Cheating Wife (twice) Plus Bastard Kid

[Everest_21]

Wow,this guy is really some rationalizing idiot.

Nickster1,

After years of banging around and cuckolding you ,having someone else child ,do tell what is left of this marriage that you want to save ??? I think you really must be some kind of big joke amongst your friends or maybe even around town for even considering to keep your wife in the house even after catching her with his "lollipop" in her mouth .

Wake up dude,salvage some sanity for yourself ....what else is left to lose when you already have lost the very image of perfect life you thought you had with her ,when everything looks like a complete illusion....

 

Well either you maybe the greatest idiot in these forums or one of the best trolls ever ......

[Osiris1234]

Wow, im surprised it took you this long just to finally bust her.

 

Why don't you just tell her to stop her lying and give you the truth or you will tell everything you know for her.

 

Also who cares if her family or your family knows. Im still surprised your so nervous even though the ball is in your court and you have her by chains.

 

Have you ever heard the phrase "Nothing ventured nothing gained". Your pretty much that, you never take risks, thats part of life, if you don't then youll never learn anything.

 

OH NO ITS THE END OF THE WORLD THAT HER PARENTS THINK IM A JERKOFF OOHHHH NOO. You need to learn to not give a sh*t what other people think of you. There are probably people who talk trash about you all the time and you wouldn;t even know it.

Edited October 14, 2011 by Osiris1234

[Farrah]

Read my story I just posted it and tell me what you think. Similar. Very similar.

 

Wow...So many responses so quick. You people are great, thank you so much from the bottom of my (broken) heart.

 

Yesterday night we had a late bed talk. Since i was teasing her on her going out alone and all that, she said yesterday that maybe she should go out and find someone...so that my imaginary story (as she calls it) would be correct.

She also said that our relationship is rotten but she still loves me a lot.

She sent me an email saying that our sex life is great and always been great and that my problem with her is our "togetherness". She claims we are distant from each other, but that she loves me more than ever. And also she thinks we are going to be together forever and nothing will split us apart.

 

I love the kid so much and I can't let go. I'm going to do another test to make sure my 1st test was OK.

Bryanp: It is true that it's very hard to be in the same room with her, look into her lying eyes, sleep in the same bed...

2011aug: I'm ready, I just need to find the best path. Should i throw her out of the house? with/out the kids? who's going to take the kids to/from school. I can't with my work schedule...

Osiris1234: Are you sure that everybody needs to know...on one hand, it will destroy her and her image in front of everybody that she knows inc. her own family...on the other hand, i will lose all my best poker cards. Maybe by keeping this information somewhat between us, i could separate from her with my own terms, and really call the shots...you know by getting access to the kids at my will, money issues, etc... I'm pretty sure she would do anything for me to keep my mouth shut.

2long: I know that. I'm trying to gather all the advice i can from great people like you guys and decide...

TrunkPaired: I'll do that, but there are so many other issues that i need to figure out...

kristismiles: Yes, it is a huge mess. My life turned upside down. I'm double checking about the kid to be "super sure". I know the kid is the last to blame here...but I'm quite torn.

[silic0ntoad]

Nick, you are way too ridiculous. Do something. Reconciliation? This whore had another man's child and you may want to reconcile?

 

GET THE **** OVER IT.

 

SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU.

 

SHE WANTS HIM AND IS USING YOU.

[Nickster1]

Nick, you are way too ridiculous. Do something. Reconciliation? This whore had another man's child and you may want to reconcile?

GET THE **** OVER IT.

SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU.

SHE WANTS HIM AND IS USING YOU.

She might want him but she seems like she want me more. Why would she stay with me after i busted her, she could have left to him.

I'm not trying to even come close to justify her or anything similar, but why would she do/act/talk like she really want to be with me. why are you certain that she still want to use me but be with him (OM)? Do you think that if i tell her that we are together again,...that she would sneak out and continue her affair with him?

[Bryanp]

Maybe I missed something but have you told her that you know that the child is the OM's child? If yes, then I am sorry I missed it. If not, why in the world have you not told her you know? This is crazy.

 

To answer your question maybe your wife has it perfect right now. She gets to be with her lover behind your back and also has you and have a stable marriage at the same time. Maybe the OM also likes it this way in that he does not have to pay for keeping her. This is called cake-eating. She gets to cheat, have another man's baby and their are no consequences to her actions. She is able to have a facade of a happy marriage and a husband who continues to pay the bills. It is perfect for her. How is it for you?

[silic0ntoad]

I concede defeat. Nick, unless you get your act together and serve her ass papers.... eh, just forget it.

[RobD70]

She might want him but she seems like she want me more. Why would she stay with me after i busted her, she could have left to him.

With you she has someone who she can walk over and support her and raise her children. You are the beta male tasked to raise an alpha male's child. With your support, she can have a home life and screw other guys on the side. Why would she want to give that up? She has you under her control and knows you won't do anything about it. She knows to tell you what you want to hear and you are too co-dependent to see her for what she really is.

 

Besides, who says she'll give up the OM? She'll just hide it better but dollars to donuts she'll be blowing him again before you can say "false reconciliation".

 

I'm not trying to even come close to justify her or anything similar, but why would she do/act/talk like she really want to be with me. why are you certain that she still want to use me but be with him (OM)? Do you think that if i tell her that we are together again,...that she would sneak out and continue her affair with him?

She's a liar and a cheat and she won't stop, why do YOU want to be with someone like that?

 

Even if hypothetically she was remorseful and never cheated again, she has done too much damage. This will NEVER go away in your mind and you have to live with the fact you gave up your dignity and self respect so your W can go screw other guys. Some marriages are just not worth saving.

Edited October 14, 2011 by RobD70

[2long]

She might want him but she seems like she want me more.

 

It's your own wishful thinking that makes you think that she wants you more. What she wants is 2 keep on doing what she's been doing throughout your marriage. And she's going 2 get it because you're not doing anything about what you know.

 

Why would she stay with me after i busted her, she could have left to him.

 

You need 2 get out more. You need 2 read more books about infidelity. THEY ALL DO THIS. ALL OF THEM... And they all also ALWAYS will continue by just going further underground after being busted. ESPECIALLY when they've been "busted" like you just did - you've in effect told her she can keep doing what she's doing so long as she's discreet and she comes home after one of her service calls and plays "house" with you and your boys.

 

I'm not trying to even come close to justify her or anything similar, but why would she do/act/talk like she really want to be with me.

 

She's doing none of those things, but since you are oblivious 2 what happens in these si2ations because you won't read any of the litera2re, you don't know anything about affairs.

 

why are you certain that she still want to use me but be with him (OM)? Do you think that if i tell her that we are together again,...that she would sneak out and continue her affair with him?

 

Absolutely!!! WSs all do this! ALWAYS!!!

 

You need 2 expose and you need 2 confront and get full disclosure of her affairs and paternity of your son. Until you do, you will continue 2 come back 2 forums like this one 2 whine about the results of your latest snooping, for years with no resolution in sight.

 

And until you do, there's nothing any one of us can say 2 you that will be of any use.

 

I would recommend you go straight 2 the bookstore (or order online) and get Frank Pittman's books "Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy" and "Grow Up! How Taking Responsibility Can Make You a Happy Adult", Shirley Glass' "Not Just Friends", and maybe M Scott Peck's "People of the Lie".

 

There are others.

 

-ol' 2long

Edited October 14, 2011 by 2long

[Osiris1234]

Why would she stay with me after i busted her, she could have left to him.

I'm not trying to even come close to justify her or anything similar, but why would she do/act/talk like she really want to be with me.

 

Because she has everything to lose, thats why.

[stillafool]

Nick it is clear she is in love with the OM. Does she ask you to come home early so she can give you head? She would be a fool to give up her good thing (YOU) who is willing to support her financially, give her vacations at the drop of a hat, have the facade that she is a wife/mother all the while being a complete whore. Yes Nick, she is a whore no matter what you say. The other man probably can't afford her lifestyle and he probably doesn't even want your wife other than to use her as a sex toy when he wants it. He is no doubt laughing at you and the fact that you are willing to support THEIR affair. If this other man was to remove himself from your lives there is no doubt your wife would find a replacement because she doesn't enjoy sex with you. If she were satisfied with the sex you provided her she wouldn't be constantly trying to find good sex. LET HER GO, she isn't yours.

[Nickster1]

2011aug,

I agree with you. My W is a well-practiced liar. She has been lying for many years. It part of her soul now...She is really good at that. Though now, I can see on the way she moves her eyes when she is lying. She doesn't do that when she's telling the truth.

 

Bryanp,

I certainly don't feel proud that this is my wife. Sure not fortunate. However, I thought that i was fortunate just two months ago, and i was also proud two months ago even though she cheated on me once 5-6 years ago.

 

turnera,

Me letting her go to the streets....means she will go to him. At that point, I'm not going to take her back. Period.

 

Everest_21,

Today my life does look like an illusion. Since I'm not a troll, I would pick that I'm an idiot. (hopefully not the greatest)

 

Osiris1234,

You can't imagine how many times i told her that i want her to stop lying and give me the truth. I also told her that I will let everybody know about it. She probably doesn't believe i would do that. That's also why doing the last two months, despite all my hints, she was sure that I do NOT know her on going cheating....

[Owl]

Last time I'll ask this question, I promise.

 

So...now what? You got your wish to bust them 'in person'. Congratulations.

 

So what are you going to DO NOW?

 

What ACTIONS are you going to take to achieve what GOAL that you have in mind?

[2long]

This is my last time, 2:

 

Me letting her go to the streets....means she will go to him. At that point, I'm not going to take her back. Period.

 

You really have no idea how you'll feel in a few month's time.

 

Letting her go "2 the streets" or wherever (elsewhere, in other words) is exactly what you need 2 do right now.

 

Whether she goes 2 him or not is not up 2 you. She's been "going 2 him" 2 her heart's content for years now (or with another OM if not this particular one). How would her going 2 him openly be any less painful than what you're experiencing now? ...unless this marriage- like it's been - is what you want for the rest of your life.

 

Nick, she NEEDS 2 see what life will be like where she gets NONE of her needs met by you and ALL of them met by the OM. In all probability, she won't like day 2 day life with the OM and will miss what she had with you. At the same time, you'll soon feel relieved 2 not have 2 worry about her anymore.

 

I predict that you won't want her back. That's probably the best thing for all of you.

 

Now, get out there and end this charade!

 

-ol' 2long

[Nickster1]

Maybe I missed something but have you told her that you know that the child is the OM's child? If yes, then I am sorry I missed it. If not, why in the world have you not told her you know? This is crazy.

I did NOT YET tell her. Simply because I couldn't handle that back on the day that i busted her. I was too exhausted with the cheating and catching them that i just want to leave this for the weekend. Coz to be honest, the issue with the son not mine is far greater than the act of cheating...

 

To answer your question maybe your wife has it perfect right now. She gets to be with her lover behind your back and also has you and have a stable marriage at the same time. Maybe the OM also likes it this way in that he does not have to pay for keeping her. This is called cake-eating. She gets to cheat, have another man's baby and their are no consequences to her actions. She is able to have a facade of a happy marriage and a husband who continues to pay the bills. It is perfect for her. How is it for you?

Please clarify this for me. Are you referring to her life AFTER i busted her if I decide (BIG IF) to be with her? Or you simply talk about the time she was cheating before. It is a big difference for me. All she says now is that me busting her LIVE, shocked her and woke her up. This is unlike her cheating 5-6 years ago that I didn't bust her...I simply confronted her (that is also why it was very important for me to bust her)

[Bugz Bunny]

No one can help you my friend because you just love to be abused and humiliated...

I just don't see what do you have to lose if you divorce,and what the hell are you waiting for...she cheated twice and gave you OMs child...

Just answer please this two questions:

1. what do you have to lose if you divorce (and dont play the children card)

2.what the hell are you waiting now (as I know there isn't a time machine yet,so no one can undo this things and you can wait but they wont go away)...

 

P.S. I am divorced and have one child...believe me life is beautiful...and there are millions of other great and beautiful women in this world and you just need to divorce and find one for yourself...

[Nickster1]

With you she has someone who she can walk over and support her and raise her children. You are the beta male tasked to raise an alpha male's child. With your support, she can have a home life and screw other guys on the side. Why would she want to give that up? She has you under her control and knows you won't do anything about it. She knows to tell you what you want to hear and you are too co-dependent to see her for what she really is.

 

Besides, who says she'll give up the OM? She'll just hide it better but dollars to donuts she'll be blowing him again before you can say "false reconciliation".

 

She's a liar and a cheat and she won't stop, why do YOU want to be with someone like that?

 

Even if hypothetically she was remorseful and never cheated again, she has done too much damage. This will NEVER go away in your mind and you have to live with the fact you gave up your dignity and self respect so your W can go screw other guys. Some marriages are just not worth saving.

I agree that, if i was to continue with her, I would treat her like a whore for the rest of my life. It is clear to me and i think i mentioned it before. My whole "theory" behind trusting her after her "cheating" of 5-6 years ago (just kissing), was that she is loyal to me and will NOT have sex with other men. That theory was smashed into pieces two months ago...it is horrible to even think like that.

Some part of me says: hey lets stay together for a period of time, in which i will continue to watch her with 10 eyes, but act as everything is normal. And see if she is loyal or not. IF she does sneak to "see" him or even call him, GAME WILL BE OVER. This is just to test her words that she now woke up for her bad behavior....

[Bryanp]

Do I understand this correctly: You will bust her this weekend about the OM's baby. What do you think her reaction will be? Good luck.

[Nickster1]

Nick it is clear she is in love with the OM.

Yes, i think so. In fact, I asked her and she said she loves him but she is in loved with me.

I asked her to not call him again...yet she still trying to call him, he doesn't answer...

 

.. Does she ask you to come home early so she can give you head?

Yes, how did you know that?

 

..If this other man was to remove himself from your lives there is no doubt your wife would find a replacement because she doesn't enjoy sex with you. If she were satisfied with the sex you provided her she wouldn't be constantly trying to find good sex....

I asked her about that, and she insists that she enjoys the sex with me more. I then said: how come you want to him for sex?, she replied that she wanted the attention. I didn't buy that. I agree with you that she must be having more fun from him. He is doing some things that I'm not willing to do (like going down..) Still, I told her that is not justification to cheat. IF that was so important to her, she should have told me that she is leaving me unless i can give it to her. And if i won't, then leave me and go find it as a free W.

[Nickster1]

So...now what? You got your wish to bust them 'in person'. Congratulations.

So what are you going to DO NOW?

What ACTIONS are you going to take to achieve what GOAL that you have in mind?

Sorry I missed your Q before (tons of great posts).

I'm considering my options. I'm still due to confront her on the child...I think it will be even greater shock to her...

Right now it is either letting her leave, or put her on "probation" with super duper monitoring to catch even the slightest ****up, and she is GONE!

[RobD70]

I agree that, if i was to continue with her, I would treat her like a whore for the rest of my life. It is clear to me and i think i mentioned it before. My whole "theory" behind trusting her after her "cheating" of 5-6 years ago (just kissing), was that she is loyal to me and will NOT have sex with other men. That theory was smashed into pieces two months ago...it is horrible to even think like that.

Some part of me says: hey lets stay together for a period of time, in which i will continue to watch her with 10 eyes, but act as everything is normal. And see if she is loyal or not. IF she does sneak to "see" him or even call him, GAME WILL BE OVER. This is just to test her words that she now woke up for her bad behavior....

You could do that, for you this might be a realistic option.

 

What will happen is over the next few months (like about the 6 month mark) you will get your confidence back and your resentment for her will just grow and grow. Eventually you'll get to the point where you can't stand to sight of her and either try to have an A on your own or throw her out because you can't stand the sound of her voice.

 

It's happened before.

 

The more confident you get, the more you will realize you don't need her. It takes time to detach and not everyone can "do the right thing" in the beginning (I didn't).

[Nickster1]

Just answer please this two questions:

1. what do you have to lose if you divorce (and dont play the children card)

I will lose a person that is helping me with the kids, takes care of the house(sometimes), cooks dinners, make sex (that I enjoy) with me when i want.

2.what the hell are you waiting now (as I know there isn't a time machine yet,so no one can undo this things and you can wait but they wont go away)...

Yeah, I wish there was a time machine and i could go and stop her from cheating on me on the first night of the first cheating...Or simply go back to the moment we got together and dumped her back then.

[Owl]

Sorry I missed your Q before (tons of great posts).

I'm considering my options. I'm still due to confront her on the child...I think it will be even greater shock to her...

Right now it is either letting her leave, or put her on "probation" with super duper monitoring to catch even the slightest ****up, and she is GONE!

 

So...the answer to my question is...NOTHING.

 

OK...done all I can. Good luck to you no matter what you chose to do.

[RobD70]

Just going to poke in...

Yes, i think so. In fact, I asked her and she said she loves him but she is in loved with me.

I asked her to not call him again...yet she still trying to call him, he doesn't answer...

As long as she has even the slightest feelings for the OM the A isn't over. This can take a long time.

 

Yes, how did you know that?

LOL, now she needs to smooth things over with you so you don't try to leave her high and dry. This is what we call "faking it". She is going to pretend she likes pleasing you so you will forgive her sins...until she comes up with an exit plan.

 

I asked her about that, and she insists that she enjoys the sex with me more. I then said: how come you want to him for sex?, she replied that she wanted the attention. I didn't buy that.

Actually that may be true, women have a different veiw of sex than men. Women will "reward" men sex for saying nice things to them.

 

Men are visual, women are audio .

 

I agree with you that she must be having more fun from him. He is doing some things that I'm not willing to do (like going down..) Still, I told her that is not justification to cheat. IF that was so important to her, she should have told me that she is leaving me unless i can give it to her. And if i won't, then leave me and go find it as a free W.

Tell her to shave down there, its not that bad.

[Nickster1]

2long,

Once again you are correct. I'm a complete dummy as far as understanding cheaters. I have 0 (zero) experience in that. I will try to get some of the books to read. - thanks!

 

I said that what bothers me is that i was fighting for two months to prevent her seeing him, now I will simply let her go to him. My brain cannot comprehend this yet...

 

Bryanp,

I have no idea about her reaction, but it would be huge- I'm sure. She would probably try to get out of this somehow, but having the paperwork to prove that...I mean, when i busted her going on her OM, she claimed this is the 1st time he is here, and they were just kissing...Maybe I should have waited till he was finished so that there would be REAL proof...