robf1971 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 So not really much I can do from the legal point. How is your wife going to fight you for custody and property etc. The impression I have is that she has no money, doesn't have a lawyer and OM isn't that rich. Is she going to represent herself in court? I remember you saying something about her having to move out in order to get legal aid? Isn't she going to have to go in order to afford a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 How is your wife going to fight you for custody and property etc. The impression I have is that she has no money, doesn't have a lawyer and OM isn't that rich. Is she going to represent herself in court? I remember you saying something about her having to move out in order to get legal aid? Isn't she going to have to go in order to afford a lawyer. Also, when it goes to court what if your wife's lawyer says, "Jaymz was happy to have OM in his house, he never did anything to stop it" IMO you should at least report it to the police and get a crime number so it's proven that you did everything legally to stop it? Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 How old are your children, Jaymz? Do they understand what is happening? I think its cr** that your MIL is involved- when my STBXH left it was horrendous but my MIL was 100% for me and the kids and was a rock. Have you got any family who can help you at the moment? I well remember how desparate I felt but the other posters are right- it does get better. I had to work with OW at a village primary school and it was so hard to be professional when I knew she was going home with my EX and I was really humiliated. I never thought I'd smile again. But I can-look!:):) And you will too. Many,many hugs and remember we're here for you.:bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Eye of Hourus Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Jaymz, I've been following your story and I must say I'm amazed at your strength in the face of your STBX's cruelty. Spoke to my solicitor today, she has sent another letter about the w behaviour and her mothers behaviour, so will see what happens with that. I asked about getting an occupation order, but don't have anywhere enough evidence to have a court grant it: http://www.compactlaw.co.uk/free-legal-information/injunctions/domestic-violence-injunctions.html Can't throw her out, it would so go against me and solicitor advises very strongly against it. So not really much I can do from the legal point. I spoke to social services today, they are not that interested either but have logged my concerns. I will write them a long letter later so they have everything that has happened so far. Making an appointment to see the kids headmaster next week, going to flag the kids behaviour to the school so they are aware. This will then be flagged back to social services too. I scanned thru the link you posted and I think perhaps you should talk to your solicitor about the following section : "1. Stop your opponent assaulting you or harassing you. The harassment must be serious to the point that it interferes with your mental or physical health. The harassment must also be intentional. Repeated phone calls can amount to harassment. I'm sure that you could use this even as an ambit bid to curb your STBX's behaviour, The Eye. “Every man dies - Not every man really lives.” Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 Posting from valencia as I am on a work trip. She has got a solicitor via legal aid but her solicitor is very slow to respond to anything my solicitor sends. I have sent two letters so far about her behaviour, her parents and treatment of the kids as it is not putting them first or behaving ammicably as she stated in the solicitors reply to my original letter sent nearly a month ago. Her parentss aregiving her money. I saw a checklist of stuff her parents brought over to her from their safe and it included £750 cash. 17/6/11 18:25 called kids and spoke them and their day. Eldest tells me that stbxw friend/her parents and scumbag are all there and he stayed the night while I was travelling to valencia. I could hear her going mad in the background as he td me. She csme on the phone after I spoke to kids and said it wasn't true that he stayed the night, I only said that he shouldn't be there at all aand she needs to talk to her solicitor. I know who I believe. Work got a letter from the CSA which they completed and sent off. I found mine before I left for valencia, the return date was over a week ago so it had been hidden from me. Will have to call them monday to explain and send off the information. I am surprised they wrote to me already as when I have contacted them in the past they have stated they won't open a case while we are living together, I guess she is lying to them too. My kids are 8, 5 & 3. They are being affected by the whole thing. Thge eldest is angry all the time, the middle one has become withdrawn and the youngest gets very clingy. I try talking to them to reassure them as much as possible but it is hard to do when I have to work and only get an hour in the evening and everyother weekend. When I spoke to my solicitor about the harrasment she told me that its very hard to do as the father and I would need more proof. If it was her making the complaint then they would only take her word for it. The law is too biased for me to do anythjing about it. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 via legal aid . Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't she only eligble for this if she's not living with you.. Sounds like she's lying to them and saying she's living with your parents or OM. Sounds like you need to get some proof. Those nifty little web enabled discreet webcams hmmm, just a thought. Once she discovers it there is nothing she can do as it's stored online. when it goes to court just say you had it installed as a theft deterent system. Perfectly legal, an Englishmans home is his castle after all right. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I am surprised they wrote to me already as when I have contacted them in the past they have stated they won't open a case while we are living together, I guess she is lying to them too. . Set up your proof, then report her to the CSA and the police as it's a severe criminal offence last time I looked. Also check out the legality of a Private investigator, a friend of mine used one, very useful evidence there. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 The other thing is if you have proof that her parents are taking part in this fraud, they are also commiting a criminal offence. No offence but they are crap parents. If my daughter was running around acting like this, I'd not give her one penny to help her. Was your W seriously spoilt as a kid or something? You need to have everything covered. Anticipate everything she might do. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 The law is too biased for me to do anythjing about it. Actually it appears from what you are saying is that your W, OM and her parents are all a little bit thick. If they were smart all this would be a heck of a lot more discreet. I know you are under severe stress but if I was you I'd take a week off work (if you can). Research the law YOURSELF, find out what is legal, set up a way to get proof. Report all your findings to the relevant authorities. Does your wife claim benefits, bet she does lol, find out if she's lying about her address and report her if she is. Ditto Tax Credits. Then report her parents too, there are ways of getting at OM too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Not sure about legal aid, I thought the same thing but as they clearly state it in the solicitor letter then it is some loop hole they have got round - probably due to her moving to rented on 16th July. Did get some mini cams but the stupid things dont work, getting some more this week. Getting as much proof as possible. Will dob them all in when I can do it. Yes she is very spoilt. Now i can see how much she is selfish & immature and how her parents do anything shes says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 19/06/11 13:30 Text wife to say i am on my way back and to drop kids of around 14:30 so I can take them out for fathers day. 19/05/11 14:35 Wife calls and claims not to get text, says she is leaving to get home now with kids. I ask her to leave them in the car so I can leave straight away. 19/05/11 15:30 Wife turns up take an hour for 20 minute journey?) and get kids out of car, so I have to round them all up and put them back in the car to leave. I did get a fathers day card from them and w did buy me a gift from them too. Very surprised. 19/05/11 15:45 Speak to kids about their weekend. They didnt do much as the weather was poor so stayed in mostly expect for today where they went to see their cousin. The eldest tells me that scumbag had stayed over Friday and Saturday night while I was away on my work trip. w even relegated her friend that was down for the weekend to the sofa for those nights, nice eh? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Not sure about legal aid, I thought the same thing but as they clearly state it in the solicitor letter then it is some loop hole they have got round - probably due to her moving to rented on 16th July. Did get some mini cams but the stupid things dont work, getting some more this week. Getting as much proof as possible. Will dob them all in when I can do it. Yes she is very spoilt. Now i can see how much she is selfish & immature and how her parents do anything shes says. Good for you in the minicams, catch em entering and leaving. Of course they are just there to stop thieves lol but just happned to catch wife and OM. Don't feel bad about dobbing in, I'd do it in a microsecond Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 probably due to her moving to rented on 16th July This is excellent news, no more of this being waved in your face. You need to check with your solicitor if you are allowed to change the locks IF SHE MOVES OUT of her own accord. If this is legal ,then get the biggest nastiest 5 lever lock you can and get it fitted. Also move someone in to help you pay the mortgage. Expect her to start getting nasty with the kids and lots of other things, play it by ear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 20/06/11 21:10 W leaves when i get home as usual, wants to be civil but starts moaning at me again, usual sh*t, I tell her I'm not interested. I text her later and ask her to call me about being civil. She calls me back and wants to be civil, i asked her if that meant civil about everything and she said yes, she wants a meeting next Monday to discuss other things like finances, furniture, kids etc. I told her that if she is civil to me all week then we can have that conversation. She also asked if her mum can bring the kids to the school fete this Saturday, its my weekend with the kids and I said no, especially if she is bring scumbag. She said that she is helping out on the stalls that day and would really like the kids to come, i left with her to decide what's more important that day. She then tells me she is moving out on 12th July!!!!!!! I cant change locks even if she does move out as she is on the deeds and has rights, a pain I know but it works both ways. I may get in some lodgers but it depends on what she is taking with her to the new house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Forgot to add the following: She also moaned off about not having any money and needing to borrow £500 from her parents to pay for things - I assume her fortnightly nails & hair, the £200 a month mobile phone bill, gym, hotels, clothes, nights out drinking etc. Then she told me about her paying out for some things for the kids (school trips), i said that was nice of her to contribute, she wanted me to pay her back! I said that she should perhaps prioritise her spending on the kids instead of new clothes she has. She then went into one about using the kids to get at her, I cut her off and said I was not interested in hearing it. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 she wants a meeting next Monday to discuss other things like finances, furniture, kids etc. Your reply " Let our solicitors discuss this" All she wants to do is suck you into her drama Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 . She also asked if her mum can bring the kids to the school fete this Saturday, its my weekend with the kids. Your reply, "Sorry I've made plans already" Stop making it dependent on scumbag, stop letting her walk all over you like this. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 She also moaned off about not having any money and needing to borrow £500 from her parents to pay for things it. Class lol See, at the moment life is good for her, she's got it all. At some point even her parents are gonna stop enabling her. At some point in the next 6 months the likelihood is that OM will dump her. She will be left with no money and no man. At this point you need to be very very wary about her trying to crawl back into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Hey Jaymz nice to see you taking control here, sounds like your really geting to grips with things. I reckon as this goes on, with this new no bulls**t attitude of yours she could really start to see what a bi**h reality can be. Good luck mate, stay tough. Link to post Share on other sites
quaderas1 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 ty for share Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 21/06/11 18:45 Came home and bathed the kids before starting to get ready to go out - was going to see BIL first wife. w asked me about some DD that weren't set-up, I said she needs to give me the details. Then she told me she was out Monday, Tuesday and Thursday next week. I stupidly said she cant have Thursday as I have already got plans, she went mental and stormed out of the house. She already had an over night bag packed so I am suspicious that she was deliberately looking for a fight to justify her leaving. 21/06/11 19:20 had to text BIL 1st wife and say I couldn't make it. Hopefully have a chance to see her Wednesday or Thursday instead. 21/06/11 20:00 Spent time with kids and read them a story before putting them to bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 15/06/11 cancelled her surprise 33rd birthday party and a weekend trip for us to a spa. Had been planning it since Christmas with a friend of hers, totally forgotten all about it. The spa comes highly recommend and is a very romantic weekend for couples. Have to save that for someone more deserving. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 15/06/11 cancelled her surprise 33rd birthday party and a weekend trip for us to a spa. Had been planning it since Christmas with a friend of hers, totally forgotten all about it. The spa comes highly recommend and is a very romantic weekend for couples. Have to save that for someone more deserving. Absolutely...was my W's birthday today and I only said "Happy Birthday" when I stopped to pick up the kids because they were yelling to me about it...She always made it a requirement that we made a big deal about her birthday every year...glad I don't have to waste time on that anymore. Stay strong jaymz...this will all be over soon and you can focus on getting your head screwed back on, letting yourself start to appreciate life again and making plans for your new future... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 22/06/11 06:30 w came home on time, first time. She was surprised to see me still in bed but i did enjoy the lay-in. She wants to have the meeting Monday after all now and then go out afterwards. I told her to speak to my lawyer. I have taken the morning off today and tomorrow to speak to a few people, like solicitor, the kids school, social services etc. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 .. I told her to speak to my lawyer. Nice reply, remember this is your stock response, no need to be nasty in any way it's the truth. Anything re property/kids etc will be decided by lawyers as a fact. The sooner your wife wakes up to this the better. It's called a reality check and man does she need one. Link to post Share on other sites
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