Phanpooh Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 That "Emotional Maturity" from mysticgames.com is fake (_ _") i'm 23 limited education so many time got failure in my live and get depressed period every year paid too much to have experience life and i got 90%.... Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 a little off topic, but i just wanted to let smokey know this. As I type this my ex just sent me a pic of us when we went to vegas right before the breakup. Any ideas to why she did this? Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 smokey what do I do ignore it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Talk to her, it sounds like she is trying to get you to remember what you both were like back then. Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I'm talking to her right now, she is having a hard time moving on because she is dwelling on the past and our relationship Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 She just called me crying Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Wow last night she went from angry to super nice, and even calling me to say she loves me, I fell for it. If she loved me she would crawl over broken glass but she didn't she is fishing for me. Should I ignore her? Link to post Share on other sites
lemonade57 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 So here is my story and I need ur advice. So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. Things were going great, we were in love and he treated me so well. Although our relationship was rough from the beginning we still made it work. He was really earning his trust back, told all his friends how much he loves me and always dedicated all his time towards me. for the past 2-3 months our fights began to get worse. Every little thing becomes an issue and he shifted to dumped all his time into work, a second job and his friends. 3 days ago he broke up with me. Wat was strange was earlier that day everything was still going good until a small argument came up. He then told me he was confused and he has lost feelings for me. He said he doesn't know wat he wants and that he feels its unfair for me that im giving my all into this relationship but he can't do the same. He said the tipical "i love u but im not in love with you". I was heart broken and lost because it just came out of no where. I begged for another shot at it, told him to dig deep to get the feelings back and think about everything we went through and to not let this go so easy. I tried to give him a kiss but he said it just wasnt rite. He leaned in for a kiss 3 hours before this whole breakup. A part of me thinks he needs his time alone and I think he still loves me but another part of me just kinda gave up.. I don't hate him. I still live him but he needs to make up his mind and show me he does still feel the same before it's too late. I don't want to let this love go so I have been giving him space and time to make the better choice. U think we are ever able to fix this Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 So here is my story and I need ur advice. So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. Things were going great, we were in love and he treated me so well. Although our relationship was rough from the beginning we still made it work. He was really earning his trust back, told all his friends how much he loves me and always dedicated all his time towards me. for the past 2-3 months our fights began to get worse. Every little thing becomes an issue and he shifted to dumped all his time into work, a second job and his friends. 3 days ago he broke up with me. Wat was strange was earlier that day everything was still going good until a small argument came up. He then told me he was confused and he has lost feelings for me. He said he doesn't know wat he wants and that he feels its unfair for me that im giving my all into this relationship but he can't do the same. He said the tipical "i love u but im not in love with you". I was heart broken and lost because it just came out of no where. I begged for another shot at it, told him to dig deep to get the feelings back and think about everything we went through and to not let this go so easy. I tried to give him a kiss but he said it just wasnt rite. He leaned in for a kiss 3 hours before this whole breakup. A part of me thinks he needs his time alone and I think he still loves me but another part of me just kinda gave up.. I don't hate him. I still live him but he needs to make up his mind and show me he does still feel the same before it's too late. I don't want to let this love go so I have been giving him space and time to make the better choice. U think we are ever able to fix this Yes, you have two choices, go nc, heal yourself and dont get involved or stick by him through it and he will probably destroy your soul. He needs to get something out of his system, it often involves having relationships with other women, it takes a long time. If you havent experienced it yourself it will probably not work out in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonade57 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 smokeybear, i feel that my arguments wit him are wat pushed him away. i feel that my jealousy made it tiring for him. we tried to work on it together so much but he just couldn't stand it no more. i dont think its due to a 3rd party. am i in denial? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 smokeybear, i feel that my arguments wit him are wat pushed him away. i feel that my jealousy made it tiring for him. we tried to work on it together so much but he just couldn't stand it no more. i dont think its due to a 3rd party. am i in denial? There may not be a third party just now but possibly in the future, Whatever his gigs is about, whatever looks greener, he has to go explore it, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
tipsyleprachauns Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 So I'm undecided on the whole GIGS thing and in some ways to me it is just a descriptor for a phase of emotional immaturity an awful lot of people go through. I certainly did. I don't remember much of it though, a lot has happened since. Theoretically, should one's ex have GIGS, when can you expect to start hearing from them in any way? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Theoretically, should one's ex have GIGS, when can you expect to start hearing from them in any way? Don't expect anything. Being on the outside of GIGS is a bit like the "a watched pot never boils" syndrome. Conversely, even if you ignore the pot, it doesn't mean the water's ever going to boil 'cause the flame might not be turned on. <-- sorry for the mangled metaphor, but there you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 So I'm undecided on the whole GIGS thing and in some ways to me it is just a descriptor for a phase of emotional immaturity an awful lot of people go through. I certainly did. I don't remember much of it though, a lot has happened since. Theoretically, should one's ex have GIGS, when can you expect to start hearing from them in any way? Gigs for me is the process of emotionally and cognitively maturing yes, takes all different lengths of time for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
rawr2 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Hi Smokey Thanks so much for all the hard work you put into this. It would actually make a great psychology thesis. I'm a critical person but GIGS explains my ex's situation completely. He is 22, just finished studying-had to get a job, felt restricted by his city/home he felt there must be something better and by default something greater than me. He met a "just a friend" while we were dating. Eventually their realtionship got a bit much for me and we were a bit "off" together. He dumped me and said it was to be single, that he had been in a relationships for so long and just wanted to go off on his own for a while. (we were together for over 3 years and his last realtionship, just before me, was two years) he said the usual, that he he would like to get together in the future, that if he was going to be in a relationship it would be with me . .. yada yada. I understood, i had also had bouts of fear that I had met the "one" at 18 and that was it, but we were happy together, no fights or anything. Anyway, within a month he had hooked up with this "just a friend" and they were doing all the things I had tried to get him to do with me but he never really felt like it. I felt like an old hag, at 22! He had met someone new and exciting and wanted to do all this stuff with her even though it was stuff I would do and it would have possibly saved our relationship- someone posted something similar earlier. Anyway, things were super tense between us, we have the same friends so still hung around but every now and then he wouldnt come out, and i knew she spent the whole of november, december, and januray last year/this year at his house. Every time i saw him, and maybe had a drink or two i would poor my heart out. Mostly about how he said he wouldnt want to date anyone but me, yet treats her like a girlfriend. Anyway, feb this year he moved away, and didnt tell me. I found out later he had taken her with for the trip/ settling in and now they doing long distance (an added reason why he broke up with me was because i didnt want to move and he knew he wouldnt move if he had to do LDR) So for the first time in my life i decided to go the irrational route, i swore, i threatened, and i hung up. I couldnt take it anymore. He liteally broke me. Two days later i called again, calmed down and just asked what happened. A while ago i suggested that we were in a rut but it was due to other things that had happened (such as a death in my family) but that it was temporary. When we spoke he actually brought that up, he said he doesnt think we were in a rut and that he was happy in our relationship but this "just happened". he said repeatedly "it just happened". I gave him an out, he chose to bring this up, and note it. Also last year when they were hanging out a lot he said it was just cause she was new and different. - CAN THE TEA LEAVES BE ANY CLEARER? it's def gigs. I decided NC from that day and it is a month today. We broke up beginning of october last year. Sometimes it helps just to hear from someone else who actually know how it feels. Also a lot of the posts are male dumpees, so its nice to hear when girls. Will keep you posted if anything happens. I do want to be friends with him again, or eventually speak someday, in the DISTANT future. its not in my nature to harber such resentment for a long time. Thanks again for your advice and sharing stories! PS: with all the work you put into this, and how relevant it is as a topic you should look into making a website. You and wilson or homebrew. Link to post Share on other sites
rawr2 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Ok I don't know what to do, sorry for posting here but this was a gigs situation with NC not just a normal breakup. I went NC a month and a half ago and today he sent a text just asking what's up. Do I reply? Or do i wait for more than just a "hey". Smokey, what stage would you say he is at? my story is just before this. He is with this girl, claims he wants to be friends with me, and says it all "just happened". Please give me your advise! I do want to talk to him again, but i dont know if i should leave it a bit longer? Link to post Share on other sites
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