Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) The thing is to take him off and for me to stay i have to pass thecredit check and income to debt ratio i really dont think i will be able to. In that case the apt wont allow me to stay on the lease and i too must vacate! Im not setting deadlines myself but lets face it him moving out diminshes my chances i think of reconcile because we wont ever see each other and he already doesnt call me nowi doubt hell call after he leaves. I guess i just dont think his heart will grow fonder i dont think time apart is benefical. Just my opinion though. Here is where we disagree but that is nothing new. Firstly a new place might not be a bad idea. A new place is a new start. I firmly believe him moving out will help not hinder. I have already on this thread expressed my reasons as to why this is. Jenny for me if he doesn't come back (after he moves out) this is more than dirty talk to a stranger. What you done was idiotic, but should it have lead to all this drama? A divorce!? Ok your reactions have at times let you down, but this still isn't anywhere near enough to get a divorce in my opinion. Yes he is entitled to be very annoyed and cautious, but a divorce? Sometimes when a partner wants to leave they just go on a feeling, a gut instinct. They can't articulate (cause sometimes they are not even sure) all this to their partner and therefore the dumpee is left feeling confused and hurt by the explanation(s) or lack thereof. He may be using this mistake as just something to focus on. Who knows. If this comes down to just your mistake, I truly believe he will eventually come to his senses with time apart. Ever since the mistake your actions have more often than not annoyed him. It just keeps the anger lingering. Just keeps him playing the victim longer.. I tell you Jenny he will struggle on his own. It's a huge culture shock. The anger will fade and hopefully then he will start to think clearly. If this is more than your mistake, then nothing you do or say right now will make any difference anyway. Edited March 22, 2013 by Mack05 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Man i wish he had someone he would talk to but like you said if his mind is made up not much I can do! Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Man i wish he had someone he would talk to but like you said if his mind is made up not much I can do! Jenny going on how you described the last week, I don't believe he has his mind made up about the marriage. I think he has sure about leaving, but not about his a marriage. He blocks a girl just like that, when his wife askes him too. He is still evasive about the lease. He is still evasive when you push him to open up. Those are not the actions of a guy who has quit on his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Jenny going on how you described the last week, I don't believe he has his mind made up about the marriage. I think he has sure about leaving, but not about his a marriage. He blocks a girl just like that, when his wife askes him too. He is still evasive about the lease. He is still evasive when you push him to open up. Those are not the actions of a guy who has quit on his marriage. Your giving me hope! Allie just pmd me saying something similar. Infact she said she thinks him sharing his plans to leave job is big. She also said offering to help me cook is not something a guy who wants a divorce woukd do and him blicking that girl just to appease me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Jenny just try look at things from his eyes. You did a thing that you know would effect him (potential cheating). You then told people about it. Those are the two things that probably annoy him more then most. That you could talk to another man like that and then tell the world his/yours private business. Two HUGE no no's for John. He probably can't get his head around all this and then you push at him to open up. This just allows the anger to linger. Now I am not excusing his behaviour, but just trying to show you why he probably needs space. To work through the anger at his own pace.. I really don't believe he wants to quit on his marriage, but I also believe you are in dangerous waters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Allie said too if hes so open about everything else like his future career she finds it odd he wouldnt be so open about leaving and discussing that like he does everything else! Good points Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Allie said too if hes so open about everything else like his future career she finds it odd he wouldnt be so open about leaving and discussing that like he does everything else! Good points yep and try focus on what he said last night.."Peace for a week and a half, then this"...There are not the words from a guy quitting his marriage.. It's him saying "just as we are moving along nicely, you revert back to type". Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Hi Jen - I'm still reading and keeping up. Since you called out specifically, I would advise you to go back and read post 795. I would also advise that you gauge your level of being influenced by family, friends, even us here who are advising you. It can cause you to panic and be reactionary, going against who you truly are...due to the situation you are in. I reference that post Jenny, because it is exactly what is going on right now and most likely not who you have always been in the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Ty trippi! I guess im looking for someone to tell me hes not going to leave snd nobody but him can say that. I am in paniac.. Trying to breathe Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Please please know I am thankful to have you all to help Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I guess im looking for someone to tell me hes not going to leave snd nobody but him can say that. I am in paniac.. Trying to breathe Jenny how does this help though. Say we all say to you "John is not leaving" and then he leaves? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 It wont help at all! I was just venting my feelings! Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I guess the obvious question is what do you plan on doing tonight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Allie- hope you dont cars I shared what you said but something else you said I wanted to share. I apologize men for typing this. Allie said she find it "interesting" he blamed my period for my behavior today. Not me but me having it! Again sorry to go there. Anyone else think that is odd. Normally hed just blame me but hes essentially making excuses for me. So thinks AllieCat Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 I guess the obvious question is what do you plan on doing tonight? Well i plan on seeing if he wants to watch an on demand movie! Lol im serious too. Im just going to act as if and be nicey nicey! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 'Warrior' Jenny. Great movie (especially for guys) and the story is great for everyone. I'm worried about you Jenny I won't lie... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 'Warrior' Jenny. Great movie (especially for guys) and the story is great for everyone. I'm worried about you Jenny I won't lie... I was thinking wed watch "zero dark thirty". Im worried to mack cause im scared i may have screwed up again royally! When he unfriended that tramp i did tell him i appreciated it so much! See im not all bad? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I was thinking wed watch "zero dark thirty". Im worried to mack cause im scared i may have screwed up again royally! When he unfriended that tramp i did tell him i appreciated it so much! See im not all bad? Jenny you are not all bad, you are awesome! I just think this is all becoming too big for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 women: notice how mack is avoiding the thought on the monthly visitor!! Tojaz is at work so he has an excuse whats your mack!? Lmbo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Jenny you are not all bad, you are awesome! I just think this is all becoming too big for you. Probably is! I wish I knew how to get out of it and go back to the good days 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 women: notice how mack is avoiding the thought on the monthly visitor!! Tojaz is at work so he has an excuse whats your mack!? Lmbo No comment ahhh that made me laugh..And you wonder how could I be single Jen! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 No comment ahhh that made me laugh..And you wonder how could I be single Jen! No look Im serious do you think its " interesting" john is blaming that for my behavior as opposed to just blaming me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Probably is! I wish I knew how to get out of it and go back to the good days You can do it. It just requires incredible strength and resolve. Incredible self belief and determination. Ok an idea from me? Tonight why not say. "John, I just want to apologise for last night. You are going through some tough work issues and more importantly your uncle has just died. I should have been more sensitive and less selfish. I also have no right to tell you who you can or can't chat to on Facebook. I am watching a movie later. Would you like to watch?" A thought as well. Wouldn't the funeral be on this weekend? Will John/you need to leave? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 No look Im serious do you think its " interesting" john is blaming that for my behavior as opposed to just blaming me I have no idea Jen... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Not to sound cold but he wasnt that close to his uncle but no he wont be attending its on the west coast Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts