veggirl Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Lovely lady!!! I'm on my phone so this'll be brief but a- you don't need drugs, just perspective! B- next time you wanna send a text like that consult here first lol. C- just disappear off his radar for a bit. If he's crazy busy then texts like that just add to his stress and turn him off. Let him acclimate. And tbh you need to back way off for some damage control anyway. If you get a response then just say I understand, talk to you when things calm down. Then come check in on LS lol. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Lovely lady!!! I'm on my phone so this'll be brief but a- you don't need drugs, just perspective! B- next time you wanna send a text like that consult here first lol. C- just disappear off his radar for a bit. If he's crazy busy then texts like that just add to his stress and turn him off. Let him acclimate. And tbh you need to back way off for some damage control anyway. If you get a response then just say I understand, talk to you when things calm down. Then come check in on LS lol. I'm so scared what if he is done? Do you think he will say something? I honestly cannot see him just ignoring me and that being the end. We clicked so well, he honestly told me he could see himself with me long term and stuff and we didn't have sex so it wasn't like he was just saying it for sex. I'm so bummed. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 IB, I don't think the medication would really help. You need to fundamentally change the way you see the world. It will come by itself with age or you can fast track it now with finding a good therapist. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ses Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 No man should be your world. Ever. Guys dig a girl who has diverse interests outside of their relationship. Elevating him to this god-like status will only lead to disappointment and regret later. I would be more inclined to end a relationship if a guy could find no fulfillment aside from it. Being part of a couple is a wonderful feeling but don't forget your wants/needs as an individual. You should satisfy those first. You should never feel like you HAVE to be with someone. A relationship shouldn't compensate for any insecurities one might have for example. There's nothing wrong with being single either. I'm single right now (24 years) and content with my status. Sure, there's a guy out there I really like right now but he's not my world. I wouldn't want him to be it. I have other things that occupy my time. Obsession is never healthy. I remember going out to a restaurant late at night with my best friend and her then bf. I was single but I always enjoyed my time with them. Sure there were times where I thought (and still think) how awesome it would be to have someone by my side but then I realize I can wait for the guy who really does it for me. I'm not going to die. A guy has never defined who I was as a person, and it would be a shame if you let this one define you. Therapy would be really helpful too. Don't be afraid to ask for the medication to help you. It's not a sign of weakness but of strength. Best wishes! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Lovely lady!!! I'm on my phone so this'll be brief but a- you don't need drugs, just perspective! B- next time you wanna send a text like that consult here first lol. C- just disappear off his radar for a bit. If he's crazy busy then texts like that just add to his stress and turn him off. Let him acclimate. And tbh you need to back way off for some damage control anyway. If you get a response then just say I understand, talk to you when things calm down. Then come check in on LS lol. Agree 100% with the above, and disagree with the need for therapy, drugs, and some of the other more pointed advice. You are having a natural reaction we have all had more than once. In your shoes would get strenuous exercise every day, eat well, stay out of the house as much as possible. Try to get on that schoolwork too. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and are off to a good start. Things may seem bleak right this moment, but that will change. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
outsidethebox Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I am a student, I graduate in May so I need to start looking for a job but I can't really do that until closer to graduation. Friends.. I have them my one best friend has a boyfriend and they just started dating and she is obsessed with him they spend all their time together. My other bestfriend just started dating a guy and she is traveling with him, and my other bestfriend is in school about 45 mins away with her bf.. Hobbies, I don't know what I would like to do. I have been trying to figure out what I would d as a hobby and I don't know. I think posting here counts as a hobby. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) I like and respect this kind of intensity. In the beginning of a new relationship it should be this way. You shouldn't stop yourself from experiencing these feelings. It's gutsy and fearless to say "I'm going to allow myself to sleep, eat, drink and breath this boy/girl because thats how I feel". This forum is full of people too terrified of getting hurt to ever be as brave as this.. They're depressing boring cynics emotionally stunted by their insecurities. I feel you OP, and regardless of what happens with this guy don't let yourself become bitter and miserable. One day your fearless passion will bring you the person you were meant to be with...and you'll be far happier than any of those foolish enough to mistake you for being weak or needy. I shouldn't have gotten so caught up, I always do that! It's just like when I first met him we clicked, like we just clicked so perfectly we could lay there and just talk about the dumbest stuff and joke and it would be perfect for hours and hours. I honestly felt like he was my other half, things would have been so different had he not gotten this stupid job. It pisses me off kind of because he was at his old company for like 3 years, of course when I enter into his life he gets a new job that ruins everything. It's kind of funny because he started looking for a new job so he wouldn't have such a far commute so he could see me more and he ended up getting a job further away and we got less time together. My life is awesome... not. I am not going to text him for a few days and then hopefully he will message me, and if not I do want closure and I will ask him but I will give it like 2-3 days Edited April 7, 2013 by ImperfectionisBeauty Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Babe, don't make the same mistake that I did. My ex was my entire world and when he dumped me, I could not cope. He was everything to me and perfect. I had no life and just wanted to please him. Now I have a full life and put myself first. I get hurt if a guy does not like me, but I busy so it is not so bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 I know this isn't a major issue but I just thought of it. Who am I going to have sex with now? It's been 7 months I was expecting him to be the one. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I know this isn't a major issue but I just thought of it. Who am I going to have sex with now? It's been 7 months I was expecting him to be the one. With the right guy of course! Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I know this isn't a major issue but I just thought of it. Who am I going to have sex with now? It's been 7 months I was expecting him to be the one. Do you mean the one, as in your first? Are you just worried you are going to go sexless for awhile? I am confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 With the right guy of course! Yeah good luck finding him lol I tried that numerous times Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Do you mean the one, as in your first? Are you just worried you are going to go sexless for awhile? I am confused. I didn't want to have sex until I was in a relationship because I had sex so many other times with guys I didn't care about and who didn't care about me and I wanted to have sex with him a lot Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I didn't want to have sex until I was in a relationship because I had sex so many other times with guys I didn't care about and who didn't care about me and I wanted to have sex with him a lot Oh, well you will find someone. No worries. For women it is like shooting fish in a barrel. Chin up! Link to post Share on other sites
wisernow Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 You really need to relax. You are all over the place. Either this guy is out doing something else, sleeping, driving, masturbating,etc. or he's tired of your smothering behavior. Either way, it's out of your control. You're not going to "like, literally die", or never have sex again. You will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Uhhhh, anxiety. I know this devil well, we are besties, great dance partners [look up avoidant personality disorder]. I'm slowly breaking up with him though. You don't need medication, you can use your own mind to work around it, you can reprogram yourself. The fact that you are aware of the process gives you an edge, because you can now watch it unfold and eventually find alternates. When my anxiety flares i usually try to look at the future, to imagine a future where i have gotten over the thing that has happened. An example would be in this case, imagining a future bf after this guy, or getting a hobby, or getting something to tire you up so bad that you can't even think of him. I generally go with the imagining. You can also do cognitive restructuring, it's very very good. Cognitive Restructuring Lovely lady!!! I'm on my phone so this'll be brief but a- you don't need drugs, just perspective! B- next time you wanna send a text like that consult here first lol. C- just disappear off his radar for a bit. If he's crazy busy then texts like that just add to his stress and turn him off. Let him acclimate. And tbh you need to back way off for some damage control anyway. If you get a response then just say I understand, talk to you when things calm down. Then come check in on LS lol. Listen to this too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I'm so scared what if he is done? Do you think he will say something? I honestly cannot see him just ignoring me and that being the end. We clicked so well, he honestly told me he could see himself with me long term and stuff and we didn't have sex so it wasn't like he was just saying it for sex. I'm so bummed. Why are you do worried about sex? Don't not have sex with people just because you are afraid of what others will think... I am pretty sure if I got dumped I would keep having sex... Lol The right man wit care what your number is anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I feel you OP, and regardless of what happens with this guy don't let yourself become bitter and miserable. One day your fearless passion will bring you the person you were meant to be with...and you'll be far happier than any of those foolish enough to mistake you for being weak or needy. I wish the OP happiness, but I don't think that she is going to find it unless she learns how to be a complete person on her own. And also to stop being a stage 5 clinger. I don't believe that any man on Earth would be able to deal with that kind of behavior for long. I wonder if you would. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) There are things you can do to reduce your anxiety without taking meds or talking it all out with a therapist, but....you have to actually take the time to do them. If it's late or for whatever other reason you can't get out for some fresh air, think about trying some meditation. You don't need to go to a class, or anything like that. You could watch something like this Meditation music. - YouTube which is a bit new agey, I know, but if you approach it with an open mind it's actually very relaxing. If it's not for you, there are lots of other pieces of meditation music with accompanying visuals that you can enjoy for free thanks to the internet. "Hobbies" are just whatever you enjoy doing in your spare time. Whether that's participating in a sport, watching a sport, going for a walk, swim or cycle, socialising, enjoying other people's creativity or trying to put your own to work. Even LS, as somebody already said, is a hobby of sorts! However, it isn't one that will necessarily help your anxiety given that there's often a lot of conflict. A little bit of stress and conflict is fine, but you need to know when to draw back and recharge. Regarding the guy...impossible to say whether he's lost interest, but these things do happen to most people at some point unless they're lucky enough to meet a soulmate at a young age. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, but if is important (as others have said) that you don't react to a withdrawing person by pursuing them. Don't think of it as the game it so often gets portrayed as being on this site and others like it. It's not a game. Letting somebody withdraw and have some space when they need it is considerate....and learning to use that time to recharge and strengthen your own sense of identity will a) help you to be a happier, stronger person and b) prevent you from sabotaging relationships by venting your anxieties on friends or boyfriends when they're trying to have some time out. Also, I think it's important that you don't absorb negative or demeaning words and phrases other people use about your anxiety related behaviour. Positive thinking and phrasing might not be the panacea it sometimes gets portrayed as, but it does help to calm people down. Rather than focusing on what you don't want to be (which can increase anxiety about anxiety-related behaviour and therefore reinforce it), focusing on where you want to get to. To a calmer, stronger and happier place. Edited April 7, 2013 by Taramere 4 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 Maybe I'm alone in this but meds might help you cope, at least for the short-term until you can get a handle on your emotional boomerang. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) Maybe I'm alone in this but meds might help you cope, at least for the short-term until you can get a handle on your emotional boomerang. It might be that it's as serious as that, and that her doctor will decide she needs meds as part of crisis intervention. I certainly would never try to talk somebody out of visiting their doctor to discuss whether that was the case. It's amazing, though, how powerful an effect some natural methods of relaxation can have if people are willing to give them a go. I went to a yoga class recently after a really sh*tty day (work going wrong, a horrible morning in court, migraine threatening etc). I really wasn't in the mood to go to a yoga class and be all new age when what I really wanted to do was eat things that were bad for me, drink coffee and rant on the internet. By the end of the class I felt great and had got everything in perspective. Also, again referring years back to children's home work (but honestly, I learned more in that time than I've learned in my entire life I think) - most of the children there, and these were seriously disturbed and anxious children, saw drugs as the first port of call to treat bad feelings. They were normalised to parents who used both prescribed and illicit drugs. They would follow suit - self medicating with dope and "jellies" (temazepam) whenever they could get their hands on them. One time I lent this hypnosis tape (that had come free with a magazine I'd bought) to one of the girls before she went to bed. The next day she asked if she could keep it as she'd had a really good night's sleep after listening to it. Of course I said yes, and her sleeping patterns improved after that. Just this one thing, a free tape "better self esteem" or something, was resulting in this girl getting one of the most important things you can have for good health - and without the involvement of any sleeping tablets. That she was so open to trying something like that and using it as an alternative way of feeling better was a big wake up call for me. Staff were not, on the whole, even trying these things out with children because they felt the children would just laugh at them for suggesting it. I know that for some people, drugs prove to be the only effective remedy - but it makes sense to ensure that they're trying (genuinely trying, and not just being aware of) the natural, non-med methods of relaxation first. Edited April 7, 2013 by Taramere Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 Why are you do worried about sex? Don't not have sex with people just because you are afraid of what others will think... I am pretty sure if I got dumped I would keep having sex... Lol The right man wit care what your number is anyways. I don't want to just have random sex with guys though that's gross. I want to be wife and mother material no one marries a whore... I mean I guess some do but... Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 2-3 days is not long enough to give someone "space", esp if you have come off as a little....intense very recently. Wait til close to next weekend, like , Thursday. and no more dramatic "what are we, where is this going, I just really like you so much and want time with you" type of texts. if you do end up texting him next week (okay wait at least FOUR days, Im sure you can do that!) you keep it light and casual, not all serious and pressurey. you guys are progressing slowly, that's fine, don't freak out!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 2-3 days is not long enough to give someone "space", esp if you have come off as a little....intense very recently. Wait til close to next weekend, like , Thursday. and no more dramatic "what are we, where is this going, I just really like you so much and want time with you" type of texts. if you do end up texting him next week (okay wait at least FOUR days, Im sure you can do that!) you keep it light and casual, not all serious and pressurey. you guys are progressing slowly, that's fine, don't freak out!! I guess because things started off so intense and fast then slowed down. I think I can wait 4 days it might be torture but idk I think I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 You don't think he would just dump me by not saying anything do you?? Link to post Share on other sites
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