Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 What aren`t you telling us???? There is something isn`t there? No absolutely not! Why would there be something Im not telling you..What if I go back lets say sunday, She decides to get a lawyer. I would be out of the house anyway no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 you left?? why? I guess according to you guys I didnt know any better. This is the first time I have had a problem like this....I figured mving out would help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 go back to `your` home you mean? you still not answered, why cant you go back to `your` home ???? It is my home....Ive been paying for it for the past 11 years and my name is on the deed. I can go back but is that the best move? If so tell me why? I am affraid if I go back and she gets pissed I just killed my marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 good luck , wish you all the best, you still got a chance i think , cool and calm Hope you make it Thats it? Tell me what you think I should do? Should I move back in? Tell me...I need some advice... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 It is my home....Ive been paying for it for the past 11 years and my name is on the deed. I can go back but is that the best move? If so tell me why? I am affraid if I go back and she gets pissed I just killed my marriage! 1) It's your house, and presumably you want to live there. 2) Whether it pisses your wife off doesn't count for much in this equation. 3) Giving up on what you legitimately and reasonably want because it pisses your wife off is almost invariably a bad thing. Chill out, Coop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 I did not realize you guys were all home with your husbands or wives. I thought you were seperated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 1) It's your house, and presumably you want to live there. 2) Whether it pisses your wife off doesn't count for much in this equation. 3) Giving up on what you legitimately and reasonably want because it pisses your wife off is almost invariably a bad thing. Chill out, Coop. so what your saying is I am beig made a fool...Yes/No? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 When did you have your balls removed? when was the last time you saw them? ok you not drinking anymore? what sort of anti life drug you on now?? WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF GOING BACK TO YOUR OWN HOME ????? Dude chill out! WTF! I asked for advice not to be ridiculed......I have never been in this situation before. I did what I thought was best. Apparently it isnt. I will go back sunday! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 so what your saying is I am beig made a fool...Yes/No? Possibly. It's fairly common that a WS wants a BS out of the house to make it easier to carry on the affair. Possible in your case? But really, even if it's not applicable, why should you be the person who leaves? If your wife's unhappy, let her be the one who moves to some crappy apartment. Same thing applies to the bedroom. Sleep in your bed. If she doesn't like it, introduce her to the couch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 So I will go back sunday...Now every saturday she goes out and I am just supposed to sit there? not that I am arguing ut where is the balls in that? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 i friking wish i could!! long time gorilla ?? good to see you again You too, Coop. I've been out of the loop for a bit, but hope things are improving in your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 So I will go back sunday...Now every saturday she goes out and I am just supposed to sit there? not that I am arguing ut where is the balls in that? You have no control over her. Let her go, literally and figuratively. You can only control yourself. Figure out where your boundaries are. If they don't include her hitting the town (and since she's a married woman, that would be a reasonable boundary), start divorce proceedings. It'll either wake her up (and divorces can always be put on hold or cancelled altogether), or she won't give a crap. Either way, you'll have your answer as to which way to go. But stop letting her drive this train. You're the one who needs to be the driver. Whether it pisses her off or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 coop I havent had a drink in the last three weeks what r you talking about...Like I said, I didnt know what to do at first. I thought all you guys knew I was out of the house! So you are saying go back. I am going back tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Thanks Gorilla! Thats all I needed to hear! I am going to start bringing my stuff back tomorrow. Thanks for the advice! Some people think that I should know it all and assume so. Ive been on this thread for about 2 weeks and it clearly says in my first post I moved out two weeks ago!...I have been following everyones directions as to give her time. Now tonight Im hit like a brick why did I move out. If I heard this two weeks ago I would have went back then. Now Im told move back in and dont give a **** what she thinks. All because my post wasnt read right. I guess thats my fault! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Dammit dammit, one short nap and the thread explodes! Kk, here we are at: She said: I don't love u anymore, best for us to have some space, you treated me bad, I wanna have fun now: here is the door You: okay, I guess I did, I wanna change, don't want to piss u off, safe the marriage, I will leave and quit drinking/go to the gym It does sound reasonable and a lot of people do make that error BUT it makes you compliant and she isn't going to respect compliant. Gorilla has it right. Where his and my philosophies diverge is that I would still 180 but inside the home, with the kids etc. (don't 180 on the kids! Just 180 on her!) Is she wants to go out, I would very non-chalantly say "have a good time." BUT I WOULD not play the good married lapdog. She wants a separation, she can move. I would ignore a lot of her activities. But I would not play married while eye does them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 I know it was you coop but all you kept asking me is "what do you want to hear? I want to here advice and opinions not guess them. I said two weeks ago in my very first post that I moved out. Thught you all knew that the whole time! So I am following advice that wouldnt help if my life depended on it cause I am not in the home to do so! You also keep using the tone as too what I have done. I did what I did in the past but I am now totally clean and want to save my marriage. Thats all... This is just mis communication Thats all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 ok I am going back tomorrow. What should I say? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Sorry, in my situation, it is my alcoholic husband who is running for the hills.... I am more worried (well, was) about having all of the financial responsibility on my head each time he disappears, but now it is and it isn't so bad. Just didn't think about you moving back in, I guess the OP and the following posters are perfect either. Further to that though: the 180 last resort technique can be worked inside or outside of the home with effectiveness, My husband didn't even need to be in the same Province. Although moving back in would def be a good step. You may want to shore up one month of sobriety and make sure you SOLIDLY understand the 180 before moving right back into what is sure to be the center of conflict. When you go back, all that is needed to be said is: "I pay some of the bills here, it's my home, I'm moving back." She will freak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 anymore advice what I should do or say when I get there tomorrow Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Btt.....come on guys! Coop I know Ur mad at me but I need advice for what to do tonight Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 anymore advice what I should do or say when I get there tomorrow Yikes! That's pretty fast, maybe take a day to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Yikes! That's pretty fast, maybe take a day to think about it. What do u think there is too think about? Everyone I speak to on here and friends tell me.I should have never moved out to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Hey, yes your friends etc got it right. I do think giving her a couple of days notice is proper though. Coop got it bang on. That being said: the priority NEEDS to stay on your sobriety. If you see that in any way it is affecting it, you gotta refocus. Kk? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 I`m not mad at you!, sorry if it came across like that. Going through a lot myself and getting frustrated at my situation.. Have you told her your going to be moving back? Give her a couple of days notice. Say "hunny, i can`t bear to live apart from the children anymore so i`ll be moving back in on monday" LOL! Nope I am here right now....Gonna talk to her when she gets home. Just going to tell her, Look I miss the kids and my home. I am going to move back in......If you guys have any other things to add on please let me know! I will fill you guys in...Wish me luck! I need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Dammit dammit, one short nap and the thread explodes! Kk, here we are at: She said: I don't love u anymore, best for us to have some space, you treated me bad, I wanna have fun now: here is the door You: okay, I guess I did, I wanna change, don't want to piss u off, safe the marriage, I will leave and quit drinking/go to the gym It does sound reasonable and a lot of people do make that error BUT it makes you compliant and she isn't going to respect compliant. Gorilla has it right. Where his and my philosophies diverge is that I would still 180 but inside the home, with the kids etc. (don't 180 on the kids! Just 180 on her!) Is she wants to go out, I would very non-chalantly say "have a good time." BUT I WOULD not play the good married lapdog. She wants a separation, she can move. I would ignore a lot of her activities. But I would not play married while eye does them. You mention lapdog. That's exactly what I am afraid of becoming! Or a personal baby sitter. I want this to work but how to prevent becoming a fool is the question? Or do I have to just eat my pride? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts