One year since D-Day #1

[TigerCub]

You're going to work up America's wang? Wait, what, did I read that right? :laugh:

 

I figure Land of Opportunity -> Wang of Opportunity - it makes sense, no?

[Steen719]

Oh, it is funny! Son, of course, is a gator fan and when Fla and Ala played for the national championship, my brother called me before the game and asked me if I was conflicted. I said...yeah, trying to decide who I want to win. UNTIL, the kick-off. I was Alabama all the way. Texting my son, who kept saying the gators could still win...until the end!!!

 

It's fun and good natured. I would never get mad over football and my team wins more anyway....right 96nole? :lmao::lmao:

[96nole]

Oh, it is funny! Son, of course, is a gator fan and when Fla and Ala played for the national championship, my brother called me before the game and asked me if I was conflicted. I said...yeah, trying to decide who I want to win. UNTIL, the kick-off. I was Alabama all the way. Texting my son, who kept saying the gators could still win...until the end!!!

 

It's fun and good natured. I would never get mad over football and my team wins more anyway....right 96nole? :lmao::lmao:

 

I was Bama all the way on that game. I hate the Gators. And your team is definitely winning more nowadays. My two favorite teams are FSU and whoever is playing the Gators.

[The Blue Knight]

They already know. I told them everything last year. They were not happy. They weren't happy with the second time she cheated either. Her dad even told her that she needs to change her ways.

Ummm . . . is this the same father who went on a cruise with your STBX and her new boyfriend?

[Snowflower]

 

That's why I blame most of the trashiness on him. She was not this type of person before. He is. She must like the machismo and bravado. He is a wanna be bully who even mouthed off to my sister in law on facebook. He wrote something on facebook about drag racing being "where all the big boyzzzz like to play!!" Yes, a 40 year old man wrote "boyzzzz". It's pathetic. That's the type of people she is hanging around with now. So she has started to mold herself into that kind of trash.

 

Your sister-in-law? Does this mean your stbxw's sister? If so, would she actually tolerate this type of disrespect to her own family?

[The Blue Knight]

I just used a conversion calculator and 95 F is about 35C.

We've had our "crazy hot" days where the temp was like 35C but with humidity felt like 45C - so is that close that what you're describing? (I don't understand the humidity % thing)

 

If I could survive that with somewhat poofy hair - I could survive what you described right?

I used to have a cousin who lived in Phoenix. But he was from the northern states. He said down there it was the opposite of the northern portion of the country. You'd sit inside the house with the AC blasting during the very hot summers like northerner's do when it's bitter cold and snowy in the winter. Me . . . I'll just take a nice moderate 65 to 70 degree day anytime. I don't need the extremes.

[96nole]

Ummm . . . is this the same father who went on a cruise with your STBX and her new boyfriend?

 

Yes! The same one that many times referred to me as being more like a son to him than his own son.

 

The same man that told me a few years ago that if he died, he knew he wouldn't have to worry about his daughter because he knew I would take care of her.

 

Welcome to my world

[Steen719]

I was Bama all the way on that game. I hate the Gators. And your team is definitely winning more nowadays. My two favorite teams are FSU and whoever is playing the Gators.

 

Spoken like a true Gator fan!!!

[Steen719]

Yes! The same one that many times referred to me as being more like a son to him than his own son.

 

The same man that told me a few years ago that if he died, he knew he wouldn't have to worry about his daughter because he knew I would take care of her.

 

Welcome to my world

 

Thick blood..it's hard, but usually the way it is.

[96nole]

Your sister-in-law? Does this mean your stbxw's sister? If so, would she actually tolerate this type of disrespect to her own family?

No, she is married to stbxw's brother. And sister in law (SIL) doesn't want anything to do with the dirtbag. She is pissed at the ex and what she did. The SIL actually doesn't care much for the ex or the ex's parents. My SIL is actually closer to my mother and me. If it wasn't for SIL 3 girls (my nieces), SIL would have as little to do with the ex and the ex's parents as possible. She actually asked if she could be a part of my family and not the ex's family.

 

The ex's cheating and lying has really caused quite a stir. Not only in my family, but her's as well. Her brother isn't very happy with her either. But there isn't much he can do about it. He's not going to alienate his parents or sister. Not that anyone would expect him to.

[96nole]

Spoken like a true Gator fan!!!

HEY!!!!!!!!!

[The Blue Knight]

Yes! The same one that many times referred to me as being more like a son to him than his own son.

 

The same man that told me a few years ago that if he died, he knew he wouldn't have to worry about his daughter because he knew I would take care of her.

 

Welcome to my world

So "dad" tells her that she needs to change her ways but then decides he's willing to dump on the son-in-law he's come to really respect and appreciate? There's your cookie cutter enabler. Strong words with nothing to back them up. He and the wife should have disowned her until she got her wits back and thrown their support behind you. Unbelievable.

 

I don't support family members who are doing the wrong thing. I support who is right over who is wrong. Being related only means so much to me. That's just how I roll.

[96nole]

Thick blood..it's hard, but usually the way it is.

Yep. It was expected. Both my in-laws can rot in hell as far as I'm concerned. Being OK with the dirtbag going on the cruise was the final straw with them for me. Whether they were happy about him being on the cruise or not, they should have told her that he isn't going no matter what.

[The Blue Knight]

No, she is married to stbxw's brother. And sister in law (SIL) doesn't want anything to do with the dirtbag. She is pissed at the ex and what she did. The SIL actually doesn't care much for the ex or the ex's parents. My SIL is actually closer to my mother and me. If it wasn't for SIL 3 girls (my nieces), SIL would have as little to do with the ex and the ex's parents as possible. She actually asked if she could be a part of my family and not the ex's family.

 

The ex's cheating and lying has really caused quite a stir. Not only in my family, but her's as well. Her brother isn't very happy with her either. But there isn't much he can do about it. He's not going to alienate his parents or sister. Not that anyone would expect him to.

Actually, they all could have had some impact on her decision-making. They all could have said, if you follow through with this, don't come around and don't show up with the new boyfriend. The fact that there are never consequences is what makes these types of decisions a bit too easy. But people instead of doing what's right, often just go with the flow. Sad deal.

[96nole]

So "dad" tells her that she needs to change her ways but then decides he's willing to dump on the son-in-law he's come to really respect and appreciate? There's your cookie cutter enabler. Strong words with nothing to back them up. He and the wife should have disowned her until she got her wits back and thrown their support behind you. Unbelievable.

 

I don't support family members who are doing the wrong thing. I support who is right over who is wrong. Being related only means so much to me. That's just how I roll.

 

Exactly!!! He's all bark, no bite. My sister in law (married to stbxw's brother) is pissed at them as well. She was appalled that they were OK with the dirtbag going on the cruise.

[96nole]

Actually, they all could have had some impact on her decision-making. They all could have said, if you follow through with this, don't come around and don't show up with the new boyfriend. The fact that there are never consequences is what makes these types of decisions a bit too easy. But people instead of doing what's right, often just go with the flow. Sad deal.

Actually, my sister in law has stated that the dirtbag is not welcome in her house. And she is glad at everything I've done. Even my sister in law has been saying that there are consequences to the ex's actions.

[The Blue Knight]

Exactly!!! He's all bark, no bite. My sister in law (married to stbxw's brother) is pissed at them as well. She was appalled that they were OK with the dirtbag going on the cruise.

My read is this. Mom and Dad just "go with" whatever the STBX does . . . good or bad. I'm sure they were very unhappy with her decision and even less happy with the fact that she insisted this idiot accompany them on the cruise.

 

It's sad really. They could have caused her to wake up before it was too late by maybe laying down the law and throwing support behind you, the son-in-law. I'm sure she would have had a tissy-fit over such a move, but that would have rearranged the dynamics considerably.

[The Blue Knight]

Actually, my sister in law has stated that the dirtbag is not welcome in her house. And she is glad at everything I've done. Even my sister in law has been saying that there are consequences to the ex's actions.

Good for her. Now if her husband and the husband's Dad can grow a set, that would be a nice change.

[96nole]

My read is this. Mom and Dad just "go with" whatever the STBX does . . . good or bad. I'm sure they were very unhappy with her decision and even less happy with the fact that she insisted this idiot accompany them on the cruise.

You hit the nail on the head with that comment. The ex told me they aren't happy with what she did, but they will support her.

[Snowflower]

You hit the nail on the head with that comment. The ex told me they aren't happy with what she did, but they will support her.

 

Of course that is what your stbx is going to tell you...that they will support her and to some extent that is probably true. And in all honesty, isn't that how it should really be? She was a part of their family first, for her entire life, and for a good portion of her parents' lives. It just makes sense that they will support her. Especially more so now that you are divorcing her. Her parents probably see that you will be out of their lives for all intents and purposes but she will always be their daughter.

 

I completely understand your hurt. I've been there too with my husband and my in-laws. But I did respect the fact that they are a family and hoped that they would be there for my husband no matter how wrong his actions were.

 

The cruise that you paid for, yeah that was pretty bad but I will bet they are not too happy with the decisions their daughter is making and since she will no longer have you to take care of her, they probably feel they need to.

 

Hope that makes sense?

 

ETA...I wouldn't be surprised that if, when all this settles down, at some point in the future your (ex) in-laws try to make peace with you. At that point, it will be up to you if you want any relationship with them. Again, its good you don't have kids.

Edited May 15, 2012 by Snowflower

[Furious]

You hit the nail on the head with that comment. The ex told me they aren't happy with what she did, but they will support her.

 

 

I have a feeling as soon as trashy boyfriend blows all your ex's money, her parents will really have to support her.

[96nole]

Of course that is what your stbx is going to tell you...that they will support her and to some extent that is probably true. And in all honesty, isn't that how it should really be? She was a part of their family first, for her entire life, and for a good portion of her parents' lives. It just makes sense that they will support her. Especially more so now that you are divorcing her. Her parents probably see that you will be out of their lives for all intents and purposes but she will always be their daughter.

 

I completely understand your hurt. I've been there too with my husband and my in-laws. But I did respect the fact that they are a family and hoped that they would be there for my husband no matter how wrong his actions were.

 

The cruise that you paid for, yeah that was pretty bad but I will bet they are not too happy with the decisions their daughter is making and since she will no longer have you to take care of her, they probably feel they need to.

 

Hope that makes sense?

 

ETA...I wouldn't be surprised that if, when all this settles down, at some point in the future your (ex) in-laws try to make peace with you. At that point, it will be up to you if you want any relationship with them. Again, its good you don't have kids.

 

I agree that it's how it should be. She is and will always be their daughter. I'm sure they aren't happy with her decisions. I knew the day she got served, their opinion of me would change. At that point I knew the dirtbag was going on the cruise, so I didn't care anymore what they thought.

 

I don't think they will reach out to me. They don't even reach out to their son and granddaughters very much. Father in law hasn't spoken to his brother in 40 years. So they won't be looking to contact me anytime in this lifetime. Father in law is happy to sit his retired ass in the chair and smoke cigarettes.

[96nole]

I have a feeling as soon as trashy boyfriend blows all your ex's money, her parents will really have to support her.

Well, if she has to refinance the house, they will have to give her around $30,000 since she won't have all the money to pay the upfront costs, down payment, and the difference of the shortfall since the house is underwater.

 

She's trying to assume the mortgage which will leave the mortgage the same, just take my name off of it. If that happens, she won't need any up front costs. But the payment will remain the same and I know she will struggle to make that payment along with all the other bills.

 

So they are already going to have to support her. But when the money is gone because of her and the dirtbag, they will definitely be supporting her.

[The Blue Knight]

Of course that is what your stbx is going to tell you...that they will support her and to some extent that is probably true. And in all honesty, isn't that how it should really be? She was a part of their family first, for her entire life, and for a good portion of her parents' lives. It just makes sense that they will support her. Especially more so now that you are divorcing her. Her parents probably see that you will be out of their lives for all intents and purposes but she will always be their daughter.

 

I completely understand your hurt. I've been there too with my husband and my in-laws. But I did respect the fact that they are a family and hoped that they would be there for my husband no matter how wrong his actions were.

 

The cruise that you paid for, yeah that was pretty bad but I will bet they are not too happy with the decisions their daughter is making and since she will no longer have you to take care of her, they probably feel they need to.

 

Hope that makes sense?

 

ETA...I wouldn't be surprised that if, when all this settles down, at some point in the future your (ex) in-laws try to make peace with you. At that point, it will be up to you if you want any relationship with them. Again, its good you don't have kids.

I have to disagree Snowflower.

 

I agree with you that this is how most families handle their issues but I disagree that families just had their loved ones a pass under such circumstances.

 

Tough love needs to be applied in situations like this. The in-laws like their son-in-law and they felt a fondness for him. To just toss him aside because she needs to explore some deviant mid-life crisis lacks genuineness when this man was a welcome member of the family for 15 years.

 

This shouldn't be about blood or relationships. Right is Right. Wrong is Wrong. By supporting her behavior indirectly (by being too passive) about her behavior or simply giving her a pass to toss 96 to the gutter without confronting her actions, they effectively contributed to the entire problem.

[96nole]

 

 

The in-laws like their son-in-law and they felt a fondness for him. To just toss him aside because she needs to explore some deviant mid-life crisis lacks genuineness when this man was a welcome member of the family for 15 years.

 

 

He's also the same son-in-law that saved their daughters life several times when her heart went into A-Fib and either called 911 or ran her to the hospital.

If only I knew then what I know now.