starla33 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 You are right. But I wanted to contact him to check that it wasn't something I had said/done that made him run, and I don't regret doing so. And I think he is losing interest now to be honest; the last couple of days I've been asking him so many questions about the FWB arrangement because I was so new to it and wanted to be sure I knew exactly what he wanted out of it, including how exclusive it would be, he wasn't taking my questions too seriously because his replies were always very late and indifferent and I got a little mad at him for that. He is now saying it's probably best to not do it because we are "too different". If he sticks to that decision it would be my saviour, knowing me I would find it hard to say no myself. I can 100% guarantee you if you go through with the FWB in a few weeks you will be worse off and feeling WAY worse than you are now. Seriously just DON"T do it. Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 A FWB arrangement with this guy will have you wanting to jump off a cliff. You only went on a few dates with him and you're already attached to a very unhealthy degree - much more than most women will be. You never would have heard from him again if you hadn't reached out, I guarantee you that. Your insecurity and low self-esteem practically seeped out of your message to him - "Please tell me what's wrong with me.. and be harsh about it, so I can make myself amazing for the next guy!" Seriously, that is SO cringe-inducing - and I guarantee that was all he needed to know that you think so little of yourself that you'd be down to be his f*ck buddy. You like this guy, OP. You want a relationship. He does not, and could not have been more clear. Trying to have sex with him no strings attached will kill you. He will sleep with you until he finds a woman he does want to commit to - mostly likely, one who respects herself more than to lower herself to the sort of arrangement you're considering. Wake up. Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 We were talking a bit about it and I asked him if he meant 'hanging out as well as sex', which is what I want, in oppose to just sex. He says he wants just sex; no other hanging out. Oh wowwwwwwww. Worse than I thought. PLEASE do not lower yourself to this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweeetie Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Ugh. OP your bull**** meter seems to not be working so let me break this down for you: 1. He was open to a relationship initially. BS. Thats just him trying to save face, appear more noble to you. He knew he never wanted that with you. You are clinging to this statement, probly with the hope if he at one time wanted a relationship then maybe he will in the future 2. He didnt text you bc you didnt text him. BS!!! Come on O P, really??? Dont beat youeself up thinking you had a chance with him and blew it. 3. He cant see pass your looks. No. Guys have lower standards for FWB than a girlfriend. Its not that he cant. He just doesnt want to. If you are so attractive, why are you clinging to the hope of this guy? Why not just try to meet someone else? You really did yourself a disservice contacting him. Waiting 2 weeks indicates to him, "wow this chics been pining over me all this time". Thus his increased boldness/lack of respect in.asking you to be FWB Dont be one of those women who gets into FWB thinking it will evolve into a relationship. You will be in for a lot of pain Very good post. Thanks very much. I shouldn't go into this. He is also not interested anymore for seeing how unsure I was about it, so that makes it easier for me. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRysing Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 It is obvious you like this guy - way too much. You already know that this would tear you apart. I can see what is happening here, you like him, you want him, and your trying to rationalize to yourself that you can handle this and somewhere inside hoping he will feel the connection you feel. Neither of these things is true - they are just you clinging to hope that you don't have to let this go - but for your sake, I hope you do. If you don't I fear that you will be back here posting about how he broke your heart or wondering why the other girl posting on his facebook page is worthy of dating when you weren't. Sweetie - he is telling you what he wants. You KNOW you want more than that. Save yourself some heartbreak and delete his number - NOW. Never call him, never text him again. You will find someone you like as much as this guy and even better he will like you back. You cannot spend time with this guy, sleep with him, and still be open to it when the one who wants you comes along. Be thankful he told you the truth and is getting out of the way of the man that deserves you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweeetie Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 It is obvious you like this guy - way too much. You already know that this would tear you apart. I can see what is happening here, you like him, you want him, and your trying to rationalize to yourself that you can handle this and somewhere inside hoping he will feel the connection you feel. Neither of these things is true - they are just you clinging to hope that you don't have to let this go - but for your sake, I hope you do. If you don't I fear that you will be back here posting about how he broke your heart or wondering why the other girl posting on his facebook page is worthy of dating when you weren't. Sweetie - he is telling you what he wants. You KNOW you want more than that. Save yourself some heartbreak and delete his number - NOW. Never call him, never text him again. You will find someone you like as much as this guy and even better he will like you back. You cannot spend time with this guy, sleep with him, and still be open to it when the one who wants you comes along. Be thankful he told you the truth and is getting out of the way of the man that deserves you. Thanks very much. It's just so disappointing because he has such an amazing personality and I think he is awesome. He also always made me laugh and he has been honest the whole time even when he knew it might not get him what he wants. It hurts so much that he doesn't feel the same way about me. I had such a wonderful time with him when we were dating (the non-sex side of things), but he didn't have that same enjoyment hence his backing off. To know that someone you had such a good time with didn't like it as much makes it easier to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
kimberlydoll Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Thanks very much. It's just so disappointing because he has such an amazing personality and I think he is awesome. He also always made me laugh and he has been honest the whole time even when he knew it might not get him what he wants. It hurts so much that he doesn't feel the same way about me. I had such a wonderful time with him when we were dating (the non-sex side of things), but he didn't have that same enjoyment hence his backing off. To know that someone you had such a good time with didn't like it as much makes it easier to let go. He has not been honest the whole time. You had to drag it out of him. Just because someone makes you laugh does not make them have an amazing personality. Isnt this the guy that constantly talked about other hot women and was very disrespectful? Yet you think he has an amazing personality? Really? Threads like this really make me worried for the female population. Do you have any mental health isssues? (im serious too...depressed/anxious females tend to sometimes have low self esteem and grasp at straws to excuse any loser or douchebag like the one you describe) Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 This thread makes my head hurt. I'm so glad he reneged on the FWB offer since it was obvious you weren't going to turn down any scrap he tossed out for you, no matter how minuscule. Please recognize that there are plenty of other men out there, and ones who will want the same things you do. Look at this as a bullet dodged - because it really is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Please take the idea that he turned down a FWB as a eye opener. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 A few years ago, I met a guy online who I had an actual "relationship" with for about six weeks (not counting another from a few years ago, he and I are still Facebook friends but he lives on the West Coast, he's a good guy, but we were not meant to be - another story). I ended up being with this dude for about six weeks. The first 3 get togethers, he seemed like a good guy. Then again, after 3 get togethers how much do you know about a person other than "he/she seems nice/not nice"? For the next two weekends, he canceled on me for some family things. Then the 6th week, I invited him to a party with my friends which was actually quite a big deal because it was our annual theater fundraiser. The week after that, I did not hear from him. Friday after, I called him. He was shoveling snow in his driveway and was taking a break. He was going over to his buddy's house for their usual Friday night get together, then he said he was going in the house because he was cold. Hung up. The whole conversation lasted barely two minutes. Needless to say we never spoke a word again. I am afraid that you have suffered the same thing I have. If there are people out there in the world who can and do form meaningful connections with others they meet online, they are few and far between. This guy you're talking about sounds like my above mentioned jackass - that was a mean thing that both of them did to you and me. He's not worth your time, move on, and don't carry on about closure. Some people you will never get closure from, simply because they do not care enough to do so. Their lives are complete and utter lies and messes, yours is not. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweeetie Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Just because someone makes you laugh does not make them have an amazing personality. I meant everything else about him; his wit, his confidence, his intelligence..he is just the ideal guy apart from his dating skills. Anyway I am not interested anymore and thankfully neither is he otherwise I might have given in to temptation. He has a real way with women, he takes advantage of his looks and his charms, he said he has slept with many girls. Thanks so much everyone for your help, you made me feel so much better and more importantly you helped me to make the wise decision of backing off right now. If he contacts me I'm just gna say sorry hun I respect myself more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Thanks very much. It's just so disappointing because he has such an amazing personality and I think he is awesome. He also always made me laugh and he has been honest the whole time even when he knew it might not get him what he wants. It hurts so much that he doesn't feel the same way about me. I had such a wonderful time with him when we were dating (the non-sex side of things), but he didn't have that same enjoyment hence his backing off. To know that someone you had such a good time with didn't like it as much makes it easier to let go. None of this means anything if the feeling isn't mutual. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Sweetie, I made two posts on this thread where I gave you links to articles from baggegereclaim that you liked. You must read them again!!! and again !!! and again!!! Also research co-dependency and self-esteem issues. You need to learn to be happy within yourself. You need to learn to be comfortable with your own void, and not reach for external at-all-costs situations to fill it. You need to be able to validate yourself and not look for external sources such as this to give you that validation. If I were a man -a healthy man - I'd run from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MyPoutine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Reading through this...the advice is falling on deaf ears it seems, if he calls you tomorrow for a booty call you would probably accept, good thing is your willingness to cling to him despite what he's said probably gives of a "crazy" vibe so he is now afraid of the ensuing drama if he does sleep with you. His feelings have not changed he just realized that if he were to "pump and dump" you you'd probably start to stalk him or something so he is cutting his losses and is finding easier pussy. Once you get down from this high and really face reality I suggest working on your self esteem and on boundary issues, nobody should allow themselves to be treated the way you have let him treat you. I know if you have had a long dry spell or if you are not meeting guys you click with it's tempting to settle for "the next best thing" but in this case it's wrong, move on, unlike the others I suggest you don't go looking for someone else but you spend time reflecting on your own actions, your self worth and your self respect. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweeetie Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) Once you get down from this high and really face reality I suggest working on your self esteem and on boundary issues, nobody should allow themselves to be treated the way you have let him treat you. I know if you have had a long dry spell or if you are not meeting guys you click with it's tempting to settle for "the next best thing" but in this case it's wrong, move on, Yes exactly; I would never let anyone treat me like this and if this were to happen to someone I know I would tell them to back off immediately. It's as you say; I'm 23 and guys don't tend to come my way very much. It happens to my friends who all have exciting love lives to talk about all the time, but it just doesn't happen to me. Hence I started looking online and found him, we seemed to click really well and he seemed really awesome, and the most good-looking guy I'd ever seen when we met in person. His intelligence, wit and humour made him seem perfect. Thats why I was willing to settle for FWBs but I know it would have destroyed me and I would have suffered from a big heartbreak. My fault in this case was I decided to contact someone who even on his profile said he was looking for "casual dating/no commitment" whereas I wanted a relationship. He just looked too awesome to not contact. I'm going to continue looking online and to limit my searches to guys who are looking for a relationship this time. Edited February 25, 2013 by Sweeetie Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweeetie Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) None of this means anything if the feeling isn't mutual. Yes you're right, and I would just feel like a sex toy for him because that's all he likes about me. I wouldn't enjoy myself with him because that connection would not be there. Edited February 25, 2013 by Sweeetie Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yes you're right, and I would end up feeling like a sex toy for him because that's all he likes about me. I wouldn't enjoy myself with him because that connection would not be there. Trust me, having sex with a guy like that wouldn't even feel good. You would just feel and hate yourself (and him). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 apart from his dating skills. [...] If he contacts me I'm just gna say sorry hun I respect myself more than that. His skills are just fine, it's his personality is the problem. I'm not convinced that you respect yourself at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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