you don't even know. I am grateful for your consideration. I wish you all the best.

 

Honestly, you need to stop worrying about him getting his s--t together. You can't control whether he does or he doesn't. All you can control is you. It's time for you to do that and stop thinking about everything in reference to him.

[amkxoxo]

I know. I'm super depressed again, it like just hits me. I miss talking to him, seeing his face, and being close to him. I try and tell myself....he doesn't want you...and that just hurts my heart that someone doesn't want me, but kind of did. Our relationship was 70% there but never 100%. It sucks so bad. I wish I didn't feel so bad. I wish I could be happy about things. I don't know how to get out of this. I was so happy at work today. Then I came home and I was sad. I need to keep reminding myself. I am great. I did nothing wrong but love someone. I am a good person with so much to offer. Be Happy. I'm healthy, have a good future ahead of me, and need to be happy with myself.

[lamaga]

I know. I'm super depressed again, it like just hits me. I miss talking to him, seeing his face, and being close to him. I try and tell myself....he doesn't want you...and that just hurts my heart that someone doesn't want me, but kind of did. Our relationship was 70% there but never 100%. It sucks so bad. I wish I didn't feel so bad. I wish I could be happy about things. I don't know how to get out of this. I was so happy at work today. Then I came home and I was sad. I need to keep reminding myself. I am great. I did nothing wrong but love someone. I am a good person with so much to offer. Be Happy. I'm healthy, have a good future ahead of me, and need to be happy with myself.

 

If you don't listen, you wont get better.

Someone close this thread... uhrg...

[Carenth]

You will look back on these threads in a year and feel pretty stupid. Honestly stop analyzing it's doing you no good. Accept reality, stop living in denial.

[amkxoxo]

I eventually will just delete all if this when I see fit and have moved on. At this point I have to move on because its all I have and I don't see him at my door trying to get me back. I'm trying to get more excited about things. I am not in denial I am just confused about why this happened and am looking at evidence to better understand. His actions don't match his words sometimes and I want to know that it wasn't me that did anything. I am getting stronger everyday and feel like I am finally starting to look at myself as a commodity. I will be okay. I have to be.

[TaraMaiden]

You can't 'delete' anything....

But the threads CAN be abandoned, not added to and will disappear off the edge of the database.

 

They remain in your index though, so providing YOU don't revive them, that's where they'll stay.....

 

What are you still doing on here?!

 

You should be out, with friends, or shopping, or lapping up the sun and enjoying yourself...out and about....!

[Archanaart]

I don't believe you can delete threads so good luck with that!

 

Stop posting about him! It's doing you no good at this point!

[amkxoxo]

Thanks. I'm trying the best I can with what I have. Since I'm home from college I only have a few friends here cause all my other friends live far away because they went home too. My friend here are not always available so I am home alone sometimes thinking a lot about him. My mom is my best friend but I feel that she is either helping me or hurting me and cant make up her mind. Some days she is so supportive. She thinks he really does like me a lot and i trust her because she tells me the truth and calls me on my crap. She told me last night she was shocked he hadn't called. And she'll hug me when I want to cry and let me talk it out with her. I think she's worried I'm developing depression. But other days if I mention him she'll act like she's annoyed I'm depressed and like she doesn't want to deal with me. She will be like "enough with the dramatics, stop thinking about him and move on." Like where was the nice woman who held me yesterday while I cried?? I get whip lash from her.

 

I miss him a lot today...go figure. I feel like I'm giving up on him. But I have to keep reminding myself that he only gave me 70% and I gave him 100. I wish I could just be 70% with him too but its all or nothing, that whole us coasting to see where it went thing had me on an emotional coaster which always led us to intense conversations about our future. I just wish we could be friends. I literally don't know if I can ever be his friend. Its like we either are all in...loving each other or were out. I feel bad we can't be friends. Like I feel like he was finding it hard to just be my friend also...explains the cute gestures and head nuzzle when we met up at school two weeks ago. Like when we met up at school that day i showed him my new apartment and he was so excited for me and was helping me decide where i wanted to put things and where i should set stuff up and he offered and set up my air conditioner. We talked about the Fall and having parties there and bon fires in the backyard and he could bring his guitar, thats probably not going to happen now. My life sadly is going on without him. I have stuff that makes me happy and though I wish he could be apart of it, he made it so he wasn't. It was always 70%. I couldn't keep living like that. I'm focusing all my 100% on myself

Edited July 11, 2013 by amkxoxo

[justletgo07]

Sorry to see you're having a rough time. I agree with other posters that it appears he's just not that into you and was trying to let you down easily. The best thing you can do is disappear and focus on letting go. If he becomes interested again, it will be on his own time and on his terms.

 

Read up on a technique called "thought stopping." I think it might help.

[Simon Phoenix]

But other days if I mention him she'll act like she's annoyed I'm depressed and like she doesn't want to deal with me. She will be like "enough with the dramatics, stop thinking about him and move on." Like where was the nice woman who held me yesterday while I cried?? I get whip lash from her.

 

I can't really blame her if you talk about him in real life in the same way that you talk about him ITT, rehashing stuff that doesn't matter and generally being obsessive. I mean I annoyed the hell out of my best friend talking about my ex (who is his sister-in-law) and I wasn't nearly as rehashy and obsessive as you are. A few months back I relapsed was rehashing like a motherf--ker and he just stopped me and said "Look, everything you are saying might be true, but even if it is, it doesn't matter now. What's done is done. None of this helps anything." And he was right and I haven't thought about any of the pre-break stuff since, because it truly does not matter. You need to stop.

 

I feel like I'm giving up on him. But I have to keep reminding myself that he only gave me 70% and I gave him 100. I wish I could just be 70% with him too but its all or nothing, that whole us coasting to see where it went thing had me on an emotional coaster which always led us to intense conversations about our future. I just wish we could be friends. I literally don't know if I can ever be his friend. Its like we either are all in...loving each other or were out. I feel bad we can't be friends. Like I feel like he was finding it hard to just be my friend also...explains the cute gestures and head nuzzle when we met up at school two weeks ago. Like when we met up at school that day i showed him my new apartment and he was so excited for me and was helping me decide where i wanted to put things and where i should set stuff up and he offered and set up my air conditioner. We talked about the Fall and having parties there and bon fires in the backyard and he could bring his guitar, thats probably not going to happen now. My life sadly is going on without him. I have stuff that makes me happy and though I wish he could be apart of it, he made it so he wasn't. It was always 70%. I couldn't keep living like that. I'm focusing all my 100% on myself

 

The first part that's not crossed out makes me facepalm. HE GAVE UP ON YOU WHEN HE BROKE UP WITH YOU! Christ. And everything that's crossed out is useless rehashing that does absolutely nothing.