Confessions of a bad boy friend...

[sour_pikle]

Finally get over this crap...and what do you know..i get an email from my ex explaining that she forgives me for what I did and that she misses me and would like to see me! all I can say is women are complicated creatures that I will never understand!!!!! AHHHHHHH!

[sour_pikle]

Finally get over this crap...and what do you know..i get an email from my ex explaining that she forgives me for what I did and that she misses me and would like to see me! all I can say is women are complicated creatures that I will never understand!!!!! AHHHHHHH!

 

and before anyone jumps on me...I'm am not going to meet her. I want to really badly but i'm not going to. I din't even respond to the email.

[Jenn.Smith]

Never looked at the date. Didnt realize how old this was.

Edited May 14, 2013 by Jenn.Smith

[sour_pikle]

Never looked at the date. Didnt realize how old this was.

 

yes! this **** never ends!

[BeholdtheMan]

you are a bad person, but thats EXACTLY what i thought of myself for months

We don't know enough about you to tell whether you're a bad person. Even if you were, you're probably not irredeemable. Suffice to say, you behaved very badly to both women

 

And believe it or not...she told me that she loved me deeply and would give me a chance to prove that I was not a horrible man.

*sigh* foolish girl

 

I still think about my ex everyday...and what could have been...I contradict myself at every turn..one day i wake up and am happy with my current gf and the next i cry thinking about the good times with my ex! will this maddness inside me every stop????

i think you owe it to your current gf to stop obsessing over your ex

 

Do you have no self-control? Commit yourself mentally to the girl you're with now. You sound like a waffling little girl who can't make up her mind, not a full-grown man

[SmilesnFrowns]

So let me get this... After years of pining away for your ex, and realizing that she was the one that got away... After calling her phone just to hear it ring and nights spent thinking about her and God knows what else, your ex is brave and forgiving enough to extend an olive branch and you won't even be cordial enough to decline politely?!

 

I think that you might actually love her but a) you're unbelievably selfish/narcissistic and this is all just entertainment to you.

b) you don't have the guts to pursue what truly makes you happy and instead you strangely take comfort in messed up situations.

 

You messed this woman over and clearly she still has feelings for you. It seems to be an ego stroke more than anything for you. Should she move on after your decision not to grab this opportunity, surprise surprise, you'll feel sorry for yourself again and start to miss her and regret how things turned out.

 

Worst-case scenario, you ignore your ex, she moves on, you stay with a woman that "hates" and abuses you, your son grows up seeing his dad being pushed and ends losing respect for you, and you grow into the archetypal miserable old man always wondering "what if".

 

Stop blaming other people for your misfortune. Yes, your current GF is harsh, but you put up with it. Grow a backbone and do something positive!

[sour_pikle]

So let me get this... After years of pining away for your ex, and realizing that she was the one that got away... After calling her phone just to hear it ring and nights spent thinking about her and God knows what else, your ex is brave and forgiving enough to extend an olive branch and you won't even be cordial enough to decline politely?!

 

I think that you might actually love her but a) you're unbelievably selfish/narcissistic and this is all just entertainment to you.

b) you don't have the guts to pursue what truly makes you happy and instead you strangely take comfort in messed up situations.

 

You messed this woman over and clearly she still has feelings for you. It seems to be an ego stroke more than anything for you. Should she move on after your decision not to grab this opportunity, surprise surprise, you'll feel sorry for yourself again and start to miss her and regret how things turned out.

 

Worst-case scenario, you ignore your ex, she moves on, you stay with a woman that "hates" and abuses you, your son grows up seeing his dad being pushed and ends losing respect for you, and you grow into the archetypal miserable old man always wondering "what if".

 

Stop blaming other people for your misfortune. Yes, your current GF is harsh, but you put up with it. Grow a backbone and do something positive!

 

holy **** your right!! :S

 

How do I grow the balls to do it though?

[SmilesnFrowns]

holy **** your right!! :S

 

How do I grow the balls to do it though?

 

You don't grow the balls... You think it through and do it. Or not. Just own the decision. Act responsibly and take care of your child whatever the outcome.

 

Good luck!

[sour_pikle]

So "just do it" is what your saying? lol

 

Anyway, its been awhile since my last post> things still suck. Now I see why staying together for the kids never works. What a waste of time and energy.

[Clay]

So much truth in those words.

 

Clay

[Oldspiceywolf]

Ok buddy,

All the good dudes on this forum wrote you, you ignored their advice and they stopped following.

I read your whole thread(your comments and the ones you respond to) and I hope I can give you words that might actually help.

 

You have no drive to do anything for your self especially if it involves getting started in something new. Once you're in involved with something and the ball is rolling you have no problem showing up everyday and just going with the flow even if the situation is bad.

 

You couldn't even finish school on your own, your ex and her mom got you through it.

 

I have a one year old, the thought of life without her is terrifying but I can say this, if her mom treated my like crap, I'd be gone.

I'd do whatever I could to keep my kid in my life but if I couldn't I would leave to build a sanctuary for her.

 

How does this women treat your son? If she treats you like garbage and begins to see you in him she will get nasty.

 

Do you work out. You need to build self esteem!!!!!!!!!!

Crossfit is great for self esteem, I did it for 14 months, I had a cal out with a coach and moved to body building but what I got from crossfit was support, exercise, a community of people devoted to improving their life and I got strong.

 

Build a life for yourself, don't settle for the life being given to you. You write in this forum as if someone else decides your fat, like it's a story written out, that you have no choice and your just an actor reciting lines.... Your not!

Bro you at both the author and the star of your movie, make it a good movie.

 

 

If you want I'll give you my private email, I want you to live your life the way you want. I hate to see people flush their life away because of fear and inability to act in ones self interest.

Your not a bad dude, stop beating yourself up and punishing yourself for bad decisions, one series of good decisions could rectify all that's been done, nothing is F$&ked her bro, just slightly damaged.

 

Remember being a good father is NOT staying to let your son learn how to be a weak man who let's women treat him like gaRbage, it's NOT taking verbal abuse, it's NOT saying no to what you want(within reason and doing things the appropriate way) when you can get it the right way. Be a man for your son and show him what a real man is.

 

I'm a child development major, kids learn by watching. Your son is watching you be treated like garbage, he's watching you accept your fate, he's watching you be depressed. He will either be like you... A wimp who doesn't stand up for himesf or like his mom, a cheater who treats his dad like crap. If you don't want him to be either of those things(he will if that's all he knows) then give him another option to choose from.

 

 

One last piece of advice. When you stay with a women who cheats on you and you don't make them earn your love, they will not respect you and will disrespect you until she's disgusted by the sight of you, she will take your son and leave you!!!!!! You stayed to be with him but what if you staying leads to her leaving and giving your son to an abusive man??

 

You have to think about these things, this isn't a black and white situation but from wha you have written you are still heading towards disaster.. Get a good game plan!

 

Good luck bro!

[sour_pikle]

Ok buddy,

All the good dudes on this forum wrote you, you ignored their advice and they stopped following.

I read your whole thread(your comments and the ones you respond to) and I hope I can give you words that might actually help.

 

You have no drive to do anything for your self especially if it involves getting started in something new. Once you're in involved with something and the ball is rolling you have no problem showing up everyday and just going with the flow even if the situation is bad.

 

You couldn't even finish school on your own, your ex and her mom got you through it.

 

I have a one year old, the thought of life without her is terrifying but I can say this, if her mom treated my like crap, I'd be gone.

I'd do whatever I could to keep my kid in my life but if I couldn't I would leave to build a sanctuary for her.

 

How does this women treat your son? If she treats you like garbage and begins to see you in him she will get nasty.

 

Do you work out. You need to build self esteem!!!!!!!!!!

Crossfit is great for self esteem, I did it for 14 months, I had a cal out with a coach and moved to body building but what I got from crossfit was support, exercise, a community of people devoted to improving their life and I got strong.

 

Build a life for yourself, don't settle for the life being given to you. You write in this forum as if someone else decides your fat, like it's a story written out, that you have no choice and your just an actor reciting lines.... Your not!

Bro you at both the author and the star of your movie, make it a good movie.

 

 

If you want I'll give you my private email, I want you to live your life the way you want. I hate to see people flush their life away because of fear and inability to act in ones self interest.

Your not a bad dude, stop beating yourself up and punishing yourself for bad decisions, one series of good decisions could rectify all that's been done, nothing is F$&ked her bro, just slightly damaged.

 

Remember being a good father is NOT staying to let your son learn how to be a weak man who let's women treat him like gaRbage, it's NOT taking verbal abuse, it's NOT saying no to what you want(within reason and doing things the appropriate way) when you can get it the right way. Be a man for your son and show him what a real man is.

 

I'm a child development major, kids learn by watching. Your son is watching you be treated like garbage, he's watching you accept your fate, he's watching you be depressed. He will either be like you... A wimp who doesn't stand up for himesf or like his mom, a cheater who treats his dad like crap. If you don't want him to be either of those things(he will if that's all he knows) then give him another option to choose from.

 

 

One last piece of advice. When you stay with a women who cheats on you and you don't make them earn your love, they will not respect you and will disrespect you until she's disgusted by the sight of you, she will take your son and leave you!!!!!! You stayed to be with him but what if you staying leads to her leaving and giving your son to an abusive man??

 

You have to think about these things, this isn't a black and white situation but from wha you have written you are still heading towards disaster.. Get a good game plan!

 

Good luck bro!

Ol' Spicey,

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thread an comments. Its been dragging out for along time.

 

 

Your words hit home hard for me. I need to follow your advise. I guess not having a father growing up has left me somewhat lost and unable to become the man that I want to be.

 

I have been stuck in the same rut since I was about 21. Going with the flow of things, even if i'm unhappy. I am afraid of the unknown. My life was so unstable growing up that I think I am able to find comfort in these situations even though they cause pain, it is still better than the crap I went through.

 

I need to work out big time. I have let my body take the brunt of my problems. I used to be very active and did a lot of activities outside. Now im lucky if I can find enough energy to go outside and have a cigarette.

 

I just feel lost. I've been fighting to give my son what I didn't have growing up. But I fear that I may just be putting him in a situation where he will grow up to think that being a weak pussy that will let his woman cheat on him is ok.

 

I know what I have to do. Its just hard, though nothing worth doing is easy. Everytime I get to the point of telling her im done the first thing she does is go to my sons room and start packing all his things and talking out loud saying things like "come on son, were moving out of here and never coming back". which is her just pushing buttons she knows will make me want them to stay.

 

Maybe I do need that personal email? I friend to talk to about this and maybe somenone that can give me some advice that I should have got long ago would be just what I need.

[Danielle1114]

I read your thread. It's like the B horror film when the monster just doesn't die. The problem remains unresolved after all this time.

 

I personally do not believe in staying for the kids. It's an excuse and the justification of weak character.

 

All throughout your thread, you are venting your unhappiness but you are staying stuck.

 

I have a couple of questions.

 

Where did this baby come from? There has not been another? Why? I can answer that: Because only one was needed to manipulate you staying with a woman who knew you may bolt back to the ex you love.

 

While you have a child you love, you had a gf who you believe has a personality disorder ( probably borderline, true NPD is really rare, while borderline is fairly common). The current gf appears to have maybe gotton deliberately pregnant to get you to stay, she is abusive to you, you yourself engage in fighting.. and no one in the whole mess (including ex GF) has ever really settled down since.

 

You are just wasting time, and being ineffective by spinning your wheels endlessly like this.

 

If I were you ( and I know it's easy to hand out advice when I am not the person who has to live it) I would move out and get into the head set that sorting myself out. One theme runs forever through all of this: you are not happy, you can't appear to see yourself ever as happy in this situation.

 

Secondary to that is your ex gf, who you have never gotton over. And she wants to re-engage. Are you really going to ignore her? I am not saying it's good or bad. In all of this mess, you cry about her being gone due to your selfishness and stupidity. Are you still a stupid, selfish man? I don't see frankly where you are any different than what you were when she was your girlfriend. You are still indecisive, waffleing, self absorbed, crying over the mess and declining to clean it up.

 

Much like my own boyfriend. There does come a time, though, when after being weak and selfish... other people get tired of your antics and take the choices out of your hands. You say you aren't happy, you fight with your current gf. You know what? She is fighting with you... she is not happy. Ever wonder what she may be doing to make herself feel better?

Edited March 1, 2014 by Danielle1114
mispelling.

[TAV]

I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth reading through this and the self-pity that you have. Stop playing the effing victim and grow up.

[sour_pikle]

I read your thread. It's like the B horror film when the monster just doesn't die. The problem remains unresolved after all this time.

 

I personally do not believe in staying for the kids. It's an excuse and the justification of weak character.

 

All throughout your thread, you are venting your unhappiness but you are staying stuck.

 

I have a couple of questions.

 

Where did this baby come from? There has not been another? Why? I can answer that: Because only one was needed to manipulate you staying with a woman who knew you may bolt back to the ex you love.

 

While you have a child you love, you had a gf who you believe has a personality disorder ( probably borderline, true NPD is really rare, while borderline is fairly common). The current gf appears to have maybe gotton deliberately pregnant to get you to stay, she is abusive to you, you yourself engage in fighting.. and no one in the whole mess (including ex GF) has ever really settled down since.

 

You are just wasting time, and being ineffective by spinning your wheels endlessly like this.

 

If I were you ( and I know it's easy to hand out advice when I am not the person who has to live it) I would move out and get into the head set that sorting myself out. One theme runs forever through all of this: you are not happy, you can't appear to see yourself ever as happy in this situation.

 

Secondary to that is your ex gf, who you have never gotton over. And she wants to re-engage. Are you really going to ignore her? I am not saying it's good or bad. In all of this mess, you cry about her being gone due to your selfishness and stupidity. Are you still a stupid, selfish man? I don't see frankly where you are any different than what you were when she was your girlfriend. You are still indecisive, waffleing, self absorbed, crying over the mess and declining to clean it up.

 

Much like my own boyfriend. There does come a time, though, when after being weak and selfish... other people get tired of your antics and take the choices out of your hands. You say you aren't happy, you fight with your current gf. You know what? She is fighting with you... she is not happy. Ever wonder what she may be doing to make herself feel better?

I do wonder what she is doing behind my back all the time. so much so that we broke up during xmas. She says it was because we fought all the time (which is true). During the break up (six weeks) we txted endlessly fighting and names callin all that stupid stuff. I spent most of the break up sitting home alone while she went out every weekend to the bar with her friends.

 

Long story short. we decided to come back together and make one last effort to work things out. all I asked before moving forward was her to be honest about what happened while we were broken up and she was out drinking every weekend. I explained that I wanted to know if she had been with or was seeing any other guys while we were broken up. As it we were broken up it wasn't cheating but I wanted to know.

 

She promised me that nothing happened an that she had not been interested in anyone because she was too upset with the break up....And I bet you know where this is going.

 

a month after we got back together, my curiosity got the best of me and I went through her cell. I found txt messages to her friend talking about a guy named Brad and how he had went home with her after the bar. That her friend had givin him her number because his phone was dead at the bar and he wasn't able to get it that night. a lot of things I wish I didn't have to see.

 

I asked her who brad was, she initially tried to pay it off like he was a a guy friend of her friend megan. When I told her I read the txt she came clean...sorta. she told me she had txted this guy for about a week (says she can't remember). and that she indeed have him come back after the bar and sleep with her at her friends house and told me that she made out with him and they slept on the couch but nothing sexual happened....

 

 

**** im too hurt and mad to even continue writing this for now......

[road]

I do wonder what she is doing behind my back all the time. so much so that we broke up during xmas. She says it was because we fought all the time (which is true). During the break up (six weeks) we txted endlessly fighting and names callin all that stupid stuff. I spent most of the break up sitting home alone while she went out every weekend to the bar with her friends.

 

Long story short. we decided to come back together and make one last effort to work things out. all I asked before moving forward was her to be honest about what happened while we were broken up and she was out drinking every weekend. I explained that I wanted to know if she had been with or was seeing any other guys while we were broken up. As it we were broken up it wasn't cheating but I wanted to know.

 

She promised me that nothing happened an that she had not been interested in anyone because she was too upset with the break up....And I bet you know where this is going.

 

a month after we got back together, my curiosity got the best of me and I went through her cell. I found txt messages to her friend talking about a guy named Brad and how he had went home with her after the bar. That her friend had givin him her number because his phone was dead at the bar and he wasn't able to get it that night. a lot of things I wish I didn't have to see.

 

I asked her who brad was, she initially tried to pay it off like he was a a guy friend of her friend megan. When I told her I read the txt she came clean...sorta. she told me she had txted this guy for about a week (says she can't remember). and that she indeed have him come back after the bar and sleep with her at her friends house and told me that she made out with him and they slept on the couch but nothing sexual happened....

 

 

**** im too hurt and mad to even continue writing this for now......

 

 

 

Hurts me to read this.

[sour_pikle]

Skimmed through, looked for keywords.

 

Did the paternity test ever happen?

 

No Test. The kid looks too much like me to deny it. Plus im already attached to the boy that I consider him my son no matter what the outcome of a paternity test.

[sour_pikle]

Hurts me to read this.

 

Sorry, I was trying to get a lot of things off my chest while typing this so it may have come out a little hard to follow.

 

My Apologies.

[Danielle1114]

Well, it's easy to tell you what to do from outside of the situation. Hard to be the guy who has to do it.

 

From what I see, your girlfriend is unfaithful. A couple of times.

 

Technically what she does while you are broken up is her business, not yours.

 

At the same time, a long term relationship with a child involved deserves to be respected on some level and for people to slow way down during times of conflict.

 

I would feel the same way you do, doesn't matter if we were "broke" up.

 

Frankly, go file for reasonable custody of your child, ditch your cheating drama queen of a girlfriend. Get youself straight as a man and as a father. You need to stablize.

 

Once you are stable and feel you can offer a good man to a good woman, find a good woman to offer yourself to.

 

Anything else is poisoning your life and your child's life.

[sour_pikle]

This stuff is so messed up. I grew up without my father and I have told myself my entire life I could not do that if I had a child. That's why leaving is so hard. I know everyone says its for the best and not healthy for him. I understand and agree. Just really hard to walk away from the boy and his smile that wakes me up every morning.

 

Still been fighting with her about this other guy while we were broken up. She told me a real man would have given her what she needs and not make her want it from somewhere else. So basically she has no remorse for any of it. rather, she blames me and tells me her actions are my fault? wtf?

 

I don't know what I should do here? I feel like I'm going to grab her and put her head through the wall at times (JUST A FEELING, NEVER HIT A WOMAN). she has said so many hurtful things to me. She told me on the way to work this morning that she was just "stuck" with me cause of our child together.

 

I don't know what you do. questions? comments? please help!

[snappytomcat]

wow sounds like a very toxic relationship,and neither one of you seem happy,you should move on,learn to be alone for a while,you can still be a father to your son,it actually worse for a kid for parents to stay together that hate each other,cause children can sense the tension,plus you mention you guys always fight,but you tried to stay,but its not going to work out,you both need to be alone and work on yourselves

[No Limit]

You're your own worst foe in this. You've made decisions no one I know would have made and since you've written over and over that you don't want to be seperated from your son, this will be your life now until your son moves out.

 

I remember a chat with a few buddies in school about families and relationships and stuff. This thread made me understand why one of the girls said "I wish my parents would divorce". She's also said that she even told them to break up, but nope, they remain together. She's had several breakdowns during the years.

 

Wishing your ex the best, although I guess she's not to be worried about. I can't think of a more satisfying situation for a betrayed person than seeing their ex ruin their entire life/a big part of their life with a serial cheater.

[sour_pikle]

Well, time for one of the last posts in this thread....As suspected and recommended by all of you, the relationship with my sons mother has ended. Let the custody battle ensue!!!

 

Finally ended it with her a month ago. We hated each other. Nothing would ever change that. On the positive side of things, I've made enough mistakes in the last few years to last a life time (and I think I've learned from all of them)

 

All I can say is trust and honor will be my goal in any relationship from here on out. But I plan of being single and figuring out who I am. (And no, I don't plan on becoming the town playboy).

 

So, if anyone has comments or suggestions on how they recommend I move forward or just want to say I told ya so please let the posts come. You all have been very helpful and would like your feedback.

[No Limit]

Got only three; 1. Don't try to reawaken the past in case you're still wondering how life would have been like with your ex, don't try to rearrange contact with her etc; and 2. If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you (although I guess you already know the latter). And 3., don't cheat. Ever.

 

Good luck.

Edited November 9, 2014 by No Limit

[LifesontheUp]

Learn from your mistakes

 

Wish you luck