Why are there no good guys left?

[SteveC80]

The only preferences are...

 

True physical attraction on a grand scale, not independently like height, nose, lips, hips, breasts, legs, biceps, etc (it happens within 5 seconds of meeting)

 

 

Which is why i tell guys not to beat themslves up over rejection in overanalyzing wheter it was their approach or something they said when 99% of the time it was as simple as the women you approached was not physically attracted to you.

 

Men were told womens attraction is different then mens and that its not as visual which is bs attraction works the same for both genders in that to get your foot in the door physical attraction needs to be there if you cant get over that hurdle move on.

[AD1980]

You know "most women"?

 

Be honest. I bet you have very limited experience with ANY women. I'm not talking about sexual experience, either.

 

 

Wrong i have plenty of female friends through my friends wives and meet plenty of women just none that are attracted to me

[MrCastle]

Hmmmm.....

[Drseussgrrl]

Which is why i tell guys not to beat themslves up over rejection in overanalyzing wheter it was their approach or something they said when 99% of the time it was as simple as the women you approached was not physically attracted to you.

 

Men were told womens attraction is different then mens and that its not as visual which is bs attraction works the same for both genders in that to get your foot in the door physical attraction needs to be there if you cant get over that hurdle move on.

 

Attraction for women isn't purely physical. It's about how a man makes you FEEL when you're around him.

 

I like feeling as though I'm being looked out for. That my opinions matter. That he makes me laugh like an idiot. That he makes me want to be the best version of myself, because he likes ME.

 

Of course the physical attraction is important, but I ALWAYS walk away from a date thinking about how he made me feel around him, moreso than fixating on his biceps.

[dasein]

I only came across one guy that showed himself to be sincere and genuine (the one I dated recently) but unfortunately I had zero physical chemistry with him

 

dingdingding

 

Didn't waste time reading thread otherwise.

[KungFuJoe]

I don't know how old you are, ES, but the harsh truth is that the older you get, the less "good" people will be available because the really good ones end up married and off the market.

 

So all that's left are the serial daters, bitter divorcees, misogynists, and social outcasts.

 

Not saying they're ALL like that, but I would say the field seriously starts to thin out around 27 or so.

[MrCastle]

I don't know how old you are, ES, but the harsh truth is that the older you get, the less "good" people will be available because the really good ones end up married and off the market.

 

So all that's left are the serial daters, bitter divorcees, misogynists, and social outcasts.

 

Not saying they're ALL like that, but I would say the field seriously starts to thin out around 27 or so.

 

 

I'm gonna take a guess and say you really like this marriage thing.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Attraction for women isn't purely physical. It's about how a man makes you FEEL when you're around him.

 

That's me. Something about a guy just gets to me … and that's all there is to it. When that happens, I think he's a sex bomb.

 

I literally can only remember a tiny number of times when I had much of a reaction to a guy because of his handsome face, ripped body, height, etc. Even if I was completely aware that the man was godlike in appearance.

 

Now, if he was godlike in appearance AND had a super fluid way of moving, or a really endearing "aw shucks" kind of demeanor that was at complete odds with the way he looked (fond memories of my former co-worker Jim G :love:) or a completely off the wall insolent sense of humor - THEN we're talking!

 

Not really visual at all, personally. I mean, I can say "hubba hubba" to myself, but have no … feeling.

[ThaWholigan]

Finding the right combo of good guy one is attracted to on one or more levels is obviously going to be difficult. You just have to persevere.

[Mme. Chaucer]

dingdingding

 

Didn't waste time reading thread otherwise.

 

So … what is this "dingdingding"? Am I inferring correctly that you are judging ES harshly because she was able to recognize a good man when she met one, and simultaneously realize that they were not a match because of lack of chemistry?

 

I wonder why this is such a sore point with most of you guys.

 

Please take note that she also said that she had met only ONE guy she deemed "good." She evidently has also rejected other guys who she felt some chemistry with because they turned out to be not so good.

[SteveC80]

Attraction for women isn't purely physical. It's about how a man makes you FEEL when you're around him.

 

I like feeling as though I'm being looked out for. That my opinions matter. That he makes me laugh like an idiot. That he makes me want to be the best version of myself, because he likes ME.

 

Of course the physical attraction is important, but I ALWAYS walk away from a date thinking about how he made me feel around him, moreso than fixating on his biceps.

 

Of course its not JUST physical but if the physical isnt there if a guy makes you feel all those things hes just a friend

 

Point is physical needs to be their first to get your foot in the door and get a chance to let somebody feel those things for you

[MidwestUSA]

 

I wonder why this is such a sore point with most of you guys.

 

 

You don't REALLY wonder. Don't tease us!

[boaaaar]

You want good guys ? Give them a reason to be good to you and you'll have plenty.

[dasein]

I wonder why this is such a sore point with most of you guys.

 

Its not a sore point, just a fact. Most of the women who have "attraction" or "chemisty" problems on this board are attracted to a-holes and that's their problem. Same for guys who are always getting used by hot nutty women. Have been reading the OP's threads for some time and that's that. Disagree if you want and be wrong.

[hppr]

I don't know how old you are, ES, but the harsh truth is that the older you get, the less "good" people will be available because the really good ones end up married and off the market.

 

So all that's left are the serial daters, bitter divorcees, misogynists, and social outcasts.

 

Not saying they're ALL like that, but I would say the field seriously starts to thin out around 27 or so.

 

I would say that's partially true but it's not the whole story.

 

As you age, more imperfections show up. Balder, wrinklier, pot bellied, whatever. People have kids, jobs that take up their time. That is the truth.

 

The OP is meeting good guys. Her standards are just unrealistic and don't take the above into account, that's all. She's a serial dater in denial.

[KungFuJoe]

I would say that's partially true but it's not the whole story.

 

As you age, more imperfections show up. Balder, wrinklier, pot bellied, whatever. People have kids, jobs that take up their time. That is the truth.

 

The OP is meeting good guys. Her standards are just unrealistic and don't take the above into account, that's all. She's a serial dater in denial.

 

Definitely not the whole story...but there's no denying that as you get older, the field thins as the most desirable ones get snatched up.

 

Kinda like when you would pick teams for sports. Who got picked first?

[MrCastle]

Its not a sore point, just a fact. Most of the women who have "attraction" or "chemisty" problems on this board are attracted to a-holes and that's their problem. Same for guys who are always getting used by hot nutty women. Have been reading the OP's threads for some time and that's that. Disagree if you want and be wrong.

 

From what I know about OP, she is open to giving men of varying physical types a chance. She's not like some of the more vapid and shallow women that will only date a man who is x height and above, or must be muscular or whatever. She seems, to me, like someone who is willing to form an organic relationship with someone she has chemistry with. Of course that includes physical attraction, it does for everybody. But she's not shallow about it. Certainly not the level of some others.

[dasein]

So … what is this

 

Oh and don't even begin to pretend that a male poster making a thread titled as such here would be greeted with anything other than heated scorn from you. Spare us the cloying hypocrisy.

[hppr]

Its not a sore point, just a fact. Most of the women who have "attraction" or "chemisty" problems on this board are attracted to a-holes and that's their problem. Same for guys who are always getting used by hot nutty women. Have been reading the OP's threads for some time and that's that. Disagree if you want and be wrong.

 

That would be the other half of the 'truth' that Kungfujoe stated.

 

I have known men and women who are just like that.

 

The guys are always picking up strippers, bargirls and then wonder why their cars get keyed or she's 'crazy'. The girls are always going gah-gah over some guy who is obviously not relationship material whatsoever.

 

Really I don't have a problem with either scenario. Just be honest and say you wanna date people who aren't relationship material, that you just want to be casual. That's all. Don't date crappy people and then cry for sympathy because nobody's going to buy it.

[CarrieT]

I don't know how old you are, ES, but the harsh truth is that the older you get, the less "good" people will be available because the really good ones end up married and off the market.

 

So all that's left are the serial daters, bitter divorcees, misogynists, and social outcasts.

 

Not saying they're ALL like that, but I would say the field seriously starts to thin out around 27 or so.

I disagree with this wholeheartedly!

 

In my 20s, I dated players and guys who were still finding their footing in life. In no way were they ready to settle down or be responsible.

 

For me, dating was best in my 40s and I found MUCH MORE quality men. Yes, they had gone through divorces, but for me that showed their growth and learning curve.

[sweetheart5381]

Which is why i tell guys not to beat themslves up over rejection in overanalyzing wheter it was their approach or something they said when 99% of the time it was as simple as the women you approached was not physically attracted to you.

 

Men were told womens attraction is different then mens and that its not as visual which is bs attraction works the same for both genders in that to get your foot in the door physical attraction needs to be there if you cant get over that hurdle move on.

 

To an extent I will agree.

 

However it is not simply a yes or no answer when it comes to attraction.

 

Quite often it's a "maybe", depending on if that person has other non-physical attributes that interest me.

 

For example, I can meet a man 10 yrs my senior, he has a bit of a belly, receding hair AND he has sparkling eyes with a drop-dead smile, the kind that lights up a room.

 

He would be a "maybe", depending on his mannerisms, like how he carries himself, his intellect, how he views the world. Mostly it's making a call of whether we align well enough to carry forward from a 2 minute conversation into a longer phone call, a date etc.

 

Conversely, the same holds true if I meet your typical tall, dark and handsome gentleman. I need to see what's underneath before true attraction builds. If he is a narrow-minded, sexist dude, he will get a "no thanks", regardless of his physical appearance.

[KungFuJoe]

I disagree with this wholeheartedly!

 

In my 20s, I dated players and guys who were still finding their footing in life. In no way were they ready to settle down or be responsible.

 

For me, dating was best in my 40s and I found MUCH MORE quality men. Yes, they had gone through divorces, but for me that showed their growth and learning curve.

 

That is also true. As I mentioned in a follow up post, this was just based on my own experiences...which EVERYONE on LS bases their posts on.

[OwlSoul]

You want good guys ? Give them a reason to be good to you and you'll have plenty.

 

If you'd be reading the breaking up board, you'd find out that most of the girls who were dumped were treating their exes (cheaters, jerks) really well. Being good to them and being attractive doesn't seem to be a reason to be good.

 

Probably the good reason for them to be good is being scared of the woman leaving them.

 

I've read from one book, that women just forgot to demand the good treatment. Hint that you have high standarts and expectations from the very beginning, and the guy will decide whether it worth to be good or continue searching for something easier.

[hppr]

Definitely not the whole story...but there's no denying that as you get older, the field thins as the most desirable ones get snatched up.

 

Kinda like when you would pick teams for sports. Who got picked first?

 

Oh yeah I agree.

 

I'm just trying to point out that there *are* still good people it's just that they look different and have more things going on in their lives.

[mesmerized]

I actually think ES needs to raise her standards...The fact that she goes on such horrible dates shows she still doesn't scan them well enough. Obviously at the end, most of the men show their true colors and are out but it shouldn't happen right off the bat this much. I had a few horrible dates when I first started OLD and was more easy going about meeting guys. Now almost all my first dates are good but that also means fewer dates. I think it's worth it.