Author smokey bear Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 Great little quiz! I got 84.5%. Well done, what age are you if you dont mind me asking? Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Well done, what age are you if you dont mind me asking? Late forties. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) Fundamental Distinctions between cognitive maturity and emotional maturity Tests of cognitive ability are measures of performance They assess the ability to solve problems in various cognitive domains. MSCEIT tests knowledge of emotions but not necessarily the ability to perform tasks that are related to the knowledge that is assessed The distinction is fundamental. Consider a test of vocabulary No one would doubt that a person who has a high score on a test of vocabulary has a large vocabulary and excels in the ability to define and understand the meaning of words Consider, by contrast, scores on a test of the ability to manage emotions A person who has expert knowledge of emotions may or may not be expert in the actual ability that is allegedly assessed by the test. A person may know the correct answer to a question about the appropriate way of responding to the grief of a bereaved person. Such a person may or may not be skilled in the actual performance of the task of comforting a bereaved person. Edited January 9, 2012 by smokey bear Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 Emotional/social development What is important is that we go over Piaget's description of the pattern of how knowledge grows and develops in a human mind over time. The pattern looks like this: You cannot appreciate the diversity of things in the world (such as marbles, people, and elephants to name but a few sorts of things) until until you have first mastered how to work your body and interpret your senses. You cannot appreciate that four marbles minus two marbles leaves you with two marbles until you first have concrete, physical experience with marbles. This appreciation of marbles assumes that you have first figured out how to operate your senses and can physically examine a marble in some fashion. You cannot abstractly understand that " 4 minus 2 always equals 2 " until you have first grasped that same principle concretely, by actually subtracting a few physical things (like marbles) from a larger set of physical things and experienced the result. Note that these are successive layers of appreciation. Each successive layer of knowledge uses the previous layer as a foundation. Knowledge is cumulative. More advanced, abstract understandings are not possible for people to have without their first having less advanced, more concrete experiences. Gibson, would it be possibl to translate this to reflect love/relationships Link to post Share on other sites
Lis007 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Why is it so important to get your point across? To the point of asking others to translate your posts? Why do you feel you need to make people understand, to convert them? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Shes not giving her opinion to anyone but herself, its called self talk. You dont have to click on this thread, you can ignore it. If you dont agree with this topic, move on to the next, why question her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 For the benefit and attention of lis007 im sorry you didnt hear and or understand it that first time i said it, so ill repeat it nice and slowly for you. Im sorry my basic english skills are to difficult for you, ill be more considerate of your needs next time lol its for my own reference at a later date. If i save it on my computer and it crashes its lost forever, it can float about out in the internet until i need it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted January 9, 2012 Author Share Posted January 9, 2012 Shes not giving her opinion to anyone but herself, its called self talk. You dont have to click on this thread, you can ignore it. If you dont agree with this topic, move on to the next, why question her? Cause some people just like to attack others for no apparent reason. For future reference to anyone reading this post, its information i supply myself to understand what i went through, sometimes i get a little unsettled by what i went through and it helps to me to re read all this stuff and put logic behind it. If other want to use any of it feel free. As for asking others to translate, Im asking for advice, help because i dont understand or want an example of this and i still get attacked for it, honest its just getting petty. Link to post Share on other sites
Lis007 Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 Sorry if you felt i was attacking you and I misunderstood what you were saying and doing with your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 Personality http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/ Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) For the record smokey, I think you are doing a great job here. I enjoy reading your posts; they show that you are traveling your own journey and living according to your own truth. You respect that we are all on our individual journies and guess what?... That means you are a highly evolved person emotionally and all other levels too. Keep up the great work and I wish the best of outcomes for you. I'd like to add that anyone can spout off that the advice they give is due to experience; what they fail to realize is, when they judge and criticize someone else's journey, they have actually learned nothing. I've come to realize, in my own experience (or should I say journey...lol), you evolve by "respecting" that everyone is on their own individual journiey to learn "their" own lessons in "their" own time. That is what life is all about. We are all different and it is our own basic human right to live and learn how we choose as long as we are not harming anyone in the process. You are not harming anyone smokey; you are just sharing what you're learning. If others don't like what they are reading then they can choose to respectfully disagree and move on instead of cramming their own beliefs down someone's throat. I've also learned that a judgement comes from a place of fear inside of the person making it. Our frame of perspective comes from the inside. Judgements are nothing more than unresolved issues within the person casting them. It means, they are either afraid to face the issue (hence the place of fear) or they are completely unaware they have them. I hope this makes sense and doesn't come off sounding holier than thou or anything...that's not my intention. I've enjoyed reading both yours' and wilsons' journies. They show true growth and for that, you both should be proud. Edited January 21, 2012 by chelsea2011 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Thanks Chelsea. A little info that i found useful for understanding myself The psychology of emotions, feelings and thoughts. http://cnx.org/content/m14358/latest/ Also a great little excercise for releasing really strong feelings and emotion..... The word emotion is a fascinating word. Look at it this way: E-motion, or Energy, put into motion. That is what our emotions do. They move energy and bring things into motion, or manifestation. The force behind what we feel is what allows us to create. First we have our thought, or perception. But it is the emotional energy, the fuel, that allows something to get created. "I felt so strongly that I just had to rush out and do it". Therefore, to create in a positive way, we must generate positive emotions from clear thoughts and perceptions. Thought triggers emotion. See what kind of thoughts you are thinking, and what kind of emotion that creates. Tune into how you feel. Use all your senses to ask if something doesn't feel right or comfortable in the way you are responding or feeling. If you don't like the emotion you are feeling, change the thoughts you are thinking that are the reason for you creating that emotion. Get a new perspective, in other words. Healing comes from taking responsibility: to realize that it is you - and no-one else - that creates your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. RELEASING EMOTIONS.... One technique we have found profoundly effective is a process of consciously and intentionally releasing emotions as they arise - a technique developed by Lester Levenson. In essence, Levenson found that people have three usual ways of handling a feeling: The first way is to suppress the feeling. But suppressed feelings don't go away - they build up and fester inside, causing anxiety, tension, depression, and a host of stress-related problems. The repressed energy (or 'charge') these suppressed feelings create eventually drives you to behave in ways you don't like or understand, and which you cannot control.The second way is to express the feeling. By 'blowing up' or losing our tempers we relieve the pressure of the accumulated emotions. This can feel good because it puts the feeling into action - but it doesn't get rid of the feeling, or the roots that create the feeling; it simply relieves the pressure of it momentarily. Negative emotions may also be unpleasant for the person on the receiving end, which in turn causes more distress and guilt.The third common way to cope with feelings is by attempting to avoid the issue by attending instead to distractions - by talking, watching TV, eating, smoking, drinking, taking drugs, having sex, etc. But despite our attempts to escape them, the feelings are still there - and still take their toll in the form of stress.But there is another option for handling a feeling - you can focus on it, fully experience it, and then let go of it: release it, discharge it. This is the healthiest way to handle a feeling that is consuming us. We've all had the experience of being in the midst of an emotional explosion and then suddenly began to laugh at ourselves, realizing how silly or inappropriate or useless our behavior is. In other words we became conscious. Typical feelings include the following: APATHY: and related feelings such as cold, cut-off, dead, defeated, depressed, discouraged, disillusioned, drained, futile, hopeless, lost, numb, overwhelmed, resigned, shocked, stuck, worthless, neglected, unaccepted, insignificant, lifeless, abandoned, loveless, pessimistic, rigid, stagnant, stopped, insensitive, disconnected, depressed, defeated. GRIEF: and related feelings such as abandoned, abused, accused, anguished, ashamed, betrayed, blaming, cheated, embarrassed, helpless, hurt, ignored, left out, longing, loss, melancholy, misunderstood, neglected, lonely, pity, poor me, regret, rejection, remorse, sad, unhappy, melancholic, betrayed, discouraged, self-punishing. FEAR: and related feelings such as trapped, anxious, apprehensive, cowardly, devious, doubt, dread, foreboding, inhibited, insecure, jealous, guilty, nervous, panicky, scared, secretive, shaky, shy, stage-fright, suspicious, tense, trapped, withdrawn, worried, threatened, fearful, undesirable. RESENTMENT: and related feelings such as exploited, harassed, frustrated, deprived, hurt, embarrassed, used, abused, confused, rejected, offended, unacknowledged, disappointed, ignored, hidden hostility. ANGER: and related feelings such as aggressive, annoyed, defiant, demanding, disgusted, fierce, frustrated, furious, hatred, impatience, lack of control, mad, mean, outraged, rebellious, rude, spiteful, rigid, stern, stubborn, vengeful. ANTAGONISM: and related compulsive feelings such as aloof, argumentative, arrogant, boastful, clever, contemptuous, craving, critical, demanding, driven, envious, frustrated, greedy, impatient, judgmental, manipulative, lack of acceptance or approval, need to be right, lust, obsessed, pushy, vicious, violent, righteous, ruthless, selfish, self-satisfied, snobbish, spoiled, superior, unforgiving, vain; wanting desperately to have or to hurt; wanting to make another wrong. INDIFFERENCE: and related feelings such as bored, careless, cautious, conservative, forgetful, indecisive, lazy, sceptical, tired. ENTHUSIASIM: and related feelings such as adventurous, alert, amused, anticipating, aware, competent, confident, courageous, creative, curious, daring, decisive, desire, eager, friendly, happy, independent, interested, joyful, motivated, open, positive, proud, resourceful, self-sufficient, strong, supportive, vigorous. LOVE: and related feelings such as acceptance, balance, beauty, belonging, compassion, delight, ecstasy, empathic, open, receptive, secure, understanding, wonder. SERENITY: and related feelings such as calm, centered, complete, free, fulfilled, peaceful, perfect, pure, whole. Note: the last three are positive feelings - it is important to release on even very good feelings such as serenity, love and enthusiasm, for driving these feelings are sometimes hidden and compulsive needs and desires. When you release these good feelings you feel a physical and emotional release, just as when you release negative feelings. What lies behind the emotion is something even better, an imperturbable serenity, the Higher Self THE RELEASING TECHNIQUE Step One: Locate. First think of some problem area in life - something that is of great urgency and concern. It may be a relationship with a loved one, a parent or child; it might be your job, health or fears. Or it might simply be the feeling that you are experiencing now. Step Two: Identify your feeling. Determine your feeling about the problem area, or the current feeling. What word comes to mind? If necessary examine the previous list of feelings as a reminder. Check on the list also to determine the primary nature of the feeling - for example, if you perform your releasing operation on fear, rather than hesitance or worry, you will find the results are much more dramatic and powerful. Step Three: Focus. What do you really feel? Open yourself up, become aware of the physical sensations attached to the feeling and focus on them. Step Four: Feel your feeling. Deliberately create it. Let your feeling inhabit your entire body and mind. If the feeling is a grief feeling, you may break into tears; if it is anger, you may feel your blood begin to boil. That's good - now is the time to feel the feeling. Step Five: Individuate. Become aware of the difference between your Self - YOU - and what that Self is FEELING. When the feeling is fully experienced and accepted, there will at some point be a clear sensation that your feeling is not you, so it would be possible to let go of the feeling. If you do not feel that it is possible to let the feeling go, feel it some more. Sooner or later you will reach a point where you can truthfully answer: "Yes, I could let this feeling go". Step Six: Learn the lesson. Spot the underlying thought, assumption, decision or intention, and how it has been driving your emotions. See now how rational it is in interpreting your current circumstances, even though it may have seemed appropriate in the past. What do you learn from this? The most vital aspect of this process is the learning of life lessons. Unless you recognize what you are to learn from your negative emotions, they will not release permanently, because they will have to regenerate again until the lesson is learned once and for all. After all, the very nature of negative emotions is a message to you -- letting you know that something needs to be learned. Circumstances create themselves in order to bring an opportunity into your life for the specific purpose of teaching you a valuable positive learning. When you don't recognize the situation as an opportunity to learn, another situation will be created. And it will continue to be re-created until the lesson is learned. Step Seven: Release. When will you let this feeling go? Sooner or later you will be able to answer: "I am willing to let this feeling go now". So let the feeling go, simply release it, if you haven't done so spontaneously. It feels good to let it go - all the built-up energy that has been held in the body is released. There is a sudden decrease in physical and nervous tension. You will feel more relaxed, calm, centered. Step Eight: Check. Do you still have any of the feeling? If some of it is still there then go through the procedure again. Often releasing is like a well - you release some and then more arises. Some of our pent-up emotions are so deep that they require a number of releases. After you have learned to release emotions with the Release technique, with plenty of practice you will become familiar with obtaining the "witness view" of your thoughts and feelings - you will be less identified with them. This makes it easier to release spontaneously, in real-time - new painful emotions never get suppressed but are fully experienced, dis-identified with and let go of straight away. Simply becoming aware of a feeling is enough to trigger a natural, spontaneous release, and you will carry this ability over into your everyday life, resulting in a stress-free mind and body. 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chelsea2011 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 You're welcome. Good luck to you on this journey. I hope it works out for the best; whatever you want that to be. I am going to take a break from the boards for now and see where things take me. I gain a lot of knowledge reading here, but, in my relationship, we communicated through blogs at one time and now I find it hard not to personalize what I read here. I hate that because then I end up confused. :\ So, I'm going to see how things go sans the Internet. Again, I wish you the best. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 My ex gf is 20 years old, she left me, because she was talking to another guy behind my back. We had been in a relationship for a little over 2 years and had lived together, talked about marriage, and even bought her a promise ring which she wore. She started the whole partying/drinking/dating phase and is clearly going through gigs. Her friends are also a bad influence on her. I don't hate her because I'm starting to understand, having went through it myself. I have made the typical mistakes of begging and pleading for the first month of our BU, but have been NC for about a week now. I am moving on alot faster now because of the reading I have been doing on gigs. I was just wondering if she is 20 are the chances of reconciliation going to be when she is around the age of 26, or could it possibly be sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 My ex gf is 20 years old, she left me, because she was talking to another guy behind my back. We had been in a relationship for a little over 2 years and had lived together, talked about marriage, and even bought her a promise ring which she wore. She started the whole partying/drinking/dating phase and is clearly going through gigs. Her friends are also a bad influence on her. I don't hate her because I'm starting to understand, having went through it myself. I have made the typical mistakes of begging and pleading for the first month of our BU, but have been NC for about a week now. I am moving on alot faster now because of the reading I have been doing on gigs. I was just wondering if she is 20 are the chances of reconciliation going to be when she is around the age of 26, or could it possibly be sooner. Typically lasts 2 years and you tend to find you will hear from them every couple months, common pattern i see is they start to string you along from the 7 month mark. You say you have experienced it yourself, do you mind telling us your story, the things you learned and the timescale? Link to post Share on other sites
loversreunited Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 Smokey can you guide me as to understanding if my breakup was also due to GIGS. I need your advice on this if it sounds like a GIGS breakup. Well I was in a gay relationship for almost 2 years. We had a great relationship overall, honeymoon period was amazing! We went through our problems, it was both of our first real commited relationships. I had 2 previous semi relationships I would call them, because they weren't as serious as this one. My ex was 19 at the time we met, I was 23. Coming down to the last 6 months of our relationship we got into a huge argument over something very trivial. We managed to sort it out however he stated that he didn't know what was wrong with him, and was seeking counselling. Everything was fine after that, no arguments, nothing. We were great. Out of the blue he breaks up with me in June of last year stating that our relationship got into routine, we had a communication breakdown etc. My guess is he got bored, but we had a very loving relationship overall. We weren't even fighting at all towards the end. We would still spend time together etc. I kind of agree that we weren't keeping the spark alive as we should but he threw so many excuses after the breakup at me. I started NC and he started chasing me after that. So he was conflicted about his decision. He also stated to mutual friends whom mentioned to me after the breakup that we may get back together in future. He met another guy about a month and a half after our breakup and jumped into a relationship with this guy stating he had a crush on him :S They have been together since and I have been so heart broken. It felt like my whole life was crumbling down as I love him so much. We've been apart for 8 months now and i'm not sure how that relationship is but they have been together for about 6 months now. He is 21, and I am 26. Could this be gigs? The last time we had contact was back in November. He called my phone and hung up. I texted back the next day and he said sorry he accidentally dialed my phone. Not sure if that was some type of breadcrumb or what. Haven't heard from him since. I love him so much I wish he would come back, but I also realize he needs to go play the field a bit to appreciate what we had together. The guy he is with now is the total opposite of me, likes to party, drink heavily, smokes alot, smokes weed, no education etc. He never liked anything like that before and hated smokers etc. I am the total opposite, decent guy, well educated, good job etc. Any input on this? Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Typically lasts 2 years and you tend to find you will hear from them every couple months, common pattern i see is they start to string you along from the 7 month mark. You say you have experienced it yourself, do you mind telling us your story, the things you learned and the timescale? I'm on my phone right now but I'll get back to you on my story, but I have a question smokey, around 2 months of being broken up I had a party at my house and made out with a girl, someone at the party told my ex and that same night she blew up on me cussing me out and saying she will never get back with me again, when at the same time she is doing the same thing with her new guy. I don't understand and than I caught her on her own lie and she became nice again still not talking to me though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 I'm on my phone right now but I'll get back to you on my story, but I have a question smokey, around 2 months of being broken up I had a party at my house and made out with a girl, someone at the party told my ex and that same night she blew up on me cussing me out and saying she will never get back with me again, when at the same time she is doing the same thing with her new guy. I don't understand and than I caught her on her own lie and she became nice again still not talking to me though. There is no logic behind gigs, you will find a lot of things won't make sense. If she got angry you were seeing someone else, she still has feelings. I look forward to hearing about your gigs. Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Well when I was about 21, im 26 now, I was dating this girl for about a year and a half. She had introduced me to a new community of friends, which included alot of new faces and girls. I remember back now one night after having intimacy with her all I could think about was the attention and the new girls, i didnt even think about her feelings, even though I knew I was about to crush her by telling her i wanted to experience new things. She actually understood which was kinda awkward to me, but made the breakup mutual. Straight after that I became someone completely different I went clubbing and partying almost every night, and was so much more confident than I have ever been with meeting new people and enjoying myself in public. I literally felt like an attention whore, but I loved it. I would get ridiculously drunk everytime I went out, but later realized I wasnt getting anywhere with girls I was just getting the fun. This is when i started to regret what I did by breaking up with a nice girl thinking for sure I would not have a problem getting another girl which I thought might have been more attractive, which was my drive to be single. I guess I sound like a dog, but I really didnt have control of what I was feeling, and now that I look back on it I have alot of regrets. Pretty much I lost out. Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 The next relationship I got into I believe was 2 years later, when I was burnt out of the partying and wanted to have a gf again. Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I think I remember talking to my ex casually about us, and trying to test her out if she still had feelings, but since it was mutual I feel that she knew I was screwing her over and pretty much didnt want anything to do with me again, she is still my friend though and is very nice to me, but has moved on herself. I lost a great girl because I thought I could find someone "hotter" which was very selfish of me. Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 smokey were you ever successful with reconciliation? Link to post Share on other sites
Pantalion Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I think my xW was a typical WAW, but she had an old boyfriend as a trigger and now thinks he is almost everything she needs, although she says she misses me when she is with the OM and misses him when she misses me... So, do you think it is possible to experience both GIGS and WAWS at the same time? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 smokey were you ever successful with reconciliation? We reconcillied yes and were together for 10 months before i left him again due to him seeming to be experiencing gigs. After how long did you start to regret your choice of leaving the ex? Link to post Share on other sites
s2korean Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I don't quite remember after she seemed betrayed by me, I put it in the past knowing I wouldn't ever have another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
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