Is the world trying to screw me over?!

[fortyninethousand322]

But even still. That doesn't mean I don't still struggle at times. I just choose to handle it differently. Look at the thread I made yesterday about dating cycles being feast or famine for me.

 

You think once you put your penis inside of a vagina that's it? That's nothing. As made evidence by the fact that SD has had sex multiple times.

 

Whether I put my penis inside of a woman at 19, 20, 24, whatever, doesn't matter. Partly because I struggled, and partly because the struggles still continue.

 

It's all in how you handle it. When I used to handle letdowns like they were the end of the world, I did worse. When I realized it's not that serious and life goes on, I did better.

 

No I don't think getting sex is the end all be all. In fact, I really don't want sex at all. I'd be quite happy just having a woman to hang out with.

 

The age thing is important. Because I think the world looks far differently at an inexperienced 19 or 20 year old than they do an inexperienced person approaching or over 30. Not to mention self-perceptions.

[fortyninethousand322]

In doing so, you enable people to stagnate. I hope you know that.

 

That implies that they have the capacity to not stagnate.

 

My advice matches what I think the receiver needs to hear. What I write in SD's threads are different than the advice I write in someone else's.

 

I gave perfectly reasonable advice in this very thread by the way. I told SD he should get into weight lifting seriously, or pick up an instrument. A hobby to take his mind off of women. I think that's a perfectly fine thing to do. Do you disagree?

[MrCastle]

SD has never had sex with a woman where there was even the slightest possibility of it being anything more than just sex, and it was only a one time thing with each women.

 

Also nothing at all was required of me to have sex other then being there and paying the entry fee.

 

Our sex lives have absolutely nothing in common, which you should be extremely grateful for.

 

But that's my whole point. Some people seem to put an emphasis on "late bloomers" as it pertains to sex. I never had a Carrie to make a man out if me, I never had women on the internet being aggressors and propositioning me.

 

I built everything from the ground up. Nothing was given to me. I had to take it.

 

And you Somedude, you have the choice to take it.

 

Here's the difference between me and you.

 

Girl doesn't sit next to me on a day I planned to talk to her

 

Me: Ahh, lame. Oh well, I'll get her after class.

 

You: Wtf? She knows. She knows I was going to ask her out on this day. That's why she didn't sit next to me. Wtf wtf fml. The universe is out to get me. This sucks.

[CarrieT]

[quote=somedude81;4683157Basically I've only slept with women like CarrieT

 

Myopic, that's a new word.

 

With all due respect, not knowing "myopic," you couldn't get a woman like me... :p:p

 

I may have been around, but none of my partners had complaints and problems about approaching women the way you do.

[somedude81]

What people don't seem to understand is the thing I absolutely need right now is some success with women.

 

Almost every single day I see girls I want to date. Right now there are a few girls that I'm interested in.

 

I don't know what I have to do and instead I'm told that I should have a positive mentality. That's not helping. In fact it actually makes me feel even more frustrated thus making my mentality worse.

[ScreamingTrees]

We realized what was required to make changes in our life, and made them. Confidence is not going to be an end-all solution to your problems, it only enables you to have a chance in the first place.

 

How do you accurately identify what changes need to be made?

[somedude81]

But that's my whole point. Some people seem to put an emphasis on "late bloomers" as it pertains to sex. I never had a Carrie to make a man out if me, I never had women on the internet being aggressors and propositioning me.

Neither of I, to any of those.

 

More in that in my next post.

 

I built everything from the ground up. Nothing was given to me. I had to take it.

 

And you Somedude, you have the choice to take it.

 

Here's the difference between me and you.

 

Girl doesn't sit next to me on a day I planned to talk to her

 

Me: Ahh, lame. Oh well, I'll get her after class.

 

You: Wtf? She knows. She knows I was going to ask her out on this day. That's why she didn't sit next to me. Wtf wtf fml. The universe is out to get me. This sucks.

LOL, that is me!

 

Dude, as I said before, I have tired, many approaches. Though when an approach fails, I don't know if it was the right approach and the wrong girl so I give up on that approach and try a different way.

 

I'm still curious on what to do when a girl is walking to class with her friends.

With all due respect, not knowing "myopic," you couldn't get a woman like me... :p:p

 

I may have been around, but none of my partners had complaints and problems about approaching women the way you do.

You've never taken part in a swinger party?

[iKING]

What people don't seem to understand is the thing I absolutely need right now is some success with women.

 

Almost every single day I see girls I want to date. Right now there are a few girls that I'm interested in.

 

I don't know what I have to do and instead I'm told that I should have a positive mentality. That's not helping. In fact it actually makes me feel even more frustrated thus making my mentality worse.

 

Just let go. Making this harder on yourself isn't helping. You're either going to have to get your mind straight or odds are this isn't going to work in your favor.

 

Let go of that mentality. Close your eyes, take a deep breathe, and let out the insecurities and problems. Festering on them is not going to help. The world doesn't care if we're down, or if we're hurt, or struggling. To the world, we're a weak link if we fester on an open wound. This world takes no prisoners.

 

I'm far less concerned of your lack of success with women as I am with your mentality. Fix your mentality, and you'll have a far greater chance of fixing your success with women.

[ThaWholigan]

Stop talking about stagnation and start giving some advice on how it can be avoided.

 

Have you been listening? Have you been reading? Have any of you even properly deciphered a single piece of the advice I have given you?

 

Obviously not.

 

You have to CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK! You have to reprogram yourself and start moving. You also have to stop caring and attaching so much of yourself to your failings and learn to move the f*ck on. You know what - f*ck it....hold on.

 

Vocaroo | Voice message

[MrCastle]

Another thing you need to consider is your age as it pertains to where you are in life.

 

You are 31; and you may look younger, act younger, etc, but the fact is you are in college with younger people. Where some people are as young as 19 or even 18.

 

A considerable amount of women do like older men, but because of the wisdom, security, and maturity he provides.

 

If you are on the same level as these younger people, there is no incentive. They can get everything they can with you with a younger guy.

 

I think once you finish school, and become more established in your career, things will open up.

 

Women who want a 31 year old man want a guy with his own place, with a stable income, with security, etc etc. Not a guy that's at the same level they're at only older.

 

And I say this as someone who is 25 in college. I understand it, maybe not to the level you're at, but I get it.

 

Some women expect me as a 25 year old, to be more advanced in life, more established. I would assume this feeling is only stronger the older you get.

[normal person]

 

Perhaps Castle is more confidence and upbeat because that's just how he is and one day he just became more like himself and that's solved whatever issues he had. But somebody who has no reason to be confident is not going to just be confident. That's called being delusional...

 

I was going to respond with:

 

Fake it until you make it.

 

If I had gone off sheer past experience as to how to dictate my actions in the present moment, things would not have gone the way they did thus far in my life. I realized that the way I was going about things was not working, and made a change.

 

49, what you say is completely understandable, but just because confidence and self-assuredness didn't work 1, 5, 10, or 100 times doesn't mean it still isn't the best method. If you let the failing instances of it dictate an attitude, you really aren't that confident and you aren't even faking it to make it. It needs to be stuck with until every detail is perfected.

 

Another thing to consider is that the girl is completely unaware of the conditions which might have made him that way. It's not like he can say:

"It's true I'm reluctant to ask you out, but it's only because I've had some bad luck acting confident and self-assured before. Deep down I'm just the same as someone more bold." To her, he's just shy and hesitant. He's not granted an opportunity to explain why he's like that, nor would a girl suddenly grant him consideration on a technicality even if he had the opportunity to tell her. From her perspective, he's a shy, reluctant guy and that's probably all she knows.

[somedude81]

Just let go. Making this harder on yourself isn't helping. You're either going to have to get your mind straight or odds are this isn't going to work in your favor.

 

Let go of that mentality. Close your eyes, take a deep breathe, and let out the insecurities and problems. Festering on them is not going to help. The world doesn't care if we're down, or if we're hurt, or struggling. To the world, we're a weak link if we fester on an open wound. This world takes no prisoners.

 

I'm far less concerned of your lack of success with women as I am with your mentality. Fix your mentality, and you'll have a far greater chance of fixing your success with women.

 

Have you been listening? Have you been reading? Have any of you even properly deciphered a single piece of the advice I have given you?

 

Obviously not.

 

You have to CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK! You have to reprogram yourself and start moving. You also have to stop caring and attaching so much of yourself to your failings and learn to move the f*ck on. You know what - f*ck it....hold on.

 

Vocaroo | Voice message

There is a good possibility that a girl I'm interested in is avoiding me because she thinks I may ask her out. I have been nothing but friendly and fun towards her and have not smothered her in any way.

 

And you guys are trying to talk to me about my mentality and the way I think.

 

There is some serious miscommunication going on.

[somedude81]

Another thing you need to consider is your age as it pertains to where you are in life.

 

You are 31; and you may look younger, act younger, etc, but the fact is you are in college with younger people. Where some people are as young as 19 or even 18.

 

A considerable amount of women do like older men, but because of the wisdom, security, and maturity he provides.

 

If you are on the same level as these younger people, there is no incentive. They can get everything they can with you with a younger guy.

 

I think once you finish school, and become more established in your career, things will open up.

 

Women who want a 31 year old man want a guy with his own place, with a stable income, with security, etc etc. Not a guy that's at the same level they're at only older.

 

And I say this as someone who is 25 in college. I understand it, maybe not to the level you're at, but I get it.

 

Some women expect me as a 25 year old, to be more advanced in life, more established. I would assume this feeling is only stronger the older you get.

Please don't bring my age into this.

 

Just pretend that I'm 23 and the girls don't think I'm older than them.

[ThaWholigan]

There is a good possibility that a girl I'm interested in is avoiding me because she thinks I may ask her out. I have been nothing but friendly and fun towards her and have not smothered her in any way.

 

And you guys are trying to talk to me about my mentality and the way I think.

 

There is some serious miscommunication going on.

The point is:

 

Stop giving a f*ck.

 

Simple. That's a point where your mentality is f*cked up.

[MrCastle]

Please don't bring my age into this.

 

Just pretend that I'm 23 and the girls don't think I'm older than them.

 

Fine. Then read what Who, King, some others and myself have been saying for the previous 3 pages.

[iKING]

How do you accurately identify what changes need to be made?

 

There is no absolute, sure-fire identification of what needs to be changed, look at what characteristics you find appealing in others, and work on those.

 

In this world this is what benefits you:

 

- Being kind, friendly, open-minded, and outgoing.

 

- Having faith in yourself and knowing that even if you screw up, tomorrow is a new day, and you'll have a new chance to do better.

 

- Realizing that you have nothing to lose, and to take absolutely everything so seriously is only hurting yourself.

 

- Having confidence makes you seem more worthy, both with women, and business.

 

- Seeing the glass half empty 24/7 is only hurting yourself, you're alive, you're on the internet which probably means you have a roof over your head, as far as those less fortunate then you, you're doing fantastic.

 

- Having a positive attitude will keep you looking at the prize, and prevent you from festering on the failures, which by default, gives you better chances of achieving what you want.

 

I could go on for days, I never stop improving or working on ways of making things better for both myself, and others. There's always room for improvement. Working on oneself before approaching a situation where you need to work with others is only going to benefit you, so do it on the in-between with relationships. Look at what you could have done better, and remember it for the next time you're in the situation. Keep moving forward, looking backwards is going to prevent you from moving on.

 

This doesn't mean Castle, or I, or Wholigan never get down, it doesn't mean we think we're perfect, it means we've overcome those feelings and realized that they're not beneficial to the way we conduct ourselves and dropped them.

[ScreamingTrees]

This doesn't mean Castle, or I, or Wholigan never get down, it doesn't mean we think we're perfect, it means we've overcome those feelings and realized that they're not beneficial to the way we conduct ourselves and dropped them.

 

My problem seems to stem from after I drop whatever negativity I've accumulated and feel rejuvenated and hopeful, excited even.. Only to face rejection or something similar that generates more negativity. It's like a vicious cycle. I am quite happy with my life, other than that.

[man_in_the_box]

Don't you feel completely octrasized at college btw? I agree with some posts that getting a new 'working field' that is more - ahem - 'age-appropriate' is the best idea ever.

[ThaWholigan]

My problem seems to stem from after I drop whatever negativity I've accumulated and feel rejuvenated and hopeful, excited even.. Only to face rejection or something similar that generates more negativity. It's like a vicious cycle. I am quite happy with my life, other than that.

This suggests that your happiness and your hope is tied to the outcome of whatever scenario that facilitates rejection. Therefore my advice remains: stop giving a f*ck .

 

I often try to look at new things I can introduce into my life to shake things up, and it keeps my mind fresh - I then go back to my normal stuff with renewed vigor.

 

It's not even like I don't get nervous or I get angry or something like that. I get down too, I'm not some uber positive person all the time at all. However, I recognize my emotions for what they are - emotions. I just let them be, I accept them, but I always remain objective about my life and proceed forward towards whatever it is I'm doing.

[ScreamingTrees]

This suggests that your happiness and your hope is tied to the outcome of whatever scenario that facilitates rejection. Therefore my advice remains: stop giving a f*ck .

 

I often try to look at new things I can introduce into my life to shake things up, and it keeps my mind fresh - I then go back to my normal stuff with renewed vigor.

 

It's not even like I don't get nervous or I get angry or something like that. I get down too, I'm not some uber positive person all the time at all. However, I recognize my emotions for what they are - emotions. I just let them be, I accept them, but I always remain objective about my life and proceed forward towards whatever it is I'm doing.

 

I'm going to try harder to seperate myself even further from my emotions. I would say that I'm already quite seperated, but I still feel the anxiety and depression controls me. I have to try to not identify with it, and just know that it's something that will pass, something that is not a part of me, something that is only preventing me from finding success in certain areas of my life.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm going to try harder to seperate myself even further from my emotions. I would say that I'm already quite seperated, but I still feel the anxiety and depression controls me. I have to try to not identify with it, and just know that it's something that will pass, something that is not a part of me, something that is only preventing me from finding success in certain areas of my life.

Good - but I caution you. Detachment does work in doses, but I don't advocate that you become detached to the point that you deny your emotions until you no longer truly recognize them. They have a habit of sneaking up on you and grabbing hold of your mind.

 

When you fight and disassociate with your own emotions, you risk alienating yourself from how you feel. Recognize that your emotions will happen to you regardless. The way to control them is to accept that you feel a certain way and stop caring that you do. Eventually, you keep doing that enough, then you will be able to control your emotional response to things.

[iKING]

Emotions are like waves, you can either choose to ride them to the bitter end, or just let them pass without clinging.

 

It's nearly impossible to detach yourself from emotion, it isn't however, impossible to stop letting those emotions dictate the way you conduct yourself and manage your life.

 

As far as the anxiety goes screaming, the way I got over that, was exposure therapy. If something made me nervous in a social situation, I did it until it no longer had a great effect on me. Stop worrying, stop caring too much. People do strange things all the time, it doesn't make you socially inept, it just means there's more to be worked on, which is a good thing. If we were all perfect, this would be a very boring world.

[clia]

I'm still curious on what to do when a girl is walking to class with her friends.

 

It's no different than if she's alone. Just walk up to her, engage in a few seconds of banter, and ask for her number. You'll be waiting forever if you demand that she be alone for you to make a move.

 

I also think you are wrong to discount the effect your age may be having. How old are these girls you are asking out? 21? 22? When I was that age I wouldn't have even considered going out with a guy who was 31. That felt so old to me. So...you may be targeting the entirely wrong group of women which is why you are having such poor luck. (Obviously some women have no problem dating older men, though.)

[mesmerized]

What I'm amused about is that you make very little effort in making yourself attractive to women and so much effort in finding ways to ask them out. Unless you have something interesting to offer, you will get the same results...over and over again.

 

I know you are not going to listen but this is a very honest advice from a woman.

[somedude81]

It's no different than if she's alone. Just walk up to her, engage in a few seconds of banter, and ask for her number. You'll be waiting forever if you demand that she be alone for you to make a move.

Really? There is no difference?

 

I always thought it was embarrassing for a girl to be asked out when her friends are around, especially if the guy isn't some super cool dude.

 

I don't want to do anything to embarrass her, but if it doesn't matter, then I won't worry about it.