My mother slapped me and I'm pissed

[TurboGirl]

Drunk is never an excuse. If you think it is, try telling it to a cop. "I'm so sorry officer but the reason I ran the red was because I've been drinking".

 

You get no sympathy here but I do hope you make things right with your mom

 

BTW, I'm sure your mom feels terrible for hitting you, she probably feels terrible that her daughter came home drunk too & called her, what ever it is you did.

 

 

You are 16 years old, NOT AN ADULT. You acted like an immature drunken brat, and seriously, you owe your Mom an apology. You treated her with utter disrespect - and yeah, big deal, you were drunk. You live under her roof, she pays for your clothing, your food, and your way of life. You are lucky she didn't throw you out on the street after calling her that.

 

The way I see it, she gave you a wake up call. You disrepsected her, and she returned the favor in kind by slapping you.

 

Not on your way to being an alcoholic? Why are you drinking and getting drunk at 16? Is that the legal age to drink where you live?

 

I am sure your Mom was very disappointed in your behaviour. And I'm sure she felt bad about slapping you. We didn't slap much in my house, but girl you had it coming when you called your Mom the C-word.

 

Wise up. You need to start doing something different, and I am thinking that eliminating the drinking and your drinking buddies is a good way to start. When you drink you need to learn to be responsible for your actions - AND BE OF LEGAL AGE!

[ilikesunita]

I end up crying, not from the slap itself but the fact she never hit me.

 

To make a long story short I got wasted and well it created an argument. She started yelling in my face and so in my drunkard state of mind, I yelled back. It was in one of those moment, one word (the next day she told me I had used the C word on her) slipped from me and it happened so fast. She slapped me so hard, I almost lost my balance.

 

I just started crying and said Mom, you never hit me, I hate you, I hate then just headed to my room.

We're gonna talk about this later on and well she feels kind of bad too for doing this.

This is normally not the way I act out and never was. I was drunk at that moment.

 

The right side of my face is still red from the slap. Should I still be upset because I am?

 

No, you came home drunk, she has a right to be angry.

[bentnotbroken]

If their brains are not developed then WHY do we allow teen mothers to keep their babies instead of giving them up for adoption? Or allow 21 yr olds to drink? Or send 18 yr olds to war?

 

 

Science has proven the frontal lobes aren't fully developed so I think that would be a question to pose to your representative. I don't think either of those scenarios should happen personally. There are always adults should be fully developed who should not do any of the things you listed either.

[carhill]

I recall coming home totally blitzed one time (only time) shortly after turning 21. I had a key, let myself in and went to bed. Bed started spinning and I woke up the next morning with vomit on the bed clothes. My mom never said a word, other than, completely deadpan, 'if you don't want to sleep in that tonight, I'd suggest washing the bed clothes'. That was a very rare occasion when she didn't make the bed. Lessons are about learning. Fortunately, no driving was involved. The rent remained the same. I washed the sheets. Life went on. Apparently the same has happened for the OP. Hopefully she'll live to a ripe old age to tell her story as 'one of those stories' of her young life.

[Dooda]

Yet that is what you did to each poster who was older and had more life experience. You dismissed their thoughts and opinions as something that is no longer relevant because of their age. You also dismissed their parenting skills because they were different than the your parents skills or lack there of. No racism isn't changing in the way that will allow it to no longer be an issue, nor is homophobia. It is better disguised, depending on what part of the world live in. There is ethnic violence perpetrated everyday. Turn on the news if you doubt that to be the case.

 

The fact that you are young and inexperienced in places that other posters have experience is just as relevant if you were a newly minted HS graduate trying to tell his college professor(DR. DICK OR JANE) who to be successful in their field of study or write a dissertation. You simply have no experience in the area, therefore you opinions are based on your limited experience of being a child that was mistreated horribly and conjecture.

 

Granted if you are blessed to live to be a parent(if you so desire) or even just to age gracefully you will find out that you didn't know everything at the age you are now and probably won't when you die. We all live to learn, or at least we should. But somethings that have already been accomplished lend themselves to have a certain amount hard earned knowledge and wisdom. There are no perfect children or parents. It really is that simple.

 

You can try and deny the fact that things haven't changed, however they have. In the old days, it was ok to call black people the N word, and direct homophobia was something that predominated up until the late 1980s. Weird that with this coming generation, homophobia is decreasing. None of my friends are homophobic, and most people are disgusted by the idea of homophobia. I understand that both issues still exist, in more indirect ways, but leaps and bounds have been made thanks to human movement, thought and change.

 

Once again, the fact that I'm young has nothing to do with this. I am not a HS student instructing a professor on how to do his job, neither am I giving any grand instructions on how to be a parent. Please instruct me on how old I need to be to understand that slapping a drunken child hard in the face is wrong? "You have to be a parent to understand how disrespectful kids are" Bull. Obviously, the mother realized she was in the wrong, and so did the girl, and both sides apologized, yet some of you people, who lack greatly in enpathy, go on to call this girl a "drunken little brat". Really? Society has completely brainwashed you into thinking it's ok to completely blame the younger person first, and for younger people to somehow be more accountable for their actions.

God, some of you posting emotionless and generic "young people are brats" really need to oepn your minds a bit.

Many of you are aggrandizing the situation, giving very general and generic statements such as "wise up" "you're going down a road of alcoholism if you keep like this" "you need to start doing something different". This has happened ONCE in this girl's lifetime. Chill out and stop feeling the need to give generic and non-situational advice to 'younger people'.

"No, your mom has a right to be angry" There's a big difference between anger and slapping a kid hard on the face. What's weird is that parents are granted so much leeway when it comes to parenting and making mistakes, while children are not, because society has brainwashed us so hard into thinking parents are superior to kids.

[bentnotbroken]

You can try and deny the fact that things haven't changed, however they have. In the old days, it was ok to call black people the N word, and direct homophobia was something that predominated up until the late 1980s. Weird that with this coming generation, homophobia is decreasing. None of my friends are homophobic, and most people are disgusted by the idea of homophobia. I understand that both issues still exist, in more indirect ways, but leaps and bounds have been made thanks to human movement, thought and change.

 

Once again, the fact that I'm young has nothing to do with this. I am not a HS student instructing a professor on how to do his job, neither am I giving any grand instructions on how to be a parent. Please instruct me on how old I need to be to understand that slapping a drunken child hard in the face is wrong? "You have to be a parent to understand how disrespectful kids are" Bull. Obviously, the mother realized she was in the wrong, and so did the girl, and both sides apologized, yet some of you people, who lack greatly in enpathy, go on to call this girl a "drunken little brat". Really? Society has completely brainwashed you into thinking it's ok to completely blame the younger person first, and for younger people to somehow be more accountable for their actions.

God, some of you posting emotionless and generic "young people are brats" really need to oepn your minds a bit.

Many of you are aggrandizing the situation, giving very general and generic statements such as "wise up" "you're going down a road of alcoholism if you keep like this" "you need to start doing something different". This has happened ONCE in this girl's lifetime. Chill out and stop feeling the need to give generic and non-situational advice to 'younger people'.

"No, your mom has a right to be angry" There's a big difference between anger and slapping a kid hard on the face. What's weird is that parents are granted so much leeway when it comes to parenting and making mistakes, while children are not, because society has brainwashed us so hard into thinking parents are superior to kids.

 

 

Things have indeed changed.....just not as much as you like to think. But you know it all right. You have not been called a ni**er recently. I am glad to hear that. My children and I haven't had that luxury just yet.

 

I don't ever recall saying her mother slapping her was right. I said I don't know. You are over emotional about a situation that even the OP said was not the norm in her house. Have a good day dooda. You are right. I hope that helps you feel better. Something else my generation doesn't feel the need to do. Argue with someone who is of the belief that the world has to have the same opinion on life as they do to be happy. Not me...I am too old to conform to anything other than what I believe is right for me and my life. Blessings dooda.

[turnera]

lol

 

What's that old saying?

 

Hire a teenager while they still know everything.

 

[Dooda]

lol

 

What's that old saying?

 

Hire a teenager while they still know everything.

 

 

Funny indeed. Slap a kid while he's drunk and call him a brat!

[Lucky_One]

Yes. The thought of hiring a teenager while they still know everything IS funny, indeed!

 

A slap is not the end of the world. It surely isn't abuse, Dooda.

[Emme]

To those of you who think there WAS no 'good old day'...THIS was the good old day. You said ma'am to ANY woman who was older than you simply because she WAS older than you and therefore deserved your respect. You never even questioned it. And you knew that any person older than you was there for you, to help you, if you needed it. Barring abusive people, of course. Having that unspoken respect for your elders brought kids a sense of comfort, of knowing someone had your back, that the buck didn't stop with you. I think today's kids have a sense of dread, and don't know why. IMO, THIS is why. The parents didn't do their job and left the kids to figure out how to navigate.

 

I truly think that religion plays a role also in respect. I know going to church and learning that your elders were there to help you and lead the way taught you manners. Sister Clark/Mrs. Clark always had your back. Social gatherings taught you how to communicate and gave you aspirations to be like someone you admired. There are no longer any true role models out there. Those who attempt being a role model for someone’s child by trying to teach them right from wrong is not appreciated. Instead today’s parents tell other adults to shut up and mind your business. Mrs. Clark was once able to slap you over the head or pull you to the side and tell you don’t do that. Then when she found your mother she would tell the tale and your mother would say thank you Mrs. Clark. Then you would get your ass beat again by your mother for doing wrong…If you had a father that would be your third beating. You would hate Mrs. Clark with a passion because she made you get a beating but come next week Sunday she’d get you a slice a pie and you’d forget all about it. Mrs. Clark is not looking out for today’s youth like she once was… she has duct tape over her mouth. Children need structure and discipline even when they become adults.

 

 

 

Most of us older people have moments like that because we KNEW that we owed our elders respect and we knew that, if we abused that respect, we disappointed them. There was nothing worse than disappointing your parents; it was the one thing that kept me in line the most. Many younger people don't have that little conscience in the back of their heads because their parents told them (and showed the world) they could do no wrong, they were perfect, they were special. How can you navigate the world when you think it owes you everything?

 

 

That is so true. Many children today have no clue what it means to bring shame to your family name. Your family name is what you have to walk the earth with. You took pride in being the good student not the difficult child. Most of these kids are scared sh*tless as to what the real world holds because they didn’t have a parent teach them how to “fish.” No clue as to the process of how to fish. The reason why is because parents continue to hand there children the fish. Kids actually think the fish comes from their parents not out of water, diligence, patience, skill. That same mentality crosses over to adulthood when you set them free in this big world. No clue what to do.

 

I’ll never forget that white kid that got lashes for graffiti in an Asian country (can’t remember which one maybe China). Never! This kid went to a foreign country and had the nerve to put graffiti on a wall. He was arrested and imprisoned. His punishment was how ever many lashes on his back. -America was like, how dare you! -China said, I beg your pardon! You cannot set any rules or guidelines as to this gentlemen’s punishment. He is in our possession. Thank you for your input, but no thank you. The Count came out from Sesame Street and it was like… One… Two… Three. I think they even recorded it. That was the day that child learned right from wrong. I’m sorry he had to learn it that way but when you let your children out in this world thinking it’s ok to disrespect other cultures not just people they pay the price. The American ideology of I’m superior so I can do as I please has got to stop. But it won’t because America continues to teach there society that’s it ok to not be held accountable for your actions. It’s a technicality, next.

[Emme]

In the 'good old days' people were racist, and homophobic and would beat their pets. In the good old days black people had to sit at the back of the bus.

We can keep talking about these 'good old days', but things have changed. Fear does not equal respect. In the good old days, parents could do and act however they wanted and the kids would have to follow. Kids could get beaten with anything lying around the house, and this was considered discipline?

IMO, just because someone is older does not mean they automatically deserve respect. This is called generalization, and is the same mentality racists use. Just because someone is Indian, they're cheap, or just because someone is black, they're probably involved in crime...

Ahhhh, the good old days, when I couldn't sit down for a week because I missed the bus... Brings joyful tears to my eyes.

I wish kids lived in more fear than they do now. After all, how can we create a new generation of conforming children who will turn into conforming adults without striking fear into their hearts? *sarcasm*

You people are sick.

Some people don't consider being beaten with a garden hose abuse? What world do you live in?

Going back on topic.

No one ever said that the OP wasn't wrong. What we're contemplating, however, is whether or not the mother's actions were right. They were not. If a kid gets angry at his parents, and swears at them, he's wrong. In the same way, the parent, the teacher, should be accountable for his/her actions. Yes, parents are humans too, and they lose control, but it should be clear that when the parent loses control due to his/her own fears/insecurities it is in no way the child's fault. The mother was completely wrong, just as the daughter was completely wrong. Both sides were in the wrong. However, some of you believe that parents are somehow less accountable for their actions towards their children. No.

"A child's psyche continues to develop up till the age of 25" and yet you expect these kids to act with complete maturity at the age of 16, and if not a brutal slap is needed.

Kids owe nothing to 'older people'. Respect is a 2 way road. Adults feel entitled to their younger counterparts' 'respect'. Now, that's what I call a sense of entitlement.

I have 0 respect for 'adults' who beat their kids. I have 0 respect for adults who feel 'entitled' to 'respect' while giving none in return.

I think what the younger generation is realizing now, through the internet, and other means of communication, is that they have more rights and freedom than they were taught to believe they had. Kids were taught that they were inferior to adults, and the cycle would continue when these children became adults.

Well see where this takes us. Its not like the world was any better in the lovely, marvellous, good ol' days. In the good ol days, 2 world wars happened. In the good ol days, disease was much more triumphant. Yea, let's go back to the good ol days, when people wouldn't live up to 50 years, and black people had to sit in the back of the bus.

 

 

Awww I loved your post. You’re what I call the new generation. The doomed generation. “IMO, just because someone is older does not mean they automatically deserve respect.”

 

I feel that enlightening the OP about the actions of parents in the past is eye opening. Not because someone uses a point it does not included everyone. Here’s a news flash for you Dooda, people are still racist, homophobic, and still beating their pets. In society today black people still sit in the back of the bus because that’s actually where the seats are… even a few whites have joined in.

 

I want to make things clear because I feel some youngsters don’t get it. Your parents don’t have to do what they do. I know it’s a concept many children have not actually considered. Many are accustomed to being given everything in life that they’re not appreciative of the small things. You take things for granted. Some actually believe that the letter of the law stipulates you get whatever you ask for. They are spoiled so they don’t know any better.

 

Here’s the real deal. Your parents have to supply you with the necessities in life that means food and shelter (maybe clothes) up until the age of 18 or to be nice 4 years of college. Two things really...

 

Food: A child is required to receive a meal lets say 3 times per day. I’m being generous it could be two. No one can state what those meals might be. Your meals every day will be Quaker Oats Oatmeal (I’m choosing to be very loving. I didn’t go the generic brand route.) For breakfast you will have oatmeal. For lunch if you are home you will have oatmeal. For dinner you will have oatmeal. In the event I see that your form is suffering I will occasionally offer you a can of beans with rice if you are in need of protein. That is the REALITY. Many of you actually believe your parents must feed you chicken, ribs, steak, potato, rice, casserole, take you to McDonalds. No no no.. Pick up your phone and call child protective services. Ask them how much food has to be within a person’s home before you can consider a child being neglected. Depending on the state they will inform you I believe its one can or two. All you have to have is let’s say two cans in your cupboard and they can’t remove the children from the home. REALITY!

 

Shelter: You do not have to have your own room. I know many of you have your own space and you feel that you have that right. No no no.. You could be sleeping on a pull out sofa in the living room. REALITY. This is the life style accommodations that I can afford and you will be accustomed to it whether you like it or not. Some believe that having there own room is a right and not a privilege.

 

Clothing: Hand me downs… yes some of you don’t know what that is. But yes I don’t have to buy you back to school clothes. Back to school clothes is a privilege. I could go shopping at the flee market or the Salvation Army. REALITY!

 

 

Discipline doesn’t carry with it the same weight as it once did. Parents today find it hard to give their children the structure they need because there more worried about giving them everything they didn’t have growing up. Their too concerned with being their child’s friend than having there child fear them. This practice has lead to the downfall of America. This is why the United States is in the shape it’s in. Everyone wants the reward and gratification but refuses to do the hard work that is required for that end result. At the age of 14 my mother made sure that I acquired my working papers. Every summer I had a job. There was no sleep away camp. She introduced me to who FICA was and many others. I know 18 year old kids today who’ve never worked a day in their life. Yet they have cash, I’m not talking bank accounts, allowance. Not only cash they have credit cards. Who’s supplying them this, the parents. They have never had to work for anything in their lives so they don’t know the value of a dollar. They are driving cars at the age of 16 they cannot afford. You wanted a car in the old days you had to work for it, maybe they’d meet you half way to pay for it. You worked for what you acquired and that gave you a sense of pride and accomplished. In the process of working for what you wanted you grew to be appreciative because you understood what it takes to really survive in this world. You had discipline because you had to follow a routine and that gave you structure. The United States has a bunch of babies with bibs being spoon fed by their parents and it leading to the collapse of this Nation.

 

People wonder why China is really number one and the United States is in the late teens it’s because of this practice, discipline. America lacks discipline and respect. Keep making fun of those “third world” countries. “Zula, Chin, Hassan, Mila” might have to walk 17 miles to school but he/she has thirst for knowledge more than some ever will. They’re studying with the flash light and the kerosene lamp into the morning hours. They were raised to be disciplined from birth. If that includes a beating so be it.

 

Step outside of this “world” you call America. Step into the real world. In some nations the penalty for stealing is to have your hand chopped off. To lie in some regions the penalty is to have your tongue cut out. In some nations women are still being stoned to death for committing adultery. I know what world you’re living in. You’re living in the world where a man can be arrested for a DWI/DUI which causes the death of a beautiful angel girl coming from a wedding by decapitation. You’re living in a world where said man is set free due to a technicality of his civil rights being violated. That’s the world you live in. No repercussions for your actions. If DWI/DUI law stated that anyone who committed an act that resulted in the death of another human being, the punishment will be DEATH. See how quick the fear sets in. Car keys would be left at home and people would be taking a stroll to and from the bar. Fear is crippling but sometimes it’s needed to steer you in the right direction. The world you live is called zero down payment, pick one, house or car. Not having no idea what it means to live with your parents basement until you saved enough money. You have no assets but we will give you money. Well actually that’s coming to an end. REALITY is here and reality is collecting.

 

 

The OP poster might not believe in getting slapped. The issue is not the slap for me the issue is if the slap was warranted, and it was. I would rather have a parent slap some sense into me than have a parent sit on the side lines and watch me wither away and die. I want that parent. I appreciate and respect that parent. Anyone who was raised with beatings either grows up, turns to their parent, and tells them thank you for beating some sense into me or they stay mad and hate their parents. I don’t want the lazy parent. “Jimmy clean your room" – “F*ck you” – “I don’t know what to do with him”…. LAZY! Let everyone else in the world raise your child but you.

 

OP hug your Mama… say you’re sorry and it won’t happen again. Even though your mom might not say she’s sorry, she is. See Amy Winehouse she’s dead… DEAD. That beautiful voice is gone. Trying does not count. Action counts.

 

There is a rule that some parents feel. They feel if they brought you in this world they have the right to take you out of it. Keep on day dreaming… keep refusing to make sensible decisions. It catches up to you after a while. Honestly all you need to survive in the world is common sense. If you don’t have that, you are screwed.

 

Dooda get ready... This generation is robbing and raping the elderly. Robbing them because they don't know what hard work is. At this rate they are only beating them. By the time you reach retirement age maybe the generation will be leaning towards killing them.

 

Oh... OP if you are unhappy... you are 16.. two more years to adulthood. By law anything that "yours" you can take and leave. I personally believe "yours" means what you paid out of your own pockets.. but the law says different. Go to the courts and say I don't want to live with my mother anymore. Make something up.. ah you have dreams of harming her since she slapped you. For her safety you want to leave. You want your emancipation. When you leave that house, it will be the biggest wake up call you will ever have in your life. Do it. Then come back and tell us how stepping into reality worked out for you.

Edited July 25, 2011 by Emme

[Dooda]

Awww I loved your post. You’re what I call the new generation. The doomed generation. “IMO, just because someone is older does not mean they automatically deserve respect.”

 

I feel that enlightening the OP about the actions of parents in the past is eye opening. Not because someone uses a point it does not included everyone. Here’s a news flash for you Dooda, people are still racist, homophobic, and still beating their pets. In society today black people still sit in the back of the bus because that’s actually where the seats are… even a few whites have joined in.

 

I want to make things clear because I feel some youngsters don’t get it. Your parents don’t have to do what they do. I know it’s a concept many children have not actually considered. Many are accustomed to being given everything in life that they’re not appreciative of the small things. You take things for granted. Some actually believe that the letter of the law stipulates you get whatever you ask for. They are spoiled so they don’t know any better.

 

Here’s the real deal. Your parents have to supply you with the necessities in life that means food and shelter (maybe clothes) up until the age of 18 or to be nice 4 years of college. Two things really...

 

Food: A child is required to receive a meal lets say 3 times per day. I’m being generous it could be two. No one can state what those meals might be. Your meals every day will be Quaker Oats Oatmeal (I’m choosing to be very loving. I didn’t go the generic brand route.) For breakfast you will have oatmeal. For lunch if you are home you will have oatmeal. For dinner you will have oatmeal. In the event I see that your form is suffering I will occasionally offer you a can of beans with rice if you are in need of protein. That is the REALITY. Many of you actually believe your parents must feed you chicken, ribs, steak, potato, rice, casserole, take you to McDonalds. No no no.. Pick up your phone and call child protective services. Ask them how much food has to be within a person’s home before you can consider a child being neglected. Depending on the state they will inform you I believe its one can or two. All you have to have is let’s say two cans in your cupboard and they can’t remove the children from the home. REALITY!

 

Shelter: You do not have to have your own room. I know many of you have your own space and you feel that you have that right. No no no.. You could be sleeping on a pull out sofa in the living room. REALITY. This is the life style accommodations that I can afford and you will be accustomed to it whether you like it or not. Some believe that having there own room is a right and not a privilege.

 

Clothing: Hand me downs… yes some of you don’t know what that is. But yes I don’t have to buy you back to school clothes. Back to school clothes is a privilege. I could go shopping at the flee market or the Salvation Army. REALITY!

 

 

Discipline doesn’t carry with it the same weight as it once did. Parents today find it hard to give their children the structure they need because there more worried about giving them everything they didn’t have growing up. Their too concerned with being their child’s friend than having there child fear them. This practice has lead to the downfall of America. This is why the United States is in the shape it’s in. Everyone wants the reward and gratification but refuses to do the hard work that is required for that end result. At the age of 14 my mother made sure that I acquired my working papers. Every summer I had a job. There was no sleep away camp. She introduced me to who FICA was and many others. I know 18 year old kids today who’ve never worked a day in their life. Yet they have cash, I’m not talking back accounts, allowance. Not only cash they have credit cards. Who’s supplying them this, the parents. They have never had to work for anything in their lives so they don’t know the value of a dollar. They are driving cars at the age of 16 they cannot afford. You wanted a car in the old days you had to work for it, maybe they’d meet you half way to pay for it. You worked for what you acquired and that gave you a sense of pride and accomplished. In the process of working for what you wanted you grew to be appreciative because you understood what it takes to really survive in this world. You had discipline because you had to follow a routine and that gave you structure. The United States has a bunch of babies with bibs being spoon fed by their parents and it leading to the collapse of this Nation.

 

People wonder why China is really number one and the United States is in the late teens it’s because of this practice, discipline. America lacks discipline and respect. Keep making fun of those “third world” countries. “Zula, Chin, Hassan, Mila” might have to walk 17 miles to school but he/she has thirst for knowledge more than some ever will. They’re studying with the flash light and the kerosene lamp into the morning hours. They were raised to be disciplined from birth. If that includes a beating so be it.

 

Step outside of this “world” you call America. Step into the real world. In some nations the penalty for stealing is to have your hand chopped off. To lie in some regions the penalty is to have your tongue cut out. In some nations women are still being stoned to death for committing adultery. I know what world you’re living in. You’re living in the world where a man can be arrested for a DWI/DUI which causes the death of a beautiful angel girl coming from a wedding by decapitation. You’re living in a world where said man is set free due to a technicality of his civil rights being violated. That’s the world you live in. No repercussions for your actions. If DWI/DUI law stated that anyone who committed an act that resulted in the death of another human being, the punishment will be DEATH. See how quick the fear sets in. Car keys would be left at home and people would be taking a stroll to and from the bar. Fear is crippling but sometimes it’s needed to steer you in the right direction. The world you live is called zero down payment, pick one, house or car. Not having no idea what it means to live with your parents basement until you saved enough money. You have no assets but we will give you money. Well actually that’s coming to an end. REALITY is here and reality is collecting.

 

 

The OP poster might not believe in getting slapped. The issue is not the slap for me the issue is if the slap was warranted, and it was. I would rather have a parent slap some sense into me than have a parent sit on the side lines and watch me wither away and die. I want that parent. I appreciate and respect that parent. Anyone who was raised with beatings either grows up, turns to their parent, and tells them thank you for beating some sense into me or they stay mad and hate their parents. I don’t want the lazy parent. “Jimmy clean your room – “F*ck you” – “I don’t know what to do with him”…. LAZY! Let everyone else in the world raise you child but you.

 

OP hug your Mama… say you’re sorry and it won’t happen again. Even though your mom might not say she’s sorry, she is. See Amy Winehouse she’s dead… DEAD. That beautiful voice is gone. Trying does not count. Action counts.

 

There is a rule that some parents feel. They feel if they brought you in this world they have the right to take you out of it. Keep on day dreaming… keep refusing to make sensible decisions. It catches up to you after a while. Honestly all you need to survive in the world is common sense. If you don’t have that, you are screwed.

 

Dooda get ready... This generation is robbing and raping the elderly. Robbing them because they don't know what hard work is. At this rate they are only beating them. By the time you reach retirement age maybe the generation will be leaning towards killing them.

 

Oh... OP if you are unhappy... you are 16.. two more years to adulthood. By law anything that "yours" you can take and leave. I personally believe "yours" means what you paid out of your own pockets.. but the law says different. Go to the courts and say I don't want to live with my mother anymore. Make something up.. ah you have dreams of harming her since she slapped you. For her safety you want to leave. You want your emancipation. When you leave that house, it will be the biggest wake up call you will ever have in your life. Do it. Then come back and tell us how stepping into reality worked out for you.

 

Racism and homophobia and beating your pets and kids are still present, however the general concesus has become that these beliefs/behaviors are not acceptable.

 

The doomed generation? Your typical 'old person looks down on youth' aspect is funny. It wasn't our generation that started 2 world wars. It wasn't our generation that created a Cold War which lasted for nearly half a century. It wasn't our generation that allowed open and blatant racism to be accceptable. It wasn't our generation that created the Wall Street crash or the Great Depression in the 1930s.

Please explain yourself when you say our generation is doomed, because it seems we have a lot more to accomplish if we want to catch up on the failures' of previous generations.

You obviosuly didn't read the OP's post. If you did, you would know that she has already reconciled with her mother, and she never stated that she wants to leave, etc. The melodrama you're making of all this is funny, when all this has to do with is whether or not the mother was wrong to slap her drunken child.

So you keep being grumpy, and bitter, and apathetic towards youth. It's very, very productive.

[Dooda]

I truly think that religion plays a role also in respect. I know going to church and learning that your elders were there to help you and lead the way taught you manners. Sister Clark/Mrs. Clark always had your back. Social gatherings taught you how to communicate and gave you aspirations to be like someone you admired. There are no longer any true role models out there. Those who attempt being a role model for someone’s child by trying to teach them right from wrong is not appreciated. Instead today’s parents tell other adults to shut up and mind your business. Mrs. Clark was once able to slap you over the head or pull you to the side and tell you don’t do that. Then when she found your mother she would tell the tale and your mother would say thank you Mrs. Clark. Then you would get your ass beat again by your mother for doing wrong…If you had a father that would be your third beating. You would hate Mrs. Clark with a passion because she made you get a beating but come next week Sunday she’d get you a slice a pie and you’d forget all about it. Mrs. Clark is not looking out for today’s youth like she once was… she has duct tape over her mouth. Children need structure and discipline even when they become adults.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That is so true. Many children today have no clue what it means to bring shame to your family name. Your family name is what you have to walk the earth with. You took pride in being the good student not the difficult child. Most of these kids are scared sh*tless as to what the real world holds because they didn’t have a parent teach them how to “fish.” No clue as to the process of how to fish. The reason why is because parents continue to hand there children the fish. Kids actually think the fish comes from their parents not out of water, diligence, patience, skill. That same mentality crosses over to adulthood when you set them free in this big world. No clue what to do.

 

I’ll never forget that white kid that got lashes for graffiti in an Asian country (can’t remember which one maybe China). Never! This kid went to a foreign country and had the nerve to put graffiti on a wall. He was arrested and imprisoned. His punishment was how ever many lashes on his back. -America was like, how dare you! -China said, I beg your pardon! You cannot set any rules or guidelines as to this gentlemen’s punishment. He is in our possession. Thank you for your input, but no thank you. The Count came out from Sesame Street and it was like… One… Two… Three. I think they even recorded it. That was the day that child learned right from wrong. I’m sorry he had to learn it that way but when you let your children out in this world thinking it’s ok to disrespect other cultures not just people they pay the price. The American ideology of I’m superior so I can do as I please has got to stop. But it won’t because America continues to teach there society that’s it ok to not be held accountable for your actions. It’s a technicality, next.

 

You seem to be a fan of generalization.

So you're saying its ok to get beaten 3 times for misbehaving in school? You're saying its ok to lash a boy for writing grafitti? You're sick.

The problem with Asian parenting is that kids raised in the traditional manner usually tend to be socially reclusive, submissive and people-pleasers. They are taught to never put their own interests first. The problem with Asian parenting is that it is so strict and so controlling, that the child growing into the adult never realizes that what he/she went through was wrong and commits the same errors on their own offspring.

I hope to God you don't have children. You are ruled by Fear. Release yourself.

[Emme]

Racism and homophobia and beating your pets and kids are still present, however the general concesus has become that these beliefs/behaviors are not acceptable.

 

The doomed generation? Your typical 'old person looks down on youth' aspect is funny. It wasn't our generation that started 2 world wars. It wasn't our generation that created a Cold War which lasted for nearly half a century. It wasn't our generation that allowed open and blatant racism to be accceptable. It wasn't our generation that created the Wall Street crash or the Great Depression in the 1930s.

Please explain yourself when you say our generation is doomed, because it seems we have a lot more to accomplish if we want to catch up on the failures' of previous generations.

You obviosuly didn't read the OP's post. If you did, you would know that she has already reconciled with her mother, and she never stated that she wants to leave, etc. The melodrama you're making of all this is funny, when all this has to do with is whether or not the mother was wrong to slap her drunken child.

So you keep being grumpy, and bitter, and apathetic towards youth. It's very, very productive.

 

 

General... I hope you don’t believe everything you read. Let me give you a heads up, don’t. Here’s the reality of life. You never know who a person is until the doors are closed and they think no ones listening. Remember that.

 

You are forgetting the most import war. The capturing of this land you call America. I’m sure you like it if you are American. Don’t you just love it! Depending where you live you get all four seasons. We have the best of everything we could imagine. Have you seen an Indian lately? Are you an Indian/Native American? If you are I would love to know and what’s your tribe. You my dear are profiting from wars. Wars have given you the lifestyle to which you have grown accustomed. You think this world is just magically beautiful. You think kingdoms and nations are build by being nice and sweet. Let me give you a picture. If America’s National Defense was to end this nation would resemble the same imagery that was shown in the “The Matrix”. The true world, if you’ve seen that movie. That’s the best visual I can think of in a movie. When you go to bed tonight you thank those military men and women who protect you while you’re asleep and when you’re awake. If you didn’t have them you would have no life. Don’t ever dismiss it or trivialize it.

 

History is a pain because it always repeats itself. No one ever learns. People would rather choose what is best for them than right thing to do.

 

My point to the OP about leaving is to inform her that she has choices. That’s a part of life, making choices. I actually would love her to do it as an experiment. You seem to have some issues with the way things are progressed also in America. You have choices. If you are at all uncomfortable with the accommodations please pack your things and leave.

 

I don’t have any issues with the youth. Once again, I issues with youths who have no discipline, manners, and respect. I also have issues with parents who do their child a disservice by not being a parent. It’s that simple.

[threebyfate]

It goes without saying that you were in the wrong. No 16 year old can expect to stagger into the parental home drunk and not benefit from a serious talking to the next day. The crucial phrase, however, being the next day

 

I'm surprised by the number of people who said your mother did the right thing. Common sense decrees that yelling in the face of somebody who is wasted will achieve nothing beyond a Jerry Springer showdown of the type that occurred - ie involving screaming and possibly some physical violence. If I'd been your mother I would have sent you to your room and then gone in the next morning to have some serious words with you once you'd sobered up and were feeling unpleasantly hungover. You'd also spend the weekend weeding the garden and making yourself useful around the house rather than going out anywhere.

 

That said, I definitely don't suggest you file assault charges against your mother. That would create a rift that might take years to heal. It seems like a better plan for you and your mother to sit down and work out what would be a fair penalty for you to pay for getting drunk and abusive....and for you both to create a strong agreement that verbal and physical abuse aren't acceptable from either of you.

Absolutely agree!!

[Emme]

You seem to be a fan of generalization.

So you're saying its ok to get beaten 3 times for misbehaving in school? You're saying its ok to lash a boy for writing grafitti? You're sick.

The problem with Asian parenting is that kids raised in the traditional manner usually tend to be socially reclusive, submissive and people-pleasers. They are taught to never put their own interests first. The problem with Asian parenting is that it is so strict and so controlling, that the child growing into the adult never realizes that what he/she went through was wrong and commits the same errors on their own offspring.

I hope to God you don't have children. You are ruled by Fear. Release yourself.

 

He didn't get beat 3 times, I was just counting. I think he got 20 lashes as a punishment. Hard ones. You think those countries regulate what comes into there nation for no reason. They have there reasons. They do not want that western mentality in there country. You know why... because they have watched and they've seen what it does to a nation. America is the prime example. Nations are watching. They are keeping count. Keep living in the world you live in and when you wake up at the wheel I hope you can figure out where you made the wrong turn. Freedom is fun, but there is always a price to pay. Remember that.

[Emme]

Wow...that was patronising.

 

The truth hurts. It really does.

[Dooda]

General... I hope you don’t believe everything you read. Let me give you a heads up, don’t. Here’s the reality of life. You never know who a person is until the doors are closed and they think no ones listening. Remember that.

 

You are forgetting the most import war. The capturing of this land you call America. I’m sure you like it if you are American. Don’t you just love it! Depending where you live you get all four seasons. We have the best of everything we could imagine. Have you seen an Indian lately? Are you an Indian/Native American? If you are I would love to know and what’s your tribe. You my dear are profiting from wars. Wars have given you the lifestyle to which you have grown accustomed. You think this world is just magically beautiful. You think kingdoms and nations are build by being nice and sweet. Let me give you a picture. If America’s National Defense was to end this nation would resemble the same imagery that was shown in the “The Matrix”. The true world, if you’ve seen that movie. That’s the best visual I can think of in a movie. When you go to bed tonight you thank those military men and women who protect you while you’re asleep and when you’re awake. If you didn’t have them you would have no life. Don’t ever dismiss it or trivialize it.

 

History is a pain because it always repeats itself. No one ever learns. People would rather choose what is best for them than right thing to do.

 

My point to the OP about leaving is to inform her that she has choices. That’s a part of life, making choices. I actually would love her to do it as an experiment. You seem to have some issues with the way things are progressed also in America. You have choices. If you are at all uncomfortable with the accommodations please pack your things and leave.

 

I don’t have any issues with the youth. Once again, I issues with youths who have no discipline, manners, and respect. I also have issues with parents who do their child a disservice by not being a parent. It’s that simple.

 

You are one incoherent, highly arrogant/patronizing piece of work. I'm not American. I have lived in many countries, and have visited more.

For someone who is so highly intelligent, you seem to make a lot of grammatical mistakes. Please note the difference between there, their and they're. You don't seem to know the meaning of the latter.

Apart from people who are highly different when behind closed doors like yourself, I'd like to believe that most people show their true colours, and don't display a mask as I'm sure you do. Please keep your bull**** and highly delusional, self-pertaining facts to yourself.

You're obviously doing a lot, talking about how the world is doomed via an interpersonal relationship forum.

[Emme]

You are one incoherent, highly arrogant/patronizing piece of work. I'm not American. I have lived in many countries, and have visited more.

For someone who is so highly intelligent, you seem to make a lot of grammatical mistakes. Please note the difference between there, their and they're. You don't seem to know the meaning of the latter.

Apart from people who are highly different when behind closed doors like yourself, I'd like to believe that most people show their true colours, and don't display a mask as I'm sure you do. Please keep your bull**** and highly delusional, self-pertaining facts to yourself.

You're obviously doing a lot, talking about how the world is doomed via an interpersonal relationship forum.

 

Did you inform me you are not American. I don't recall. The grammar is an issue I'm trying to type and get everything out. It's great that you feel that way but be aware that in life people rarely show their true colors. The post was to show how the world is changing and where it's headed. We are already doomed, supposedly. Lets wait and see. You take care.

[Taramere]

Anyone who was raised with beatings either grows up, turns to their parent, and tells them thank you for beating some sense into me or they stay mad and hate their parents.

 

Incorrect. My father has always had anger management problems, and was sometimes violent to us when we were kids. It was unnecessary and wrong. I have many reasons to be grateful to my father, but those violent parenting techniques aren't amongst them. He was wrong, he knows he was wrong...closed chapter.

 

I don't think that venting one's own anger and issues is generally an ideal way to discipline a child or teen. Not that there's anything wrong with reminding them now and again that adults too are human...but that's something separate from discipline, which is about having a bit of presence and authority that enable you to command respect without having to resort to threats, physical violence or emotional blackmail. There are plenty of parents out there who manage to run a happy and generally quite harmonious home without the use of violence or endless drama-filled ranting sessions. The ones who, for whatever reason, can't create that kind of environment are most probably the ones whose children will end up in the biggest mess.

 

When I worked in a kid's home, I often worked shifts with a woman like that. Inevitably, with me being in my twenties and childless she would tell me how to do the job. Her way of doing it involved a lot of drama, screaming - and, when that didn't work, trying to extract sympathy from the children by telling them about her personal problems. She was a disaster. She'd made the mistake of believing that the act of childbirth gave her an automatic pass into fully fledged adulthood...and that she didn't need to work on herself as an adult beyond that. I think that dealing with teens can be an incredibly taxing and challenging task. One in which you learn a lot about people, and about yourself. About your own strengths and weaknesses.

 

That shift partner of mine wasn't open to learning anything. At the root of it all she lacked confidence (certainly she was forever looking for validation from the kids...even asking them, at times, which members of staff they liked best). If somebody lacks confidence to that extent, they're going to regard every learning opportunity they encounter as a threat to their self esteem rather than as a chance to keep growing.

[goldmoon]

According to my recent research on the topic, it is considered normal that children make mistakes and slapping them is *never* the solution.

To put it shortly: if it is only physical abuse that could "keep you in line", then you cannot be kept in line, period.

 

In many cases teens just try out more adult things, just like they experimented with "touching fire" when they were kids. In a normal family a wise parent takes an event like this as what it is, an accident.

 

Getting drunk is mostly a crime against yourself. Now you know why - because you lose control, because you make wrong choices and use the wrong words. Because getting drunk is not fun: it's against your mental and physical health - so by doing so you abuse yourself in the first place

 

But you are still a child, and making mistakes like this is not the end of the world.

 

If I were your mother that's what I would tell you. I would apologise that I hit you and would give you a big hug. I would sit down and ask you how come that this happened? What went wrong? Why and how did you get drunk? How come I couldn't explain it to you better how to avoid this? What else happened during that party and how could you have avoided this to happen? And how to make sure that this would never happen again?

And of course I would ask you to give your word of honour and promise it would never happen again.

 

BUT: There is a big difference between a one-time mistake and a consistent behavioural pattern. If you would keep behaving the same way, either for "fun" or for other reasons, that's another story. If you come from a dysfunctional family with toxic parents, that is yet another story. In either of the latter cases family therapy may help you and your parents to get to the deep reasons of the family dysfunction and to start recovery.

Edited July 25, 2011 by goldmoon

[Crabbies]

I know this has already past but I just wanted you to know how lucky you are. Oh you kids today got it easy. I mean easy. I can recall every object my cousins got beat with. I never had it as bad as them since I behaved but... smh. You youngsters are so blessed to have good parents. You will never know what a construction belt feels like. Forget a regular belt. Especially the shower beating when you didn't know it was coming and you thought you got away with it. You will never know what its like to be beat with a hose. A freaking green water hose... left welts all over my cousins body. He never played drums again on a class desk, smh. Some will never know what a extension cord or phone cord feels like. Other's who were born in a certain environment knows what it's like to pick out a stick of your choice for your beating. Picking up a thin branch won't work either. Got to pick up a thick one and bring it to your parents to beat your butt with it.

 

Oh today's young. No more Yes Ma'am, Yes Sir, No Ma'am, No Sir. Just back talk. SMH. Todays youth go hug your Mom and Dad and tell them thank you. Thank you for not beating the life out of me and not awarding me to the State. Yes some parents use that as the last resort... sign on the dotted line. Goodbye! You are now the states problem. Get on your knees and thank your god for you are blessed. LOL! The sad part is back in the day kids got all that torture for doing simple things. Not as massive as the kids do today. Go figure.

 

Dear Cousin Emma,

 

I thought you were right about everything you wrote...

but now, I think you're wrong..

Young people should run everything.

Family meeting tonight discuss the handover of power-share equalising process with the kids...

I'll quit my job, then they can take over the mortgage payments, clothing, grocery utilities bills, also all the insurance, investments etc.

They can make all the money and decisions...

I fully entrust their innate abilities to take care of everything.

Who needs experience?

 

I'm off to do finger-painting and later algebra, this time I will concentrate... Woo-hoo!

[bentnotbroken]

Dear Cousin Emma,

 

I thought you were right about everything you wrote...

but now, I think you're wrong..

Young people should run everything.

Family meeting tonight discuss the handover of power-share equalising process with the kids...

I'll quit my job, then they can take over the mortgage payments, clothing, grocery utilities bills, also all the insurance, investments etc.

They can make all the money and decisions...

I fully entrust their innate abilities to take care of everything.

Who needs experience?

 

I'm off to do finger-painting and later algebra, this time I will concentrate... Woo-hoo!

 

 

 

:lmao::lmao:

[turnera]

Funny indeed. Slap a kid while he's drunk and call him a brat!

At least some consequences - and don't try to convince me one slap in a lifetime is abuse, it won't fly - MAY teach a kid to think twice before becoming so drunk again that you don't even remember what you said.

 

Oh my god, don't you dare call a kid a brat! How will his precious psyche ever survive that mortal wound! The horror!

 

[turnera]

If I were your mother that's what I would tell you. I would apologise that I hit you and would give you a big hug. I would sit down and ask you how come that this happened? What went wrong? Why and how did you get drunk? How come I couldn't explain it to you better how to avoid this? What else happened during that party and how could you have avoided this to happen? And how to make sure that this would never happen again?

And of course I would ask you to give your word of honour and promise it would never happen again.

And according to KaReN, that's about what happened. It was a one-time deal, for BOTH of them, and they talked it out and, no doubt, both learned a great deal about themselves and each other.