My journal on trying to improve my life

[Ross MwcFan]

I don't know, Ross. I think you did fine.

So, you had a Human Moment. It happens.

 

We all get into funks of feeling insecure about one thing or another.

The way you handled it seems good. You identified it. Talked about it. Then stepped away from it for awhile. You revisited it later and weighed its validity.

I'd say be more compassionate with yourself.

You did just fine.

 

Thanks.

 

Love the new avvy btw.

[Ross MwcFan]

Hi Ross,

 

So I managed to catch up on your thread. Nice one!

 

Re. the down days. Yeah, happens to even the best of us. I still wake up with a knot in my stomach from the constant realisation that my ex is with someone else.

 

But such is life.

 

One of my firends actually recommended a link to a gratitude site: http://happyrambles.com/ It looks a bit girlie, but don't let that put you off! What it does is sends you an email everyday asking you to name things that you have been grateful for during that day.

 

Similar to your CBT exercise really. So when you are having a down day, you can read back over the stuff you've recorded and it should help to put things back into perspective.

 

Also, have you tried mindfulness meditation? I don't know if they are that much different to hypnosis audios, but the one that I've found useful is "The Mindful Way Through Depression".

 

Thanks for the link. I've never heard of mindfulness meditation.

 

Btw, just keep in mind that the knot feeling and thinking about your ex will get less and less over time, until you will be back to your old self again.

 

I know it's obvious, but I think when we're feeling bad we over look that, it's as though we're thinking we're going to feel the way we feel forever. Reminding yourself that each day will get easier does help.

[TrueColors]

Thanks Ross.

 

Yeah, it's all to do with mindset. Usually I tell myself that I'll get through it. But I know it runs deeper than that, and it's not really to do with my ex but how I feel about myself in general.

 

Anyway...

 

Mindfulness Meditation basically fuses meditative techniques (focussing on your breath) with being mindful: being aware of what you are feeling - not resisting your thoughts - but just letting them wash over you until they no longer have such a strong 'hold' on you.

 

That's the aim anyway: to not let our thoughts attach itself to emotions, but at the same time not resisting that you are having these thoughts. The idea is that usually resistance of thoughts (e.g. I must not feel this way) causes more pain anyway.

 

It takes practice, though - hell it's taking me ages to focus! But what I like about the program is that it addresses this and re-assures you that it's absolutely normal in the beginning and you eventually get the hang of it.

[Ross MwcFan]

Sorry with the lack of any meaningful updates. I'm just having to wait until the end of ths month to go to the clinic before I can do anything else as far as progressing my life is concerned.

 

Anyway, got my new trainers today and I think they're awsome.

 

Since yesterday I've been on a negative thought fast, and will be on it for the next 2 weeks. It's a good way of becoming more positive and less negative.

 

Here's how it works,

 

Whenever I feel bad about anything or find myself continualy focusing on something unresourceful, I'm going to stop and follow these 4 easy steps...

 

1. Allow an image to come to mind. Every feeling that you have is created by an internal picture or sound in your mind.

 

2. If it's something that's going to happen in the future. Find out what's the intention of the image. Negative emotions are only signals to let you know something, and my mind will be just trying to alert me that things may go wrong.

 

3. Think of all the things you can do to stop those problems from occuring. If you can't think of anything then just go onto step 4.

 

4. Step out of the image, drain all the colour out of it, shrink it and move it off into the distance.

 

If it comes back then just do step 4 again.

Edited July 6, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[denise_xo]

You're awesome, Ross. You're doing such great work.

[thehead]

You got balls, kid. Keep it up.

[Ross MwcFan]

Thanks mate.

 

Well, at last, today I went to the clinic to get my vocal cords looked at because of there being something wrong with my voice.

 

I had a camera shoved up through my nose and down my throat, which is probably the most discomfort I've ever felt, and it made me eyes water.

 

Thankfully they didn't find anything wrong.

 

He suggested that maybe my throat is just too dry and I should drink more water.

 

He also said another cause might be low levels of calcium in my body. So I took a blood test.

 

In 2 weeks I'll be making an appointment with the doc to see the results.

 

I'm thinking that another possible cause could be the meds I'm on making my throat too dry.

 

Btw, driving on longer and more complex journeys has been going great too.

[Ross MwcFan]

Just had a really bad experience while driving, I'm crying as I'm writng this.

 

Some ****ing ******* had a big van parked on a main road, he was stood on the pavement at the side of it with a stop sign in his hand.

 

I didn't know whether I was supposed to stop or not, as I thought he would be out in the road. I didn't realise that it said go on the other side either.

 

I thought if I do stop and I'm not supposed to I'll be waiting there for no reason holding all the traffic up behind me and pissing them off.

 

As I moved into position to drive around the van, I saw there was no traffic coming, and I drove around it.

 

The man suddenly dived out in front of me with his sign and started totally ranting at me (my windows were open).

 

He looked so pissed off.

 

Shouting stuff like 'what are you doing?!' and 'can't you see there's work vehicles parked there, you just can't go around them'.

 

I said 'I didn't realise I was supposed to stop. How am I supposed to get past the vehicles if I can't go around them?'

 

He ended up turning the sign around for me to go, and as I began to drive off he called me an idiot.

 

I felt so annnoyed, why was he being like this with me? I didn't realise, it was a genuine mistake, why be so rude to me and hostile and call me names? So I told him to **** off.

 

Now I just feel like I've lost all motivation with making any more progress in my life. I don't want to if this is the sort of **** that I have to put up with.

 

I feel like complete crap. And it's going to be extreamly hard for me to bounce back from this, that's if I ever can.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[thehead]

It's hard to picture exactly the set up, but my first thought was why was dude standing on the side of the road?

 

When there's construction going on, the sign holder stands in an obvious place to block traffic from going through.

 

If you can't see around the truck to see what's happening, what you did is understandable.

I might have done the same thing not knowing it was construction.

 

Anyway, don't let this stop your progress. As serious as it feels, it's actually not a big deal and it didn't result in anyone getting hurt.

 

If I kept a log of driving mistakes I'd made, it'd be as long as my arm.

[denise_xo]

If I kept a log of driving mistakes I'd made, it'd be as long as my arm.

 

No kidding.

 

I agree with thehead, don't let this dipstick pull you down. I know it feels ****ty now, but give it a few days and it will all be forgotten. Onwards and upwards, my friend

[Ross MwcFan]

Have any of you ever been abused like I was?

 

I feel like I've lost all of my confidence. I've just spent about the last 3 and a half hours curled up on my bed with my eyes closed.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[Dorie]

Have any of you ever been abused like I was?

 

I feel like I've lost all of my confidence. I've just spent about the last 3 and a half hours curled up on my bed with my eyes closed.

 

Abused as described in this post, Ross? Or abused as a child? I know you experienced abuse growing up. Has this brought it up for you?

 

To you giving up. That's quite a bit of power to give to this man. You've handed him everything including the progress you've made and will make in the future. I say you snatch it back tomorrow when you're feeling better.

 

Edited to add: At times of such intense feelings, take care to contain them to the incident as much as possible. Do not allow them to engulf other areas of your life, wherein you come to rash conclusions. To decide no further progress can be made because of what happened, is to react disproportionately to the incident. That should be your first clue that your feelings have gotten the better of you.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Dorie

[amethyste]

At times of such intense feelings, take care to contain them to the incident as much as possible. Do not allow them to engulf other areas of your life, wherein you come to rash conclusions.

 

I totally agree with this; it's something I always try to keep in mind. Sometimes I get extremely angry out of nothing much (hee hee), but the good thing is that I calm down quickly.

Ross, I think it'd be superfluous to tell you that not everybody is nice & that things like this happen - but it's not the end of the world.

Please go back to being fine, eating pop corn & drinking beer. *hugs*

[Cracker Jack]

Ross, there will always be bumps in the road (no pun intended) like this. It's understandable that you're hurt, but as Dorie mentioned--you're giving way too much power to this stranger.

 

You're better than that, dude. Forget him. We all have to deal with ignorance. It's unfortunate, but most miserable people don't care about the feelings of other people. All you can do is keep on living your life.

 

Don't allow some random guy make you feel like you're nothing. Just understand that there will be days like this and continue to improve yourself.

[Ross MwcFan]

Thanks guys.

 

I'm feeling quite better now.

[betterdeal]

Have you watched Happy Go Lucky? It's a great film, and Poppy is like who you want to be, and will be.

 

Just like every achievement in life, it takes practice, that's all. You're putting the hours in now, and growing from these experiences. Keep taking it to your edge, and you'll find yourself getting there, inch by inch, day by day.

 

Keep it up my brother from another mother!

[thehead]

Thanks guys.

 

I'm feeling quite better now.

 

Good to hear, man. Don't let the haters win.

[denise_xo]

Thanks guys.

 

I'm feeling quite better now.

 

Excellent

 

On what Dorie said above: I don't know anything about your background, but I know that I let things that happen in the present upset me much more than they should because it triggers bad emotions from my past. I'm not saying you're not right to be upset about that guy because clearly he was being an idiot, but something I've had to really train my self to do (and it's an ongoing work in progress) is to notice, in such situations, how much of my emotional reaction is about the incident itself, and how much is about me unconsciously re-activating negative thought patterns that settled down in me quite early on in my life. It's quite empowering when I do notice the latter and manage to let it go. I recommend experimenting a bit with that if it applies to your situation.

[Ross MwcFan]

It's hard to picture exactly the set up, but my first thought was why was dude standing on the side of the road?

 

When there's construction going on, the sign holder stands in an obvious place to block traffic from going through.

 

If you can't see around the truck to see what's happening, what you did is understandable.

I might have done the same thing not knowing it was construction.

 

Anyway, don't let this stop your progress. As serious as it feels, it's actually not a big deal and it didn't result in anyone getting hurt.

 

If I kept a log of driving mistakes I'd made, it'd be as long as my arm.

 

I've made a pic as it's quite hard to describe, http://s1126.photobucket.com/albums/l610/RPKGameVids/?action=view&current=incidentd.jpg

 

An important thing to keep in mind was that the the guy and the vehicle at the top of the picture were much further away, and they were around a bend, so I couldn't see them at all. If I was able to see them, it probably would've made things more clearer.

 

Another thing I forgot to mention about the guy on my side, was that I also thought that maybe on the other side of his sign it said stop too, and he was there for the traffic coming the other way, and it did kinda look like that, since he was stood at the far end of the truck, and I'm sure he had his back to me and was facing the traffic coming the oposite way.

 

The small white square at the bottom of the picture is my car.

 

Anyway, the weird thing was, was that there was no construction going on.

 

After doing the shopping, and driving back home (which ment going on that same road again), they weren't there.

 

For some reason I do get the feeling he was ment to stand where he was. But then again, maybe he wasn't and it was his mistake.

Edited July 28, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[thehead]

I've made a pic as it's quite hard to describe, http://s1126.photobucket.com/albums/l610/RPKGameVids/?action=view&current=incidentd.jpg

 

An important thing to keep in mind was that the the guy and the vehicle at the top of the picture were much further away, and they were around a bend, so I couldn't see them at all. If I was able to see them, it probably would've made things more clearer.

 

Another thing I forgot to mention about the guy on my side, was that I also thought that maybe on the other side of his sign it said stop too, and he was there for the traffic coming the other way, and it did kinda look like that, since he was stood at the far end of the truck, and I'm sure he had his back to me and was facing the traffic coming the oposite way.

 

The small white square at the bottom of the picture is my car.

 

Anyway, the weird thing was, was that there was no construction going on.

 

After doing the shopping, and driving back home (which ment going on that same road again), they weren't there.

 

For some reason I do get the feeling he was ment to stand where he was. But then again, maybe he wasn't and it was his mistake.

 

I see now.

Here the thing. We're not always in our most observant frame of mind.

 

Some days, we're noticing the small stuff, are on top of our game and we're pushing others out of the way of danger.

 

Other days, our minds are elsewhere, and we walk around doing things like strolling underneath pianos being hoisted in the air on very thin rope.

 

Even if you made the mistake Ross, dude didn't have to go off like that.

 

He could have rushed out and caught you. He didn't need to be a dick about it. But he was.

And he's probably a dick to his wife and kids too. You wouldn't have reacted like he did so it's hard for you to understand the mentality. You assume guilt to make it all make sense.

 

Fact is, this is a personality type you'll run into. Instead of absorbing his negativity and thinking it says something about your intelligence, you gotta learn to deflect this stuff and know it's about him, not you.

 

So, you made a mistake. I plan to make a few before noon today. It's natural dude. What isn't natural though (or at least healthy) is berating yourself for it. Feel me?

[Ross MwcFan]

I see now.

Here the thing. We're not always in our most observant frame of mind.

 

Some days, we're noticing the small stuff, are on top of our game and we're pushing others out of the way of danger.

 

Other days, our minds are elsewhere, and we walk around doing things like strolling underneath pianos being hoisted in the air on very thin rope.

 

Even if you made the mistake Ross, dude didn't have to go off like that.

 

He could have rushed out and caught you. He didn't need to be a dick about it. But he was.

And he's probably a dick to his wife and kids too. You wouldn't have reacted like he did so it's hard for you to understand the mentality. You assume guilt to make it all make sense.

 

Fact is, this is a personality type you'll run into. Instead of absorbing his negativity and thinking it says something about your intelligence, you gotta learn to deflect this stuff and know it's about him, not you.

 

So, you made a mistake. I plan to make a few before noon today. It's natural dude. What isn't natural though (or at least healthy) is berating yourself for it. Feel me?

 

What you're saying makes a lot of sense. Thanks.

[Ross MwcFan]

Abused as described in this post, Ross? Or abused as a child? I know you experienced abuse growing up. Has this brought it up for you?

 

Abused as described in the post.

 

It didn't remind me of my childhood abuse or anything, but maybe my pain did have a connestion with that.

 

To you giving up. That's quite a bit of power to give to this man. You've handed him everything including the progress you've made and will make in the future. I say you snatch it back tomorrow when you're feeling better.

 

I know, you're right.

 

I'm not going to give that ******* any power, and I'm not going to give up either. No way.

 

Edited to add: At times of such intense feelings, take care to contain them to the incident as much as possible. Do not allow them to engulf other areas of your life, wherein you come to rash conclusions. To decide no further progress can be made because of what happened, is to react disproportionately to the incident. That should be your first clue that your feelings have gotten the better of you.

 

Yup, it seems that I was 'filtering'/'catastrophizing', which are cognative distortions.

[Dorie]

Abused as described in the post.

 

It didn't remind me of my childhood abuse or anything, but maybe my pain did have a connestion with that.

 

 

 

I know, you're right.

 

I'm not going to give that ******* any power, and I'm not going to give up either. No way.

 

 

 

Yup, it seems that I was 'filtering'/'catastrophizing', which are cognative distortions.

 

Very nice turnaround, Ross. I knew you'd do it.

[Ross MwcFan]

I totally agree with this; it's something I always try to keep in mind. Sometimes I get extremely angry out of nothing much (hee hee), but the good thing is that I calm down quickly.

Ross, I think it'd be superfluous to tell you that not everybody is nice & that things like this happen - but it's not the end of the world.

Please go back to being fine, eating pop corn & drinking beer. *hugs*

 

Thanks.

 

Have you watched Happy Go Lucky? It's a great film, and Poppy is like who you want to be, and will be.

 

Just like every achievement in life, it takes practice, that's all. You're putting the hours in now, and growing from these experiences. Keep taking it to your edge, and you'll find yourself getting there, inch by inch, day by day.

 

Keep it up my brother from another mother!

 

I've never seen that film, but now I'm realy curious about Poppy. I'll look into it. Thanks.

 

Yup, I'm still carrying on mate. I'm sure I'll grow from these experiences.

 

Excellent

 

On what Dorie said above: I don't know anything about your background, but I know that I let things that happen in the present upset me much more than they should because it triggers bad emotions from my past. I'm not saying you're not right to be upset about that guy because clearly he was being an idiot, but something I've had to really train my self to do (and it's an ongoing work in progress) is to notice, in such situations, how much of my emotional reaction is about the incident itself, and how much is about me unconsciously re-activating negative thought patterns that settled down in me quite early on in my life. It's quite empowering when I do notice the latter and manage to let it go. I recommend experimenting a bit with that if it applies to your situation.

 

To be honest, I've got no idea how to recognise the negative thought patterns as being something that settled down in me early on in my life.

Edited July 31, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[Eclypse]

Have you ever thought about becoming an umpire? I umpire basketball and get all sorts of abuse hurled at me on a weekly basis. It was rough at first but now anytime someone abuses me it just rolls right off my back. It might help you deal with situations like these. It doesn't matter what the mistake was, you just need to try and leave the abuse at the construction site. When you let it come home with you and consume you I personally know how devastating that can be.