The thin line between love & hate + burning bridges and breaking NC

[1784]

Don't over think it... such easy advice to give and understand, quite different to follow it as I'm sure we're all aware.

 

I try not to think about how things would have gone if I stayed and talked to her. I haven't been able to shut up that little voice in the back of my head saying this crap. Damn emotional part of my brain. Its like thee devil and angel on my shoulders. Still waiting for my heart to catch up to my brain.

 

I know, I know, it ISN'T easy advice to follow. But what is easy in these situations? Knowing something is hard is one thing, knowing it's hard but that it works is another. I could throw a million cliches at you that sound great but will hardly help. What needs to happen is that you just need to think about something else, know that you did what was best for you, know that you don't have a time machine nor a flux capacitor and just do your best to do the things that make you happy. You just need time and no one on these boards can do that for you. It sucks but you WILL grow from this experience and it will give you everything you need for the next experience.

 

Just try to take the positive out of it and leave the negative alone.

 

-1784

[silvermane187]

You have to think of it as a journey. Think of a road. You started on this road without her. She may run up to you, tap you on the shoulder and say 'HELLOOOO, REMEMBER ME" but you're still on the same road. You can either turn around and say "Hello" back or you can keep going forward. I think what you did was feel the tap, think about it for about 5 seconds and then just decided to keep going. This is why I think you did the absolute best thing you could. You could have turned around and even walked a bit with her backwards. There's no reason to do that. She's the one who sent you off on that road to begin with. I think it best to stay on it, keep putting one foot in front of the other and try not to look back. It's the only way. You'll meet other people on your road anyway. Ones that don't make you go through this.

 

Just wanted to quote this on to the new page. I was having a bad morning wondering if I did the right thing and this helped.

 

Another thing that helps is remebering that the last time we had real two way contact back in Janurary she told me to "move on". Well she got what she wanted when I walked away from her. She also said talking to me was just causing her pain. So I actually did her a favor by not sticking around and talking.

Edited May 12, 2011 by silvermane187

[ccfan]

silver, hope to write longer later on today (waking up now) but just want to say that what 1784 is saying is really spot on, and you should read it a couple times to let it sink in in this troubled couple of days.

 

also remember what my friend said, it´s innevitable to heal, so keep in mind, like i do that this will not lat forever brother. Is just one of those experiences that will stay with us for a long time, thats all.

 

stay strong, talk soon.

 

faith... were are you brother!!??

[silvermane187]

Today was an alright day. Tonight there will be booze.

[silvermane187]

So I e-stalked her twitter like a drunken moron. She's going to europe next week. We planned about going together. I know I shouldnt feel bad about this, she's just living her life. But thinking she is out doing this without me made me feel like ****. I'm an idiot for even looking. Lesson learned, never break NC again by e-stalking.

[confused1989]

Hey man, don't worry about that trip to europe. My ex and I booked a trip over the christmas holidays to goto hawaii together, only for her to have her feelings change towards me out of no where only a month afterwards. Long story short, she ended up going on the trip without me after we had planned on going on it together, and I did the same thing you did and I went through her pictures but what I realized was that I had gotten myself worked up over nothing, and that I truly felt like her trip wasn't as good as it could have been if she had chose to go with me. So don't worry about it too much. She could end up having a really crappy time and feel guilty about it, especially if you guys were supposed to go together.

 

Book a trip for yourself somewhere, that's what I did. I have 2 or 3 trips lined up for this summer and it gives me something to look forward to. But it's good that you learned your lesson about checking her social network pages. The one time that I slipped and looked at her pictures I ended up feeling better about things, but I took a huge gamble by looking and I learned my lesson too, it could have easily went the other way. I shouldn't have looked at all and I won't again.

 

Anyway hang in there dude I know how you feel. I was all anxious when my ex went on that trip without me, but it actually is not as bad as it seems. You'll get your chance to travel and do those things.

[silvermane187]

Thanks for the reply confused. It's good to hear from somebody else who has had a similar situation.

 

I hope she has a bad time and feels guilty for going without me. But the reality is one of the reasons she dumped me was so she could go on this trip without me. It's a school/work thing for her. A few days before she dumped me asked me if I would house sit for her while she went. I said no I'm not going to live at your place without you, which probably triggered her whole "I feel trapped" feeling. Of course she didn't mention any of these feelings until she dumped me and her mind was made up.

 

Whatever, I really don't give a **** if she goes and ****s half of france over there and has the time of her life. It was just a moment of drunken weakness when I cared. She's dead to me now. My resentment of her taking so long to **** all over the dreams I had involving her has only be made stronger. From now on she's just a bad fading memory. There will be permanant full NC.

[1784]

I can relate. The last time I saw my ex several weeks ago she had booked a trip for her birthday to Alaska. This is a trip she and I had always planned to go on together. It was a pretty big deal and we'd been excited about it for some time. She told me that she would still be going... with her friend Carol. Awesome. Once again, a legitimate example as to why NC is so essential in the healing process. Nothing good can come from knowing any of this stuff. It just puts you in a frame of mind where you're thinking about your ex, about the past, about the breakup, etc. But all they're doing is living their lives. There's no harm in that at all. And if someone really did want to spend thousands of dollars to spite you, well let them, lol.

 

They should be living their lives and we should all be doing that as well. The trick is not to take it personally, which is hard sometimes. But there's no mal intent here. Still, she couldn't have picked somewhere ELSE to go this year? lol. Oh well. Life goes on.

Edited May 16, 2011 by 1784

[silvermane187]

hey 1784,

 

You're right all it did was put her back in my mind all the time once again. From now on I'm just going to get up and walk away from the PC when I'm drunk and feel the urge to e-stalk. Seeing a black/white picture she took of herself looking depressed didn't help me at all. While the vacation news just filled me with venom and rage. Sometimes you have to burn yourself a few times before you learn.

[Sugarkane]

Hey I could totally relate to your thread. My ex dumped me out of the blue, by text in the most callous way. And somehow managed to turn everyone against me:

www.loveshack.org/forums/t261368

 

All I know is that the right person for me wouldn't do a 180 and tell me to get F***ed by text.

[silvermane187]

So I ended up losing my job today. I had a 99.2% accuracy when the target was 99.5%. Without getting into the details about why it was bull****, I'll say that if I hasn't been in LC with my ex when I start back in Jan this wouldn't have happened. I was so distracted by thinking of her that I missed one little bit of information that snowballed into getting fired 5 months later. Oh well, I'm actually kind of happy to be free for a bit until I find something else. The only thing that pisses me off is how every job I've had over the past 3 years has been in the wrong order. It's always at the wrong place at the wrong time. It's kind of funny how badly I keep getting screwed over by circumstances.

 

Anyway, how's everybody else doing?

[guitarxkid]

Hey man, I read your original post but not much of in between so whats the story now? How do you feel about her now and have you talked since your OP?

 

I'm still in high school but I've been through some of the same ****. I put up with a lot of **** when I was with my ex and ended up with me being dumped and extremely hurt in the end. It's been 8 months since we broke up and its been a lot of on and off **** but shes hurt me a lot by keeping me by her side while trying to find a new guy.

 

Turns out her new boyfriend of about 2 months is the guy she cheated with (kissed) while with me. Figures. If you want more details go to my last couple threads.

 

But anyways, I'm just starting NC for good and I can say I completely despise her right now. I know what you mean when you say you hate her but love her. I never stop thinking about her and dream about her every night but I honestly hate her guts for putting me through so much false hope and pain and in the end ****ing me over. But the memories still hold in my brain and all this time I wanted to be with her again so everything I did, I did to put myself in a better position with her whether good for me or bad.

 

I see now that this was not healthy and I need to move on with my life. I see now that my ex is a ****ty person and I deserve better than that.

 

Anyways, not sure where you stand now with your ex, but if its the same, I feel you man. This **** is tough but we're all gonna get through it. As much as she makes you mad, peeking at her profile pics and texting her for random things (sounds like you dont anymore) put you back in the same spot as you were when you broke up. I know this from experience over and over and over. I've been letting her hurt me for 8 months and thats far too long. Hope you realized sooner

[lordgrenville89]

Dude

You are amazing, my story was a bit similar to yours but less intense.

I read this whole thread last night, walking away from her in the mall was incredible.

I feel really bad for you losing your job now, but having heard your story up till now I am 100% sure you will get over it and get a better one.

Courage!

[giveittofate]

Hello, Silver, cc, 1784, new guys.

 

Maybe this kick in the nuts from checking out your exe's sites is what you finally needed to FULLY, FULLY never check on her again...I hope so for you man. As for the job, I know it blows going for some time without any cash, it sucks, but from what I remember, you really couldn't stand your job, so maybe this is a blessing in disguise...in my opinion life is way too short to do sh*t you don't like. I ended up quiting my first real job after 10 months, because it was mindless, boring work...i went a month being unemployed and felt in a sense like a bum, but then stumbled into my current job now...and let me tell you i actualy enjoy work at times...it's 10x's better...so quiting out of nowhere was a fantastic move for me....i hope the same for you...i'd say before you get desperate and apply to anything...take a month or 2 and really apply to jobs you WANT to do.

 

 

as for me, well things became quite crazy fellas...a month ago i ran into my ex after 2 months compelete nc....last week I got a call from her out of the blue...didnt pick up...a minute later another call, then voicemail...she was balling her eyes out in the voicemail telling me to call her back. (yes my heart sank, my stomach became filled with anxiety, and so on fom hearing her voice) I had no idea what happened, or why she was so distraught... there was no doubt I'd call her back (the curiousty of what happened plus me feeling bad for her a bit would eat me alive)...turned out her cousin, who was quite a nice kid died. he was only 21, yet struggled with depression and other issues...truly a nice kid, with some problems...they think it was a overdose....anyways I felt very bad for her and her family.....when I called her back i was just a shoulder to lean on, and tried providing her with soothing words to help her cope. She appreciated them and texted me later telling me what a help i am, and how much she appreciated that.

 

from then on she invited me to the vieiwing, and said she wanted me to come...unfortunatly due to work I was out of town. She also added me on FB again....5 months ago right after our breakup I deleted her..i was very taken back by that, but after a few days of thinking if i should add her i did. since then I've wished her well, seen how she was...we sent a few messages just catching up a bit.

 

so where do I stand now...it's weird, I still love her, and I really can't explain it but the love changed into something else...I don't mind messaging her...I of course at times wonder and maybe hope in the future something could happen when we both grow up, yet I'm not consumed by these thoughts like I use to be. Suprisingly looking at her picture (she has a very private profile due to being in nursing school and having a strict family, so not much info is up) hasn't hurt me really...it's very weird to see her face again, and yes SOMETIMES I still miss her and all that jazz...in a sense she really kind of has become a different person in many ways in the way i feel and percieve her (not sure if thats good or bad) But yeah, from all this randomness and a bit of a reconnection (in a friendly way) I am not addicted to the thought or consumed by her in my brain like I use too...of course this is fresh and all, but I'm glad right now I answered her back and am fb friends...who knows, i might be back here in a week, crying how dumb i am for doing this, but now i'm neutral or even a little happy with it....i think this means a bit of healing has taken place? what do you guys think?

 

WHATS UP CC? How's your life going?...any new cool date stories? feeling any better man? I went on a date recently...nice, cute girl, but no spark there...she really likes me too, but I'm trying to maintain a little friendship without leading her on.

[ccfan]

Hello everyone, its great to hear from old friends and now new ones.. awesome.

 

Silver, sorry to hear about losing your job man, i know that is not easy.. hope that you saved a little bit for rainy days such as these, but in the other hand as faith said you mentioned many times that you hate your job. You are a young guy so you have all the time in the world to hook up with a job that inspires you, and believe me when that happens it will help you to heal even faster.

 

Also try take this change in work and make it a total change in your aproach to life. From now on (just a suggestion) do not ever see her profile again nor do any sort of e-stalking, also less drinking and since you are going to have some free time hit the gym a lot.. remember that when you feel down we are here 24/7

 

You know you guys are much more strong than you think, i hear stories like silver bumping to the ex, and faith getting calls from the ex and i have to say it really amazes me how well you guys handle that during and after, to me the only thought of bumping into her makes me feel like i will lose all control and sucumb to her... so keep that in mind guys.

 

FATE..! good to hear from you brother!! sorry about you ex´s cousin.. that always puts things on perspective... we should be so thankful to be young and have so many things to look forward to, i´m sure in a few years we´ll be angry at ourselves for wasting so many months in these (or any girl) that didn´t want to be with us.

 

As for becoming friends in fb with your ex, and the new found friendship, be careful brother... could be a trap, exes sometimes do this and makes us believe that is all for a new beginning only to then tell us that we understood it wrong "they wanted just friendship" so please be really, really careful brother, she could be checking if she still got any power over you just for an ego fix. And whatever you do, unless she tells you first NEVER tell her that you still love her/miss her.

 

As for me it was a tense past week as well, i played on the soundtrack for a movie and the premiere was last week and i was almost sure that i was going to bump into my Hitler scary ex... you don´t know how tense i was to be there, i ever had to take a xanax before going there... also i invited a hot brunette to go with me just to pick up my mojo and look better if i bumped into her... thank God she wasnt there and the evening and screening of the movie was really nice... but it scares me (like i said before) how much i fear to fall appart if i bump into her.

 

As for dating, now i´m seeing this nice girl and still keep in touch with that smoking 19 y/o i talked about before, the only thing about the new girl is that she´s a single mother and the father of the child did such a mental mess on this girl... sounds a little shallow but i don´t know if it´s a good move to get out of the mess i am to jump directly into another mess , now with a child in it... any suggestions???

 

stay strong guys.. remember... it´s innevitable to heal

Edited May 18, 2011 by ccfan

[giveittofate]

cc my man, good to hear from you...and thanks for the words of encouragment as well as honesty on my situation...like I said right now I'm doing pretty decent being her virtual friend...still to this day, seeing a pic of her gives me a little anxious feeling in my stomach, but the pain is rare and not nearly as harsh as before...I truly think i'll always have love and fond memories of her, because she was infact my first TRUE love...and believe me I don't plan to be dropping any love bombs or confessing my feelings for her at all. I will say though I don't 100% count us out forever, but I'm a rational dude now with this, so I'm not counting on anything...if somethings meant it'll happen.

 

Good to hear you're doing good in the dating game man...that's a sign of healing for sure...I know 3 months ago I could care less about going on a date, now if I found a girl that intrested me I'd love to see where things go...as for this girl with the kid, I could never do the whole chick with a kid and dad still in the pic...maybe thats ignorant of me, but i just couldn't. I feel that from my persepective there's too much baggage and it's in a sense tainted (hopefully i'm not coming off too cynical, I'm just very VERY picky with girls and their pasts, but you got to set your standards high)...whatever you do cc, I wish you well, but from friend to friend, I'd pass before you become too invested...especially with her having baggage from her previous man.

 

here's a question for you and everyone else...this girl I went on a few dates with bought me a bday gift (literally only had 2 hangouts) and she calls me and texts me daily....clearly she likes me...I find her cute and nice, but just not my type...i wouldn't mind being friends, but i don't want to hurt her feelings and give her false hope...i'm meeting her for a drink and my bday gift later tonight...any suggestions on how to come across as just a friend? so far I think i've been doing just that...just being freindly.

 

oh yeah, tomorrow is my bday...the big 25 (crazy, i still feel 17) anyways my one dj friend and my party promoter friend are throwing me a party at this pretty well known club, with vip everything (nice dudes, unfortunaltey it'll be a ton of guidos, but i requested a few incubus songs, so SUCK IT guidos) anyways good chance my ex and her wannabe kardashian friends will be there of couse...i guess i'm not asking for advice..i'll be cordial, friendly and hopefully i maintain my good vibes, like how im feeling now...i guess just wish me luck fellas...i'll let you know of any run ins and how it went.

[silvermane187]

Hey guys, not able to check the site as much now that I'm jobless. Funny how that works eh? Just wanted to quickly say that I'm thinking of this as a new chapter. I have no idea where I'm going with my life next but it's going to be better than where I was 5 months ago when I started working at that place and couldn't stop thinking about my ex because of all the triggers around that area. It's probably a good thing I got fired because I was too lazy/tired to look for a new job when I was working there. I'm trying not to think about my ex's trip lately. I still wake up thinking about her but it's getting better. I'll be back to write more when I have time. So much to do now that I don't have work.

[ccfan]

Faith ..... HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMANO!!!! 25 it´s nothing!! you are so young and have so much time to meet a special girl, hope you had a great time at your party compadre, and remember that it´s YOUR party, so even if it´s plagued with the Jersey Shore guys and the Kardashians, have a great time brother!!

 

silver, i´ll write more soon, but sounds like destiny is making you have a new begginig both personal and professional... keep us posted bro

 

how´s everyone else doing???

[silvermane187]

hey guys...so last night i went to hang out with some buddies and ended up taking the streetcar through the area my ex lived in for a year. So many memories that I had forgotten about hit me in the face in a matter of 5 minutes. The motnh of May has also brought up a ton of memories from years ago. The warm weather has also brought out a ton of couples doing all the things me and my ex used to do. Oh well, it's too be expected...still full NC even though I have the urge to break it every time I'm at a computer. I had a dream last night that I broke NC and discovered my ex gave a present I had given her to another guy. Woke up feeling sad as ****. Dreams like that only help me stay the course. I still feel weak a lot of the time.

 

fate; happy bday dude. hopefully the gino fags didn't annoy you too much last night. It's crazy how your ex came crying to you after her cousin died. As cruel as it would sound I would wait a few weeks for her to calm down over it then go back to full NC. Unless you can handle being friend zoned I don't see the point of being fb friends or anything like that. You can wish her well and remain on good terms and still make it clear that you don't want to be just friends. Or maybe you think you can handle being just friends for now and letting things play out naturally is the way to go.

 

As for your new girl, don't be so fast to dismiss a future with her. When I first met my ex I thought there was no way in hell we would get together. I didn't think she was my type at all until I spent more and more time with her and got to know her better. We hung out as friends a few times and it eventually grew into something a lot deeper. One day a spark appeared out of nowhere and it never went away for me. IMO just keep an open mind and let things take their own course. If you're really not compatable and she's not your type you won't have to tell her, it will show through your actions. Then again what do I know about dating? Pretty much nothing...

 

cc; Good to hear you're still rolling like a big shot. As for my job, meh whatever, I didn't like it and I still have more than enough money to live my normal lifestyle for a few months at least, even after loaning my sister all that money last month. I would stay away from getting emotionally involved with the single mother. I think you have enough on your plate without having to worry about that. Single mothers are usually looking for a stable guy to cling on to for security. Don't let her dig her claws in you.

 

That's all the time I have for now. Post more later.

[giveittofate]

thanks for the well wishes fellas. The bday went pretty good...had a lot of my close friends show up, buy me shots, wish me well, and all that. Made me feel fortunate to have so many good friends...guess who else showed?...yup, the ex. Luckily I was pretty sauced up...and I won't lie we talked for a good half hour..maybe did some minor flirting. I'm proud I kept my cool though, and didn't ask her out or say anything to lovey dovey...I'm pretty positive I'll always have certain feelings for this girl (being my first true love and all)....funny thing is after she left she asked me via text if i'd be interested in grabbing sushi in the near future...i said that might work. To be honest I would enjoy grabbing sushi and seeing how thing go, but with her it's such a risk...will I get the cool/fun/nice chick OR the cold/short/harsh chick?...so that's where I'm at now...we have very low contact. Sometimes she'll text me and be fun and nice, and give me a glimmer of th old girl I fell for, then sometimes We'll text and she'll be quite short and dull....bipolar perhaps? I know she's been through a lot with her cousin recently dying, but I just don't know what to do about meeting her up for dinner?..i DO still have feeling for her..maybe not as powerful as 3 months ago, but they are still there...I'm just a little lost here guys.

 

Silver, I know what you're TOTALLY saying about having people grow on you and love happening out of the blue...totally what happened with me and my ex...but I just see a few red flags with this new girl and there really is no spark at all...i recognize she's nice and cute...but like you said my actions I(me not texting her as much anynmore) will give her a hint...I think i'm close to being ready to date, but i HAVE to be really attracted to her and have that spark...casual dating isn't for me now.

 

also, sorry to hear you're having a rough go at it silver....I know how tough being unemployed, thinking about the ex having fun, and thinking how great our lives could be now, without this ****ty luck that's been thrown are way...that was my life from december-march...since then it's been looking up at times, but still not completely out of the woods...you already know what to do...you said it. Hit that gym, look for jobs that TRULY inspire you, take advantage of the weather and summer, AND DONT EVER STALK HER ONLINE SH*T!...and vent on here man....tomorrow starts a new week, so do what you know you have to and limit your drinking...goodluck man.

 

 

I'll keep you guys posted on news with the ex...i'm a 100% honest when I say i truly don't know what to do...part of me wants to see if she can become the girl I use to love, and part of me doesn;t want to deal with the new girl she has become...i'm a bit scared to be honest, I don't want to revisit those ****ty horrifying, lonely , sad days again...yet I don;t want to miss out on anything ya know? crazy predicament....I'd say i'm doing ok though for the most part..actually off to fish and have a beer with a couple friends....any words of advice on my situation from you guys is greatly appreciated....talk to you all soon.

[ccfan]

Good morning everyone,

 

Faith, glad you had a good party my brother! , again, i don´t know how you do it regarding bumping to your ex and remaining cool, but good job my brother!! as for what happens in the future only time will tell. It´s great to hear that you are almost there as far as going on dates again, just please DO NOT make my mistake of starting dating without really liking the new girl person because it can backfire into missing the ex even more... also as i totally forgot (and probably all of us here) dating can be a hell of a stress source, so we need to be careful. I have lined a date tomorrow tuesday with this hot girl that a mile away you can tell she´s not a good person, either way i´ll go and try to have some fun.

 

Silver, glad to hear that you have saved enough to live for as few months so you don´t have to rush into the first job offer they give you, take your time and go for the one you feel will give your life a purpose, granted, even the most fun activity when done daily can become a hassle, but the more you love it the better. How have you been feeling regarding the ex.

 

In here, a really tough weekend, and starting the week on the wrong foot unfortunatelly. Turns out that i got this call from my brother sunday morning saying "hey! gess what! your ex has an article in the newspaper regarding a tv show" ... that alone and i´m not kidding gave me nausea and i was afraid to go to my front door and look for the paper, a good friend of mine told me to see it and kill the demons that were making me feel ever worse for not looking...

 

...so i did, it was a big article with a picture of her looking so beautiful... it hurt, A LOT... the article wasn´t that good she was basically saying that her tv channel was getting out of budget and that the internal situation there was uncertain, so i read it, took a deep breath and try to calm me down as it was nothing special... seeing the picture was the only thing that destroyed me....

 

.... but then what i was afraid it was going to happen happened: i got a call for my parents, and my mother told me in such a relaxed way "hey!! look who´s on the newspaper" ..... boy did i flip out, i went crazy and starting screaming at her (which is so unnusual as i´m very soft spoken) i told her that this was the 6th time i asked not to hear anything from her and that any good parent instead of looking how to hurt their son they would try to protect them, that a good mother would throw away that article, and so on.. well.. my verval rage attack went on for a good 5 min of screaming and telling them (my father was also listening) all that i have bottled in for so long regarding them always making my life miserable and reopen the wound over and over again...

 

later on my father asked me to go furniture shopping with him, i didn´t go. My mother tried to talk and i´m ignoring her, my brother is trying to fix this situation but this time they went too far stepping over me, i mean not one or twice i told them to not telling me anything about her but SIX times and they still do it and with a smurk on their faces... i´m not speaking to them into further notice. i feel awfull about all of this but they did it to themselves... any advice or words of confort would be appreciated guys as i´m staring my week tired and depressed.

 

Sorry for the rant, big hug to all of you

Edited May 23, 2011 by ccfan

[giveittofate]

hey dudes,

 

cc, and silver...thanks for the advice..both of you made very valid points. cc, I've decided i'm not really ready to date as of now...like i said if it's something very chill maybe, but as far as anything commited or real, I just don't think i'm there yet (unless my dream girl came into my world)..for now i'm just leaving it to fate, and see where life takes me....as for this small interaction with the ex...well you made a good point silver, i would get sad and depressed seeing her with pics of different dudes, so I know I'm not ready to be just friends (probably will NEVER reach that) I'm a lot more calm and less on edge then i was 3 months ago, but it still makes me uncomfortable and depressed at times when it comes to her...i am WELL AWARE that seeing her sunday (we decided to grab dinner sunday) will set me back and most likely want her more (80%) chance of that, but I guess this opportunity presented itself, and I do want to see if that slim posibility of her becoming the cool old girl she once was can happen (trust me fellas, i know it's extremely unlikely, but of course i can fantasize about it, and I guess you dont know unless you try)...since our small bit of communication has happened i find myself wanting to get a text or message from her....i said it once and I'll say it again...i don't know what to do...im a insect headed towards the light...i know this will probably not help me, but you never know i guess...any thoughts?

 

ok enough of me

 

cc, you have every right to be upset and fed up with your parents behavior. I mean how many times do you have to tell them, before they get the hint? Silver pretty much summed it up best with his response...take sometime away from them, to let them know you mean business, but when it comes down to it they still are famly, and family i very important....good for you having these dates? how'd it go with the bad chick? did she suck as a human? oh and don't worry about feeling down from seeing her your exes pic...my heart and silver too im sure still gets that little jolt and upset stomach when we see pics of our ex...especially when we arent expecting it....total reality check that sucks...hope you're doing better, and remember your own advice "dating can cause more stress and make you miss your ex more" so make sure it's a chick with potential.

 

Silver, don't be too hard on yourself man...life dealt you a ****ty stretch of luck as of late...i mean the trip, job situation, and recent run in...come on, that would mess anyone up...don't be afraid to take a few days to let the emotions out and just be a bum, but dont let it linger on too much...you're a sensitive dude like myself, but be thankful we can be commited dudes...soooo many friends of mine and guys I know are such peices of **** when it comes to that being faithful and all....think they'll ever have a meaningful long term relationship or marriage? i think not...yeah it sucks that i'm 6 months out and your 8 and we still have a lot of down times, but when we do meet "the one" it'll be all worth it being who we are....since your ex (like mine) have that emotional switch, you think they'll find true happiness and long lasting love...maybe, but probably not....NO STALKING HER CRAP, APPLY FOR JOBS YOU TRULY LIKE, FEEEL SH*TTY WHEN YOU HAVE TOO, LET IT ALL OUT, AND ENJOY THE WEATHER AND YOUR YOUTH AND HEALTH...we're here man

 

until later

[giveittofate]

oh yeah, one more thing...I was thinking about possibly calling her tonight, to check in on how she's been (with her cousin passing and all) and just see how she's feeling as of late, let her know i'm thinking of her...and also run by possibly seeing the hangover 2 together for the midnight showing (we both saw the first together and loved it)...be honest guys...is this a little much? should I just wait til sunday to talk to her and keep it chill...or should I call to see how she's holding up and not bring up the movie?....little lost...what's your guys advice?

[ccfan]

Hello everyone,

 

Silver, i know how you feel brother, BELIEVE ME.... it happened to me when she took a trip overseas after she dumped me and i was ALL the time calculating the time zone and dreading so much my local 6 pm time bacause it was 11 in her timezone and i just imagined her in discos all all that stuff... what i´m trying to say is that again this is your dark side of your mind working against you, because -and i know this for a fact- we always imagine the worse, so get ahead of your mind and know that reality is that at that time shes very likely to be sleeping dead tired of a day of sightseeing.

 

Also keep in mind that although its been 8 month since the break up, you went back strongly when you saw her... so let this emotional virus run its course and whatever you do, do not search for her in the internet or anywere brother.

 

Regarding the job, i totally agree with our brother Faith, since you have saved for a rainy day, don´t panic... take your time, sleep until late.. try to feel refreshed and then start going for the jobs you like.

 

Faith. To be totally honest i´m really concerned about your new encounter with your ex, brother, it sounds like it could be a trap and you could get hurt or maybe (not as likely in my opinion) it could be a clean start... the thing is that if i was in your shoes i´d be doing exactly what you are doing of going to eat and asking her to go to the movies... so all i can advice is to take it easy on sunday, do not bring up anything from the past and you are going to have to perform a De Niro thing going on in the sense that you must act in a way that she must not tell how you feel about her, actually she should see you as a new confident, improved, relaxed guy that is doing better without her. Get a fresh haircut and look sharp brother. this meeting is really important because it´s really a one on one in a quiet place. I wish you the very best of luck as you and everyone here deserve to be happy.

 

Also regarding the movies... again myself, i´d ask her for it.. but if i see it cold its better to create a space and have a great night on sunday.

 

Good move by the way on deciding of not dating until ready, i´ve been in this dating mess and believe me is adding coal to the fire... too messy to be involved at the stage we are right now, it´s not like we have to become monks but for now i wish i didn´t go out and date as soon as i did.

 

Well.. my date is tonight actually, nothing fancy , just taking out this girl to see the movie i played on the soundtrack and then probably go home, i wish i would get lucky, but like i said i´m not up for setting up a plan to go to my place, drinks, sex and so on.. if it happens good if not it´s ok... for me the reward is to reprogram my mind that i can go out with girls much more hotter than the ex, my thing is to rebuild my self steem, i also went out with a lingerie model last thrusday, it was fun and it´s even funier that once those pics are in FB a lot of girls show interest in going out. Go figure that phenomenon....

 

Tonights girl is also a model, natural blonde, incredible body... and much taller than me! (need to buy those "get tall" things one puts on the shoes hehe) and quite frankly i´m angry at me because i´m repeating the ex pattern of using my music thing to take advantadge of going out with those kardashian girls only to be dissapointed at the end... God forbid that i ended up falling in love with one of those girls.... but sadly the quiet good ones i know all seem to be taken.

 

Also guys thanks so much for the support regarding my parents situation, you guys made me feel that i´m not crazy and like you guys said, at the end family is family, maybe at the end of the week i´ll go back to normal with them and hope that this time for good that subject is over.

 

keep on posting guys

Edited May 24, 2011 by ccfan

[giveittofate]

cc, I'm worried about myself too, haha...but I really am a bit....I'm falling for her traps easy...it's quite ignorant of myself too, because her contacting me again has got me thinking about her and every time i get a text in the back of my mind I hope it's her (like I said I'm in a better place, yet not over her by any means)...i'm still on the fence about calling her about seeing the midnight screening tomorrow...i don't know what i'll do?..As I'm typing this in my mind I know my ex, is still probably he girl I completely DISLIKE and the new girl she turned in to, yet I still want to see her and grab dinner...makes no sense how my minds working.

 

good luck on your date tonight man...ha, seems like were in the same boat when it comes to girls we attract...fu*king kardashian loving girls, who say the love god, yet dress skanky and act like hypocrites....well my friend have fun on your date tonight?...and from me to you, DON'T START LIKING HER! haha, the last thing you need is a materialistic skank in your life...just have fun and be carefree...goodluck man, let us know how it went.

 

cheers to us all finding that special girl who completely makes us forget about our ex.