Is it over?

[Steadfast]

The kids really do like scumbag, its because he is new and cool and exciting for them, hopefully it will wear off soon. its soo tempting to tell the kids that he is the reason mummy and daddy are splitting up. I wont do it. I will keep all converstation about me and the kids, nothing about mummy or scumbag.

 

A dear friend once advised "We seldom regret what we don't say". That said, you're taking a wise approach. The less you have to do with it, the more profound your soon-to-be exwife's actions will be. Because you're not involved, she won't be able to pin any of it on you when the bottom falls out. This could restore respect. We learn by doing...good or bad.

 

As for scumbag, I'm sure you realize he was invited to the party by the real culprit in this; your wife. She's the scumbag. He's a hound; sniffing around. And while he lacks honor, integrity and is totally devoid of wisdom, it's always best to remember who should shoulder the blame. Know this; by his actions, he will in the future leave himself susceptible to the cheating, lying and betrayal that he's involved in now. When he's cheated on he'll taste what you're tasting now, but without condolence. That's a bad place to be.

 

Parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint. His has no real role in your children's future. His lack of character insures he neither wants, nor desires to take on the responsibility. His actions now are only done to insure more panty playtime. Deep down, your kids know more than you realize-

[jaymz]

04/06/11 Kids out all day and didnt come home until 21:30. They were down the park with w, scumbag and his kids.

 

05/06/11 Spent a few qualtiy hours with kids, its w seekend with kids. Went into town with just w and bought my eldest his birthday presents, cake etc.

 

05/06/11 17:30 W and kids left to drive down to lego land, they are going tonight and staying in a hotel. I was told it would just be them and her parents.

 

05/06/11 18:00 Drive past grandparents house, ther car is still there. This means she has gone with her parents and scumbag - they would need two cars for the amount of people.

 

06/06/11 18:57 Sent w a text explaining that I will not tolerate any of the kids sleeping in the same room as her and scumbag. she replies a little later saying that the kids were staying in their grandparents room.

[worlybear]

Lotsa hugs Jaymz and get this to court as soon as possible.:bunny:

Have you got a good lawyer?

Make sure that you stay calm and completely above everything as its quite possible that your ex may try and pull a fast one- accusing you of poor behaviour and having her parents backing her-she may try and issue you with an injunction to keep you away.

Have you anyone who can be there for you? A work colleague/boss etc who knows and respects you?

Stay strong!

[jaymz]

05/06/11 15:30 w asked me to take a couple of days off work so she and scumbag could go away for a long weekend. I told her no and that I will not be taking any time off work for her anymore, that part of our relationship has gone. She then went on about how I'm "making things difficult for her", i just said goodbye and went back to the car.

 

05/06/11 22:40 I text w and tell her thanks for letting me talk to kids, she starts to go into one about getting stuck in traffic etc, i just ask to speak to kids, get about 30 seconds to talk to them all before she cuts me off.

 

06/06/11 09:05 Spoke to solicitor, she explained that while the courts take a dim view on kids being introduced to another person so quickly there is little I can do now to stop it. The only choice I have is to go down the "danger to kids" route, but with no evidence of any wrong doing i can't do it. She can send the stbxw, scumbag and her parents a letter and thats it.

 

This is getting harder and harder to do, my world, gone, forever. I had no clue. I cant keep this up any more. Too relentless. Hated by everyone. Alone.

Edited June 6, 2011 by jaymz

[russell1968]

This is getting harder and harder to do, my world, gone, forever. I had no clue. I cant keep this up any more. Too relentless. Hated by everyone. Alone.

 

Jamz, I'm going through the same thing, my wife has run off with Shrek and has spent thousands of pounds of my money on coke!

 

I have two daughters, i'm busted up beyond belief, you have to stay strong for your kids! Don't let this beat you!There are days when i feel like throwing in the towel

[robf1971]

thanks for letting me talk to kids,

 

Why did you do this ?

[robf1971]

Too relentless. Hated by everyone. Alone.

 

Man, you stop this disrespect right now. You need to throw her stuff out. NO screaming, no nastiness. I promise you she will go gladly, just with a little push.

 

"Wife, I understand, it's not healthy living like this for you or me, so I've packed up for you, and put your stuff in the drive, I'll even help you take it somewhere"

 

She will go, after a bit of screaming and freaking, stop being afraid of her reaction. ATM she is sh*tting all over you. Please think about this.

[jaymz]

Russell: Thanks. Its all getting too much for me now. I have been strong for too long and I don't have the strength to carry on. I know I'm having a bad couple of days. I am taking the kids camping this weekend with my brother and his kids, that should cheer me up.

 

Rob: I would love to throw her out, but I cannot as it will go against me. Willow has put together an excellent post which explains some of this and why I have to be the adult one and "rise above it" for the sake of the children. I document everything that goes on and send a copy to my solicitor.

 

Observation: Why is it as soon as something like this happens the papers are full of affairs/divorce/mistresses etc, Ryan Giggs caught out with his brothers wife. Why is the world full of people are are so undeserving? Why did my wife decide that after 15yrs that she needed a MLC and had GIGS and then an affair? Why was I strung along since august last year? Why did she not just talk to me? Why did i not see it coming?

 

I really need to sell the house and get her to move out.

 

I don't think i will ever find someone who will love me and I can love unconditionally. Its not that I don't want to, I do, but I don't want to settle for second best to feel wanted.

 

Ignore me. today is not a good day.

Edited June 6, 2011 by jaymz

[jaymz]

Stupid bank, cancelled all direct debits before they could be transferred over. Now have to spend the day setting up 30 DD. ARRRGH!

[russell1968]

Russell: Thanks. Its all getting too much for me now. I have been strong for too long and I don't have the strength to carry on. I know I'm having a bad couple of days. I am taking the kids camping this weekend with my brother and his kids, that should cheer me up.

 

Jaymz,

 

Trust me the reality of what she has done will hit her one day!

My stbxw was crying on the phone because i served her papers!

 

Stay strong for your kids, take one day at a time.

[jaymz]

Russell: As much as I would love to believe that she will realise what she has done, I don't think it will happen. As a person she is selfish, immature and has no ability for empathy. At the moment she is completely relentless in spending as much time as possible with scumbag, praticaly 24/7 over last couple of weeks. She is self justifying everything she does and her parents back her decisions 100%. I don't think she will ever "wake up" and see what she has been done. sad but true.

 

I have already sent her a letter from my solicitor starting divorce proceedings. She still hasn't responded to it. I have asked my solicitor to file anyway and not to wait any more.

 

For me, I am upset about the whole relationship, the companionship, our children and all the other big and small things shared over 15 yrs together. I have loved her man & boy. Now I will never take her back, even if tomorrow she said all the right things and done all the right things.

[debtman]

jaymz,

 

You're being incredibly strong in an unusually cruel and painful situation. There will be MANY low times where you will feel incredibly depressed about everything that's going on, BUT, remember this...it WILL get better. Your situation is temporary. This is the hardest thing you will go through. You have to be strong for your girls and, believe me, your relationship with them will get stronger through this. I feel that the time I have with my kids is more quality time and I have a stronger bond with them than I ever have.

 

When I hit the lowest spots, I forced myself to workout, get out of the house, go see friends, go try new hobbies and start getting back into old ones. I was convinced that I would never be in a relationship again and open myself up to being hurt like that again, but, now, 9 months later, I finally find myself having more happy, good moments than bad ones. I hate saying good-bye to my kids when I drop them off and I'm struggling financially to keep up with child support, etc. but I'm really enjoying my freedom. I don't have to torture myself anymore by thinking about her bad decisions, they're immaterial now. Whatever it was that made her decide to change all of our lives, I finally see that she's done me a huge favor. I'm better off without her. I can be a positive influence on my kids without someone constantly questioning my decisions.

 

You've shown from your actions (and reactions) that you've got a good head on your shoulders, you can make the right decisions under incredibly difficult circumstances and that will continue to pay off for you.

 

Enjoy the good moments, put the bad ones behind you. It DOES get better...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[jaymz]

I feel like I am in a limbo at the moment. We are still living together and she is out 5/6 nights week so it makes doing anything harder. I also have no money as I pay the house/bills/food etc. I have cut her off financially so she wont be racking up any more big bills spending on unnecessary c**p like £150 sunglasses etc.

 

I don't see anything changing much until she moves out and the house is sold. I can then start to live my life, make decisions and heal properly.

 

I would love to fast forward 9 months and be in a better position. Thank you for continuing to post, it helps people like me in the darkest times see that there can be light.

 

Thank you to all that have posted and continue to post, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your advise and benefit of your experiences.

[jaymz]

06/06/11 19:14 w texts me to say they have only just left legoland, will stop to eat and will text me closer to when they get home. This means the kids will be back around 22:00ish and have another late night. They have school tomorrow.

[robf1971]

I feel like I am in a limbo at the moment. We are still living together and she is out 5/6 nights week so it makes doing anything harder. I also have no money as I pay the house/bills/food etc. I have cut her off financially so she wont be racking up any more big bills spending on unnecessary c**p like £150 sunglasses etc.

 

I don't see anything changing much until she moves out and the house is sold. I can then start to live my life, make decisions and heal properly.

 

I would love to fast forward 9 months and be in a better position. Thank you for continuing to post, it helps people like me in the darkest times see that there can be light.

 

Thank you to all that have posted and continue to post, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your advise and benefit of your experiences.

 

 

You will be in a better position, also when OM dumps her, when he realises that your wife comes with 2 kids, and he has to support her. Sadly like most, your W will probably come grovelling back. At which point the only response needs to involve your middle finger.

[Surfer203]

Listen to Rob. MIDDLE FINGER. Honestly, reconciling is too hard and the potential to get hurt again is just to great.

[robf1971]

06/06/11 19:14 w texts me to say they have only just left legoland, will stop to eat and will text me closer to when they get home. This means the kids will be back around 22:00ish and have another late night. They have school tomorrow.

 

Your wife only cares about herself man, totally damn selfish.

[robf1971]

Ryan Giggs caught out with his brothers wife. .

 

Yeah I caught up with that story today. I think it shows there is a type of personality that is completely sociopathic. Note his brother dumped his cheating wife like a sack of spuds.

 

I've noticed that cheaters are also the ones to react worst when cheated on. Watch what happens to your wife when you eventually meet someone better than her. She will spin up the wall..

[jaymz]

Dont worry. There is no way I would ever take her back. Ever.

[jaymz]

06/06/11 21:10 w just called, they are an hour away and she wants to put kids straight to bed. I asked her if she actually wanted anything, she said no so I hung up.

[jaymz]

06/06/11 23:00 w leaves to get "sweets" for eldest to take to school

 

06/06/11 23:24 i notice she hasn't actually taken the car, so I text her to make sure she is back in the morning before the kids get up for school. It also stinks of perfume.

 

06/06/11 23:28 w texts asking if i'm doing the balloons and banners? She is supposed to do them, I bought the presents, wrapped them up and tidied the house.

[jaymz]

07/06/11 01:30 Just as I'm starting to do the balloons and banners, she come home after being driven around by scumbag. She has more balloons and banners and starts to put them up. FFS!

[trippi1432]

Listen to Rob. MIDDLE FINGER. Honestly, reconciling is too hard and the potential to get hurt again is just to great.

 

I agree with this one Jaymz....spare yourself with this one.

[jaymz]

I agree with this one Jaymz....spare yourself with this one.

Dont worry, never gonna take her back after this. I may be single for a year or two afterwards but I will find someone who is right for me and I for her.

[jaymz]

07/06/11 07:30 we get the kids up and have a pleasant morning with eldest opening presents, it felt like old times and we were both smiling away at the kids and each other.

 

07/06/11 10:15 The pleasantness did not last for long, w had made arrangements and assumed i was home all day, I told her she should have asked first. Usual verbal abuse from her, just ignored it and walked away.

Edited June 7, 2011 by jaymz