Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 Who cares man? What are we, a ****ing shrink? Look in you're pants. Be a stand up guy and take Kevin out to McDonald's for a nice cup of coffee and a pep talk. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I'd also like to point something out to the dudes who think it's our own fault that we're single/having a bad streak/frustrated. Many other women have chimed in here to say that they also had years of bad dates, and still ended up finding someone they're happy with. So while I'm always open for self-reflection and improvement, I am not going to take responsibility for some asshat who doesn't know how to conduct himself on a date with a woman. That's on him. My job is to move on and not give up. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 There are we just arent tall enough or good looking enough or agressive enough for women 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 SIDE NOTE: Guys who think it's worthy of a spiteful jab when a woman clearly wants to be with a man with whom she has a feeling of attraction. Get over it. That is not "bad" or "shallow," it's as it should be. I'm sorry if you haven't experienced women feeling attracted to you, and I'm sincere about that. But that does not go back to women who require attraction to have a relationship being messed up. Ok? I'm glad you showed a bit of sympathy. I knew the day was coming. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 There are we just arent tall enough or good looking enough or agressive enough for women That's what you have to offer the OP? I don't think that by "good guys" she meant tall, good looking and aggressive. She mentioned morality … did you miss that part? So you're one of the guys who thinks it's a travesty of justice for women to have romantic, sexual feelings for men they're attracted to? And that they'd naturally wish to be in a relationship that included romantic and sexual feelings? But with a GOOD GUY? If the world rearranged itself according to that, we might as well return to the fine age when husbands for young women were chosen by the girls' fathers, who I'm sure were looking for men they thought were "good" and without a care for what the girl found attractive. You think? Sheesh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 If the world rearranged itself according to that, we might as well return to the fine age when husbands for young women were chosen by the girls' fathers, who I'm sure were looking for men they thought were "good" and without a care for what the girl found attractive. I think several men on these boards have hinted to this over the years 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I'm glad you showed a bit of sympathy. I knew the day was coming. I actually show sympathy for that and a lot of other things all the time. But when a valid sorrow or hurt is submerged in entitlement, self pity, blaming, whining, weird double standards, etc. those aspects usually bury the underlying pain completely. That was not directed specifically towards you, or even to men. I feel that way all the time, and in fact I honestly believe that it's more help to try to get any person whose tending that way to throw off all that crap and get to the bottom of it. How they feel and what THEY can do to improve that. Without blaming anybody at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I think several men on these boards have hinted to this over the years That would be so righteous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 Why do people have no morals or ethics? I just wish I understood. I don't think women are better but my focus is not women. I had a date last night with this sleazy, slimy guy that just made me want to Every guy I dated in the past year, you could tell in the FIRST month that something was seriously off. Most often significant lies and inconsistencies. I only came across one guy that showed himself to be sincere and genuine (the one I dated recently) but unfortunately I had zero physical chemistry with him It shouldn't be THIS hard to come across someone decent. Especially because I believe myself to be kind, moral and good hearted person. I know a tad about your post history and one way you might be able to circumvent your dilemma is by sacrificing your education and success requirements. I know an Ivy League educated woman who is very successful and has a prestigious career (pretty much the most prestigious and respected). And she's older than you (what are you mid 30s?). She just chose a man who is intelligent but has none of the formal education or monetary success. But it seems like the other things are there for her. It's her physical type because he matches the other men she's dated in the past. I think obviously she would have preferred someone closer to her in terms of education. I know these things about her. Let's just say she's very close to me. Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I'm hard pressed to find a human worth a sh*t Maybe because you're looking in the atheist camp. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 That's what you have to offer the OP? I don't think that by "good guys" she meant tall, good looking and aggressive. She mentioned morality … did you miss that part? So you're one of the guys who thinks it's a travesty of justice for women to have romantic, sexual feelings for men they're attracted to? And that they'd naturally wish to be in a relationship that included romantic and sexual feelings? But with a GOOD GUY? If the world rearranged itself according to that, we might as well return to the fine age when husbands for young women were chosen by the girls' fathers, who I'm sure were looking for men they thought were "good" and without a care for what the girl found attractive. You think? Sheesh. A little sensitve my god..Everyones entitled to their preferencces im simply saying if people are struggling tremendously in finding a partner and really want somebody maybe its time to widen your net a little. Im not saying date a deformed or hideous person but maybe if her cutoff height is 5'10 maybe *gasp* go for a guy 5'8 or 5'9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 Maybe because you're looking in the atheist camp. There are as many jack-wagons in the so-called religious camps...I have met some amazing non-religious women, so homage to a deity is not the key. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 There are we just arent tall enough or good looking enough or agressive enough for women That a big old load of BS my friend. My man isn't tall, we are the same height. I'm taller in heels. He is a damn fine looking man to me and I love to admire him when he isn't looking. It's funny too because he often mentions that he has let himself go (stopped body-building) and feels a lil self-conscious about himself. Lots of girls may not see him as an Adonis, but he sure gets me going He has NEVER shown aggression, at all. He is one of the most caring and honourable guys I have known. Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I'd also like to point something out to the dudes who think it's our own fault that we're single/having a bad streak/frustrated. Many other women have chimed in here to say that they also had years of bad dates, and still ended up finding someone they're happy with. So while I'm always open for self-reflection and improvement, I am not going to take responsibility for some asshat who doesn't know how to conduct himself on a date with a woman. That's on him. My job is to move on and not give up. An isolated incident of a guy being a jerk is not indicative of personal shortcomings. A history of having an active dating life and continuing to encounter jerks points to a larger problem. The OP alluded to having a history of not meeting the good guys. Her isolated incident was going on a date with the nice guy. What else can one logically infer from the OP? I stand by my original comment: the common denominator is the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 A little sensitve my god..Everyones entitled to their preferencces im simply saying if people are struggling tremendously in finding a partner and really want somebody maybe its time to widen your net a little. Im not saying date a deformed or hideous person but maybe if her cutoff height is 5'10 maybe *gasp* go for a guy 5'8 or 5'9 I am NOT speaking for the OP, but I can speak for myself and many, many women I know personally and who are here on LoveShack. We know what we really like and what we think would contribute to a good match for us. We probably put those things in online dating profiles, if we're OLD. Because that is the way OLD is set up. BUT. If a guy shows up who is not in those parameters, we are capable of throwing all those preferences to the wind at a moments notice if he rocks us for some reason. I have ONLY had relationships with tall men in my past. I didn't consciously choose to, but I guess that was / is attractive to me or my relationship history would not be what it is in that regard. But, my husband is 5'8". I LOVE him. I think he is super sexy and manly, and also cute. I NEVER thought, "oh, I really like this guy, he's so old school and cool and a stand up guy; honest hard working, hilarious, offbeat, a great parent and all around admirable person who makes me feel feminine and wanted, and who loves me for who I am, accepts my past, admires me and my lifestyle, and I REALLY feel like making out with him RIGHT NOW, except … he's too short." Nope, not once. It probably helped a lot that he wasn't thinking "no woman is ever going to like me because I'm too short." 6 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I am NOT speaking for the OP, but I can speak for myself and many, many women I know personally and who are here on LoveShack. We know what we really like and what we think would contribute to a good match for us. We probably put those things in online dating profiles, if we're OLD. Because that is the way OLD is set up. BUT. If a guy shows up who is not in those parameters, we are capable of throwing all those preferences to the wind at a moments notice if he rocks us for some reason. I have ONLY had relationships with tall men in my past. I didn't consciously choose to, but I guess that was / is attractive to me or my relationship history would not be what it is in that regard. But, my husband is 5'8". I LOVE him. I think he is super sexy and manly, and also cute. I NEVER thought, "oh, I really like this guy, he's so old school and cool and a stand up guy; honest hard working, hilarious, offbeat, a great parent and all around admirable person who makes me feel feminine and wanted, and who loves me for who I am, accepts my past, admires me and my lifestyle, and I REALLY feel like making out with him RIGHT NOW, except … he's too short." Nope, not once. It probably helped a lot that he wasn't thinking "no woman is ever going to like me because I'm too short." Theyres exceptions to every rule but most women dont bend on those type of preferences 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 An isolated incident of a guy being a jerk is not indicative of personal shortcomings. A history of having an active dating life and continuing to encounter jerks points to a larger problem. The OP alluded to having a history of not meeting the good guys. Her isolated incident was going on a date with the nice guy. What else can one logically infer from the OP? I stand by my original comment: the common denominator is the OP. Well I am not sure what ES's r'ship history is, but I have personally had LTR's with fantastic men I was very attracted to, and I was treated very well. Over the past two years, however, my well seems to have run dry. I have many stories about dates that went just as hers did. I don't like jerks. And of course I never saw those guys again. I'm not going to start dating men I'm not attracted to. Sorry. And neither should ES. In fact nobody should. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I am NOT speaking for the OP, but I can speak for myself and many, many women I know personally and who are here on LoveShack. We know what we really like and what we think would contribute to a good match for us. We probably put those things in online dating profiles, if we're OLD. Because that is the way OLD is set up. BUT. If a guy shows up who is not in those parameters, we are capable of throwing all those preferences to the wind at a moments notice if he rocks us for some reason. I have ONLY had relationships with tall men in my past. I didn't consciously choose to, but I guess that was / is attractive to me or my relationship history would not be what it is in that regard. But, my husband is 5'8". I LOVE him. I think he is super sexy and manly, and also cute. I NEVER thought, "oh, I really like this guy, he's so old school and cool and a stand up guy; honest hard working, hilarious, offbeat, a great parent and all around admirable person who makes me feel feminine and wanted, and who loves me for who I am, accepts my past, admires me and my lifestyle, and I REALLY feel like making out with him RIGHT NOW, except … he's too short." Nope, not once. It probably helped a lot that he wasn't thinking "no woman is ever going to like me because I'm too short." Excellent post. Could not have said it better than this!! Truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 So you're one of the guys who thinks it's a travesty of justice for women to have romantic, sexual feelings for men they're attracted to? And that they'd naturally wish to be in a relationship that included romantic and sexual feelings? But with a GOOD GUY? But the OP has made it clear that when push comes to shove, physical chemistry and excitement trump everything else. Unfortunately, many "good guy" qualities that aid stability in LTRs, raising kids, etc., don't necessarily come across as particularly exciting -- especially in the early meeting & dating phases. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I have no comment other than to corroborate that Mez has indeed been telling me for days that there aren't good men around where she is . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 But the OP has made it clear that when push comes to shove, physical chemistry and excitement trump everything else. Unfortunately, many "good guy" qualities that aid stability in LTRs, raising kids, etc., don't necessarily come across as particularly exciting -- especially in the early meeting & dating phases. You kidding me? Who the hell wants to be with someone who doesn't give them butterflies even during the honeymoon period? One of the reasons why you get them is the excitement of being with someone compatible 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I have no comment other than to corroborate that Mez has indeed been telling me for days that there aren't good men around where she is . Sounds like someone should be stepping up 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 Theyres exceptions to every rule but most women dont bend on those type of preferences The only preferences are... True physical attraction on a grand scale, not independently like height, nose, lips, hips, breasts, legs, biceps, etc (it happens within 5 seconds of meeting) AND compatible values and attitudes (it happens over an undefined period of getting to know someone) These are not governed by rules, rather by circumstance. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 But the OP has made it clear that when push comes to shove, physical chemistry and excitement trump everything else. Unfortunately, many "good guy" qualities that aid stability in LTRs, raising kids, etc., don't necessarily come across as particularly exciting -- especially in the early meeting & dating phases. Physical chemistry does not exactly "trump everything else," but IT IS A SERIOUS REQUIREMENT for many PEOPLE. Physical chemistry is the thing that distinguishes friendships from romantic and sexual partnerships. ES was VERY clear that she is talking about GOOD guys, not HOT guys. Do you seriously believe that she or anyone "ought" to have sex with somebody because they're a moral, great person? What we are striving for is to be in a relationship with a moral great person and physical attraction is IMPERATIVE for us … if there is to be a physical aspect to the relationship. Some people grow to feel that over time, and I am not one of them. I can recognize it right away. But if the guy was a douche, the "spark" would be ignored. At least after I got growed up. And I think that's where the OP is at about now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 Theyres exceptions to every rule but most women dont bend on those type of preferences You know "most women"? Be honest. I bet you have very limited experience with ANY women. I'm not talking about sexual experience, either. I think I was perfectly clear in my personal example that I was not "bending" on anything; the man blew me away and that's all. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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