Yookie Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 You don't think he would just dump me by not saying anything do you?? Sorry honey, I think he dumped you 3 weeks ago when he got a "new job." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 You don't think he would just dump me by not saying anything do you?? It is the coward's way out, but it is a possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 You don't think he would just dump me by not saying anything do you?? Sorry, but people dump other people in this manner often. For some people it's easier to fade out then confront.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Sorry honey, I think he dumped you 3 weeks ago when he got a "new job." He really did get a new job Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Sorry, but people dump other people in this manner often. For some people it's easier to fade out then confront.... I just don't think he would do that Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I just don't think he would do that I hope you're right. We often don't think someone would do something like "that." We want to believe we know them that well....but you haven't known him that well. Anyway, I hope you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I just don't think he would do that Then why did you ask if we thought he could? I think a part of you sees the handwriting on the wall, but another part is in denial. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I just don't think he would do that Well, the title of the post suggests otherwise - and given that you haven't seen him in three weeks, and you hadn't been seeing eachother for all that long, it does seem quite likely that he's fading out on you. Which would be easier for you to handle? Him just fading out in a sort of death by 1,000 cuts way - or a straightforward "IB, you're a nice girl but I just don't think we're compatible and I don't see things working out" approach? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Then why did you ask if we thought he could? I think a part of you sees the handwriting on the wall, but another part is in denial. Idk I mean I guess he could but I just don't see him doing it. I'm so mad it wasn't supposed to be like this I should have just taken what I could get but the thing is he was always working like I don't think I was wrong to ask him what direction we were going I mean he said it would slow down in 3 weeks and 3 weeks has come and gone and now he is swamped again Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Well, the title of the post suggests otherwise - and given that you haven't seen him in three weeks, and you hadn't been seeing eachother for all that long, it does seem quite likely that he's fading out on you. Which would be easier for you to handle? Him just fading out in a sort of death by 1,000 cuts way - or a straightforward "IB, you're a nice girl but I just don't think we're compatible and I don't see things working out" approach? I want clarity so I want him to break it off Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Idk I mean I guess he could but I just don't see him doing it. I'm so mad it wasn't supposed to be like this I should have just taken what I could get but the thing is he was always working like I don't think I was wrong to ask him what direction we were going I mean he said it would slow down in 3 weeks and 3 weeks has come and gone and now he is swamped again Of course you were not wrong to ask about the status of your relationship. However, I think his silence is speaking volumes about it. Don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I want clarity so I want him to break it off You want "verbal" clarity. But total silence for 3-weeks is not clear enough for you? Some people are just not going to give you that. I hope you are right about this, but are you going to wait around for this "clarity?" Don't do that to yourself, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 You want "verbal" clarity. But total silence for 3-weeks is not clear enough for you? Some people are just not going to give you that. I hope you are right about this, but are you going to wait around for this "clarity?" Don't do that to yourself, please. We talked everyday via text in the time I didn't see him and we talked on the phone a few times. And he initiated the texts half the time and talked about what we would do when he's free. So that's why I'm confused Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Honey, I was where you are now. It's horrible. It's completely terrible for someone to have that much power over your emotions. I know you think he's perfect, but he's not. He's working every day, maybe, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have time to talk to you or see you. I know a lot of people who manage full-time jobs and grad school. I was doing that for a while, in fact, and I STILL had time for important people in my life. If he's not responding to you or contacting you, and if he's making you feel this insecure, he's not right for you. I completely agree with everyone who said you're being really clingy, and treating him like he's the center of your universe, but even so, you should be with someone who enhances good feelings. Not someone who does the opposite. I think you should break it off with him. Or just stop contacting him period. I'd love to see you have some of the power back. It kinda sucks, but the person who cares least wins. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 We talked everyday via text in the time I didn't see him and we talked on the phone a few times. And he initiated the texts half the time and talked about what we would do when he's free. So that's why I'm confused Well, after three weeks of not making the time to meet in person, I think I would be texting "I sense, from the time it's been since we saw eachother, that we're not really connecting any more. Sorry if my previous text was a bit intense. Good luck with your job and everything else." If he wants to end things between you, then that text will come as a relief to him, and he'll probably appreciate you taking the initiative to do it (though he might feel like a bit of a coward). If he's genuinely into you, then he'll find a window in his diary to see you regardless of how busy he is. He might be annoyed that he has to do it, but he'll do it. It's been three weeks. I don't think any reasonable guy would question you for assuming the worst, under the circumstances. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Well, after three weeks of not making the time to meet in person, I think I would be texting "I sense, from the time it's been since we saw eachother, that we're not really connecting any more. Sorry if my previous text was a bit intense. Good luck with your job and everything else." If he wants to end things between you, then that text will come as a relief to him, and he'll probably appreciate you taking the initiative to do it (though he might feel like a bit of a coward). If he's genuinely into you, then he'll find a window in his diary to see you regardless of how busy he is. He might be annoyed that he has to do it, but he'll do it. It's been three weeks. I don't think any reasonable guy would question you for assuming the worst, under the circumstances. I will give it a few days, if he doesn't text me today it will be the first time since we met that we haven't talked. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I will give it a few days, if he doesn't text me today it will be the first time since we met that we haven't talked. Okay, give it a few days - but during those few days, why don't you take active steps to focus your mind on other things? Do you like reading? Comedy shows? When I've been going through a tough time, I've thrown myself into learning other languages (eg Spanish and Italian) by the Pimsleur method. I never retain much of it longer term, but it's a very good way of refocusing temporarily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Okay, give it a few days - but during those few days, why don't you take active steps to focus your mind on other things? Do you like reading? Comedy shows? When I've been going through a tough time, I throw myself into learning other languages by the Pimsleur method. I never retain much of it longer term, but it's a very good way of refocusing temporarily. I have a lot of class work I guess I could try to focus on that since it is all due soon and I haven't started. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I have a lot of class work I guess I could try to focus on that since it is all due soon and I haven't started. God - well, yes. That's the priority. Get on with it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I'm so scared what if he is done? Do you think he will say something? I honestly cannot see him just ignoring me and that being the end. We clicked so well, he honestly told me he could see himself with me long term and stuff and we didn't have sex so it wasn't like he was just saying it for sex. I'm so bummed. IB.... Come on honey....stop........ You sound desperate. AND YOU ARE NOT! Leave him alone. I have a 53 year old girlfriend who still acts like she is NOTHING without a Man. She meets men, sleeps with them on a first or second date and then she wonders why they dump her...TOO NEEDY!!!!! I am the complete opposite. She looks at me and laughs...I look at her and feel very sorry for her. You are scaring him away. Concentrate on your school work! That is the most important thing in your life right now. GET ALL "A"s. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 IB, as gorgeous and young as you are......you need to do a little soul searching. A man isn't going to make you happy as much as you think it will. That said, as gorgeous as you are, clingy and needy is still a turnoff. Looks don't/wont keep a man around. Good luck to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I know this isn't a major issue but I just thought of it. Who am I going to have sex with now? It's been 7 months I was expecting him to be the one. That's like asking "where will I get a pizza?" in relative importance in your life. You will get plenty of chances to eat lots of pizza, I promise. Sex is a desire, not a need. Focus on getting out of school with good marks, making good life choices, building a social and professional network, ingraining good habits in lifestyle, attention to the spiritual aspects of life. A quality relationship that includes sex will follow from those things. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) You should not be dating. This kid hasn't made time to see you in 3 weeks. Perfect? Eh... I dated someone like this recently. I won't say he was perfect but we clicked and could talk for hours. It seemed promising - granted your guy seemed more promising. However I didn't see him for a week and it bothered me. He didn't have the job as an excuse we both work a min. of 40 hrs. So I told him about it. When there was no change... I cut contact. I don't care how promising he seemed but like in your case 3 weeks is unexcusable. I am sorry. Are you looking for a phone buddy or a boyfriend? Obviously LDR will be different but this isn't one. Plus you both drive. Anywho I only read to page 4 so I don't know if he replied but why are you still waiting for one? I really really don't think you should be dating. Plus the comment made some where in this thread about people on ls being too scared to get hurt and the intensity of a relationship starting like this is good - no it isn't when it is one sided. It will make someone crazy.ie. this fu cking thread Edited April 7, 2013 by SmileFace 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Yeah I don't think my text was unreasonable... I don't know I wish I could just fast forward and like know whats gonna happen because I am tired of stressing. I just wanna fast forward my life until I'm married with a baby Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I don't want to just have random sex with guys though that's gross. Then don't. Do you understand how illogical it is to believe that not having a boyfriend RIGHT THIS MINUTE equates to having gross random sex with strangers? Do you have any idea how many women you interact with here every day who deeply desire a relationship and don't have one? Yet don't think that means "random sex"? Seriously - have you ever in your life been talked to about impulse control issues? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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