Cheating Wife (twice) Plus Bastard Kid

[country_gurl]

I will lose a person that is helping me with the kids, takes care of the house(sometimes), cooks dinners, make sex (that I enjoy) with me when i want.

 

Are you kidding me? Sounds like what you really don't want to lose is a babysitter/housekeeper. Is that a reason to keep a dirty, cheating, lying, possible STD-infested ho around? What kind of role model is she for your children? Didn't she apparently ditch your sick child (had a fever) and leave him/her with a babysitter so she could get screwed by the OM at the no-tell motel? You think that is some kind of good mother? When she had the OM's d*ck in her mouth, who was caring for your 2.5 yr old child?

 

You seriously want to keep her around because she gives you s*x when you want it? How could you even consider having s*x with her when you know she's had the dick of various men in her? ....when you caught her recently going down on this guy? Are you that desperate to get laid?

 

See, this kind of statement is WHY I think you're nothing but a troll.

[RobD70]

I will lose a person that is helping me with the kids, takes care of the house(sometimes), cooks dinners, make sex (that I enjoy) with me when i want.

Other women can do this, you'll be surprised how easy she can be replaced. Not only that, you won't have to share the new woman with another man!

 

See, your wife WILL have sex with an OM again, you ain't going to be able to stop that. That's just who she has become now.

 

Yeah, I wish there was a time machine and i could go and stop her from cheating on me on the first night of the first cheating...Or simply go back to the moment we got together and dumped her back then.

There's nothing you could have done to stop her, some people are just prone to do it. You just choose the wrong woman to marry.

 

In the end, all you are doing is postponing the inevitable. I've seen people try to recover a marriage like this (I knew another story almost EXACTLY like this one in another forum) and even though they are still together after a year, its far from happy and will most likely implode soon. It's just not worth it when there are a million other women out there ready to take her place (ok maybe a thousand).

[Nickster1]

country_gurl,

I'm not a troll, and I'm not that desperate. But I tend to like what I have and I'm not excited to do changes or to meet uncertainty...

However, reading your response does shift me a little. As i weigh on a big scale her good qualities vs the bad personality and actions. I think we all know where the scale is at?

She is a bad model for the children. And she did ditch my sick oldest son to go to the no-tell motel for 1.5 hours to shag. That is unbelievable...She is not a bad mother, so therefore you can just imagine how much she wanted to be with the OM at the hotel...during the day.

Don't forget that during the past 2 months I didn't allow her to go out at nights...so she had to use any opportunity to sneak out...

 

RobD70,

I feel that I'm postponing the inevitable too. As I said, I'm slow to react here, so sometimes it take little longer for some to act than others.

Yes, me sharing my W with other men is probably one of the worst parts in the cheating.

[2long]

Nick:

 

You're headed for disaster. I've got nothing more 2 offer.

 

-ol' 2long

[fooled once]

I would not worry about her taking this child away from you by law the child is considered yours and she would be hurting the children and herself. Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad.This child is no different then your other-one you have been raising them the same. So many men walk out on their own children its sad.Maybe she is not sure who the father is but knows you are the best dad. You do what you feel is best in this part of the situation outing her has been done already now concentrate on protecting your children and figure out if you want counseling or want to move on. God bless

 

I agree scattered!

 

I think Nickster doesn't want (his) parents to know because they will hate her and he wants them to be able to reconcile and be a family. He probably thinks that by busting his wife in person she could'nt lie her way out of the fact that she is having affairs as she has in the past. He wants her to feel guilty about the pain she has caused him and feel bad enough about that abuse to never cheat on him again. He doesn't want to look into his rights regarding this child because he doesn't want this family to break up.

 

I don't see how you can still want that skank after everything you know. She will not stop even if you catch her 100 more times because she doesn't respect you as a man. I doubt she would do this to the other guy because he would probably wouldn't let her get away with it and she would love him for it.

 

agree

 

She might want him but she seems like she want me more. Why would she stay with me after i busted her, she could have left to him.

I'm not trying to even come close to justify her or anything similar, but why would she do/act/talk like she really want to be with me. why are you certain that she still want to use me but be with him (OM)? Do you think that if i tell her that we are together again,...that she would sneak out and continue her affair with him?

 

Nick, why would you want someone who loves another guy? Why do you care if she runs to the OM? Do you really think he wants her and she really thinks he will just let her move in and it be a happy ending??

 

YOU are feeling what so many other BS go through - the blaming, the fault, the humiliation, etc. But you, like so many others, have to realize YOU are not the one who screwed someone else and then LIED about it! So you weren't the most attentive husband. BIG F'ING DEAL! That doesn't mean she has a right to cheat. You are feeling so many things that others feel....you are feeling as if you are 'less than' a man because your wife chose to spread her legs for another guy. Again, NOT YOUR FAULT!

 

She doesn't want you to tell anyone because she wants to continue to lie to you and try to convince you to forgive her. She doesn't want anyone to know what she did to you.

 

You have already given her "consent" to continue to lie and cheat because she has suffered NO repercussions for her behavior. You have given her a pass, because you have no idea what to do. You are clinging to a memory of someone she once was. She is not that person anymore and no matter how much you try to block out her betrayal and disloyalty, she knew exactly what she was doing and she basically has laughed at you behind your back. At the very least, tell her she needs to find a place to sleep for the next week. You need time to digest everything (and you need to come clean on EVERYTHING - including your youngest son not being your biological child). You seem to want to forgive her, but I don't think you will be able to.

 

Stop worrying about who she is going to screw next - OM1 or OM2. Do not let that be a concern for you. Do you want to spend the next 10 years of your life monitoring her every movement? Once she realizes you are monitoring her, she will get a new cell phone (or have the OM get her one) and she will be off and screwing again. Do you want to spend your life with a woman who openly lies to you, betrays you and basically spits in your face? Do you love the woman she is TODAY? Not who she was 7 years ago, or 7 months ago....who she is TODAY?

 

Stop forcing yourself to 'accept' what she did. Sit and let it all sink in. Can you rebuild your marriage? Maybe, maybe not. But you need some time alone to adjust to all this. You need to reach out to your family - tell them what is going on. You need to see a counselor, have a professional work with you through all this.

[2011aug]

I think Nick and his "wife" have a symbiotic relationship.

 

For me, this is interesting to watch.

[stillafool]

Some part of me says: hey lets stay together for a period of time, in which i will continue to watch her with 10 eyes, but act as everything is normal. And see if she is loyal or not. IF she does sneak to "see" him or even call him, GAME WILL BE OVER. This is just to test her words that she now woke up for her bad behavior....

 

She has already proven to you that she can't be trusted. Are you naive enough to believe that she was "shocked" into reality after you caught her with this guy's thing in her mouth that she is actually thinking:

"oh, okay I get it, what was I doing? I'll never do this again."

 

Nick, you only seem to be concerned with playing the game you mention above with her. So much so you haven't even confronted her with what is the most important issue in all of this and that is your son's paternity. I imagine you will take her away on a nice vacation to discuss that.

[stillafool]

 

He is doing some things that I'm not willing to do (like going down..)

 

I find this kind of strange considering how much you love this woman.

[country_gurl]

I find this kind of strange considering how much you love this woman.

 

Trolls who get a kick out of 22 page ongoing bogus sagas generally don't partake in oral sex, didn't ya know?

[Circular]

I refer back to my earlier posts, throughout the whole thread nick narrates and he's disassociated from the situation. This is why I don't post any advice, he's either so out of touch with himself that advice will fall on deaf ears, or he's a troll.

 

Either way Nick should go to counseling, if he's a troll after 22 pages then he has serious life issues, if he's not he should go to counseling because he'll never do anything or take advice because he's disassociated.

[2long]

I left SAA out on purpose. I have a copy. Didn't find it much use in my si2ation. But it could be very helpful in a si2ation like Nick's *IF* his wife were 2 come on board with the plans described in it.

 

I also coached with Steve Harley and Penny Tupy. Both were very good at what they do (Steve even had some good ideas for me 2 try that are NOT in SAA or on the MB website), but since my wife has never been interested in the behavior modification kind of approach, that kind of coaching wasn't useful in the end, either.

 

There are a lot of important nuances 2 recovering a marriage that get missed by the MB plan, IMHO. And I still think it's a mistake 2 put "romantic love" (chemical love) 2 last a lifetime, on a pedestal. Romantic love is very nice, but it isn't what sustains couples in the long term (it IS why most waywards cheat, though). I also very much like David Schnarch's concepts that the best marriage unions are between 2 emotionally healthy individuals who want 2 share themselves with one another, not find a partner 2 "complete" them.

 

Still, there are some useful examples in SAA about how most people behave after discovering an affair - both the WS and BS alike - that could be very useful 2 Nick. They are almost scripted in the way they play out - something that Nick here doesn't yet see because of his focus on his own si2ation. As the "despair.com" poster says: "Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else."

 

If I could find my copy of SAA and I had an address, I'd give it 2 Nick.

 

But Frank Pittman's better!;) ...just kidding, your mileage may vary.

 

-ol' 2long

[Space Ritual]

I have officially decided that this thread is like trying to give sensitivity training to Borat...LOL...

[Osiris1234]

I don't even know why you guys continue to give this guy help. I mean for god sakes if this guy is taking this long then there is something seriously wrong with him. I say let him figure it out for himself, maybe he will learn a life lesson through all of this, there is so much help you can give someone but they don't use it. I say let him figure it out in his own everyone, dont even bother giving him advice. Hopefully once he becomes to his senses and isn't braindead he will finally learn something.

 

either

 

1-He is a chicken **** who is too afraid to leave his wife and doesnt have the balls to do it.

 

2-He is the dumbest ****ing retard on the face of the planet.

 

3-Maybe he likes being cuckholded and wants this to happen to him.

 

But I tend to like what I have and I'm not excited to do changes or to meet uncertainty...

 

WELL GUESS WHAT, LIFE DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT, CHANGES ARE GONNA HAPPEN WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

 

Well im done giving advice, im just gonna say ignorant things from now on.

[2011aug]

Oh great! Nickster is gone and now there's a debate about methods of another website.

 

Or, is this thread an evil plot by the other website to take over?

 

 

 

 

[Nickster1]

I find this kind of strange considering how much you love this woman.

This is something that i never did to no woman. I just don't think i can do that. But...will that justify cheating?

[Bryanp]

Maybe everyone should just concentrate on this thread for Nickster. If others wish to engage in other matters that do not have anything to do with this thread, then please start your own thread and deal with those issues yourself.

[country_gurl]

Maybe everyone should just concentrate on this thread for Nickster. If others wish to engage in other matters that do not have anything to do with this thread, then please start your own thread and deal with those issues yourself.

 

No sh*t! How rude to come to a new forum and monopolize it with a public trip down memory lane about things that happened on another site. Super rude.

[stillafool]

This is something that i never did to no woman. I just don't think i can do that. But...will that justify cheating?

 

No and stop looking for excuses as to why she whores around on you. If your wife likes oral sex and you don't provide it to her that does put a shadow on your love making. She isn't satisified. What is so unappealing about giving her oral sex? Women want to be desired that way.

[2long]

No and stop looking for excuses as to why she whores around on you. If your wife likes oral sex and you don't provide it to her that does put a shadow on your love making. She isn't satisified. What is so unappealing about giving her oral sex? Women want to be desired that way.

 

Nick:

 

I agree with this, but there are 3 separate perspectives at this moment 2 consider:

 

1. There's no reason that your reluctance in this area justifies her cheating.

 

2. Oral sex can be a lot of fun.

 

3. I definitely do not advocate having sex with an active wayward, and you should not be having sex with her. What if you get an STD from one of her partners? Even if she ends her affairs and proves 2 your satisfaction that she's done so, you both need 2 be tested for STDs. This can take months, so you need 2 abstain until you're both given a clean bill of health.

 

-ol' 2long

[Nickster1]

My goodness a man does not want to do oral and that is reason enough for someone to want to cheat. She marrried him knowing he was not into oral.

Yeah, she definitely knew I'm not into giving that, maybe she hoped that I would...but since she started cheating on my 1-1.5 years after we got married...I guess she gave up on me in this...And went to look for it somewhere else. But I really don't think that this is the sole and only reason. She didn't talk about this that much, also she didn't act as if it was missing for her that much. She looked and acted very satisfied.

 

2011aug,

I'm not gone...I just took a time out the rest this weekend.

 

Osiris1234,

I took your 3 options very seriously. I wish there was a 4th one. I hate each and everyone of the three...but i guess i have to pick one.

[Nickster1]

Nick:

 

I agree with this, but there are 3 separate perspectives at this moment 2 consider:

 

1. There's no reason that your reluctance in this area justifies her cheating.

 

2. Oral sex can be a lot of fun.

 

3. I definitely do not advocate having sex with an active wayward, and you should not be having sex with her. What if you get an STD from one of her partners? Even if she ends her affairs and proves 2 your satisfaction that she's done so, you both need 2 be tested for STDs. This can take months, so you need 2 abstain until you're both given a clean bill of health.

 

-ol' 2long

1) I did pretty much everything else, and she seemed very satisfied, or at least she acted extremely well to show that.

2) yes, when you get that. Kind of selfish on my part, i simply "think" that i can't handle that.

3) I heard that some STDs take up to 3 months to show/be detected. I guess I will need to wait at least 3 months to check that. Checking today would not rule out 100%...

[2long]

You take care Nick. You're in the middle of the hardest part of early post d-day personal recovery - when you want your W 2 be on the same page as you - but things will improve. I remember that time (first few months after d-day in January 2002). I was full of expectations at first, and looking for ways 2 get my wife 2 see my point of view. You can't imagine dealing with this for another day, but in the months ahead you will find your strength. You'll learn more about relationships and how 2 make yours as rewarding as possible (whichever relationship you're in, whether it be with your current wife or someone new). There are all kinds of resources out there 2 help you, and of course there are professional counselors that you should look in2 working with as well - for yourself (an "IC", individual counselor) and your marriage, if your wife wants 2 try 2 save the marriage ("MC" for marriage counselor). You may have 2 try multiple counselors before you find a good match. You could also go 2 a marriage coach, but don't fall in2 the trap of trying 2 manipulate your spouse in2 doing something she doesn't enthusiastically choose 2 do for you herself - because it won't stick.

 

Bottom line, find what works for YOU. And do what you need 2 do 2 protect your sanity and those 2 boys of yours, first and foremost.

 

I won't be posting on loveshack any longer, since Mr W's post of untruths about me and my marriage is still on your thread, but my correction 2 his misinformation has been removed.

 

best regards,

-ol' 2long

[stillafool]

My goodness a man does not want to do oral and that is reason enough for someone to want to cheat. She marrried him knowing he was not into oral. There is much more to lovemaking than oral sex. Maybe the keyword for you is sex sex sex and not making love. Disgusting you would blame him.

 

I gather if a man told you his wife would not give him head you would jump right on that because something is lacking there so all is fair?

 

 

Oh STFU, you don't know what you are talking about. Where did I ever say that was an excuse for cheating. Did you read my other posts? No, you just make blanket accusations. Don't blame me because YOU don't like sex or don't get it!

[Nickster1]

^^^^claps - OMG the last sentence

 

 

Considering the facts of this situation...I think Nick is extremely fortunate that he was adverse to oral sex. I have a good friend that discovered his wife's affair by doing so (the lingering taste of OM) and it's been one of the most difficult things for him to overcome. Nick's wife has brazenly had at least two known sexual affairs obviously without any protection over many years...even the thought of him having oral sex with her disgusts ME and I'm not her husband.

 

Nick dodged a bullet if you ask me

 

Mr. W

Damn Mr W.

You actually made me laugh about this...- thank you.

Wow about the story with you friend...would that even be possible? I guess if the W was just with the OM, didn't shower/bath, and went straight to her Husband and him happy to go down town on her...My God.

In my case, it doesn't really make me feel better. Maybe less disgusted if even possible. In fact, I think the OM in my case that did go down town on my W, has probably experienced that (tasting me...)

Any case, as i say before that doesn't really make me feel better. Same as me seeing the pictures of the OM goodies...and seeing that it is smaller than mine...doesn't make me feel better.

 

Stillafool,

don't be so tough on kristismiles. Everyone has his/her own opinions about that. Especially oral sex. I for ex, appreciates all opinions, very much today.

I thought that by my W to give me oral and me not giving her back was OK. At least my W didn't do a big F#$% deal out of it. Or maybe she did....

Edited October 17, 2011 by Nickster1

[MyBeautyDestroyed]

Hi,

I am separated at the moment from my husband who has narcissistic personality disorder. I have taken after reading your posts, that your wife may indeed suffer this personality defect. It is not an illness, so she knows exactly what she is doing. People on the board are going to have a hard time understanding what you are going through, because understanding NPD is not a subject many are familiar with.

I have a very prominent, good looking, charming man of the community so to speak, but behind closed door it is quite shockingly a different story. He has destroyed my inner core, which I am trying to gain back even though I am a well educated, above average, beautiful woman.

I am caring and he is not, your wife is not a caring person and you are. There is NO cure for NPD. i looked for a year, in tears, knowing my husband was incapable of caring for no one other than himself.

He has never sat for a dinner with me and the chidren, he balked at attending any event they were to attend, school projects....etc. Although he is great at faking best dad when needed to garnish attention.

I am much younger then him and hopefully can recover, have considered an affair, but still on an edgy cliff regarding that.

The depression that can consume you dealing with this can become unimaginable...i have never naturally suffered depression in my life, however everything hit me at once in the last 2 months...and i can barely walk, get out of bed, lift a finger when I am not at work faking my happiness throughout the day, while people still tell me how LUCKY I am to have such a great husband!

They are wonderful academy award winning actors/actresses with no core being....no soul. I hope u do not get to where I am....currently.

I am sure when he is clear and done with me he will make sure I am destroyed.

She is not a good mother, a good wife, a good ZERO, she is a good actress, who is pulling a cold wool cloth over your eyes. Your are in a haze. You and your children deserve better, and the better is not her!