Do girls like bigger guys because they make them feel feminine?

[Taramere]

how does a tall man= better social value?

 

Are you not reading the responses in your own thread? I already posted links discussing why taller men traditionally tended to have higher social status (eg because the upper classes tended to be taller).

 

The impression I'm getting is that the only acceptable answers in this thread will revolve around women (only women - not men) being shallow, vain and overly concerned with status. Well, there is a certain shallowness in being attracted to high status, but on the other hand I've tended to find that it's a shallowness that is ultimately shared by everybody.

 

Some people value the status of high intellect, others of beauty, others of talent in the arts, others of having a flash car or a large house. Most people are status conscious in some way, and as long as tall men are perceived as having higher status, there will be women who are attracted to the association with high status, and who seek to elevate their own status through association with them. I should think that women who already feel comfortable with their own status are less likely to feel that need to raise their status through association with a tall man. The people who are the biggest status chasers are, I think, usually those who feel insecure about their own status.

 

Also, if a tall and well built man is physically beautiful to look at, why wouldn't women be sexually attracted? It doesn't mean that they can't also be attracted to shorter men. I don't know why women have to be demonised, as a gender, for being attracted to certain physical types. It's not as though men are immune from having those preferences.

Edited December 1, 2012 by Taramere

[todreaminblue]

I have no doubt it is hokie, maybe not for NMJ specifically, but in the observations of the smaller build women I have known over the years who always ended up with much bigger guys. It was frustrating with some of the smaller girls I was into, dating guys way bigger and then saying lame things to give the impression it had nothing to do with looks. The we had 'amazing chemistry' line would get used, but also the 'for protection' line was used a number of times. While I totally do get it from a evolutionary psychology perspective, it just sounds lame in 2ist century when girls (especially when they have a 'go-girl', 'girls kick ass' attitude) say they need a big guy to feel safe. Some have told me stuff like...our city is as scary & wild like cape town or lagos at night, or they need a big guy because that time they got hassled by a couple of guys back in 1997, or what if in the future years a gang breaks into her house and tries to attack her kids or what if there is some sort of disaster/crises in the future and she needs a real man to protect or save her and her kids. lol + wtf.

 

Its a bit like a guy saying how he only dates petite pretty blonds because he wants to make partner one day at his firm and all the partners are WASPs and wants to impress them. He's not shallow, he's just protecting his career prospects. or maybe a guy who wont ever have a gf over 120 lbs because he wont be able to do as good of a job of whisking her to safety in an emergency. He's not shallow he's just doing the best thing for her possible future welfare.

 

As for the feminine aspect, I do get that as well from a psychology perspective, but again its frustrating when you hear cute fem slender build women say that's the reason they want a big guy. Dating a jockey would not make these girls look even remotely butch. If a big boned overweight girl was to say they need a big guy to make them feel feminine I'd totally get it, but if these smaller/regular girls have issues over their femininity well then you cant blame guys if they do also subsequently have issues when it comes to weight gain, shorter hair and age in respect to their desire for femininity in a partner.

 

Generally speaking I've noticed the more feminine the girl the more masculine the guy they get. Big guys = masculinity, and its a primal attraction. Being aggressive/arrogant also helps to create that element of dominance for many women that can be a substitute for size, especially for the blue collar girls.

 

 

i am pretty sure the stats would be when a woman is attacked she is more than likely alone....not with any guy short or tall.....that's why i learned to defend myself in the first place......when a woman is attacked in the home....most likely she has been studied for a while....attackers tend to be cowardly in nature and avoid coming into contact with a defending male short or tall....as far as protection and feeling safe....i think the short guy who can kick box is probably able to defend better than a nba basketball player with good ball hands......especially if the attacker has a crow bar that takes the legs out pretty quick......i have a softball bat in my room i call him fred....;0).....women have to be able to defend themselves and their kids......i dont think it realistic to think because you have a tall man you are safe and protected or even if you have that kickboxing shorter guy......personal safety is your own responsibility,the only way you can truly feel secure.....is if you know you can defend yourself...having a boyfriend,husband should be because you love them and want to be with them.....not as frontline defense..deb

[USMCHokie]

The impression I'm getting is that the only acceptable answers in this thread will revolve around women (only women - not men) being shallow, vain and overly concerned with status. Well, there is a certain shallowness in being attracted to high status, but on the other hand I've tended to find that it's a shallowness that is ultimately shared by everybody.

 

Nope, as ascendotum describes below, men are just as apt to be shallow, vain, and overly concerned with status. However, I tend to believe that men are more accepting that it is human nature to be attracted to such things, regardless of gender.

 

Its a bit like a guy saying how he only dates petite pretty blonds because he wants to make partner one day at his firm and all the partners are WASPs and wants to impress them. He's not shallow, he's just protecting his career prospects. or maybe a guy who wont ever have a gf over 120 lbs because he wont be able to do as good of a job of whisking her to safety in an emergency. He's not shallow he's just doing the best thing for her possible future welfare.

[bac]

I see that all the time. Short guys going for relatively taller women and short women going for taller men. I know a 5'8" guy that says he wouldn't date under 5'5". I think on some level they dont want their kids to be doomed with short height genes.

 

I am 5'2. When I was looking for a husband to make babies, I was looking for a man from 5'10" to 6'0". Now I do not mind a man from 5'7" to 6'0" because I do not want to make babies.

IRL, no short man has ever treated me as I was about 7-9 and no short man has ever wanted to get married me. Short men have always treated me as I was 2-3.

 

As for tall men, they often treated me as I was 8-9 and several of them wanted to get married me.

Edited December 1, 2012 by bac

[Taramere]

Nope, as ascendotum describes below, men are just as apt to be shallow, vain, and overly concerned with status. However, I tend to believe that men are more accepting that it is human nature to be attracted to such things, regardless of gender.

 

Looking at the responses from women as to why they like bigger men (if they specify that preference), I don't detect obvious dishonesty or lack of acceptance of their own natures. Some women are saying they feel more protected by bigger men, and I think there's a lot of truth in that. It is indeed very nice to get a bear hug from a big man who you find attractive.

 

I would think that aspect is more related to feeling nurtured, protected and cared for than it is to being in search of status. A lot of people, when they're initially in love, will temporarily revert to a bit of a child-like state of bliss, feeling nurtured etc. A bigger man is at a definite physical advantage when it comes to creating those feelings, in a woman, of being looked after, but that doesn't mean shorter men can't also create those emotions. They probably have to work harder at it, though. Or emphasise their other advantages as potential partners

 

That's the kind of inequity that causes a lot of frustrations on this site. I think it contributes to anger about women. After years of seeing endless "angry with women" threads on here I find it hard to agree that men are more accepting of human nature, when I read this dating section. Men who generally have the advantage when it comes to dating probably are more inclined to be accepting of human nature, but I see a lot of posts on here from men who are very unaccepting of female nature.

 

That anger searches around for self justification. Feminism, female narcissism, irrational (plus unfair and insulting) female wariness of men they don't know, vanity etc etc....but all the things that women are criticised for on here would be found in the natural world too. I love watching nature programmes, and over and over again I see female animals behaving in ways that (in the human world) are commonly attributed to artificial social constructs rather than to natural female desires and motivations. Feminism is the number one favourite for those angry men. All kinds of things women do that annoy them being labelled as unnatural/a product of feminism - when in fact, a good dose of wildlife shows would show them that a lot of what gets dismissed as "feminism" is, a lot of the time, perfectly natural female behaviour that males of other species accept and work around.

 

But that's going off track. Women probably do, on the whole, prefer taller men. Just as men prefer more beautiful women (symmetrical features, good waist/hip ratio etc). It doesn't mean that smaller men and less beautiful women are out of the game, but they do have to try harder, and sometimes for less rewards. I personally am not interested in very tall men. I dated a guy who was 6 ft 4" and felt a bit ridiculous and child like next to him. It didn't feel right...but certainly I'd prefer a man to be a minimum of 4 inches taller than me. And yes, that's so that I'm still smaller than him even when I'm wearing heels. In a more general way, though, it's because men are naturally bigger than women. I would regard my appropriate male counterpart as being somebody who was bigger than me.

Edited December 1, 2012 by Taramere

[MyPoutine]

Didn't read the entire thread, just adding my 2cents.

 

I have a friend who is 5' and she finds men over 5'9 - 5' 10" too tall for her, I on the other hand prefer guys starting around 5'9 - 5'10". I am just attracted to the metalhead look, tall, slender or toned, long or big hair, some piercings and tattoos *shrug* those are the guys I tend to drool over...having said that my ex was tall and slender but that's where the comparisons ended and I was madly in love with him (I still am but that's another story...)

 

I think women are more willing to give a guy outside their "norm" a chance than men. Personally I wouldn't mind a guy shorter than 5'9" if we really clicked and got along well and he wasn't shorter than me, similarly if a guy is 6'7" but an *******...I'll admire his height and stay the heck away from him as well.

[Harradin]

My 2 cents.

 

I'm 6'2, did judo (getting into it again) at national level, do a bit of kickboxing, have a mesomorph build but I'm pretty lean atm. I don't know my own strength (my friends used to complain at how hard I threw/kicked things in PE,) and I've been told how intimidating I look. Don't get into fights or anything, I always walk away.

 

But I like to think I'm one of the nicest guys around (I used to be a dick when I was younger though, and used to be incredibly annoying.) I'm always polite to everyone, I treat people how I want to be treated. I'm no where near the best looking guy in the world though.

 

But I've only had one girlfriend (who ended up cheating/leaving me for a fat man,) ironically she used to tell me that I had a good body and got angry if I joked saying I was fat (only as a windup, I don't fish for attention.) She used to love me picking her up and carrying her though. Only had a couple of girls show interest in me but I wasn't interested in them. So if girls are interested in taller/bigger guys I'm the exception to that rule!

[rocketman122]

I know my GF enjoys that im tall and built on one hand and OTOH it makes her jealous because she sees other woman looking. she knows that women want a taste. it does make her feel more protected when I hold her.

[Tara247]

Height isn't important. I've known taller guys that were scum. I'd rather have a shorter man that has class and is a true gentleman anytime. I'd just prefer that he isn't shorter than I am.

[iris219]

 

Also, traditionally the upper classes were quite significantly taller than the lower classes....and although the gap has lessened over the last couple of centuries, it'll probably take some time for that mental connection between height and social class to wear away.

 

Upper classes really do look down their noses at the rest of us - Science - News - The Independent

 

I’ve always wondered this but didn’t know there was research to back it up. I’m reminded of when I waited tables in college and girls from the private high school, a school that was known to have a very wealthy student body, would come in for lunch. They were beautiful and many seemed to tower over me (which doesn’t happen often, as I’m almost 5’9”).

 

I've heard you can tell social class by teeth; upper classes, at least in the US, will have perfect, white teeth because they can afford to fix them, not that they are born with better teeth. The height/class correlation is interesting, however.

 

Since models are so tall, the height/attractiveness connection will be around for awhile.

Edited December 1, 2012 by iris219

[rocketman122]

Height isn't important. I've known taller guys that were scum. I'd rather have a shorter man that has class and is a true gentleman anytime. I'd just prefer that he isn't shorter than I am.

 

you make it seem that tall men are scum and you have to compromise with short men to find someone good. I'd rather have a short x then a tall y.

why the hell not strive to find a tall x and not a short y.

 

maybe you have to compromise because you dont attract those men. who knows. I always wonder what the woman here look like who want to compromise. from some of the pics ive seen, I can understand why. I can see they have low self esteem and dont think highly of themselves and they say, ok, i'll take the short guy just because he's nice. instead of saying, I want a tall fit guy who's also nice to me.

 

I know many woman wouldnt want to date someone like me because I intimidate them. Im muscular and tall, I look good and dress well and they think they dont deserve a guy like me or are afraid or maybe dont want to feel like there's competition. I saw it many times when I was on old. dont think that way.

[Taramere]

when I see a tall guy approaching a women I think to myself "I hope he does well-go man", he has good genes it is his birthright. I say this with total objectivity and resignation of the natural order of things... only 2 inches taller and I would have had a 100 times more opportunities in life.

 

short men just don't stack up,I can't empathize with them, I hope they don't reproduce. It's the same with bald men, it's better they live alone. It is not anyone's right to sex or love. You have to earn that.

 

It this world , if you are male , you better be at least above average. If you are not: don't complain, no one cares. There is nothing we can do about any inherit "advantages" women may have as the selectors - short of removing women's civil rights and that option is just not palatable.

 

Lots of men out there who are of below average height do well with women. It's not as though women are all going around saying "more than anything, he must be tall." We're somewhat more advanced than that. For instance, if it's a choice between a man being tall and stupid, and a man being shorter than average and intelligent, a lot of women will opt for the more intelligent one. A short man with a good sense of humour and a positive outlook will be more appealing to a lot of women than a tall man devoid of humour.

 

If a man is tall, smart and has a great sense of humour then yes...he's going to be hard for other men to compete with. However, there are lots of women out there and they can't all date that one man. Even if they wanted to. Ultimately most people probably look for a partner they feel compatible and comfortable with. Somebody who is, in some ways, their opposite sex equivalent. Those are the relationships that work ...and I would say that there's a very good likelihood that some of the most average people out there are a great deal happier than a lot of people who are generally deemed to be above average. Mainly because it's so easy for them to find somebody who's their opposite sex equivalent. That's the advantage being average can confer.

 

For a start, we all lose our looks in the end. People who either aren't attractive, or have never particularly rated their own looks very highly, are that bit more equipped to deal with it. Assuming they approach life in a positive way, they've worked harder in other areas because they had to, in order to stand out.

 

The bottom 20% of men are now competing with superior women. They are the losers. It's simplest way I can put it.

It's good for everyone but them (economically speaking).

 

You are given your genes and you should just accept them. Don't fight the enviable, lay down and let the dark shadows of time engulf you , let it hide your life , let us forget.

 

I don't think that being average looking excludes anybody from the gene pool. In fact, I'd say that it's probably an advantage in terms of other people regarding them as more approachable/easier to get to know. Making the transition from friend to romantic prospect is the part many struggle with, but I think confidence and a "dare to" attitude is probably the answer there.

 

Any men who genuinely believe that being short excludes a man from dating should probably visit a country like France...where lots of quite short men are doing very well, because flirtation is practically ingrained in them.

Edited December 1, 2012 by Taramere

[EasyHeart]

I’ve always wondered this but didn’t know there was research to back it up. I’m reminded of when I waited tables in college and girls from the private high school, a school that was known to have a very wealthy student body, would come in for lunch. They were beautiful and many seemed to tower over me (which doesn’t happen often, as I’m almost 5’9”).

 

I've heard you can tell social class by teeth; upper classes, at least in the US, will have perfect, white teeth because they can afford to fix them, not that they are born with better teeth. The height/class correlation is interesting, .

I think that's interesting, too. I suspect that historically it probably had a lot to do with nutrition, but it's certainly true that we tend to admire (look up to) taller people. There was a study in my business a while back that showed that taller people make significantly more money than the rest of us.

 

I'm 5'10" and never thought much about height until I moved to my current location, which was originally settled largely by Scandinavians. I kept looking around and thinking, "YEESH! The people here are huge!"

 

I suspect that some/a lot of the issue we hear about height around here is a product of OLD. I agree with Taramere that shorter men can do quite well with women, but the problem with OLD is that a lot of people will filter out potential partners based on criteria like height, so the shorter guys never even get a shot.

 

If it's okay for women to like taller men, can I confess that I prefer petite women? Or will that get me yelled at by the wimmins?

[Pompom]

This is true for me, though only in theory. In practice, 2 factors compromise this preference:

1) I am huge. Try and find someone bigger than me but who is not fat. Israelis aren't the tallest. Certainly not the darker type I like.

2) I love whom I love. And sometimes that's a short or skinny guy.

[USMCHokie]

Ultimately most people probably look for a partner they feel compatible and comfortable with. Somebody who is, in some ways, their opposite sex equivalent. Those are the relationships that work ...and I would say that there's a very good likelihood that some of the most average people out there are a great deal happier than a lot of people who are generally deemed to be above average. Mainly because it's so easy for them to find somebody who's their opposite sex equivalent. That's the advantage being average can confer.

 

This is a very good point, and one that brings about a couple interesting dynamics. First and foremost, many people will overrate their own value and seek out only those who they perceive are their opposite sex equivalent. Secondly, as you explain above, above average people might have difficulty finding their less common opposite sex equivalent. So rather than be alone, they settle for less than their equivalent. We all know what settling does...and then when this person does meet someone they believe is their equivalent...

[Taramere]

I think that's interesting, too. I suspect that historically it probably had a lot to do with nutrition, but it's certainly true that we tend to admire (look up to) taller people. There was a study in my business a while back that showed that taller people make significantly more money than the rest of us.

 

I'm 5'10" and never thought much about height until I moved to my current location, which was originally settled largely by Scandinavians. I kept looking around and thinking, "YEESH! The people here are huge!"

 

Yet there was a part in one of the articles saying that Norwegians were, at one point, the smallest people in Europe. It's hard to imagine, when you look at them now.

 

I suspect that some/a lot of the issue we hear about height around here is a product of OLD. I agree with Taramere that shorter men can do quite well with women, but the problem with OLD is that a lot of people will filter out potential partners based on criteria like height, so the shorter guys never even get a shot.

 

I bet online dating is responsible for a huge part of the anger on this site. The shopping list approach to finding a partner is bound to result in offence...and that shopping list is inevitable in online dating.

 

People have this fixation on 6 ft and above, which is silly, because since it's above average women who insist on it are screening out a lot of potentials. An average sized man will be significantly taller than an average sized woman. I think a 5 ft 10" man is the equivalent of a 5 ft 4" woman. If both have a similar body type, physically they're a good match.

 

If it's okay for women to like taller men, can I confess that I prefer petite women? Or will that get me yelled at by the wimmins?

 

As above, I think it's natural for men to prefer women who are smaller than them. If you were reborn as the female equivalent of yourself, you'd be four to six inches smaller. I don't think people of either gender are being unreasonable in looking for that kind of difference as part of finding their other half, but probably most people will relax their own rules if they find somebody who they really like but who doesn't conform to everything on their shopping list.

[fortyninethousand322]

Was this thread supposed to be all about height? Or also build? Gheorghe Muresan and Sean Bradley are tall guys, but I wouldn't really call them "big guys". I'd call Ray Rice a big guy before I called those guys big...

[pathetic1999]

I didn't read the whole thread I am just posting my response...I need a guy who is thicker than I am, I cannot have a skinny guy. I just can't, I once quit seeing a guy (who was really nice btw) because he was skinnier than me. I just can't do it, feels like he's the girl and I'm not a big girl or anything.

 

I don't need super tall (5' 10" ish is fine) but they have to be thicker than I am.

 

I edited to add I am not short for a woman I am 5' 7" . So I don't care about a guy being way taller than me.

Edited December 1, 2012 by pathetic1999
added

[truth_seeker]

It's not the size of a man in a fight; it's the size of the fight in the man

[Taramere]

This is a very good point, and one that brings about a couple interesting dynamics. First and foremost, many people will overrate their own value and seek out only those who they perceive are their opposite sex equivalent. Secondly, as you explain above, above average people might have difficulty finding their less common opposite sex equivalent. So rather than be alone, they settle for less than their equivalent. We all know what settling does...and then when this person does meet someone they believe is their equivalent...

 

I've generally found that the men who regarded me as physically attractive were men I found attractive, while the men who insulted me on my appearance struck me as below average in appearance. I suppose sour grapes/negging could be involved, but I also think that people tend to celebrate others who are at their own level of attractiveness or look a little bit like them.

 

My great grandma was some sort of throwback to the Spanish Armada. Tiny and dark, but surrounded by a family of blondes....who were, fortunately, quite stoical in the face of her constant exhortations that blondes were ugly. My mother's best friend at university was celebrated for her beauty. Picture Grace Kelly with a dash of Brigitte Bardot to make her racier. My great granny would easily dismiss her as "ugly and common looking." As though the streets of her village were teeming with women who looked like that. That woman was so different looking to my great grandmother that she couldn't possibly be regarded as beautiful.

 

Some people just aren't able to recognise beauty in people who look very different to the way they themselves look. I think when it comes to picking partners (rather than drooling over unattainable celebrities) people will often be most attracted to those who are quite similar looking to themselves. So it wouldn't feel like settling.

Edited December 1, 2012 by Taramere

[PJKino]

Sounds like a lot of women look at dudes as an acessory,must make me look smaller then i already am,must be taller even in my shoes so at least 6 feet taller,im usign him to have tall kids etc

 

Must be really nice to be an average women in todays world that you can be so picky that you can factor something as vain as shoe size and how he looks next to you in them before he can even get his foot in the door

 

Menawhile i cant get a godamn first date when all i ask is a women doesnt look like a total trainwreck

 

and people wonder why the average guy thinks the average women has it easier or is more entitled

[PJKino]

t

tc). It doesn't mean that smaller men and less beautiful women are out of the game, but they do have to try harder, and sometimes for less rewards. .

 

So it means short men have to try harder and for less attractive women?

 

also wording them as "less rewards" is pretty classy of you

[iris219]

I've generally found that the men who regarded me as physically attractive were men I found attractive

 

This is very true. I've almost never rejected a man for how he looked because men I find unattractive aren't interested in me. Guess they don't find me attractive either.

 

A source of a lot of dating struggles occur when there's a disconnect between who one finds attractive and who finds that person attractive. When people nearly always find others attractive who don't reciprocate the feeling, it's like they're lacking some sort of gene which allows them to perceive others of similar attractiveness as attractive and mate with these individuals. Obviously, your dating life will be very hard if you consistently find others attractive who don't view you that way, and I'm sure evolution has tried to make so this doesn't happen constantly.

[Lonely Ronin]

A source of a lot of dating struggles occur when there's a disconnect between who one finds attractive and who finds that person attractive. When people nearly always find others attractive who don't reciprocate the feeling, it's like they're lacking some sort of gene which allows them to perceive others of similar attractiveness as attractive and mate with these individuals. Obviously, your dating life will be very hard if you consistently find others attractive who don't view you that way, and I'm sure evolution has tried to make so this doesn't happen constantly.

 

The issue I see, is when people know how attractive they are, but go after people that are drastically more attractive than them. Just to be clear, when I say attractive, i mean in a wholistic way.

[Taramere]

So it means short men have to try harder and for less attractive women?

 

also wording them as "less rewards" is pretty classy of you

 

Could you let me know how tall you are? That way I can gauge whether I should care about your assessment of me.

 

Keep on sowing crap, sweetie, and you'll keep on reaping it.