Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[green_tea]

 

I’m curious: How many of you know of successful relationships where the woman is at least 5 years older?

 

 

I know of two personally, one of my best friends is married to a man 10 years younger than her, and they have a child together. And my brother is in a long term relationship with a woman 10 years older.

 

Tonight I am myself going on a date with a 31 year old.. I'm nearly 41. I felt the same way as the OP at first - but the guy has persisted even after knowing my age, and I've started to like him (I've known him a few years but not seen him much). I'm going along tonight with an open mind.

 

Edited to add - my parents' tenants are another older woman/younger man - I think the age gap is 7 or 8 years there.

Edited July 22, 2011 by green_tea

[123321]

I know of two personally, one of my best friends is married to a man 10 years younger than her, and they have a child together. And my brother is in a long term relationship with a woman 10 years older.

 

How many are married more than 10 years and the woman is menopausal for a few of those years?

[sleepykitten]

Wow-thanks for all your replies, came into work this morning thought maybe there would be a couple, but its given me some great insight, advice, opinions all really valuble. Its great to hear that other women have had this exxperience too-and for some it seems to be going really well. Its very early days i know, and maybe I am over analyzing it, I agree with a post that said why is it a waste of time to hang out with someone and have some fun. So thats what I'm going to, take it one day at a time and try not to get too ahead of myself in what ifs etc. He seems like a genuine guy, not interested in playing the field or playing games and all he's askeed of me is I be honest with him.

[sleepykitten]

This is really nice to hear.

 

I agree that as women we're socialized to feel weird about dating someone younger because we're taught to find someone mature who will take care of us (I mean emotionally here) and teach us new things--not that a younger man couldn't; it's just become a stereotype that they can't. And posts like Pierre's don't help. It's typical for a guy to say that a man always wants to date younger, but I don't think that's true. Women are often more reluctant to date younger, while most men would date older without thinking too much about it.

I really agree with this!!

[Emilia]

Wow-thanks for all your replies, came into work this morning thought maybe there would be a couple, but its given me some great insight, advice, opinions all really valuble. Its great to hear that other women have had this exxperience too-and for some it seems to be going really well. Its very early days i know, and maybe I am over analyzing it, I agree with a post that said why is it a waste of time to hang out with someone and have some fun. So thats what I'm going to, take it one day at a time and try not to get too ahead of myself in what ifs etc. He seems like a genuine guy, not interested in playing the field or playing games and all he's askeed of me is I be honest with him.

 

One of the best experiences I have ever had was when I dated a 21 year-old. Similar to Cee's experiences. I had never had anyone else giving me so much love as he did. The sex was great too.

 

There are a lot of healthy and loving boys out there in their 20s who will get married and have a reasonably happy and committed life by the time they hit their 30s. They will never be those non-committal, bitter 40 year-olds that you probably keep meeting. Just enjoy his company and make sure you return the affection he shows you

[honeybeez]

Interesting points of view!

 

Lots of older women do lose interest in sex, but among my friends this only seems to have happened to the ones who've been married a long time

I'm mid 50's and my experience is the opposite of this - I had 2 long relationships (12 yrs each) where sex was great to begin with but tailed off. Between ages 43 - 53, apart from a couple of unsatisfying flings, I went without sex for 10 years and my sex drive disappeared. 3 yrs ago I was prescribed oestrogen pessaries as vaginal dryness from the menopause was causing me real discomfort. They worked great - all back to normal

 

I then met a guy 9 years older than me. We've been together 2 years and I just want sex all the time! Unfortunately he's got problems with erections due to his age so he can't keep up with me at all - I'd be having sex twice a day if I could! My ideal guy right now would be in his 30's!

 

As for the testosterone thing - this is how my doctor explained it to me in simple terms -

both men and women produce both testosterone and oestrogen all through their lives -

young men have high testosterone and low oestrogen so young guys are very sex driven. Young women have the opposite - high oestrogen and low testosterone so maybe not so sex driven

As we age men's testosterone levels gradually drop - so that by mid 50's their erections may start to be affected (double whammy is that oestrogen is stored in fat so men with big stomachs suffer worse with erection problems!) Their sex drive can also slow down

When a woman hits the menopause at around 50 her oestrogen plummets and her testosterone levels are no longer overshadowed by oestrogen. So while some women have gone off sex, quite a few others are hit by the equivalent of a young guy's sex drive!!!!! Just as our older partners are discovering a life beyond the prison of chasing for sex day and night!!!!

 

Nature is a cruel taskmaster!

 

The physical changes caused by ageing can make sex almost impossible for both sexes but can be overcome if both partners want it enough. Lots can't be bothered though

 

This is why in general very old people tend to look similar - men have become more feminine and women have become more masculine - a throwback to when we are children hormonally

 

Anyway - my take on this is go for it while you've got it lol! It's certainly what I'm intending to do in the near future!

[musemaj11]

A relationship with over 10 years difference is sick.

[sleepykitten]

A relationship with over 10 years difference is sick.

I think "sick" is a bit strong-theres alot more stuff thats "Sick". Everyones entiltled to their opinion though. But thanks for the thoughtful considered articulated input.

[sleepykitten]

Anyway - my take on this is go for it while you've got it lol! It's certainly what I'm intending to do in the near future!

I will do, i dont look my age apparently, so will give this a go for a while and see what happens.

[sleepykitten]

Musemaj11-i bet youre a guy-and it probably wouldnt bother you at all if it was a 38 yr old bloke and a 27 yr old woman.

[ThsAmericanLife]

This is not a good match for a man in his 30s (even if he is less horny than in his 20s).

 

********************************************************

Sex and Menopause

 

 

How Does Menopause Affect Sex Drive?

 

 

The loss of

estrogen following menopause can lead to changes in a woman's sexual drive and functioning. Menopausal and postmenopausal women may notice that they are not as easily aroused, and may be less sensitive to touching and stroking -- which can result in decreased interest in sex.

 

 

In addition, lower levels of estrogen can cause a decrease in

blood supply to the vagina. This decreased blood flow can affect vaginal lubrication, causing the vagina to be too dry for comfortable intercourse.

 

 

A lower estrogen level is not the only culprit behind a decreased libido; there are numerous other factors that may influence a woman's interest in sexual activity during menopause and after. These include:

 

 

 

• Bladder control problems
  
• Sleep disturbances
  
• Depression or anxiety
  
• Stress
  
• Medications
  
• Health concerns
  
• **************************************************
  

http://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/sex-menopause

 

:confused:

 

My mother didn't go into menopause until she was in her mid 50's, and didn't have most of the symptoms you mention above.

 

I'm 46 and men my own age and younger can't keep up with me. Dicks are going soft. Unfortunately for some of them, they didn't learn how to please women in other ways when they had lots of access to willing women... now they just suck in bed.

 

I tell my younger male friends in their 30's who are happily and selfishly obsessed with their penises that they've got maybe 10 years to figure out how to be masters with their tongue, fingers, and mind... or they will end up like the guys I mentioned above. Over 50 losers with strings of sorry one night stands... Viagra doesn't fix everything.

[ThsAmericanLife]

"So while some women have gone off sex, quite a few others are hit by the equivalent of a young guy's sex drive!!!!! "

 

That must be me...

Edited July 22, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife

[Rinas]

I have a friend who is around 22-25, and he is with a woman who is 38-42 range.

 

She has a child of her own already, doesn't want more. However she somehow black mailed him into getting engaged to her, threatened to leave him if he won't settle down with her as she doesn't have the time to play games.

 

Apparently she stopped being intimate ages ago as well.

 

I'm waiting for him to wake up and smell the coffee.

 

However, I am not against relationships with a reasonable gap. My aunt and uncle are 10 years apart in age, however he is the older one.

[Cee]

I'm glad people are talking age gap relationships in this thread. There are a lot of things about them that are unique to other relationships. Although, mostly they are about the same as other relationships.

 

Last night, we talked for an hour about our careers. He got head hunted for an amazing job and I am working on developing a 2 million dollar project that could improve the lives of people with HIV/AIDS. My project is taking all of my emotional energy, but since we are very much in love, he gives me the strength to continue. And I give him the love and reassurance that he can get this job. We inspire each other.

 

I know sex is fun to talk about, but it's only a piece of a larger thing - us sharing our selves with each other. I admit my relationship is highly unusual, but not for the 17 year age difference. But for the fact that it works incredibly well. I hope it lasts, but if it ends, he will remain one of the greatest loves of my life.

[denise_xo]

I guess I'm the resident cougar on Love Shack

 

:lmao: Hey, there are worse labels around

[musemaj11]

It sucks that women become more sex-driven at the same time they start to get uglier.

[Emilia]

It sucks that women become more sex-driven at the same time they start to get uglier.

 

as you never get laid it shouldn't make any difference to your life

[zengirl]

You really do have this obsessive need to be right, and quite a know-it-all attitude. You should work on that. It's purely an ego issue, and it's not doing you any favors.

 

I don't expect you to listen to what I'm saying, but it never hurts to speak the truth.

 

Huh? I don't have some obsessive "need to be right." I don't know why it bothers you when I express my opinions on a message forum. You're reading WAY too much into forum posts.

[honeybeez]

It sucks that women become more sex-driven at the same time they start to get uglier.

 

He he - you certainly have a way with words lmao

 

Doesn't it just? As I said - Nature is a cruel taskmaster!

 

I'm hoping to find guys with big hard dicks and bad eyesight rofl!!!!

[HeavenOrHell]

Wow, 5 years is nothing at that age (27 and 32). My ex is 4 years younger, we were together 18 years and I consider it a successful r/ship and so does he. My current partner is 7 years younger, he's 38, I don't feel I'm older than him, and he said he doesn't think of me as older. Although I wonder if I notice my ageing and wrinkles more now that I'm with someone several years younger, I might be more aware of it now, not cos he's said anything, I'd have binned him if he had He makes me feel young and beautiful, it's just me noticing my skin changing lately and I'm not sure I'm noticing it just cos I'm aware he's 7 years younger (and his ex is 7 years younger than him) or it is purely that my skin *is* changing more the last year or two, I'm at that age

I feel happier when I notice his grey hair

We're successful atm, if we split I don't think it would be age related, more distance related as it's an LDR.

 

 

The age difference the OP mentions is something that would make me, personally, feel uncomfortable.

 

Why do many women feel so uncomfortable dating younger men? For me, it doesn’t even have anything to do with maturity levels. It simply makes me feel weird and I can’t explain why.

 

I have a friend who’s trying to set me up with one of her friends, but he’s only 27 (I’m 32), and I just can’t do it. I’d rather date someone 47 vs. 27. I’m not quite sure why I’m so averse to dating younger. I’m not opposed to dating older (even much older) at all.

 

I’m curious: How many of you know of successful relationships where the woman is at least 5 years older?

 

(I know it’s working for Cee, but that seems like an exception).

[HeavenOrHell]

You sound quite a catch.

 

Hopefully you'll start to find it hard to get it up at the age women get 'uglier' and then you can find out that some women are as shallow as you and won't want to bother with you anymore.

 

 

 

It sucks that women become more sex-driven at the same time they start to get uglier.

[HeavenOrHell]

This doesn't apply to all women by any means, I've spoken to many women post menopause who have no problems at all and actually enjoy sex more.

 

 

 

 

This is not a good match for a man in his 30s (even if he is less horny than in his 20s).

 

********************************************************

Sex and Menopause

 

 

How Does Menopause Affect Sex Drive?

 

The loss of

estrogen following menopause can lead to changes in a woman's sexual drive and functioning. Menopausal and postmenopausal women may notice that they are not as easily aroused, and may be less sensitive to touching and stroking -- which can result in decreased interest in sex.

In addition, lower levels of estrogen can cause a decrease in

blood supply to the vagina. This decreased blood flow can affect vaginal lubrication, causing the vagina to be too dry for comfortable intercourse.

A lower estrogen level is not the only culprit behind a decreased libido; there are numerous other factors that may influence a woman's interest in sexual activity during menopause and after. These include:

 

• Bladder control problems
  
• Sleep disturbances
  
• Depression or anxiety
  
• Stress
  
• Medications
  
• Health concerns
  
• **************************************************
  

http://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/sex-menopause

 

:confused:

[honeybeez]

Wow, 5 years is nothing at that age (27 and 32). My ex is 4 years younger, we were together 18 years and I consider it a successful r/ship and so does he. My current partner is 7 years younger, he's 38, I don't feel I'm older than him, and he said he doesn't think of me as older. Although I wonder if I notice my ageing and wrinkles more now that I'm with someone several years younger, I might be more aware of it now, not cos he's said anything, I'd have binned him if he had He makes me feel young and beautiful, it's just me noticing my skin changing lately and I'm not sure I'm noticing it just cos I'm aware he's 7 years younger (and his ex is 7 years younger than him) or it is purely that my skin *is* changing more the last year or two, I'm at that age

I feel happier when I notice his grey hair

We're successful atm, if we split I don't think it would be age related, more distance related as it's an LDR.

 

I was with a guy who was 7 years younger for 13 years. Started when I was 30 and he was 23 - and OMG the sex was fantastic!!!!! Recommend it to anyone. The reaspns we split were totally unconnected to sex - he just turned out to be a twat as far as my older kids were concerned

 

GO FOR IT

[ThsAmericanLife]

....just to put things into the proper context...

 

The men I'm talking about... the ones I 'complain' about having soft dicks... are the same ones who consider themselves 'hot stuff' and like to talk about how great they are in bed.

 

Me, being the abnormally horny 46 year old occasionally says "ok, buddy show me what you got!" and then its... hmm... not so great. Probably was when they were younger, but not so much now.

 

Sadly, I wish that weren't the case. I also wish it weren't the case that they f-ed their way through their 30's and 40's and didn't feel the need to work on their personality much. All of our bodies change. That's reality. I wouldn't kick a guy to the curb because of that. I will if he's a jerk or self-centered in the bedroom.

 

Anyway, I much prefer men my own age. Unfortunately, it is a function of American culture that people don't tend to take very good care of themselves physically, and probably suffer sexually alot sooner than they need to.

[123321]

However, I am not against relationships with a reasonable gap. My aunt and uncle are 10 years apart in age, however he is the older one.

That seems to work out a lot better actually. My case is a bit extreme but my current and last 3-4 girlfriends have been in their 20s whereas I'm in my mid-40s. The current one is going pretty well, 22 years old, sweet, we will see.

 

At least her dad is older than I am.