Author jaymz Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) 16/5/11 15:43 Sent text ask w if she was in tonight as i wanted to talk 16/5/11 17:01 She called to say she was out but could spare a few minutes, I said that I wanted her undivided attention and could do it another night. She told me she was out Tuesday and i was out Wednesday so it wouldn't get done. I said we do it another night then and left it 16/5/11 19:30 She wanted to know what I wanted to talk about as she had some things too. I said i wasn't going to bother as I wanted her undivided attention and not have her clock watching. She then got fed up and just wanted to know, so i mentioned a couple of things like sorting out who has the kids which weekend as I cant plan anything in advance, this caused an issue as we both want to be away the same weekend, i arranged it first but she mentioned it first so she should win. Well this then kind of disolved into her laying into me about how I was a failure, she was in loveless marriage, I play mind games with her all the time, scumbag is love of her life, he would make a better dad, i neglected her + kids etc etc. Real unnessarily nasty stuff. I managedto keep my cool all the way through but anything I said was wrong, or a lie or playing mind games etc. So i sort of gave up talking then, she was all pissed off and just wanted to go into one. She was shouting alot and saying awful things which the kids could hear, so I told her to quiet down and move to a different room. This annoyed her as its my fault she is pissed off and I'm using "the kids against her". It just seems i cannot do anything right. She told me that she is arranging scumbag to meet kids this weekend. i told her its way too soon and unfair on them, but again its my fault, i pushed her into it and they will meet him eventually. Not a good day. Edited May 16, 2011 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Not sure i put times on for when she was out this week: 13/5/11 Out until 3:30am 14/5/11 Out but not sure what time she came back as I was staying out that night - sure she brought scumbag back to the house. 15/5/11 Out until 2am Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 16/5/11 Out until 2am Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 16/5/11 Out until 2am Pack her stuff up in boxes. Actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Just found out that the w has seen all the texts i've been sending the OMW, WTF? Has her phone been intercepted or is she passing them on? Odd. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 What an incredible mess she has made of everything. It is WAY too soon for her to be introducing OM to kids, but, not much you can do about it. I have heard of people getting restrictions on other people being in the house/around the kids in the separation/divorce agreement. My kids formed a quick attachment to OM when my stbx introduced him and, now that they've "taken a break" as my stbx puts it, the kids have another little void in their lives. Your W is really going to regret this one day and she's only saying the hurtful things because she needs to rationalize her actions to herself and convince herself that her new reality is really going to "fix" everything for her...which it won't. Sounds like OM is a piece of work too. If' he's willing to cheat on his W, it's only a matter of time before he does it again... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 17/05/11 She went out again last night, not sure what time she came home as I slept from 23:00 to 04:00, 5 hours sleep!!!!! Gonna call solicitor today about a few things. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 17/05/11 She went out again last night, not sure what time she came home as I slept from 23:00 to 04:00, 5 hours sleep!!!!! Gonna call solicitor today about a few things. Have you CRB checked OM yet? Please do.. Tell youe wife that you will bolt the door at midnight, so if she's not home tough luck, then do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 Have you CRB checked OM yet? Please do.. Tell youe wife that you will bolt the door at midnight, so if she's not home tough luck, then do it. Am getting it done but its hard as members of public cannot do it to each other. If i start bolting the door there is nothing stopping her from doing the same to me, not really going to happen. 18/5/11 10:03 W called, she had a great idea where we didn't have to sell the house. I so ok and asked what this great idea was. We change the mortgage to interest only, she will then pay that and live off the maintenance I give her, that way she doesn't have to move and the kids keep more stability. I said I would think about it. I mean FFS. She wants to completely replace me in her life with this scumbag? I would be totally ****ed, a mortgage on a house I don't live in and still servicing our joint debts and liabilities. I cant believe her at times. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Am getting it done but its hard as members of public cannot do it to each other. If i start bolting the door there is nothing stopping her from doing the same to me, not really going to happen. 18/5/11 10:03 W called, she had a great idea where we didn't have to sell the house. I so ok and asked what this great idea was. We change the mortgage to interest only, she will then pay that and live off the maintenance I give her, that way she doesn't have to move and the kids keep more stability. I said I would think about it. I mean FFS. She wants to completely replace me in her life with this scumbag? I would be totally ****ed, a mortgage on a house I don't live in and still servicing our joint debts and liabilities. I cant believe her at times. No no no no no no no no no! Why in the hell would you do this? She would be building the equity up in the house and you get nadar! Plus you would not be able to take another charge on a property for yourself. Trust me you do not want to be tied to this women legally after you are divorced. You would still be jointly and serverly liable for the mortgage so if she defaults the lender comes after you. The women is nuts Jaymz, she wants her cake and eat it doesn't she. Speak to you solicitor today, then tell stbxw ALL communication from now on through lawyers ONLY. If she so much as talks to you about anything other than the children, ignore her, or say "I'll speak to my lawyer, you should speak to yours", how long for your court date? Sooner Judge seals off on all this the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 Dont worry, I have zero intention of going down this route. I just cannot believe what I am hearing from her! Its like she wants the same life but me completely erased from it, very hurtful. :(:( Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Yes it is, shows her complete selfishness as well. My ex was the same, it was like he had no concept of what he was doing to me. He made me homeless and all he couldd say was "well, I have to start over too" he satyed in our house, same job etc. He also said "well, at least I didn't let you buy your wedding dress". Unbeleivable. A few months later I called him and he finally admited that he hadn't given my feelings any thought whatsoever. I don't wnat someone who is capable of what he did to me after 20 years together in my life. I am glad he is gone now. Link to post Share on other sites
gallop30 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 the faster you'll accept it's over,the better it'll be for you Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 I said I would think about it. . James, This might get removed, and you might hate me but I'm saying this for your own good. You are being a doormat. While she is making lovey dovey to this OM, you should be playing hardball. You think my wife didn't make the same suggestion to me? what do you think my answer was? " No way, your welcome to leave but I will NOT CONTRIBUTE A PENNY" Anyway, all this is for the lawyers to work out. Actually next time she has a " suggestion" your answer should be " thats for the lawyers to decide" Keep doing this,After a few times she will stop bothering. Make damn sure this all gets to your solicitor too. Times, dates the lot.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 No no no no no no no no no! Why in the hell would you do this? She would be building the equity up in the house and you get nadar! Plus you would not be able to take another charge on a property for yourself. Trust me you do not want to be tied to this women legally after you are divorced. You would still be jointly and serverly liable for the mortgage so if she defaults the lender comes after you. The women is nuts Jaymz, she wants her cake and eat it doesn't she. Speak to you solicitor today, then tell stbxw ALL communication from now on through lawyers ONLY. If she so much as talks to you about anything other than the children, ignore her, or say "I'll speak to my lawyer, you should speak to yours", how long for your court date? Sooner Judge seals off on all this the better. Please listen to Willow, she knows the UK law Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 18, 2011 Author Share Posted May 18, 2011 I only told her I would think about so I could get her off the phone quickly, otherwise I would be shouting and screaming at work. There is no way in hell I would even entertain that idea. I have a call with sol this afternoon. I keep a record of everything that happens which I pass on to the sol, I do listen and act on most advice given here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 19, 2011 Author Share Posted May 19, 2011 Spoke to sol about a few things, disregarded the trespassing idea as property is in joint names and it will be down to discretion of the police. When I got home she was happy and bouncy to see me and asked what I thought of her great idea. Well i told her "not going to happen, you need to realise that this lifestyle, this home, this dream is over. You need to concentrate on moving out of the house, getting this house sold and getting the divorce as soon as possible". Well she was not happy and started to accuse me of not putting kids first etc. I just ignored her and went upstairs to the kids. Her father was there at the time and said that he didn't think I would do it anyway. About 20 minutes later she came up stairs to see me and said that I was right and she would be looking to move in with scumbag as soon as possible and start her new wonderful life etc. I told her ok and then concentrated on the kids. Went out last night, had a really good time and didnt get home until 6am so i have been very tired and hung over at work today. Feelin very positive this week, starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 . About 20 minutes later she came up stairs to see me and said that I was right and she would be looking to move in with scumbag as soon as possible and start her new wonderful life etc. I told her ok and then concentrated on the kids. . See what happens when you stand up for yourself? Excellent, now all you need to do is help her by packing up. Even better offer to help her move.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 . I just ignored her and went upstairs to the kids. Her father was there at the time and said that he didn't think I would do it anyway. About 20 minutes later she came up stairs to see me and said that I was right and she would be looking to move in with scumbag as soon as possible and start her new wonderful life etc. I told her ok and then concentrated on the kids. . Class response, absolute class, I got high hopes for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 Rob: thanks man, slowly getting it right W called me today. As she is still living with me she doesn't not qualify for legal aid and wants me to pay for her divorce costs, I told her I will have to speak to my solicitor and hurried her off the phone before I burst out laughing. Spoke to solicitor and she advised me that I am not responsable for paying and she will have to 1) Move out so she does qualify 2) pay herself 3) represent herself or 4) come to some sort of arrangement with the solictor. I am looking forward to going home tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 19/5/11 I stayed out after work with some colleagues to have a beer, w wanted me to text when i was on way back. Could she possibly broken promise and had scumbag over for the evening? When i got home around 11:40, she had left the keys in the front door so I couldnt get in. hmmm, suspicous. 20/5/11 She is out for the night, taken an overnight bag with her, no idea when she will be back tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 21, 2011 Author Share Posted May 21, 2011 21/05/11 12:30 wife back. she asked about paying for the divorce, i said that i was not liable for her costs, she asked what she was surposed to do, i shrugged my shoulders and walked away. not a happy wife. 21/05/11 15:15 she leaves to take kids to play centre (which is her idea of spending time with kids), she wants money to pay for it and get food for kids, i told her that she can pull the wool over other eyes with the poor little girl routine or she can spend some of that £200 cash she withdrew this week on the kids instead of getting wrecked. As she walked out the door she said "everything you said on tuesday was a lie, wasnt it" and slammed the door. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 21/05/11 12:30 wife back. she asked about paying for the divorce, i said that i was not liable for her costs, she asked what she was surposed to do, i shrugged my shoulders and walked away. not a happy wife. 21/05/11 15:15 she leaves to take kids to play centre (which is her idea of spending time with kids), she wants money to pay for it and get food for kids, i told her that she can pull the wool over other eyes with the poor little girl routine or she can spend some of that £200 cash she withdrew this week on the kids instead of getting wrecked. As she walked out the door she said "everything you said on tuesday was a lie, wasnt it" and slammed the door. You need to separate finances,joint accounts etc Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 jaymz,gotta admit your wife make me laugh at some of the stupid things she wants and says. i don't want any of what she's smoking:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 22/05/11 12:40 Usual chat from wife about how I'm being difficult and not going to make things easy for her/kids etc and how she is now starting to hate me. I told her that because of her decisions she needs to concentrate on moving out, getting the house sold and the divorce. She then told me she will be moving to kent soon (which can be quite far from where i live) so not sure if that is true or to get back at me. Link to post Share on other sites
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