My mother slapped me and I'm pissed

[bentnotbroken]

So because you pay the bills, you feel they owe you something and you will enforce your own rules/regulations regardless of what they feel/think? They did not ask to be born. Children owe nothing to their parents, that's what most people don't get. Children owe respect, acceptance, love just in the same way that parents owe their children these same feelings. What the problem is, though, is that we have a lot of parents still emotionally unstable raising kids of their own while not having dealt with their own, possibly hurtful childhood. That is why an abused child often becomes an abuser, mostimes not even knowing that he/she was abused or has become the abuser.

Some of you that are so harsh and quick to feel yourselves automatically 'superior' to your kids in really make me wonder...

 

@bentnotbroken, would you not rather find rules/regulations that your children find more reasonable, rather than maintain this stubborn stance that 'ny parents weren't the greatest, but it worked'? There's often a reason children feel wronged, however most parents will negate their feelings and simply look at their actions as 'disrespectful' while never looking deeper.

I honestly believe there are two types of children, those that accept their feelings and use them to become better, more caring human beings, and those that brush them off and continue the cycle of "hey, my kids don't like me, but they love me and they damn well will respect me'.

An open mind is needed when dealing with people, regardless of your relationship with them.

 

 

No they are adults....they owe me nothing. They are free to leave whenever they want to. We get along well and I enjoy their company they are great and interesting people. You were wronged. I have gone back and read some of your previous post. I get it. But not all parents are your parents. I have never had a desire to break the spirits of my children. I have never felt like destroying them mentally, spiritually or physically. That is the situation you (and thousands of others) grew up in. But not every child did.

 

I am not now, never have been or never will be a perfect parent. I agree with your statement on hurting people hurt those they love. Again, the OP did not state issues of abuse or battery. She said it wasn't a usual occurrence. I know you are young and hurting. May wish for you is that you get some guidance to help you navigate these complex emotions and issues that you have stemming from a definitely unhealthy upbringing.

 

My children, like I, don't just use words of respect and love....their actions speak louder than any word they could say. I do maintain MY house rules. It is what I expect to happen in my home. When ever those rules become too cumbersome, I will help them search for the right place for them, furnish it, maybe even pay a bill or two..for them to live the way they need and see fit. That is what raising healthy adults is about. By the way, both my children are older than you. They have jobs, go out with friends, have friends over and in school...they are well adjusted. So I did something right, if not perfectly. I wish the best for you.

[bentnotbroken]

It's amazing how many people are saying her Mom was right to slap her. Most people with common sense would know not to pick an argument with someone who is drunk, as Taramere rightfully said. Wait until morning, when they are already feeling their punishment.

 

People seem to be forgetting who is the adult in this situation. Her Mom is the adult, thus it is up to her to get in damn control of herself, and the situation. You don't go slapping someone for whatever reason.

 

Would you all say the same if a woman called a man a c*nt and he hit her?

 

 

We aren't talking about a man and a woman, but a child and a parent. I don't' know if her mother was right or wrong. What I know is the situation was out of control and that was contributed to by the OP who is 16 not 4 and knows right from wrong. It is an unfortunate incident that shouldn't have happened but the OP needs to realize that there are and always will be consequences to actions. If she feels abused she really should notify the authorities. I suspect she won't because she was under age drinking and no judge is going to let her get away without consequences to those actions.

 

If a slap is the the worse got instead of raped, injured or killed, then she is indeed blessed.

[DaisyLeigh]

My inlaws raised 12 children. They were all spanked. They are all productive, law-abiding adults, who love their parents. Not ONE of them would have DARED to do as the OP has done. In my home, I would have never come home drunk and smarted off to my mom. I was also spanked as a child. I love my mom dearly. So, obviously, I don't buy that all spanking is abuse. IF that were true, my husband and his sibs would hate their parents, wouldn't they?

 

I don't know. Maybe the slap was wrong, but the teen was wrong to do what she did as well. I am damn tired of the notion that kids have rights to behave any way they want, and the parents should just suck it up and say, "that's okay honey". Sure, kids can be rebellious. My 13 year old son tries to tell me about all of his "rights". I told him that if he doesn't like our rules, that, when he is 18, he is free to leave and pay his own way and make his own rules. That usually makes him think about how good he has it.

 

Yes, kids do owe their parents respect. Maybe they didn't ask to be born, but that does not excuse them from acting decently and showing appreciation for those who pay their bills and keep a roof over their heads and food in the belly.

[Eve]

It's amazing how many people are saying her Mom was right to slap her. Most people with common sense would know not to pick an argument with someone who is drunk, as Taramere rightfully said. Wait until morning, when they are already feeling their punishment.

 

People seem to be forgetting who is the adult in this situation. Her Mom is the adult, thus it is up to her to get in damn control of herself, and the situation. You don't go slapping someone for whatever reason.

 

Would you all say the same if a woman called a man a c*nt and he hit her?

 

Strange comparison. Why use that scenario? Why not stick to what happened? I could transplant any situation but really we are talking about an adult-child relationship. Ok, does this mean that you and others feel that the adult-child relationship is an equal one?

 

I don't think it is.

 

H'mmm.. I think some things are passion based and that's it really. Unsavoury and not PC but this can happen in a child-adult relationship.

 

Ok, methinks that there is a 'professional view' of things that it valuable but it is important to remember that human behaviour is not always so objective. The Mum does not sound to be a person to lose it on a regular basis and both parties have moved on.

 

I suppose I would caution too hard a 'professional view'. For example, in the well read case of the missing child Madeline McCann, the parents were said to have completed a 'risk assessment' before leaving their children. This seems to have been readily accepted by many as sufficient in the situation, which we all know is still unresolved. I fear that many try and transplant a 'professional stance' to many things in ones personal life and end up missing the real challenges being faced. That gets glossed over in a strangely matter of fact way that does not do justice to the situation.

 

Hence I keep an open mind.

 

No, Mum should not have hit the OP but who knows, maybe the reaction was Mums way of stating that enough is enough, such was her disgust? Something as described WILL have a history that the OP is unlikely to tell.

 

A personal reflection - I did not slap my 16 year old when she was in the heights of her naughtiness. She seemed to have sense enough to call me when she was drunk and had sneakily travelled over to a very dodgy location, with other dodgy teens who simply are working their way to Prison.. Hubby got me there in record time as I was sure I would have crashed in getting there, such was my concern. If she had called me various names at the point of my seeing her in THAT state.. I cannot say how I would have reacted, which makes me feel sick.

 

What matters to me is that my teen learned her lesson without any long term damage happening.

 

So, I cannot condone what was done but I would not fall heavily on the side of those who feel the teen was wronged in a criminal sense. I also would not advocate this sense of 'professional oversight' as being at all relevant, unless there was history of Mum using slaps on a regular basis and generally being a psycho.

 

Nope, the young person is not neglected, nor abused. Serves her right. Don't do it again, neither of you.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Disclaimer -

 

*The internet is a funny medium and not all things said can be expressed as easily as in real life. As such, when I speak about 'professionalisms' etc this is not meant as a slight against a member who has posted. Rather this was used as an expression of an idea that I am trying to convey, probably not too well but hey. I say this as I do not want this thread to be concerned with finding hate, where there is no hate as is the usual path of such emotionally based topics*

[bentnotbroken]

I understand that she was underage drinking, but since when did two wrongs make a right? Since when did slapping someone become an acceptable method of handling a situation? Her Mom should have controlled the situation far better than that, instead of yelling at a drunk teen and making the problem worse.

 

Teens get drunk (not all) it happens. I'm not saying OP was right to underage drink, but then again, I did when I was her age. Not a great amount, but still.

 

 

I also tried drinking and some other not so nice things at her age. I stand by my opinion and that is the great thing about this site. Two wrongs don't make a right. Two misguided acts can be overcome. There is not pattern of abuse here, just an instance where things went a little wonky.

[bentnotbroken]

Also I find it funny(when my own children do it too)that the some people think that because you are a parent you are not supposed to have any emotions and think with a level head all the time...even when we are afraid or angry. Not gonna happen. There are times when we lose it. We are overwhelmed, over worked and just plain afraid of what "might happen". This can lead to the situation that happened with OP. I suspect that she has also held back some pertinent info to the mom's reaction. Most kids(and adults) do when they want to present themselves in the best light possible.

[Eve]

I don't think OP was wronged in a criminal sense, but I do feel that a lot of people are looking past the idea that if her Mom is the adult, she ought to have control of the situation. In slapping her daughter, she lost said control. While I understand impulses etc, I think her Mom goaded the flames by yelling at her while she was intoxicated.

Why use that scenario? Why classify a child inequal to a parent? There I was thinking all humans were equal....

 

Why say that her Mum goaded her?

 

H'mm.. These things can get tricky indeed!

 

I don't like the FACT that the drunkeness is washed over and Mums reaction is highlighted as being in the wrong. Kids love that **** and really who could have helped Mum, right then?

 

Eduction is SO important but there is a growing trend that lends to blame the person who has to deal with this **** and see the person who has been a dick as some sort of 'victim'.

 

Victim my arse.

 

I adore the very ground my children walk on. I LOVE THEM SO VERY VERY much.. but I am the original in this relationship and they do answer to me. **** with me too much and you'll see a whole new world..

 

I don't play. This is my childs LIFE we are talking about, not a concept! No one cares about her like me. I ADORE HER.

 

Anyhow, daughter is now on track. Those kids who she used to hang out with are out in the world alone now as their parents kicked them out. Most of them have abused their parents for a long time and thankfully this is now being recognised as Domestic Violence against the parent.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[bentnotbroken]

Why say that her Mum goaded her?

 

H'mm.. These things can get tricky indeed!

 

I don't like the FACT that the drunkeness is washed over and Mums reaction is highlighted as being in the wrong. Kids love that **** and really who could have helped Mum, right then?

 

Eduction is SO important but there is a growing trend that lends to blame the person who has to deal with this **** and see the person who has been a dick as some sort of 'victim'.

 

Victim my arse.

 

I adore the very ground my children walk on. I LOVE THEM SO VERY VERY much.. but I am the original in this relationship and they do answer to me. **** with me too much and you'll see a whole new world..

 

I don't play. This is my childs LIFE we are talking about, not a concept! No one cares about her like me. I ADORE HER.

 

Anyhow, daughter is now on track. Those kids who she used to hang out with are out in the world alone now as their parents kicked them out. Most of them have abused their parents for a long time and thankfully this is now being recognised as Domestic Violence against the parent.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

:laugh::laugh:You and I feel the same way on this. If my child does something that society deems inappropriate...like drinking and driving and killing another....the first response would be, "where are the parents?". If I am to be held responsible for you behavior legally until you are 18 and morally for the rest of my life, you can bet your sweet Sally Mae's panties, I will do what it takes to make sure family and socially responsibility are learned in my home.

[turnera]

To the person who said "she grew up the old way", there is no "old way". Old way seems to be one of the typical excuses parents use for abuse. There is none.

 

Spoken like a 20-something!

 

Here is MY old way: the way of the 60s and 70s:

 

Old: When a teacher calls a parent and tells the parent that Sally misbehaved, the parent apologizes to the teacher and ensures her that Sally's dad will provide punishment for her misbehaving. And he does.

New: When a teacher calls a parent and tells the parent that Sally misbehaved, the parent cusses the teacher out and says 'Not MY baby, MY baby doesn't do ANYTHING wrong.' Then Sally goes back to school next day and does something even worse.

 

Old: When Sally goes to a party she was told not to go to, and gets caught drunk, AND at the party, the parent grounds Sally, and gives her a month of extra chores to do, so that she can reflect on why she got punished, and will be less likely to do it again; the price was too high.

New: When Sally goes to a party and gets drunk, instead of punishing Sally, the parent calls the police on the other kid's parents for allowing the party. And does nothing to Sally.

 

Old: When Sally steals a handbag at a store and gets caught, the parent takes Sally AND the handbag back to the store, makes her apologize, and makes her work for free for a month to make up for the offense.

New: When Sally steals a handbag and gets caught, the parent SUES the store for harrassment and does nothing to Sally.

 

Small wonder kids have no fear today. And no respect.

[Crabbies]

It's amazing how many people are saying her Mom was right to slap her. Most people with common sense would know not to pick an argument with someone who is drunk, as Taramere rightfully said. Wait until morning, when they are already feeling their punishment.

 

People seem to be forgetting who is the adult in this situation. Her Mom is the adult, thus it is up to her to get in damn control of herself, and the situation. You don't go slapping someone for whatever reason.

 

Would you all say the same if a woman called a man a c*nt and he hit her?

 

You realize you're comparing

• a random adult female interaction with an unknown male
  
• to 16 yr old daughter's interaction with her mother.
  

It's a shockingly bad comparison.

the comparison of children to dogs is however, much more accurate regardless of how distasteful it may sound to some people...

[Crabbies]

Except that dogs are less troublesome, infinitely more loyal, and mostly grateful for all they receive...

[turnera]

Teens get drunk (not all) it happens. I'm not saying OP was right to underage drink, but then again, I did when I was her age. Not a great amount, but still.

Did you get so drunk that you forgot what you did? Did you call your mom the C word? If so, did you get punished? You should have. It's a parent's job to teach a child that, if you cross lines, you get consequences. So that, when they are out on their own, they think twice before doing something stupid like, say, calling the hostess at the bar the C word, in which case she may end up beaten up, arrested, sued, or worse. A parent's #1 job is to keep a child safe and alive; #2 is to raise them with values, morals, and a drive to make a good living and have a good life. Punishment is sometimes required to achieve both these aims, so the child learns them now, with lesser consequences, compared to getting the bigger ones in adulthood.

 

OP said her mother didn't normally slap her; there IS no abuse; only a reaction to fear of her daughter getting raped or killed as well as shock and despair at what she feared her daughter was turning into. Those of you who think the mother did some horrible thing...come back in 20 years after you've raised YOUR teenagers, and let us know how your permissiveness worked.

[turnera]

Why classify a child inequal to a parent? There I was thinking all humans were equal....

Because a child's brain doesn't stop developing until around the age of 25; before then, a child is less capable of making logical, helpful, long-term decisions because their brain simply does not support that level of thinking yet and they haven't had an equivalent level of experience against which to judge decisions. They are NOT equal.

[Emme]

I end up crying, not from the slap itself but the fact she never hit me.

 

To make a long story short I got wasted and well it created an argument. She started yelling in my face and so in my drunkard state of mind, I yelled back. It was in one of those moment, one word (the next day she told me I had used the C word on her) slipped from me and it happened so fast. She slapped me so hard, I almost lost my balance.

 

I just started crying and said Mom, you never hit me, I hate you, I hate then just headed to my room.

We're gonna talk about this later on and well she feels kind of bad too for doing this.

This is normally not the way I act out and never was. I was drunk at that moment.

 

The right side of my face is still red from the slap. Should I still be upset because I am?

 

I know this has already past but I just wanted you to know how lucky you are. Oh you kids today got it easy. I mean easy. I can recall every object my cousins got beat with. I never had it as bad as them since I behaved but... smh. You youngsters are so blessed to have good parents. You will never know what a construction belt feels like. Forget a regular belt. Especially the shower beating when you didn't know it was coming and you thought you got away with it. You will never know what its like to be beat with a hose. A freaking green water hose... left welts all over my cousins body. He never played drums again on a class desk, smh. Some will never know what a extension cord or phone cord feels like. Other's who were born in a certain environment knows what it's like to pick out a stick of your choice for your beating. Picking up a thin branch won't work either. Got to pick up a thick one and bring it to your parents to beat your butt with it.

 

Oh today's young. No more Yes Ma'am, Yes Sir, No Ma'am, No Sir. Just back talk. SMH. Todays youth go hug your Mom and Dad and tell them thank you. Thank you for not beating the life out of me and not awarding me to the State. Yes some parents use that as the last resort... sign on the dotted line. Goodbye! You are now the states problem. Get on your knees and thank your god for you are blessed. LOL! The sad part is back in the day kids got all that torture for doing simple things. Not as massive as the kids do today. Go figure.

[carhill]

Small wonder kids have no fear today. And no respect.

 

I call them 'air bag' kids.

 

A bit different than facing the metal dash of a '56 Olds without any seat belt at all. Mom had a strong arm

[KaReNine]

I know this has already past but I just wanted you to know how lucky you are. Oh you kids today got it easy. I mean easy. I can recall every object my cousins got beat with. I never had it as bad as them since I behaved but... smh. You youngsters are so blessed to have good parents. You will never know what a construction belt feels like. Forget a regular belt. Especially the shower beating when you didn't know it was coming and you thought you got away with it. You will never know what its like to be beat with a hose. A freaking green water hose... left welts all over my cousins body. He never played drums again on a class desk, smh. Some will never know what a extension cord or phone cord feels like. Other's who were born in a certain environment knows what it's like to pick out a stick of your choice for your beating. Picking up a thin branch won't work either. Got to pick up a thick one and bring it to your parents to beat your butt with it.

Oh dear sorry to hear that. That's definitely child abuse. Is he doing alright? I guess I would have probably been in a mental hospital in that case. No way any sane person can still love someone (much less a parent) beating them like that.

 

I know of some of my friends that told me about getting spanked with a hand at early ages but that's about it. Nothing comparing to what you just described.

 

Oh today's young. No more Yes Ma'am, Yes Sir, No Ma'am, No Sir. Just back talk. SMH. Todays youth go hug your Mom and Dad and tell them thank you. Thank you for not beating the life out of me and not awarding me to the State. Yes some parents use that as the last resort... sign on the dotted line. Goodbye! You are now the states problem. Get on your knees and thank your god for you are blessed. LOL! The sad part is back in the day kids got all that torture for doing simple things. Not as massive as the kids do today. Go figure.

It would be weird telling my mom yes ma'am. That could be used on a teacher or a woman I don't know. But yes you're right... I gotta be thankful for not ever getting belts nor spanked at all (I guess that's why it took me by surprised when she slapped me because she usually knows how to handle things without ever losing her temper and always said violence solves nothing). We both still hold the same believe, we're still don't believe in spanking. The irony is my mother's parents were spankers but she went against it. Edited July 24, 2011 by KaReNine

[Emme]

Oh dear sorry to hear that. That's definitely child abuse. Is he doing alright? I guess I would have probably been in a mental hospital in that case. No way any sane person can still love someone (much less a parent) beating them like that.

 

I know of some of my friends that told me about getting spanked with a hand at early ages but that's about it. Nothing comparing to what you just described.

 

To some people that is not abuse. He is a grown man in the US Military. He grew up to have respect and have manners. He tells his own kids about his beatings and tell them be happy he's not as stern. His father had zero tolerance, ZERO. I remember I use to cry for him. He could hardly sit when it was over. That was the norm for people of a certain generation and culture. Brutal.

 

 

It would be weird telling my mom yes ma'am. That could be used on a teacher or a woman I don't know. But yes you're right... I gotta be thankful for not ever getting belts nor spanked at all (I guess that's why it took me by surprised when she slapped me because she usually knows how to handle things without ever losing her temper). We both still hold the same believe, we're still don't believe in spanking. The irony is my mother's parents were spankers but she went against it.

 

Using those terms is a sign of respect. You would never converse as though you were on the same level as your elder. If you do not pay the rent/mortgage, food, utilities and other bills, have a seat. You are not my equal. It's called having manners back in the day. It's not a term used today that much, it depends on your location. Your mother could have raised you how she was raised. You are more than lucky. I don't believe in time out, I believe in spanking. I despise disrespectful children. My mother was the disciplinarian and all my father had to do was the stare. The look of shame, disappointment, and I wish you would! Tears would roll down my face. He never had to hit me.

 

Here's a story, I am a grown woman now. I remember I was 18 (Most adults have this story).... I thought I was grown and I talked back to my mother. I made her feel insignificant with my words. I didn't curse at all but I was being fresh. She's a like 4' and I'm 6'. All I remember seeing was my mothers hand reach up from no where and my jaw felt a slap that was brutal. This is a tiny woman. To this day my bedroom door still has the cracked paint in it when I went to my room and slammed the door. That crack will forever be a reminder. I was angry and I was mad. When I calmed down I knew I was in the wrong. I apologized for upsetting her and making her feel small. To this day that slap reminds me that I am not too old to get my ass handed back to me. Watch what you say and your tonality.

 

You might not remember, fine. Control your drinking. But when you're in the wrong you're in the wrong. All parents want is the best for their children. They want no harm to come to them so they protect them with every breath. Appreciate that, that's all I'm saying. Many are born to parents who don't care. They have absolutely no structure. Appreciate her for all the good, throw this out the window. Apologize and don't do it ever again.

[Taramere]

she usually knows how to handle things without ever losing her temper and always said violence solves nothing). We both still hold the same believe, we're still don't believe in spanking. The irony is my mother's parents were spankers but she went against it.

 

Yes, but she lost her temper and sometimes people go against their own beliefs when they lose their temper. It'll happen to you as well, at some points in your life. Despite having strong views about what the right thing to do is, strong emotions will get the better of you. It happens to everybody at some point.

 

Have the two of you managed to sort things out yet? Did you apologise for the drunkenness and abusive language? Did your mother apologise for the slap? I would think that regardless of what people are saying along the lines of "you deserved it....there's nothing wrong with a slap" etc, from what you're saying that's not the approach your mother generally uses or believes in. So she's probably feeling pretty bad about this.

 

If you haven't taken the initiative to apologise yet, today - Sunday, traditionally a family day - might be a good time to do it. If you give a full, unconditional apology without demanding one in return, the chances are you'll get a heartfelt apology back about the slap. An apology like that isn't just an apology to the other person. It's an admission that you let yourself down, and an apology to yourself for that.

[Eve]

:laugh::laugh:You and I feel the same way on this. If my child does something that society deems inappropriate...like drinking and driving and killing another....the first response would be, "where are the parents?". If I am to be held responsible for you behavior legally until you are 18 and morally for the rest of my life, you can bet your sweet Sally Mae's panties, I will do what it takes to make sure family and socially responsibility are learned in my home.[/QUOTE]

 

Yep, that is just how it is for me too! People are soon to blame the parent!

 

Thankfully we can now joke with our daughter about that day!

 

What bothered her most was that her so called friends 'forgot' where they put her brand new Blackberry phone ..

 

Not being able to go on Facebook until she located the phone was punishment beyond the total lockdown regime she had to do for six weeks. Still, in this time I bought the 'LOST' boxset and we bonded again over that...

 

Telling you, 'LOST' saved our relationship. Anything could have happened to her that day and I would have been forever broken. It was after that incident that she finally decided to stop being bad. To be honest I think having her phone stolen was the catalyst more than being on lockdown or owt that I said.

 

I must add that I really do feel sorry for the poster who speaks about what is very clearly abuse. Sorry to hear..

 

OP, I hope this site may be useful to your Mum. I am glad you are ok.

 

http://familylives.org.uk/gotateenager

 

Take care,

Eve x

Edited July 24, 2011 by Eve

[turnera]

Using those terms is a sign of respect. You would never converse as though you were on the same level as your elder. If you do not pay the rent/mortgage, food, utilities and other bills, have a seat. You are not my equal. It's called having manners back in the day. It's not a term used today that much, it depends on your location. Your mother could have raised you how she was raised. You are more than lucky. I don't believe in time out, I believe in spanking. I despise disrespectful children. My mother was the disciplinarian and all my father had to do was the stare. The look of shame, disappointment, and I wish you would! Tears would roll down my face. He never had to hit me.

To those of you who think there WAS no 'good old day'...THIS was the good old day. You said ma'am to ANY woman who was older than you simply because she WAS older than you and therefore deserved your respect. You never even questioned it. And you knew that any person older than you was there for you, to help you, if you needed it. Barring abusive people, of course. Having that unspoken respect for your elders brought kids a sense of comfort, of knowing someone had your back, that the buck didn't stop with you. I think today's kids have a sense of dread, and don't know why. IMO, THIS is why. The parents didn't do their job and left the kids to figure out how to navigate.

 

Here's a story, I am a grown woman now. I remember I was 18 (Most adults have this story).... I thought I was grown and I talked back to my mother. I made her feel insignificant with my words. I didn't curse at all but I was being fresh. She's a like 4' and I'm 6'. All I remember seeing was my mothers hand reach up from no where and my jaw felt a slap that was brutal. This is a tiny woman. To this day my bedroom door still has the cracked paint in it when I went to my room and slammed the door. That crack will forever be a reminder. I was angry and I was mad. When I calmed down I knew I was in the wrong. I apologized for upsetting her and making her feel small. To this day that slap reminds me that I am not too old to get my ass handed back to me. Watch what you say and your tonality.

Most of us older people have moments like that because we KNEW that we owed our elders respect and we knew that, if we abused that respect, we disappointed them. There was nothing worse than disappointing your parents; it was the one thing that kept me in line the most. Many younger people don't have that little conscience in the back of their heads because their parents told them (and showed the world) they could do no wrong, they were perfect, they were special. How can you navigate the world when you think it owes you everything?

[Dooda]

In the 'good old days' people were racist, and homophobic and would beat their pets. In the good old days black people had to sit at the back of the bus.

We can keep talking about these 'good old days', but things have changed. Fear does not equal respect. In the good old days, parents could do and act however they wanted and the kids would have to follow. Kids could get beaten with anything lying around the house, and this was considered discipline?

IMO, just because someone is older does not mean they automatically deserve respect. This is called generalization, and is the same mentality racists use. Just because someone is Indian, they're cheap, or just because someone is black, they're probably involved in crime...

Ahhhh, the good old days, when I couldn't sit down for a week because I missed the bus... Brings joyful tears to my eyes.

I wish kids lived in more fear than they do now. After all, how can we create a new generation of conforming children who will turn into conforming adults without striking fear into their hearts? *sarcasm*

You people are sick.

Some people don't consider being beaten with a garden hose abuse? What world do you live in?

Going back on topic.

No one ever said that the OP wasn't wrong. What we're contemplating, however, is whether or not the mother's actions were right. They were not. If a kid gets angry at his parents, and swears at them, he's wrong. In the same way, the parent, the teacher, should be accountable for his/her actions. Yes, parents are humans too, and they lose control, but it should be clear that when the parent loses control due to his/her own fears/insecurities it is in no way the child's fault. The mother was completely wrong, just as the daughter was completely wrong. Both sides were in the wrong. However, some of you believe that parents are somehow less accountable for their actions towards their children. No.

"A child's psyche continues to develop up till the age of 25" and yet you expect these kids to act with complete maturity at the age of 16, and if not a brutal slap is needed.

Kids owe nothing to 'older people'. Respect is a 2 way road. Adults feel entitled to their younger counterparts' 'respect'. Now, that's what I call a sense of entitlement.

I have 0 respect for 'adults' who beat their kids. I have 0 respect for adults who feel 'entitled' to 'respect' while giving none in return.

I think what the younger generation is realizing now, through the internet, and other means of communication, is that they have more rights and freedom than they were taught to believe they had. Kids were taught that they were inferior to adults, and the cycle would continue when these children became adults.

Well see where this takes us. Its not like the world was any better in the lovely, marvellous, good ol' days. In the good ol days, 2 world wars happened. In the good ol days, disease was much more triumphant. Yea, let's go back to the good ol days, when people wouldn't live up to 50 years, and black people had to sit in the back of the bus.

[bentnotbroken]

You are right about the maturation aspect. The frontal lobes aren't fully developed until around age 25. So as not to dismiss as a person with feelings that were shaped by some pissy situations, I will defer to the fact you aren't 25 yet nor a parent. I respectfully move on. To the OP. Your later posts show you do understand that your mom was acting out of character as you say you were. I do hope you to move on from this with a greater respect and appreciation for each other.

 

By the way dooda, some people are still racist and bad things still happen to people who are gay.

Edited July 24, 2011 by bentnotbroken

[Dooda]

B

You are right about the maturation aspect. The frontal lobes aren't fully developed until around age 25. So as not to dismiss as a person with feelings that were shaped by some pissy situations, I will defer to the fact you aren't 25 yet nor a parent. I respectfully move on. To the OP. Your later posts show you do understand that your mom was acting out of character as you say you were. I do hope you to move on from this with a greater respect and appreciation for each other.

 

By the way dooda, some people are still racist and bad things still happen to people who are gay.

 

But that's changing, isn't it?

The fact that I am young has nothing to do with anything. Wrong is wrong, and right is right. Some parents feel it is right to slap a drunken 16 year old who is not in her right mind with enough force to knock her to the ground. There's no need to continually implicate to my age or my past.

[bentnotbroken]

B

 

But that's changing, isn't it?

The fact that I am young has nothing to do with anything. Wrong is wrong, and right is right. Some parents feel it is right to slap a drunken 16 year old who is not in her right mind with enough force to knock her to the ground. There's no need to continually implicate to my age or my past.

 

 

Yet that is what you did to each poster who was older and had more life experience. You dismissed their thoughts and opinions as something that is no longer relevant because of their age. You also dismissed their parenting skills because they were different than the your parents skills or lack there of. No racism isn't changing in the way that will allow it to no longer be an issue, nor is homophobia. It is better disguised, depending on what part of the world live in. There is ethnic violence perpetrated everyday. Turn on the news if you doubt that to be the case.

 

The fact that you are young and inexperienced in places that other posters have experience is just as relevant if you were a newly minted HS graduate trying to tell his college professor(DR. DICK OR JANE) who to be successful in their field of study or write a dissertation. You simply have no experience in the area, therefore you opinions are based on your limited experience of being a child that was mistreated horribly and conjecture.

 

Granted if you are blessed to live to be a parent(if you so desire) or even just to age gracefully you will find out that you didn't know everything at the age you are now and probably won't when you die. We all live to learn, or at least we should. But somethings that have already been accomplished lend themselves to have a certain amount hard earned knowledge and wisdom. There are no perfect children or parents. It really is that simple.

[DaisyLeigh]

You are right about the maturation aspect. The frontal lobes aren't fully developed until around age 25. So as not to dismiss as a person with feelings that were shaped by some pissy situations, I will defer to the fact you aren't 25 yet nor a parent. I respectfully move on. To the OP. Your later posts show you do understand that your mom was acting out of character as you say you were. I do hope you to move on from this with a greater respect and appreciation for each other.

 

By the way dooda, some people are still racist and bad things still happen to people who are gay.

 

 

If their brains are not developed then WHY do we allow teen mothers to keep their babies instead of giving them up for adoption? Or allow 21 yr olds to drink? Or send 18 yr olds to war?