Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Me too Tojaz! Lucky for me I check it on my phone and I have a job I can do that. Dreading 4pm est that is when he gets home!!!
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Mack thx for the tip on the song!! I am now picturing your happy face guy icon dancing to it! Reminds me of a commerical long ago where I think it was the 7up dot dancing. Mack any opinions on John not attending his meeting and him being sick? Nerves? You think?
worldgonewrong Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I noticed John must of been sick. The pan we use for throwing up is in tub. Plus with knowing he skipped the meeting it makes me wonder. Is my absence affecting him? He might still be revolted/nauseated by what you did, might not have to do anything with your absence. Telling you that not out of cruelty, but as a statement of fact about how a man can react when he feels betrayed. 1
Mack05 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Jenny I have no idea and to be honest I don't think it is important. He might be sick cause of the stress, or it might just be a 24 hour bug. What you are doing is, what many of us do in these types of situations -> 'Over Analyzing'.. You need to focus on what is important, not on minor details with regarding his behaviour..
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Ok its hard not to think about that stuff! Do i say hi first? Or do i let him? Geez sorry for being a weirdo asking dumb questions just dont want to misstep
Mack05 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Ok its hard not to think about that stuff! Do i say hi first? Or do i let him? Geez sorry for being a weirdo asking dumb questions just dont want to misstep I know its hard... I would say hi with a nice smile and leave it at that. Trust yourself more Jenny. You can do this.
worldgonewrong Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 The flip-side of my above post: He might also feel nauseous over his own behavior [reading between the lines: an affair you're unaware of]. Or just an old-fashioned tummy bug.
Yasuandio Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Yas went to bed early and woke up late. Anyway, I would keep a real totally low profile. Hang out in your room. In fact, spend the day getting your room prepared with the gear you need to be comforable when he is around so you do not have to come prancing in and out. Get some drinks, smokes, ashtry, snacks, sandwhich, TV, books, computer, paperwork, phonebook, clothes, nightgown, etc. Make it like your little headquarters. If I were him, and not expecting you home, I would feel real weird if you found my puke bucket. I know it is your place too, but in a strange sort of way, IMHO, it is kind of an invasion of privacy, once you left. But maybe he knows you have been going in and out anyway. I don't know. These kind of things are strange. Leave all the things exactly where you found them. Believe me, you never know what anything means so you might as well stop spinning and wondering. He could have been soaking his feet in the puke bucket. He may secretly hate the meetings, and only went to impress you. Perhaps the meeting was canceled or he had a headache. It could be anything. You see, none of this mental exercise means anything - it just stresses you out and gets you know where. I know this so well - it is exhausting - I did it for years and it made no difference, and the things I worried most didn't even come to pass. What I fear most is a huge exposion tonight. That is my greatest concern. Keep a lid on it - and you know my mantra. Good luck sweatheart. Yas 1
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Thx Mack! No affair world! If hes having one hes having it by himself! Lol
Mack05 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I like Yas's idea of a low profile tonight, but not the whole weekend. Its very claustraphobic being stuck in a room on you own, cause you feel uncomfortable. As I said try spend tomorrow and Sunday doing a spring clean and some cooking. It will keep your mind occupied. I do agree with Yas on keeping things light. If you recognise things getting heated, you need to disengage.. 1
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Thx Yas! I promise no explosion tonight! I have a plan! If he yells or wants to argue, I'm walking away! I have no intentions of talking about things with him tonight. But if he comes and wants to talk and it gives me even the slightest uncomfort or anxiousness I am going to excuse myself from the conversation. I'm going to try to focus on what is and not what could be or might be. And right now what IS is we are married. I may update this evening just to help keep me in check but tonight will be the hardest night as Im feeling very anxious and regardless whether I came back tonight or in 3 weeks that would be how I felt. I do think more time would of helped me but I just didnt have that option. So please all keep your fingers crossed for me. I have no expectations for how he will or wont behave tonight
Yasuandio Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I like Yas's idea of a low profile tonight, but not the whole weekend. Its very claustraphobic being stuck in a room in your own cause cause you feel uncomfortable. As I said try spend tomorrow and Sunday doing a spring clean and some cooking. It will keep your mind occupied. I do agree with Yas on keeping things light. If you recognise things getting heated, you need to disengage.. Jenny, I am so happy we have Mack here to balance things. I am rather a reclusive person, so that does reflect in my posts. But a place to run away, where you can close the door for privacy (rather than hide or cacoon) may not be a bad idea.
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Jenny, I am so happy we have Mack here to balance things. I am rather a reclusive person, so that does reflect in my posts. But a place to run away, where you can close the door for privacy (rather than hide or cacoon) may not be a bad idea. Gotcha! He doesn't sleep in our room anymore anyway so that should be easy. He has been sleeping in guest room. I can feel my heart beating and I am afraid when I say hi he will ignore me and that will hurt my feelings
Mack05 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Gotcha! I can feel my heart beating and I am afraid when I say hi he will ignore me and that will hurt my feelings Of course it will and it times it will be hard to stay positive and it will be hard to stay strong. That's what we are here for.
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 <----- chicken s**t Im freaking out having pains in my chest now. Its gotta be anxiety but oh dear
Mack05 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Focus Jenny deep breaths.. I know this is a COMPLETELY different scenario but in my teens I was a really good sportsman. One of the events I used to do was the 100 metres. The nerves at the start of a race was too much to bear sometimes. I remember my dad who coached me for a bit would say if you lose because of nerves, think how bad it will feel. I learnt to block nerves out. Because they either control you, or you control them. Positive, Positive, positive. Keep repeating to yourself "I ain't losing this". Keep saying it until you believe it. No matter what the blow you absorb it and come back stronger. Another idea is to Google meditation. Meditation if done right can get you to control your nerves. I wish I was there with you know. I am really good a leading a meditation. It involves you being in a happy place. It involves every sensation. From feeling your breathing in your chest, to smelling scents in the air. To seeing and hearing various things in this happy place you are in. Cowardice is not a word in our vocabulary..Let's do this.... 1
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 I so want this to work but my doubts are creeping in because i keep hearing him say to the cop buddy " i dont think there is any love left"
Mack05 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I so want this to work but my doubts are creeping in because i keep hearing him say to the cop buddy " i dont think there is any love left" I don't think = I'm not sure...Not sure equals not 100%.Not 100% = you still fight. He is not sure cause he is stubborn and pigheaded. He needs to understand people make mistakes. Now some mistakes are unforgiveable. Yours was big, don't doubt that. But throwing away a 10 year happy marriage..NO! The dude will regret it when he is older.
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Thanks Mack man do i need the positive reinforcement right now!! I think your right and the fact they kept asking him and he wouldnt just answer it sounded evasive. Even they didnt buy it!!! They think hes trying to convince himself
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Anybody out there? This is bad!! You can cut the tension in the house with a knife!!! I was in bathroom when he came home and apparently he went right in guest room shut door! Im not going to knock to say hi! Ugh this is weird and I dont know what to do! Im guessing nothing and just let him be right? I feel like bawling my eyes out but I wont. So I am just sitting in my bedroom wondering how Im going to do this! I promised Yas no explosion tonight but I can feel this urgency or urge in myself to go say something but I know that will not help. Just not sure why that feeling is so strong and how do I shut it off!! THIS SUCKS!!
Mack05 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 No Jen..I think Yas's solution of staying in the room tonight is the way to go. See this is the EXACT reason why I didn't want you to go back. You need to stay in control. I know it's hard but YOU HAVE TO! He could be annoyed you left without saying. He could be feeling crook, Who knows. When you see him tomorrow just smile and say hi. If he ignores you that's ok. I keep telling you this is a long term thing. Talking to him when he is this angry towards you is not the way to go. Right now there is no real way to get true to him. That is what the next few weeks are months are for. His attitude right now is so immature I have to say. "Yes I am alone but at least I have my righteous anger to keep my company". That's no way to live life. Just keep with the plan. Get cleaning and cooking tomorrow. Keep smiling. I now this is hard Jen. I really do and my heart feels for you right now but no big 'fights' are easy...It's about digging in and scrapping..
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Ahh so glad you responded! Im not going to surcome to that feeling i have to go talk to him. Im going to just stay in my room other than I have to pick up my niece and driver her home later. I can do this but it is going to be baby steps! Ill probablly annoy the crap of everyone on here with all my posts. If I forget please know I am thankful for you all helping me. Please keep your fingers crossed for me
Yasuandio Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 STAY AWAY. Say nothing. If it makes you feel any better, anger is just the aftermath of pain - and you can't feel either, unless YOU CARE. Keep that in mind. He cares. So DO NOT start something that will make him push those buttons of yours - CAUSE YOU WILL SAY SOMETHING REALLY BAD, as you are hurting too. I say just be neutral. There is nothing to smile about in my opinion.
Author Jennyfromtheblick Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Yas that made me feel better! I know he cares too though he wont admit it though. Will him caring be enough? That fear is what makes me panic. Why can't I just stop doing what hadnt worked? Does that mean I am insane? Or just stupid? LOL
tojaz Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Does that mean I am insane? Or just stupid? LOL No, it means that your scared of losing the person you love. Your doing and feeling all the same things that we all went through, it's normal. What a lot of us didn't have was help and people to talk to that had been there. Use it. I agree with Mack and Yas that you need to keep a low profile, but I doubt it will be much of a problem, he will most likely sequester himself to the guest room for the night. Go about your business like he isn't there and try to have as normal a night as you can, if he chooses to surface, let him be the one to initiate any contact, your not going to make any headway with him tonight. TOJAZ 1
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