recently seperated and need

[hurts_so_bad]

Sorry I have asked this question a ton of times but I guess I need some reassurance here for me to sleep a little better tonight. If I dont get it I guess I am scr@@@d! Anyway, Let me run threw what happened last night.

 

I am living apart from my wife and kids so you know. I spoke to the wife the other day. She said she is having problems with the dryer. I told her I would check itwhen I come on Monday to see the kids..Fooling around I said, "I dont work for free! I wat a steak dinner" She agreed to ake me dinner but told me it ay be macaroni being she is broke! I told her if anything I would by the steak if she didnt have it.

 

I went there yesterday afternoon and she had the house very clean which it never is due to the kids always running around and making messes. She also had bought the steak the day before which she said she may not be able to get till the day I got there to give her cash for it.

 

I was already there when she arrived home from work. She came in and started dinner. We had some small talk and then she popped the question, So what have you been up too...The ice breaker. Afterwards we spoke small talk, kids, house friends etc. along with a few laughs...

 

I told her show me whats wrong with the dryer. She showed me and stood by me while I was trying t figure out the problem. She even said, If its going to be too much of a big deal dont worry about it. I figured it out and she ordered the part. At that point it was like 9 oclock and I asked if I can stay because I wouldnt get home till after 12am. She said fine and I slept on the couch...

 

Tell me honestly guys! What do you think?

 

 

One other question guys...Its killing me to think she may be sleeping with this guy so I need to ask a few questions....Does the saying, "Our chemistry is explosive" mean she is sleeping with this guy or could it just be the way they get along? We did sleep together twice in one week the week I was leaving...Do you think she would have slept with me if she was with him?

 

Bad news..good news..I need to hear it as you feel! Maybe I am torturing myself here but I have big sholders!

Edited February 29, 2012 by hurts_so_bad

[standtall]

 

Tell me honestly guys! What do you think?

 

 

Don't sleep over without sleeping with her..it looks desperate.

One other question guys...Its killing me to think she may be sleeping with this guy so I need to ask a few questions....Does the saying, "Our chemistry is explosive" mean she is sleeping with this guy or could it just be the way they get along? We did sleep together twice in one week the week I was leaving...Do you think she would have slept with me if she was with him?

 

 

As far as her sleeping with him, I would say yes, odds are for her to have already done so. You will have to find out yourself by looking around, as she will not tell you the truth to save everyone the hurt feelings.

[coopster]

Hurts so bad ...maybe she has, maybe she hasn`t. You need to stop thinking about maybe and what ifs. The past is the past. Think about YOU > you got a long enough road ahead of you without looking back.

Maybe give her some space for a couple of days. Don`t text or call. Nothing. In fact wait until she contacts you and even then don`t reply straight away, wait a few hours, then keep your answer short and sweet.

 

Got to start looking after you, got to start moving on with your life

 

good luck

[hurts_so_bad]

Hurts so bad ...maybe she has, maybe she hasn`t. You need to stop thinking about maybe and what ifs. The past is the past. Think about YOU > you got a long enough road ahead of you without looking back.

Maybe give her some space for a couple of days. Don`t text or call. Nothing. In fact wait until she contacts you and even then don`t reply straight away, wait a few hours, then keep your answer short and sweet.

 

Got to start looking after you, got to start moving on with your life

 

good luck

 

 

You are right! I have too after all its only been two weeks ad we have both text back and forth a number of times. Sometimes I text her to say hello and she texts me over bulls**t and I always answer right away. I want to start dating too get my head somewhat off all this BS but its so friggin hard being my situation. I just quit drinking so dont really want to associate with bars, I have no license so cant drive. I am stuck! Can any of you guys give me any ideas and what kind of places to go to? Ive been out of my dating days 20 years so its not so easy to walk the street and just start rapping! I can tell you one thing though! I have gotten more looks from girls in the past few days then probably the past 5 years. Probably due to the weight I lost from the gym and it feels good!

Thanks for all the advice guys!

[coopster]

You are right! I have too after all its only been two weeks ad we have both text back and forth a number of times. Sometimes I text her to say hello and she texts me over bulls**t and I always answer right away. I want to start dating too get my head somewhat off all this BS but its so friggin hard being my situation. I just quit drinking so dont really want to associate with bars, I have no license so cant drive. I am stuck! Can any of you guys give me any ideas and what kind of places to go to? Ive been out of my dating days 20 years so its not so easy to walk the street and just start rapping! I can tell you one thing though! I have gotten more looks from girls in the past few days then probably the past 5 years. Probably due to the weight I lost from the gym and it feels good!

Thanks for all the advice guys!

 

I don`t get it?? One minute your asking us if you think you have a chance to make your marriage work the next your asking for dating advice !!

 

Your all over the place!

 

Forget about dating anyone!!! Your not ready, you still have a marriage. Your STILL married. Doesn`t that mean anything to you? Think about it

[standtall]

want to start dating too get my head somewhat off all this BS but its so friggin hard being my situation. I just quit drinking so dont really want to associate with bars, I have no license so cant drive. I am stuck! Can any of you guys give me any ideas and what kind of places to go to? Ive been out of my dating days 20 years so its not so easy to walk the street and just start rapping! I can tell you one thing though! I have gotten more looks from girls in the past few days then probably the past 5 years. Probably due to the weight I lost from the gym and it feels good!

Thanks for all the advice guys!

 

I agree with coopster, you're a mess. Your post shows since of impulsive behavior that has probably gotten you into most of your alcohol troubles to begin with. I'm checking out of this thread.

[hurts_so_bad]

I don`t get it?? One minute your asking us if you think you have a chance to make your marriage work the next your asking for dating advice !!

 

Your all over the place!

 

Forget about dating anyone!!! Your not ready, you still have a marriage. Your STILL married. Doesn`t that mean anything to you? Think about it

I know I am all over the place! I am very confused here! I thought part of the 180 program was to get on with your life and start dating again to build confidence? Maybe I missed something..

 

No matter if I dated someone else I wouldnt be able to keep my mind off her anyway...

[hurts_so_bad]

I agree with coopster, you're a mess. Your post shows since of impulsive behavior that has probably gotten you into most of your alcohol troubles to begin with. I'm checking out of this thread.

 

 

Hey Stadtall

 

I Understand where you are coming from and I am compulsive at this point! She is all I think about 24/7 and it hurts like hell. Whats wrong with that? You guys may have been threw your things for a while now and got over the hard parts or learned to deal with it better. This is very new to me, Its only 2 weeks and I feel like I have lost everything and its taking every once of me not to call or text her as I was told not too...It makes it easier with some advice. All I ask is that you not give up on me with this thread as I need the help and a bit of encouragement and advice to get threw this....

[hurts_so_bad]

Ok all who have been posting on this thread know my story...I was a f@@k up and my wife seperated from me then I found out she is seing someone. Its been alittle over two weeks now that I am out of the house..

 

Ive been told about the 180 but does that pretain to my situation?

 

I screwed up so many times threw the years that she really cant be blamed for seperating from me and finding someone else.

 

So should I still follow it or should I try a different approach?

 

Its taking every bit of me to ot talk to her or text her and in a way its kind of impossible for o contact at all as we have three kids... I would hate to have her think, That I dont care if I should be showing I do...

 

Thats all!

Thanks guys!

[hurts_so_bad]

Got a email ealier about the exrecovery system. Have any of you guys tried it? Is it any good? It sounds very good but it sees to be for ex girlfriends/boyfriends and maybe not for marriages....Like I said it does sound good! The only thing I didnt like was at the end of the presentation the video kept entioning if you dont purchase it you must not care that your girl is in the arms of another an etc...That only makes it sound like a scam! If it is a good system I will buy it today! If not does anyone know a very good one that I can purchase online and download?

 

 

Thanks!

[standtall]

Yes, the 180 applies to you. You are still married and she is/has cheated/cheating on you. The 180 is not about nc, but it is about showing that you're changing and taking charge again. You need to recover in other ways as well. You are not sounding strong and confident in your posts here, so do yourself a favor and don't sound like that to her.

[coopster]

Got a email ealier about the exrecovery system. Have any of you guys tried it? Is it any good? It sounds very good but it sees to be for ex girlfriends/boyfriends and maybe not for marriages....Like I said it does sound good! The only thing I didnt like was at the end of the presentation the video kept entioning if you dont purchase it you must not care that your girl is in the arms of another an etc...That only makes it sound like a scam! If it is a good system I will buy it today! If not does anyone know a very good one that I can purchase online and download?

 

 

Thanks!

yes its a scam!!!!, there is NO `magic` way of getting someone back!! I saw all those, and very nearly paid for one. thank god i found this place instead. You wanna throw money away? throw it my way

[coopster]

Ok all who have been posting on this thread know my story...I was a f@@k up and my wife seperated from me then I found out she is seing someone. Its been alittle over two weeks now that I am out of the house..

 

Ive been told about the 180 but does that pretain to my situation?

 

I screwed up so many times threw the years that she really cant be blamed for seperating from me and finding someone else.

 

So should I still follow it or should I try a different approach?

 

Its taking every bit of me to ot talk to her or text her and in a way its kind of impossible for o contact at all as we have three kids... I would hate to have her think, That I dont care if I should be showing I do...

 

Thats all!

Thanks guys!

 

the 180

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/314882-180

 

Yes its designed for you to get on with your life. No where on there does it mention `pi**ing in the wind` , i.e dating.

You really think your ready to start dating again? i mean REALLY?

 

I know what you are going through, I`m going through it too, my s**t isn`t finished, i`m only 2 months seperated from my wife, so i know exactly what you are feeling.

 

I understand the up and down, the confusion, the don`t know what to do for the `best` , the turmoil, the tears , the thinking about them constantly, the waking up in the morning and realising they aren`t next to you.

Your grieving, you need time to grieve. Don`t do anything rash,

 

Couple of questions for you.

Is there another man she`s seeing?

 

Do you want your marriage to work or not?

[jaymz]

Got a email ealier about the exrecovery system. Have any of you guys tried it? Is it any good? It sounds very good but it sees to be for ex girlfriends/boyfriends and maybe not for marriages....Like I said it does sound good! The only thing I didnt like was at the end of the presentation the video kept entioning if you dont purchase it you must not care that your girl is in the arms of another an etc...That only makes it sound like a scam! If it is a good system I will buy it today! If not does anyone know a very good one that I can purchase online and download?

 

 

Thanks!

 

Most of that advise you get on these boards for free, there is no magic move or words.

 

I did sign up for one of these "get-your-ex-back" systems, once i gave them my story they said there was nothing they could do and gave me a full refund!

[coopster]

and hurts so bad.... please please stop thinking about the way you were and the things you done in the past.... its the past you can`t change it. You can change the future thou

[hurts_so_bad]

Yes, the 180 applies to you. You are still married and she is/has cheated/cheating on you. The 180 is not about nc, but it is about showing that you're changing and taking charge again. You need to recover in other ways as well. You are not sounding strong and confident in your posts here, so do yourself a favor and don't sound like that to her.

 

Hey Standtall

 

Glad you are still with me! I hear what you are saying..I think I did pretty well on Monday...Didnt beg, plead, push conversation,etc...I did get gifts but for the kids only..Thats not bad is it? She actually opened a converstaion asking what I have been up too.. Throughout the rest of the night we had a few small laughs.. I thought the night went well! I can put a good act on even in this condition..I guess I learned from other ex girfriend break ups in the past not to go completely out of my mind anymore! Not in front of them anyway! LOL...

 

Are there any like self help books about this sort of thing that might help me out? maybe something I can download and pay for online?

 

Thanks!

[hurts_so_bad]

Ok thaks guy! I wont waste my money! Any other advice on things to read that might help etc?

[dreamingoftigers]

I am in a rush here and my phone is about to die so I will be brief.

 

THE 180 is not going "no contact" and IS NOT DATING OTHER PEOPLE.

 

If anything, that will close the door on the marriage.

 

If you are interested in dating, end your marriage.

 

The 180 is not cutting or slowing contact with your kids either. In fact, amp it up! Be a GREAT Dad. Not for your marriage per se, but for your kids totally,

 

It can have nothing but a positive effect.

[hurts_so_bad]

I will be going home on Sunday to see my kids. I have planned to go to the movies and dinner. I know this will happen cause it already did once before. My girls are going to say..How about mom? Is it best to leave the decision up to her if whe wants to go or should I just say no Just us? I know what the answer I am goig to get probably is but I dont want to sound mean to her!

[coopster]

There`s no harm in asking her

[hurts_so_bad]

Ok today 6:17 pm I get butt dialed by my wife. No answer but I can here like papers movig around so I figure ok mistake. again 6:18 same thing 6:19 same thing....Then it stopped. I went tot eh gym and left my phone hoe because it needed charging. Come home there are 5 more calls from her at 7:39, 7:49, 7:50, 7:56, and 8:02....is this a serious case of mistken butt dialing? It either is on purpose or god is playing a asty trick on me! Tell me what you think..

[standtall]

Ok today 6:17 pm I get butt dialed by my wife. No answer but I can here like papers movig around so I figure ok mistake. again 6:18 same thing 6:19 same thing....Then it stopped. I went tot eh gym and left my phone hoe because it needed charging. Come home there are 5 more calls from her at 7:39, 7:49, 7:50, 7:56, and 8:02....is this a serious case of mistken butt dialing? It either is on purpose or god is playing a asty trick on me! Tell me what you think..

 

 

Who knows?? Ask yourself, is this really a relevant enough of an issue to even think about for more the 20 seconds? You're gonna give yourself an ulcer over analyzing.

[hurts_so_bad]

Who knows?? Ask yourself, is this really a relevant enough of an issue to even think about for more the 20 seconds? You're gonna give yourself an ulcer over analyzing.

 

Well honestly it kind of felt good to think she was thinking of me! This morning she text me that she called last night and Thank god it wasnt an emergency lol....

 

I text her back and said, I was at the gym (which I was) and didnt see the texts till afterwards. I thought u were butt dialing me and that if it was an emergency I am sure you would have left a message. So whats up?

 

She text back, No worries, I figured it out myself. The pilot was out on the boiler. I fixed it myself.

 

I said ok you better check the hot water heater too cause thats probably out as well..

 

No answer afterwards..

 

I am getting the feeling she is missing me cause there is no reason for 8 calls... The first three were butt dials that I answered. The last 5 were calls that I missed cause the phone was home charging while I was at the gym.

 

Why would she call that many times except to have a excuse too talk to me?

Edited March 1, 2012 by hurts_so_bad

[dreamingoftigers]

I think that your wife has been reaching out to you in different ways that you are kind of missing. No sense in point-blank asking, given the circumstance, but looking for these little clues might be helpful.

[coopster]

maybe she just wanted the pilot re-lit. So far she`s only needed you when she wants something mending. Like some one said..she`s going to test you > She wants to see a massive change in you. Now just cos she texts doesn`t mean you have to text back straight away, and you don`t need to tell her what your up too. Make her wonder what your up to