**GF with EX 2 days after breakup**

[ChelseaLS]

i've accepted her decison. i don't respect it. not that it matters. and moving on? well easier said then done. and u are correct on the month thing. now that i think about it it was closer to two months but still a short time. i've decided i'm just gunna hang out and be myself and pretend i have no feelings for her. sense i have to see her all the time in order to remain best friends with bob . . .

 

 

Oh I know moving on is not easy. I know these things... I struggle everyday. But everyday I try and everyday I get a little further... then I have a set back... then up on my feet again and I keep moving forward. If you have to fake it until you make it when you're hanging around Bob then thats fine. I used to do that at work... I faked it until I finally made it and it wasn't so hard to be around him at work.

[punkinless]

heres the worst part . . . prolly about the time i can go days or even weeks without thinkin about her she'll breakup with ahole and come flying at me at 90mph. and i'm gunna tell you this right now. there is not even a slight chance that i would turn her away. not that i would let her in my life overnight but something would happen . . .

[ChelseaLS]

heres the worst part . . . prolly about the time i can go days or even weeks without thinkin about her she'll breakup with ahole and come flying at me at 90mph. and i'm gunna tell you this right now. there is not even a slight chance that i would turn her away. not that i would let her in my life overnight but something would happen . . .

 

 

Don't worry I have always said the same. I would take my ex back in a second. IT's how we are wired.

[punkinless]

few. thought maybe i was crazy. heres another thing. could her seeing me all the time (about once a week) actually be a good thing? i know NC is important but the most i every say is "hey" and "bye". and if she sees me (acting) happy and being the life of the party and stuff like that it should help right? even tho it hurts to see her.

[chados]

this is conversation with my ex, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t307482/

 

last post. i dont know if she's testing me because i have been ignoring her a little, well i ended all conversations fast. the phonecall was great, but now look att my last post. kinda mixed signals.. i dont know if she's testing me or if she's just not that cool with me seeing her, maybe she feel she got better things to do. or she's trying to get see why i want to see her first. thing is , i told her "im glad you brought this up, im okey with the breakup, i realize this is the best things for us both" mixed signals BIGTIME

[punkinless]

few. thought maybe i was crazy. heres another thing. could her seeing me all the time (about once a week) actually be a good thing? i know NC is important but the most i every say is "hey" and "bye". and if she sees me (acting) happy and being the life of the party and stuff like that it should help right? even tho it hurts to see her.

i'm not patient!

[chados]

few. thought maybe i was crazy. heres another thing. could her seeing me all the time (about once a week) actually be a good thing? i know NC is important but the most i every say is "hey" and "bye". and if she sees me (acting) happy and being the life of the party and stuff like that it should help right? even tho it hurts to see her.

 

 

hi, i thought i did answer that, or maybe you want a girls opinion, but many threads, so sorry i missed it.

 

this will be hurting you, and when she's with another guy, thats a promise i will give you. will it affect her?, well she might miss you, or she might be tired of seeing you. no one can tell you this. but you dont want to see her. because you cant move on. and when you cant move on, she's probably not going to want you back.

[punkinless]

bump for someone who would please read post #1 and leave some feedback?

[chados]

bump for someone who would please read post #1 and leave some feedback?

 

 

you know what, i dont think you need anymore feedback, even though you might feel better for a second, thing is, most people here will tell you to not contact her, i know you want 1000 peoples opinion, but in the end that will only make your head spin. just keep doing what youre doing, if she wants to come back you will notice. i still think my ex loves me, but she might not feel that im the one for her. maybe its the same for you, or maybe she's just insecure

[punkinless]

i'm goin to bobs house to play cards and drink brewskis right now and shes there with him. wish me luck :/

[punkinless]

i'm goin to bobs house to play cards and drink brewskis right now and shes there with him. wish me luck :/

just got back from this ordeal. wasnt THAT bad. she was playing cards and he was sleeping on the couch. i pulled up a chair to the table and watched. there was group conversation but we never talked directly. she actually was a little more open to commenting on what i had to say. like it didn't seem like she was pretending i don't exist like normal. he eventually woke up so i played some xbox with a friend.

 

their was talk of a party tomorrow (friday) night. usually is every friday. she was a little hyped up and was deff coming (with bf) and mentioned she would drink or even get drunk. this is not like her as she has never actually drank. like had a few sips and stuff but nothing more. when we were together and went to a party i always asked her if she wanted to drink and i would stay sober and watch/drive her. she never did.

 

so if she actually drinks i'm gunna be pretty mad cuz she never would with me. sounds stupid but hey. idk. but she dosn't like beer and i'm the only one who has stuff for mixed drinks so you can see where that might lead to a complication. i plan on gettin her bf completly toasted so he pukes and feels like **** all weekend. haha.

 

don't really know why i'm writing all this. it just feels good to write it down i guess. this is makin no contact pretty difficult . . .

but she seeing me in my prime i guess, happy, livin it up. idk. just hard.

[chados]

just got back from this ordeal. wasnt THAT bad. she was playing cards and he was sleeping on the couch. i pulled up a chair to the table and watched. there was group conversation but we never talked directly. she actually was a little more open to commenting on what i had to say. like it didn't seem like she was pretending i don't exist like normal. he eventually woke up so i played some xbox with a friend.

 

their was talk of a party tomorrow (friday) night. usually is every friday. she was a little hyped up and was deff coming (with bf) and mentioned she would drink or even get drunk. this is not like her as she has never actually drank. like had a few sips and stuff but nothing more. when we were together and went to a party i always asked her if she wanted to drink and i would stay sober and watch/drive her. she never did.

 

so if she actually drinks i'm gunna be pretty mad cuz she never would with me. sounds stupid but hey. idk. but she dosn't like beer and i'm the only one who has stuff for mixed drinks so you can see where that might lead to a complication. i plan on gettin her bf completly toasted so he pukes and feels like **** all weekend. haha.

 

don't really know why i'm writing all this. it just feels good to write it down i guess. this is makin no contact pretty difficult . . .

but she seeing me in my prime i guess, happy, livin it up. idk. just hard.

 

 

 

saying she would get drunk, maybe because she wants you jealous for whatever reason that is. she might not be feeling as well as you think she does. im glad your working on yourself, but you shouldn't be where they are to much, it gets weird. and in the long run you might end up hurting yourself. i say get a date if your going to that party. then it wont be weird and if your intentions are to get her jealous, this would be the best strategy

[punkinless]

a date there just seems like it would be wierd. idk. and i'm not really talkin to anybody.

 

and if she didn't want to see me she wouldn't come...she knows i'll be there.

[iPhone]

You sound like a real genuine guy. My heart goes out to you. I know how most of that feels. When I lost my first girlfriend after about the same amount of time, she ran right to another guy. Was frankly traumatizing.

 

I know this hurts to hear, but a lot of time, pain is necessary in these contexts to free you. She most likely said she "hated him" etc. to convince herself. Look up reaction formation. It's nearly impossible for any of us to believe that the person we loved so deeply (and felt loved us so deeply -- and perhaps they indeed did) would lie and do that.

 

But they do.

 

Are there other fish in the sea like you're being told and not believing?

 

Hell yes.

 

No, really. Stop telling yourself there isn't and you can't even begin to imagine it. Yes, yes you can. You really, really can.

 

I changed after my first ex did that type of stuff to me. Used to be as kind and genuine as you. I took a much colder path after that. I can't imagine how (or why?) you'd still go over to "bob's" after this has happened. Really dude, you have to grasp some self respect. I would cut off Bob immediately. I'd cut my losses. Yes, I understand you've probably been friends your whole life. It doesn't matter though. You need to heal. Maybe a long time from now you can be friends with Bob again, but put yourself first now.

 

 

This girl is a liar. You must grasp that. Not all girls are liars. You found a girl who appeared genuine and kind-hearted, but was a liar. Don't believe me? I wouldn't want to either. But she is with her ex who she "hated". I suggest you take that into consideration. This girl is a good liar.

 

Once again, look up reaction formation. (A quick example would be, a strongly homophobic man really being gay deep down. He goes around saying how much he hates gay people and how worthless they are, because he is unwilling to accept that he himself is gay).

 

Will she run back to you after her and that guy get into a disagreement? Maybe. But are you willing to get played for her sake? She has done it long enough, hasn't she? And she'll bounce between you two if you set up the scenario for her. Why wouldn't she? She can have 2 for the price of one.

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you find the self-respect you need. I cannot begin to fathom why you would subject yourself to seeing her with her boyfriend. Really, that boggles my mind beyond belief. And don't tell me it's because you just truly love her, or that you've been friends with Bob for too long. No excuses. You're crucifying yourself.

 

 

Normally I wouldn't give such a long reply and show much emotion... but you remind me of me in ways (I am the city type though), and I don't want to see you continuing to go swimming in sulfuric acid.

 

Maybe I feel for you so much because my current relationship is somewhat like yours. She dated her ex for many years. Says how much she hates him. Could be reaction formation too.

 

He was colder than your ex's ahole though. He raped her, cheated, and every time she tried to leave, he threatened to kill himself. I know psychology from here to kingdom come, and I'd say I don't believe deep down it's reaction formation like I think your punkin was doing.

 

But I could be wrong about the girl I'm with. You can see how blinding the shades of love are.

 

 

 

 

I hate to do this, because there aren't many genuine people like you left. But I will tell you something that can help you heal and be more successful with girls in the future: be colder.

 

Girls are very insecure. Sorry girls, don't mean to sound sexist. This is what psychology truly states overall. Women are insecure. You treat them nicely, they will get bored and actually feel superior to you, in many cases.

 

You want to keep most girls? Don't treat them like princesses. You should do nice things here and there and definitely not cheat and all that, but also don't hold them on some golden platform. Act confident (Or should I say, BE confident), treat them with respect but also like just a regular person, and make sure you make decisions. In our society, women (generally, not in all cases) rely on the man to/expect him to make the decisions.

 

 

 

 

This girl isn't worth what you think she is. You need to understand, no girl worth ANYTHING would EVER do this. It's NOT okay to do what she did to you. It ISN'T okay to go back to an abusive ex (assuming he was abusive).

 

Just because she is your first love, doesn't mean she is the best one. There are girls out there who actually ARE the genuine, beautiful type that you thought this girl was.

Edited November 26, 2011 by iPhone

[punkinless]

thank you for the well thought out response. i hope u didn't type all tht from an iphone. lol.

 

i believe you got a lot of this right, but some of it is just to extreme. i'm not gunna let ANY girl affect my friendship with bob.

 

yes i do believe there are other fish in the sea but i really want another go with this fish. more than anything. weather she worth it or not.

 

like i said b4. me and bob. bestfriends for life.

 

i'm not defending her but i won't label her a liar. a fibber maybe. i think she thought she hated ahole but got cought up in the confusion of the whole thing and now SHE dosn't even know what SHE wants.

 

one things for sure. if she runs back to me (more like when) it'll be on MY terms. shyt would change. i wouldn't get "played." just wouldn't let it happen.

 

seeing her with him isn't as bad as you make it out to be. yeah it sucks. but it dosen't make me wanna go cut my wrists or anything. i just party my face off instead. this is good cuz she sees me in my prime while her new lover boy literally sleeps on the couch.

 

be colder you say? wayyy ahead of you. to an extent. i was alwways mr nice guy. that ship has sailed.

 

i know exactly what shes worth. and believe me, she has some pretty dam fine qualitys.

[chados]

thank you for the well thought out response. i hope u didn't type all tht from an iphone. lol.

 

i believe you got a lot of this right, but some of it is just to extreme. i'm not gunna let ANY girl affect my friendship with bob.

 

yes i do believe there are other fish in the sea but i really want another go with this fish. more than anything. weather she worth it or not.

 

like i said b4. me and bob. bestfriends for life.

 

i'm not defending her but i won't label her a liar. a fibber maybe. i think she thought she hated ahole but got cought up in the confusion of the whole thing and now SHE dosn't even know what SHE wants.

 

one things for sure. if she runs back to me (more like when) it'll be on MY terms. shyt would change. i wouldn't get "played." just wouldn't let it happen.

 

seeing her with him isn't as bad as you make it out to be. yeah it sucks. but it dosen't make me wanna go cut my wrists or anything. i just party my face off instead. this is good cuz she sees me in my prime while her new lover boy literally sleeps on the couch.

 

be colder you say? wayyy ahead of you. to an extent. i was alwways mr nice guy. that ship has sailed.

 

i know exactly what shes worth. and believe me, she has some pretty dam fine qualitys.

 

 

 

if its not that bad seeing her with another guy, i guess your actually kinda over her. you want her back because she was yours. i think your confused, just give it a try with another girl, just date her? . trust me on this. you will always feel miserable when you get dumped, and your always gonna want that person back. until you realize what you "can have". im not going to tell you not to do what you feel is right. but like i said, i think youre confused. just trust me on this one.

[punkinless]

soooo i guess i'm just gunna keep doin what i'm doin. i got a week and a half of school left and then a month and a half off. sleddin season is coming up so hopefully that'll keep my mind off her. even tho ahole will prolly end up goin with us a lot. jesus.

[chados]

soooo i guess i'm just gunna keep doin what i'm doin. i got a week and a half of school left and then a month and a half off. sleddin season is coming up so hopefully that'll keep my mind off her. even tho ahole will prolly end up goin with us a lot. jesus.

 

haha. go on a date, if you starting to like the other girl its great, if its not working for you, your ex will notice that youre moving on, and that will not affect her feelings for you in a bad way, trust me.

[punkinless]

ooooooook. idk wat i'm gunna do about christmas . . . gunna be tuffff.

[chados]

ooooooook. idk wat i'm gunna do about christmas . . . gunna be tuffff.

 

of course, thats why you should meet other girls, it will be easier to not focus on her

[punkinless]

i'm having one of those days . . . not good. can't get her out of my head. i think of her with him and just wanna snap. its day 61 without her.

 

i have a quired some information from one of her friends.

 

the friend asked punkin what she thought of me. she said "honestly i don't have any feelings for him. He thinks i hate him and i don't but whatever." so her friend said "you dated for over a year how can you have no feelings for him?" punkin said "idk, i just don't."

 

then the friend went on to say that she thinks that punkin thinks i hate her. which i don't, obviosly. she thinks i should let her know somehow that i don't hate her. but i don't want to break no contact. or do i? i just want another dam chance this shouldn't be that hard.

 

idk why she even considered going back to an abusive ex. everyone knows i'm worlds better than him and just a better person in general. her family included. of course they support her decision but they're like wow. not the smartest thing you've done.

 

idk. my brain is like just forget her, for now at least. and my heart is like this is so messed up go get her.

[punkinless]

and her "reason" for going back to him is that "some people change." which is bull cuz even if he did change he still dosn't deserve her.

[chados]

and her "reason" for going back to him is that "some people change." which is bull cuz even if he did change he still dosn't deserve her.

 

 

people doesn't just change like that, since i dont know him i cant tell, but in most cases when a person is trying to change, he will found himself miserable and that will show up in some other way. often people believe that they want a person to change this and that, but in the end their just not right for eachother i guess.

[punkinless]

ohmy****inggodsomeonejustpointmeinthedirectiontotheclosestcliff.

[chados]

ohmy****inggodsomeonejustpointmeinthedirectiontotheclosestcliff.

 

 

take a deep breath man, go out and have some fun, ask a girl out. if you and your ex ends up together, then take it from there:) i promise you that there's someone else out there for you, and i can almost promise you that she isn't gonna stay with that guy.