How to stop the mind movies

[SomedayDig]

Here I am quite a while past Dday. Hard to believe all of that crap happened and the things that I went through.

 

To everyone calling for me to leave her, that she would never change and all the other stuff I just wanted to give an update.

 

We are happily together, still. Our marriage is better than it has ever been. Not because of her affair, but because we are actually working actively on it!

 

So, many things have happened. Some really tough stuff to go through, to boot. However, here I sit 1400 miles away from that house where we used to live. 1400 miles away from the daily triggers. We decided back in January that we needed a reboot. We were progressing, but I was still a little stuck due to the triggers of the house and the places around our little town. It was her idea to move. She left a 16 year teaching career. She was more than half way to retirement.

 

It was her idea because she wanted to do whatever it took for me and for us to heal.

 

Those of you who said she would never change - well, I wouldn't be so quick to give blanket advice to every poster who comes here.

 

To those betrayed spouses who just found out - I empathize. I am with you. YOU have to decide what is best for YOU and your marriage. If that means walking away, then that is what you must do. However, I wouldn't be so quick to make a life changing decision without at least a few weeks of thought. And I certainly wouldn't listen to anonymous internet posters tell you what is going on inside your home.

 

Only you can see that.

 

Like I did.

 

Have faith in yourself. Take care of yourself.

[Artie Lang]

Dig! what's up, m'man? glad to hear things are good.

 

maybe you'll stick around for awhile.

[SomedayDig]

Dig! what's up, m'man? glad to hear things are good.

 

maybe you'll stick around for awhile.

 

Artie! Hey, man...you're the one dude I was hoping I'd see today. Moved from the snow to a place where it never snows. Just got here a couple weeks ago and so far we all love it.

 

One thing I found man was that when I'd spend too much time on the infidelity forum that I'd go nuts. It was like never being able to move on...never being able to push through it. When I left, I was able to concentrate on me and then on our marriage.

 

Maybe I'll look in once in a while. Maybe someone who is going through the same crap will read this and know that they're not alone. Maybe that will help in some small way.

 

Maybe.

[Confused48]

Here I am quite a while past Dday. Hard to believe all of that crap happened and the things that I went through.

 

To everyone calling for me to leave her, that she would never change and all the other stuff I just wanted to give an update.

 

We are happily together, still. Our marriage is better than it has ever been. Not because of her affair, but because we are actually working actively on it!

 

So, many things have happened. Some really tough stuff to go through, to boot. However, here I sit 1400 miles away from that house where we used to live. 1400 miles away from the daily triggers. We decided back in January that we needed a reboot. We were progressing, but I was still a little stuck due to the triggers of the house and the places around our little town. It was her idea to move. She left a 16 year teaching career. She was more than half way to retirement.

 

It was her idea because she wanted to do whatever it took for me and for us to heal.

 

Those of you who said she would never change - well, I wouldn't be so quick to give blanket advice to every poster who comes here.

 

To those betrayed spouses who just found out - I empathize. I am with you. YOU have to decide what is best for YOU and your marriage. If that means walking away, then that is what you must do. However, I wouldn't be so quick to make a life changing decision without at least a few weeks of thought. And I certainly wouldn't listen to anonymous internet posters tell you what is going on inside your home.

 

Only you can see that.

 

Like I did.

 

Have faith in yourself. Take care of yourself.

 

I just read your entire thread. I've been staying away from LS b/c I felt it was reopening the wound. But I was gripped by your thread. It was not reopening the wound. It is inspirational. Thanks for sharing.

[NotCamelot]

It's really good to see that things are working for you. My D-day was a few weeks after yours. I was haunted badly with the same issues.

 

I did not have to think about a 5 yr A. My W was only in her A for 6 weeks.

 

You are correct, blanket advice is something those coming here for help should avoid. You did, I did......and now look how things are. Really good for me as well.

 

Most of the LS people giving advice mean well. And some of them really helped me. But, you are correct, every relationship and every household is different.

 

I also find that less time here at LS is better for me these days.