Is the world trying to screw me over?!

[fortyninethousand322]

If you think none of us guys in the "confidence cult" have been where you guys have been, you're fooling yourselves.

 

We realized what was required to make changes in our life, and made them. Confidence is not going to be an end-all solution to your problems, it only enables you to have a chance in the first place.

 

If you go around with the attitude that you're not worth it, people are going to assume you're not worth it, and those who don't aren't going to want to spend time babying you.

 

This world takes no prisoners, stand up, stand tall, and be comfortable in your skin. You are the king of the world.

 

I don't know. Wholigan was a "late bloomer" so to speak, but he lost his virginity to a girl who propositioned him on POF. Castle, as far as I'm aware, is younger than me and has been dating for a while now. You, I don't know.

 

SD is 32 and still struggling. 8 more years they'll make a movie about him (if he were still a virgin of course).

 

I don't think most people understand what SD is going through or has gone through.

[MrCastle]

I don't know. Wholigan was a "late bloomer" so to speak, but he lost his virginity to a girl who propositioned him on POF. Castle, as far as I'm aware, is younger than me and has been dating for a while now. You, I don't know.

 

SD is 32 and still struggling. 8 more years they'll make a movie about him (if he were still a virgin of course).

 

I don't think most people understand what SD is going through or has gone through.

 

I'm 25 and by all accounts a late bloomer.

 

Late bloomer, fast learner.

 

I best all men I know in the female department now.

[CarrieT]

I do keep trying, but it is wearing me down. I have 18 years straight of nothing but failure with girls and I don't know how much more I can take. Right now it's making me mentally exhausted where I feel I need to take naps in the middle of the day just to get by.

How old are you? I'm assuming you aren't in your late 30s and/or that you didn't start hitting on girls fresh out of the womb - either of which makes your math skills questionable on how long you have really been trying.

 

I don't know what to do. I've only gone to the last two math labs because of that girl.

Maybe go to the math lab to figure out how to do math... :rolleyes:

 

 

Seriously, SD - you are getting some great advice in this thread that you should take to heart. Calm down and stop being so myopic in your views of getting girls and the polarized belief that the world is screwing you over. Beliefs like that will bleed through your pores and no one will want to hang with you.

[fortyninethousand322]

I'm 25 and by all accounts a late bloomer.

 

Late bloomer, fast learner.

 

I best all men I know in the female department now.

 

How late are we talking about?

[somedude81]

Somedude you have to realize though that conditions are almost never perfect. They're almost never ideal. You can't sit back and wait for things to be scripted perfectly.

 

You can be the guy who is a self proclaimed nerd who works with computers and wears graphic t-shirts and had an attractive woman proposition him for sex. You can be that guy and get laid once every 15 years, or you can go out, take your lumps, be confident, and believe that this will turn around. Eventually it will.

OK, so what should I have done in today's math lab?

 

It's the end of class, she's in the front row sitting with her friends doing math problems, getting ready for tomorrows test. Aside from the greeting which she didn't respond to, I haven't said anything to her.

[MrCastle]

How late are we talking about?

 

That's not important. Late is all you need to know

[fortyninethousand322]

That's not important. Late is all you need to know

 

Well if you were 20 or younger, that's not "legally" a late bloomer.

[MrCastle]

Well if you were 20 or younger, that's not "legally" a late bloomer.

 

Which is the problem. If I put a number to it then I stand no benefit.

 

If I said "I lost my virginity at 19" then people will say "that's not late, you can't relate to our struggles"

 

If I said "I lost my virginity last year" then people will say "you don't have enough experience, you're just starting out"

 

Either way, people will find a way to discredit my advice, as they've tried to do with Wholigan in past threads.

 

All anyone needs to know is I struggled, as Somedude has struggled, as some other notable men on this site have struggled, and it wasn't until I changed my mentality that I saw any kind of success.

[normal person]

Its beyond just looks [which plays a big part ] but im talking something that just turns women off

[...]

Something like that is damn near impossible to change or know how to.Its not like you can say get over your shyness or lose weight or dress better problems like that can be changed more easily because its somethign tangible thats turning women off

 

I know what you're saying but I think there's a mislabeling. Just because a person doesn't know how to identify or articulate the problem doesn't mean it can't be changed.

 

It might not be a specific thing he does like dress bad, if it's being called a bad aura, it's probably something to do with his interactions with other people and his environment. Is he warm, welcoming, confident, comforting? Is he tastefully so, or overbearing and eager? Does he have genuine intentions or can people see through things he does? My guess is it's something like that. "Auras" are like summations of actions and/or inactions, even very small ones, I think.

 

If I was a girl I'd say I'd be more inclined to go out with Castle based on his "have stones, don't think, just act" approach as opposed to a guy who attends a class he isn't even in, waiting for months for the supposed perfect opportunity to talk to a girl he likes on the last day.

 

Here's how I see the approaches and "auras" decoded as I imagine a girl would:

Castle: confident, comfortable, decisive, determined

SD: calculating, reluctant, unsure, didn't express any interest outright

 

Which would you be more likely to say "yes" to?

[ThaWholigan]

I don't think most people understand what SD is going through or has gone through.

 

So you guys keep saying, like we haven't struggled either .

 

We have solutions, but problems are obviously more attractive.

 

I don't know why I bother.

[somedude81]

I don't know. Wholigan was a "late bloomer" so to speak, but he lost his virginity to a girl who propositioned him on POF. Castle, as far as I'm aware, is younger than me and has been dating for a while now. You, I don't know.

 

SD is 32 and still struggling. 8 more years they'll make a movie about him (if he were still a virgin of course).

 

I don't think most people understand what SD is going through or has gone through.

The only reason I'm not a virgin is because I've found creative ways to find sex. Basically I've only slept with women like CarrieT

How old are you? I'm assuming you aren't in your late 30s and/or that you didn't start hitting on girls fresh out of the womb - either of which makes your math skills questionable on how long you have really been trying.

And speaking of CarrieT. Hello! Hope that wasn't too creepy

 

somdude81 was born in 1981. That makes him 32 years old, well 31 since he was born in August. He started liking girls at 13 years old. 31-13 is 18 years that he has been interested in girls.

Seriously, SD - you are getting some great advice in this thread that you should take to heart. Calm down and stop being so myopic in your views of getting girls and the polarized belief that the world is screwing you over. Beliefs like that will bleed through your pores and no one will want to hang with you.

Myopic, that's a new word.

 

When I'm around people I do everything possible to keep my negative beliefs locked away. Also it's super easy to get me in a good mood. Put a halfway decent girl next to me who is willing to talk and I won't have an ounce of negativity. I'm never a downer when I'm around girls because I enjoy being around them so much.

[MrCastle]

I know what you're saying but I think there's a mislabeling. Just because a person doesn't know how to identify or articulate the problem doesn't mean it can't be changed.

 

It might not be a specific thing he does like dress bad, if it's being called a bad aura, it's probably something to do with his interactions with other people and his environment. Is he warm, welcoming, confident, comforting? Is he tastefully so, or overbearing and eager? Does he have genuine intentions or can people see through things he does? My guess is it's something like that. "Auras" are like summations of actions and/or inactions, even very small ones, I think.

 

If I was a girl I'd say I'd be more inclined to go out with Castle based on his "have stones, don't think, just act" approach as opposed to a guy who attends a class he isn't even in, waiting for months for the supposed perfect opportunity to talk to a girl he likes on the last day.

 

Here's how I see the approaches and "auras" decoded as I imagine a girl would:

Castle: confident, comfortable, decisive, determined

SD: calculating, reluctant, unsure, didn't express any interest outright

 

Which would you be more likely to say "yes" to?

 

I would venture to say I don't think Somedude presents a positive, "approach me", friendly attitude in real life and then turns the switch on when he logs ingo loveshack. This negative energy he so potently expresses on this site is more than likely leaking into his real life body language without him knowing.

[fortyninethousand322]

So you guys keep saying, like we haven't struggled either .

 

We have solutions, but problems are obviously more attractive.

 

I don't know why I bother.

 

I'm not saying you didn't struggle. You did. But come on now, what are the odds some girl is going to message a guy out of the blue to have sex? You were extremely lucky in that regard. I just don't see how that's useful to someone like SD.

[iKING]

No offense but women here have flirted with you just off your picture alone when you're a good looking dude while its not everything its sure makes life alot easier because it gets your foot in many more doors then us unattractive dudes and from their you just have to not f things up

 

Looks have counted for jack at times in my life I was walking around with a "poor me" attitude, you could be Brad Pitt, but if you have a negative perception of yourself and the world around you, women aren't going to want to have to nurse your ego to keep you on the up-and-up.

 

You need to learn how to be positive on your own.

 

Don't put so much emotional investment into one interaction, if one doesn't work out, you move on to the next. It's that simple. If you get hung up on one girl, one interaction, you're more likely to mess it up.

 

Don't worry about what people think of you, what you do, or how little/much you "mess up", It's not going to mean anything when it comes to getting a girl. Be comfortable and confident in your own skin. That doesn't mean you never make adjustments, or perfect a trait, it just means that you believe in yourself.

 

Go for it and do not look back, what do you have to lose?

[fortyninethousand322]

I know what you're saying but I think there's a mislabeling. Just because a person doesn't know how to identify or articulate the problem doesn't mean it can't be changed.

 

It might not be a specific thing he does like dress bad, if it's being called a bad aura, it's probably something to do with his interactions with other people and his environment. Is he warm, welcoming, confident, comforting? Is he tastefully so, or overbearing and eager? Does he have genuine intentions or can people see through things he does? My guess is it's something like that. "Auras" are like summations of actions and/or inactions, even very small ones, I think.

 

If I was a girl I'd say I'd be more inclined to go out with Castle based on his "have stones, don't think, just act" approach as opposed to a guy who attends a class he isn't even in, waiting for months for the supposed perfect opportunity to talk to a girl he likes on the last day.

 

Here's how I see the approaches and "auras" decoded as I imagine a girl would:

Castle: confident, comfortable, decisive, determined

SD: calculating, reluctant, unsure, didn't express any interest outright

 

Which would you be more likely to say "yes" to?

 

Right, but it's not like SD is choosing to be reluctant and unsure. He's reluctant and unsure because that's what history has taught him to be.

 

Perhaps Castle is more confidence and upbeat because that's just how he is and one day he just became more like himself and that's solved whatever issues he had. But somebody who has no reason to be confident is not going to just be confident. That's called being delusional...

[fortyninethousand322]

Which is the problem. If I put a number to it then I stand no benefit.

 

If I said "I lost my virginity at 19" then people will say "that's not late, you can't relate to our struggles"

 

If I said "I lost my virginity last year" then people will say "you don't have enough experience, you're just starting out"

 

Either way, people will find a way to discredit my advice, as they've tried to do with Wholigan in past threads.

 

All anyone needs to know is I struggled, as Somedude has struggled, as some other notable men on this site have struggled, and it wasn't until I changed my mentality that I saw any kind of success.

 

If you did really lose your virginity last year that would give you a leg to stand on. This is the internet and all so I wouldn't know whether you were being truthful, but a 24 year old virgin can relate a lot more to people's struggles than someone who lost their virginity at 19. Lots of people don't bloom until they hit college anyway, totally normal.

[somedude81]

OK, so what should I have done in today's math lab?

 

It's the end of class, she's in the front row sitting with her friends doing math problems, getting ready for tomorrows test. Aside from the greeting which she didn't respond to, I haven't said anything to her.

I'd really like an answer to this or what I can do next week.

 

I can try sitting through the class since nobody knows I dropped it, if questioned I can say I'm still considering what to do.

 

Or I can do Castles suggestion and talk to her after class though I'm not sure how to pull it off.

[Mr_Flay]

It may sound harsh, but she may really be avoiding you on purpose. She might have sensed that you intend to ask her out, and if she doesn't like you in that way, she's now desperately trying to avoid the situation in which she has to reject you. Girls, especially experienced ones, are very good at picking up when we like them, despite what you may think.

[MrCastle]

If you did really lose your virginity last year that would give you a leg to stand on. This is the internet and all so I wouldn't know whether you were being truthful, but a 24 year old virgin can relate a lot more to people's struggles than someone who lost their virginity at 19. Lots of people don't bloom until they hit college anyway, totally normal.

 

But even still. That doesn't mean I don't still struggle at times. I just choose to handle it differently. Look at the thread I made yesterday about dating cycles being feast or famine for me.

 

You think once you put your penis inside of a vagina that's it? That's nothing. As made evidence by the fact that SD has had sex multiple times.

 

Whether I put my penis inside of a woman at 19, 20, 24, whatever, doesn't matter. Partly because I struggled, and partly because the struggles still continue.

 

It's all in how you handle it. When I used to handle letdowns like they were the end of the world, I did worse. When I realized it's not that serious and life goes on, I did better.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm not saying you didn't struggle. You did. But come on now, what are the odds some girl is going to message a guy out of the blue to have sex? You were extremely lucky in that regard. I just don't see how that's useful to someone like SD.

You don't see it because you don't get it, and neither does SD - and that's why he's still pissed off.

 

If I never even got that opportunity, I would still be cultivating the mindset I have now. The success was a product of that, and incidentally so were the failures - the mindset. Also, there's something that's been f*cking pissing me off lately with you guys - this idea that becoming confident is simply "becoming delusional". Well, would you rather be delusional and happy or moany cunts who never get anywhere with anything?

 

Come over to the dark side, and be delusional like me . I am happy, I am progressing and I'm growing in confidence. See, delusion isn't so bad!

 

I'm sick of saying the same things trying to help you over and over again, and hearing the same excuses. You guys can sit around and be pussies moaning about how the universe or God is out to get you if you want - or you can be like me and stop giving a f*ck. Because I stopped giving f*ck long before I lost my V. Only difference is that I give even less of a f*ck than I did before.

[somedude81]

It may sound harsh, but she may really be avoiding you on purpose. She might have sensed that you intend to ask her out, and if she doesn't like you in that way, she's now desperately trying to avoid the situation in which she has to reject you. Girls, especially experienced ones, are very good at picking up when we like them, despite what you may think.

That is something I have thought about. She could have picked up that I want to ask her out, the thought that she is desperately trying to avoid rejecting me is a huge blow to my ego.

 

I'll just be more forward with her on Thursday by walking right up to her and being friendly when she shows up. I'll just pretend that today didn't happen.

[iKING]

Perhaps Castle is more confidence and upbeat because that's just how he is and one day he just became more like himself and that's solved whatever issues he had. But somebody who has no reason to be confident is not going to just be confident. That's called being delusional...

 

Fake it until you make it.

 

If I had gone off sheer past experience as to how to dictate my actions in the present moment, things would not have gone the way they did thus far in my life. I realized that the way I was going about things was not working, and made a change.

 

The only person you're hurting or preventing success for by giving off a negative reclusive vibe, is yourself. It's not going to help you get women, It's not going to make you happy, so why do it? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

I'm not here to try to make you guys feel bad about yourselves or the way you go about things, I'm trying to give you advice on how to better your situations.

 

When the world wants you to lay down, stand up twice as tall. It's delusional, a bit arrogant, and outright insane, but there are no other viable options. You need to be positive, outgoing, friendly, and a pleasure to be around in order to get anywhere in this world, and in order to develop those traits, you need to be comfortable in your own skin.

[fortyninethousand322]

You don't see it because you don't get it, and neither does SD - and that's why he's still pissed off.

 

If I never even got that opportunity, I would still be cultivating the mindset I have now. The success was a product of that, and incidentally so were the failures - the mindset. Also, there's something that's been f*cking pissing me off lately with you guys - this idea that becoming confident is simply "becoming delusional". Well, would you rather be delusional and happy or moany cunts who never get anywhere with anything?

 

Come over to the dark side, and be delusional like me . I am happy, I am progressing and I'm growing in confidence. See, delusion isn't so bad!

 

I'm sick of saying the same things trying to help you over and over again, and hearing the same excuses. You guys can sit around and be pussies moaning about how the universe or God is out to get you if you want - or you can be like me and stop giving a f*ck. Because I stopped giving f*ck long before I lost my V. Only difference is that I give even less of a f*ck than I did before.

 

Eh, I don't care. But see to me "not caring" equals "avoiding women". But to you that means I'm "giving up" or "being a pussy". Whatever. I appreciate the attempts at helping me or anyone else, but I think at this point I'm unfixable. I post from time to time on threads like this because I really don't want people to get their hopes up and be disappointed.

[somedude81]

But even still. That doesn't mean I don't still struggle at times. I just choose to handle it differently. Look at the thread I made yesterday about dating cycles being feast or famine for me.

 

You think once you put your penis inside of a vagina that's it? That's nothing. As made evidence by the fact that SD has had sex multiple times.

SD has never had sex with a woman where there was even the slightest possibility of it being anything more than just sex, and it was only a one time thing with each women.

 

Also nothing at all was required of me to have sex other then being there and paying the entry fee.

 

Our sex lives have absolutely nothing in common, which you should be extremely grateful for.

[ThaWholigan]

Eh, I don't care. But see to me "not caring" equals "avoiding women". But to you that means I'm "giving up" or "being a pussy". Whatever. I appreciate the attempts at helping me or anyone else, but I think at this point I'm unfixable. I post from time to time on threads like this because I really don't want people to get their hopes up and be disappointed.

In doing so, you enable people to stagnate. I hope you know that.