Is there hope?

[dreamingoftigers]

Be patient, when you are hopeful she will try to dash it, when you are hopeless she will try to give you hope.

 

She hasn't worked it out yet. You have to nit be reactive at all until she really sets her feet in one direction. She's still in the wind and this is her testing the **** out if you without her or you knowing it.

 

Believe nothing you hear and less then half of what you see.

 

You have time on your side until papers come, it's all about when you want to throw in the towel.

 

I have two X chromosomes, trust me

[Craig2425]

I know. Just a wreck right now.

Don't understand how she could say she wants to try and tell me that things were getting easier for her . Then we get home and boom! Flip the switch.

[BlindRage]

Sorry to hear that man.

 

It's hard for her to get past her feelings about you walking out and for you to get past your feelings about og. It's REALLY hard in a relationship when the trust is broken down.

 

I saw that in spades when my W found out about my debt and after I discovered how easily she could walk away from the M. We never really recovered or rebuilt after that and just kept drifting farther apart. I could have pressed her about MC and about doing things to fix the problem, but I was having serious doubts about whether or not I wanted to be married to someone the rest of my life who treated me like that. I was sort of planning to get out of debt and then hit her with some ultimatums/changes that I wanted in order to rebuild...but she found OM first. I was really surprised at how much it hurt, even though I had my doubts and knew things were far from "perfect."

 

I don't know what to tell you except to hit the 180 hard. Go NC as much as you can. At first, it will suck and it will be an act. It may get her interested in you again. It may not. If it doesn't, it still works because you're building your life, getting active, getting happy with yourself again.

 

I'm getting there. Enjoying my time. Enjoying my kids. She asked me tonight if I wanted to go with her and the kids tomorrow afternoon to go see my daughter's artwork. Since it isn't my night with them and I try to get all the time with them I can, I agreed. Then she said "maybe we can go out to dinner together after?" I didn't say anything and got "distracted" by the kids. I don't want to go to dinner with her. If I have time with the kids, I want it to be with them because I have more fun with them when she's not around...and so do they. I don't enjoy spending time with her anymore. I'm completely disinterested and bothered by her complete re-write of our entire relationship and her rationalization of her relationship with OM.

 

So, know this, you're in a temporary situation, probably the lowest point of your life, BUT, it WILL get better. One way or the other. It's not the end of the world, just the start of something new.

 

Good luck and keep posting...

 

Debtman,

 

Great response. Your responses are always uplifting . Glad to hear that you are strong and didn't give into the temptation of her.

[What_Next]

Craig, how I can empathize with what you just went through. In my case the reason for my acting like that was completely different, but the feeling of getting punched in the ribs is still the same.

 

It is so hard when you reach out and the life preserver is there, you cling on to it and it feels safe, like you are going to make it. Then suddenly it is ripped out of your hands.

 

I've been there. What to do, how to get over it and build from it? Well first realize that you are not going to drown. Take the positive memories from that time with your wife. Take that and use it to build on.

 

Realize that you can only control YOUR actions, not hers. Continue using a 180 style approach and it'll help. It will, it'll take time, but it will help.

[Craig2425]

It's hard to find info on the Internet like my situation.

I left her. I took her for granted and wasn't there emotionally for her and was emotionally abusive at times with her. Now she's had a bf. Says she doesn't love me and hasn't in a long time.

It's weird when we touch like strangers.

Can people work thru this type of stuff?

Just seems like after these past few days maybe there's too much and it's gone on too long.

[debtman]

People can work through ANYTHING. It just depends on how committed they are to it and how much effort they want to put into it. It's a balance between how selfish you are and how self-less you are willing to be.

 

It's easier to quit, walk away and not make the changes in yourself that are needed, but that won't teach you anything for your next relationship.

 

It's hard to try to work on things and takes complete commitment from BOTH people, just ask WN. But, it's also hard to walk away from something you spent so long building and to have such an impact on the kids who didn't do anything wrong and have to live with your choices...just ask the majority of people on here.

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[Craig2425]

I get the feeling that she wanted to try and got scared and realized it's gonna take work.

We both had a really good time and I haven't seen our kid that happy in a long time.

Just don't get how she could say she can't right now after that.

This really sucks!

Thanks for the replies.

Debtman that's what I thought. U can work out anything but you both have to try.

She kept saying she doesn't know and she wish she knew if she could feel for me again cause she doesn't want to get further down the road and she can't and hurt us even more.

[Craig2425]

K latest.

She text me saying fine let's do it your way. Let's try. I don't think it will work but let's get it over with. I left a great relationship where I was treated great for someone who treated me crappy.

 

I want to try but clearly she's not really wanting to.

My problem is I don't want to say no because I've done that before and don't want to hurt her or have her say you did it again.

She just said let's get it over with we will do It your way and I don't think it will work.

Big attitude all of a sudden compared to the last few days where she was normal and nice.

[willowthewisp]

OK Craig, she wants to try but is scared, I truely beleive she is being 100% honest with you. When she is saying she is scared to try because she doesn't wnat to hurt you because she doesn't know it if it will work and then she said ok lets get it over with, it won't work etc, this is what she is trying to say

 

"I am so hurt by your abandonment that I truely do not know if I can get my feelings back for you. I want to get them back, this is why I spent time with you but then sometimes when we spend time together and you touched me I didn't like it. This makes me think I will never get back my feelings back. I am worried you will be hurt and disappointed if we try and despite trying I cannot get back my feelings back for you and I don't want to be responsible for your pain and hurt, so part of me thinks it is better not to try"

 

This is what you need to tell her

 

"As you know, I regret very deeply leaving you and I will never do so again. I understand that you are worried that if you try and you don't get your feelings back that you will have hurt me. I am responsible for how my hurt if that happens, you have been honest with me, you have told me that there is a chance that this may go that way, I choose to take the risk and you are not reaponsible for my feelings because you have been honest about yours. It is my choice to take that risk and it is one I want to take."

 

Or words similar. Of course i could be wrong, but it's what it says to me.

 

Please get some realtionship counselling though, I don't think it would be a good idea for you two to go this alone.

 

Edit - Also, it is possible that your wife is suffering with abandonment issues and that these may have progressed in a committment phobia, the push/pull dynamic is evident here, it may not be that, but I think maybe IC for her would also be a good idea.

Edited April 1, 2011 by willowthewisp

[Craig2425]

OK Craig, she wants to try but is scared, I truely beleive she is being 100% honest with you. When she is saying she is scared to try because she doesn't wnat to hurt you because she doesn't know it if it will work and then she said ok lets get it over with, it won't work etc, this is what she is trying to say

 

"I am so hurt by your abandonment that I truely do not know if I can get my feelings back for you. I want to get them back, this is why I spent time with you but then sometimes when we spend time together and you touched me I didn't like it. This makes me think I will never get back my feelings back. I am worried you will be hurt and disappointed if we try and despite trying I cannot get back my feelings back for you and I don't want to be responsible for your pain and hurt, so part of me thinks it is better not to try"

 

This is what you need to tell her

 

"As you know, I regret very deeply leaving you and I will never do so again. I understand that you are worried that if you try and you don't get your feelings back that you will have hurt me. I am responsible for how my hurt if that happens, you have been honest with me, you have told me that there is a chance that this may go that way, I choose to take the risk and you are not reaponsible for my feelings because you have been honest about yours. It is my choice to take that risk and it is one I want to take."

 

Or words similar. Of course i could be wrong, but it's what it says to me.

 

Please get some realtionship counselling though, I don't think it would be a good idea for you two to go this alone.

 

Edit - Also, it is possible that your wife is suffering with abandonment issues and that these may have progressed in a committment phobia, the push/pull dynamic is evident here, it may not be that, but I think maybe IC for her would also be a good idea.

 

I kinda think that but then she also says That she only thought about trying cause I begged her.

I dunno. If she really doesn't want to try I don't want to. That would be a waste of our time and wouldn't be good for our kid.

[Craig2425]

Ok. So since she's said all this she asked if I wanted to take a road trip with our daughter to her grandmas house. I was very reluctant due to her saying let's just get this over with etc but I didn't want to (for a third time) pull away as she said ok let's try(even tho this time I'm not sure she is).

 

I said ok let's go and for the most part the drive up was good but towards the last 30 mins she just had to get a little dig in. She came up here a couple months ago with our dog and i asked if she wished it was us,she said no.

I get the feeling shes pretending to try to say later on down the line that she tried.

 

I really didn't want to come on this trip because I thought all this but didn't want to be wrong and pull away from her again.

I hope I did the right thing but after being here ,once again I feel like i shouldn't.

 

My emotions are all over the place. From being happy and hopeful to thinking shes not trying or gonna so just give up and move on.

 

She does so much weird stuff. Tell me let's just get this over but when I tried to sleep on the couch she got upset and said this is bs Deja vu( from when this all first started).

It's hard to not want to be affectionate with her when she wants me to sleep with her and I'm not talking about sex. I mean during the day. Like holding hands etc. How could she not want that stuff but want me in the bed with her?

I feel used to tell you the truth like I'm her puppet and I don't know what to do since I don't want to abandon her again.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

[willowthewisp]

Craig,

 

Whilst I understand that you may be worried that she is "trying" for the wrong reasons, I wouls suggest you go back and re-read your thread. Just a short time ago you would have given anything for her to have broken up with the boyfriend and to trying to work things out with you. You wanted to save your marriage and your family, the htought of your child spending time with the boyfriend was killing you, you just wanted your family back.

 

Now you possibly have that opprotunity but are concerned it isn't real? How will you know if you don't try, do you want to jeapordise this opportunity, an opportunity that you would have killed for a few weeks ago and one that many of us here woul kill for now.

 

Make an MC appointment, you can then raise you concerns in a civil and controlled environment where the counsellor can help you both to talk it through calmly, hopefullly without the situation blowing up again. To be honest I think from what you have said the only problem with this marriage is that the two of you do not know how to communicate with each other. MC will give you the tools to do this. You both clearly love each other, don't waste this chance to repair your relationship, for both your sakes and your childs.

 

Sorry if that is harsh.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi Craig,

 

As someone who has abandonment issues and two X chromosomes, I can tell you that you are getting some real solid advice here.

 

I would like to add my epic posting to your cause.

 

1. I notice that when your wife reaches out in her dysfunctional way that you place the worst motivation behind it. You figure she is only doing this because "something negative, she doesn't really want to, she's just xyz." Now you may be wrong, you may be right. (In this case I do think you are wrong, but that's just me.)

 

This is a dysfunctional thinking pattern called "mind-reading." My husband does this too me often and it really doesn't help and it really actually undermines his efforts because it shows that he doesn't believe me to have any good motives practically ever.

It affects my trust in him and shows me that he doesn't care about my happiness. (Which of course would be me reading his mind, but I digress.)

Your wife is going to pick up on the fact that you are thinking this about her, it would probably be best to adopt willowthewisp's stance on the matter. He is bang on. Even if your wife's motivations are poor, then you have a chance to show her that you are worth pursuing a relationship with.

 

K latest.

She text me saying fine let's do it your way. Let's try. I don't think it will work but let's get it over with. I left a great relationship where I was treated great for someone who treated me crappy.

 

I want to try but clearly she's not really wanting to.

My problem is I don't want to say no because I've done that before and don't want to hurt her or have her say you did it again.

She just said let's get it over with we will do It your way and I don't think it will work.

Big attitude all of a sudden compared to the last few days where she was normal and nice.

 

She has abandonment issues, so do I. Right now I can tell you with 90% certainty that she was feeling closer to you and then her self-preservation kicked in. Her "I am going to get abandoned again" kicked in full-force. You need to be a brick wall right now. It isn't your issue BUT there are things that you can do to pull through it and prove to her that you won't go.

 

She is going to need IC, no doubt. (EMDR is amazing by the way for abandonment issues, but yes everyone has heard me say it over and over.)

I can guarantee you that in some way she is going to threaten to leave you or act as though the relationship is awful or that you are a bad guy. DO NOT ABANDON HER BUT DO NOT ACCEPT ABUSE.

 

Make it her choice, that should snap her back pretty quickly when she does pull away, and trust me Craig she will probably push every button at once because she wants to poke the bear to see if he explode and take off on her. She doesn't know that she is testing you, not of these issues are conscious to her. She is going by raw feeling and self-preservation alone (until she sorts out these triggers in EMDR or IC.)

 

Here is how to not bolt on your wife without getting abused:

 

"You are just going to leave again anyways. So I don't want to come and move back."

 

"I can't predict the future but I will say that at this point I have no intention of doing so and that I have worked through a lot of the reasons that happened in the first place. If you want to go, that is up to you and I can't change your mind. I can only respect your choices. But I am going to stay dedicated to this for as long as it makes sense to me to do so."

 

Make it her choice. Don't give her any ammo. If she says that you are only acting the way that you are to win her back and then you will be a jerk, just say. "I wasn't doing this out of great expectation but I do enjoy the moments we share together." As well later make it clear that you are not going anywhere depending on how she respects your boundaries.

 

That takes your emotional reactivity right out of the equation. For instance if you would leave your wife because she wore yellow socks and you told her this and wrote it down and she knew from day one that yellow socks would mean divorce. She can't blame you if she chooses to wear yellow socks, it would be her choice (ugh, yellow socks).

 

OK Craig, she wants to try but is scared, I truely beleive she is being 100% honest with you. When she is saying she is scared to try because she doesn't wnat to hurt you because she doesn't know it if it will work and then she said ok lets get it over with, it won't work etc, this is what she is trying to say

 

"I am so hurt by your abandonment that I truely do not know if I can get my feelings back for you. I want to get them back, this is why I spent time with you but then sometimes when we spend time together and you touched me I didn't like it. This makes me think I will never get back my feelings back. I am worried you will be hurt and disappointed if we try and despite trying I cannot get back my feelings back for you and I don't want to be responsible for your pain and hurt, so part of me thinks it is better not to try"

 

This is what you need to tell her

 

"As you know, I regret very deeply leaving you and I will never do so again. I understand that you are worried that if you try and you don't get your feelings back that you will have hurt me. I am responsible for how my hurt if that happens, you have been honest with me, you have told me that there is a chance that this may go that way, I choose to take the risk and you are not reaponsible for my feelings because you have been honest about yours. It is my choice to take that risk and it is one I want to take."

 

Or words similar. Of course i could be wrong, but it's what it says to me.

 

Please get some realtionship counselling though, I don't think it would be a good idea for you two to go this alone.

 

Edit - Also, it is possible that your wife is suffering with abandonment issues and that these may have progressed in a committment phobia, the push/pull dynamic is evident here, it may not be that, but I think maybe IC for her would also be a good idea.

 

^^^^This is some of the best translating and responding I have ever seen a guy do on LS. Always PM this guy for advice!

 

I kinda think that but then she also says That she only thought about trying cause I begged her.

I dunno. If she really doesn't want to try I don't want to. That would be a waste of our time and wouldn't be good for our kid.

 

Quit trying to deduce what she is thinking, you aren't Sherlock Holmes. Your job isn't to read her mind, it is to save your marriage. She will let you know what she is thinking in due time when her actions match her words. If she is doing harm to her kid by "fake trying" then that is on her and you are role-modelling to your child to be a dedicated spouse that believes in marriage and his partner.

 

If you and your spouse were any good at reading each other's mind and guessing each other's motivations you wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it was a bitter pill for me to swallow too. Chances are your spouse doesn't even know herself or what makes her happy, so you can't possibly know her inner workings or what makes her happy. It only comes out over time by trying different combinations. Plus she has to make herself happy first, and you have to make yourself happy first.

 

180 teaches you how to take care of yourself.

 

Ok. So since she's said all this she asked if I wanted to take a road trip with our daughter to her grandmas house. I was very reluctant due to her saying let's just get this over with etc but I didn't want to (for a third time) pull away as she said ok let's try(even tho this time I'm not sure she is).

 

Worry less about what she is doing. She picks up on at and there is a good chance that she feel scrutinzed and judged because you are scrutinzing and judging her. I commend you for doing what you are doing. 100%. But if you hold onto some unhealthy attitudes and behaviours your efforts will end up tainted. Worry less about capturing her attention and affection and worry more about being happy and supporting her self-esteem. That combination will work much better then strategizing for her to try again. By trying to move her, you don't move yourself and you can only move yourself in this dynamic, so you would be wasting your energy by trying to fix her underlying attitudes when you have no proof of what they are to being with. (Sorry run-on sentence).

 

I said ok let's go and for the most part the drive up was good but towards the last 30 mins she just had to get a little dig in. She came up here a couple months ago with our dog and i asked if she wished it was us,she said no.

I get the feeling shes pretending to try to say later on down the line that she tried.

 

Quit chasing. Now. Just be happy with yourself and in her company. I understand the urge to push forward, but by pushing you are not respecting her space and choices. She may not be respecting yours, but that isn't up to you to control. Just stop pursuing for some reaction of "stay or go" from her. She needs to come to that conclusion on her own and she will most likely bail if you push her. Her self-preservation instinct will kick in. Most of us with abandonment issues also have the instinct to flee traps. Don't try to trap her.

 

I really didn't want to come on this trip because I thought all this but didn't want to be wrong and pull away from her again.

I hope I did the right thing but after being here ,once again I feel like i shouldn't.

 

My emotions are all over the place. From being happy and hopeful to thinking shes not trying or gonna so just give up and move on.

 

Don't let her trying or not trying affect your internal happiness. By making her the center of what you are feeling now, you are actually loading her responsibility on her that actually isn't hers. If you want to try, then try. If you don't then, don't. But don't try or not try based on whether she is trying or not trying. You are your own person and if you have decided on seeing the marriage through to either reconciliation or the point of no return, then that's on you. And you alone. And that is both empowering and commendable.

 

Many times in my marriage I know that my husband is not trying. That's his choice and his loss. Part of my self-esteem and self-love comes from knowing that I made a choice and will stick with it until the happy or bitter end. That choice in itself has paid dividends. Even if my husband makes choices that cause the end of this marriage, I know damn well that I will be a far better spouse the next time and that I am capable of having a happy relationship with another. It will be his loss.

 

She does so much weird stuff. Tell me let's just get this over but when I tried to sleep on the couch she got upset and said this is bs Deja vu( from when this all first started).

 

Couch is triggering abandonment. When she says that lash, you say "I was trying to respect your space because I didn't want to push. If you would like (and I would like this) we can't sleep together in the same bed, but I don't know what you are thinking and I don't want to guess wrong."

 

It's hard to not want to be affectionate with her when she wants me to sleep with her and I'm not talking about sex. I mean during the day. Like holding hands etc. How could she not want that stuff but want me in the bed with her?

I feel used to tell you the truth like I'm her puppet and I don't know what to do since I don't want to abandon her again.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

 

You let her come to you, slowly. When she gets that angry push trigger. Just stay calm and do not take it personally. I can tell you from personal experience that the more "reptilian, instinctual" part of her brain kicks in when it feels unsafe and you just need to show a constant wall of safety and comfort.

 

If you had healthy communication patterns, you would present that way instantly. She isn't 'using' you. She has some base internal issues that are surfacing and with most adults surface particularly in relationships.

 

Quite frankly, she is at her most vulnerable right now and the negative attitudes you are holding about her coupled with your frustration etc are going to affect things.

 

When you see the lashing out, rage, depression etc. Don't do what you instinctually do as a guy which is lash out back, run, or pull away. Listen and relate. Make her responsible but do not give her any reason to think that you won't respect her boundaries if she gives them and don't give her any reason to think that you will leave her (physically or emotionally) because she isn't emotionally right at this time.

 

This isn't a conscious effort to grind your gears. Her brain will be working off of pure, triggered instinct. The way you fight this is by staying optimistic, upbeat, safe and do not allow her to abuse you.

 

As well any flare-ups she does have are not because of you. They are because of her own insecurities and discomfort about being abandoned/unappreciated. Most men when confronted by poor delivery of feelings from a women see an attack and something to be taken personally. Only hear that she is in pain. She isn't throwing a spear at you no matter how much it hurts. She is showing you pain. Treat her like you would treat a wounded animal (one that you want to recover, not shoot).

 

A wounded animal will lash out even if they have known you for a decade. They want to instinctually make sure that they won't end up in anymore pain or be under any more threat. You slowly gain the wounded animal's trust and then go from there to bandage the wounds. After that, that animal will almost always trust you and you will have a deeper bond.

 

Don't shoot the deer!

 

Good luck, no one ever said marriage and family was easy. In my personal opinion it is worth it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Craig,

 

Whilst I understand that you may be worried that she is "trying" for the wrong reasons, I wouls suggest you go back and re-read your thread. Just a short time ago you would have given anything for her to have broken up with the boyfriend and to trying to work things out with you. You wanted to save your marriage and your family, the htought of your child spending time with the boyfriend was killing you, you just wanted your family back.

 

Now you possibly have that opprotunity but are concerned it isn't real? How will you know if you don't try, do you want to jeapordise this opportunity, an opportunity that you would have killed for a few weeks ago and one that many of us here woul kill for now.

 

Make an MC appointment, you can then raise you concerns in a civil and controlled environment where the counsellor can help you both to talk it through calmly, hopefullly without the situation blowing up again. To be honest I think from what you have said the only problem with this marriage is that the two of you do not know how to communicate with each other. MC will give you the tools to do this. You both clearly love each other, don't waste this chance to repair your relationship, for both your sakes and your childs.

 

Sorry if that is harsh.

 

Ha ha, I am harsher.

[Craig2425]

You're right. We suck at communicating.

You're also right that a few weeks ago I would have killed for this and that's why I came despite feeling this way. She's said that she is willing to go to mc which we are. It's just all the other stuff that she's saying that's worrying me. I don't want to screw things up too.

[trippi1432]

I agree with a lot of what DOT and Willow are stating here....something else to consider and possibly talk about in IC is the natural fight or flight response we all have...it's our body's natural response to danger. Not that you are dangerous...don't get me wrong there. It's the fear of abandonment, fear of rejection and/or fear of losing oneself that can create or trigger this response...on both your parts really.

 

It's also one of the basic issues around anxiety triggers...this natural response has been with us for ages and is a basic survival instinct. It's also what can cause communication problems in relationships...when we are "attacked" we either fight or we flee what we perceive is hurting us or triggers an event we remember from past experience.

 

This article probably outlines the response as closely as what my IC and I have been discussing. I find it interesting as we have all heard of taking a "time-out" when communication is breaking down in a relationship...the push/pull dynamic will not work when the "fight or flight" response has been activated. http://www.potential2success.com/fightorflightrelationshipconflict.html

[willowthewisp]

 

 

 

^^^^This is some of the best translating and responding I have ever seen a guy do on LS. Always PM this guy for advice!

 

 

Um, just to clear it up DOT, I'm a women! Not sure where you go the idea that I am a guy or why I am coming across as a guy?

[willowthewisp]

I agree with a lot of what DOT and Willow are stating here....something else to consider and possibly talk about in IC is the natural fight or flight response we all have...it's our body's natural response to danger. Not that you are dangerous...don't get me wrong there. It's the fear of abandonment, fear of rejection and/or fear of losing oneself that can create or trigger this response...on both your parts really.

 

It's also one of the basic issues around anxiety triggers...this natural response has been with us for ages and is a basic survival instinct. It's also what can cause communication problems in relationships...when we are "attacked" we either fight or we flee what we perceive is hurting us or triggers an event we remember from past experience.

 

This article probably outlines the response as closely as what my IC and I have been discussing. I find it interesting as we have all heard of taking a "time-out" when communication is breaking down in a relationship...the push/pull dynamic will not work when the "fight or flight" response has been activated. http://www.potential2success.com/fightorflightrelationshipconflict.html

 

Interesting that you said that Trippi, because I picked up on this vibe as well and have spent all afternoon pondering if I was reading into Craigs' posts because of my committment phobic ex and his flight response, the push/pull, rather than because of what Craig posted. In other words I wondered if my perception of the situation was biased. Perhaps not then.

 

Craig, are you feeling anxious not to fail or get hurt if this doesn't work out? Do you perhaps think you could be reading the situation with your wife from that perspective? When in fact, like DOT says she is reacting out of fear herself? For example, when she won't hold hands, but then wants you to sleep next to her. Very contradictory actions on the surface but look beneath the surface and one can see the push/pull, she wants you, but she is scared to want you.

 

Really do think you both need MC and IC.

 

I do, however, think you can save this marriage. In fact I would go as far as to say that you are in the rare amount of couples on here with an extremely good chance of reconciling, it's going to take hard work and commitment and time but it will be worth it. It's very difficult to find someone who you truely connect with and love, don't let that go without a fight.

[dreamingoftigers]

Um, just to clear it up DOT, I'm a women! Not sure where you go the idea that I am a guy or why I am coming across as a guy?

 

Um. You know what? I don't know why I thought that. Sorry bout that.

 

You would make a very understand man though. :lmao:

[trippi1432]

Um. You know what? I don't know why I thought that. Sorry bout that.

 

You would make a very understand man though. :lmao:

 

:lmao: Most women would wouldn't they....kidding!!! :o:o

 

On a more serious note, it just gets ya when you see two people could work it out...at least you have the women's vote here Craig that all is not lost.

[willowthewisp]

Um. You know what? I don't know why I thought that. Sorry bout that.

 

You would make a very understand man though. :lmao:

 

No worries DOT

[dreamingoftigers]

BTW Craig,

 

I developed a little rule with myself for when I deal with my husband. I simply don't deal with him unless I can be focused, upbeat and happy.

 

Otherwise he just has to wait.

[Craig2425]

Great news... The subject of us trying came up and she tried to start a fight with me. She asked if I was sleeping in the bed with her and our daughter( at her grandmas house) and I said I dunno probably. She flipped out and started just going off about everything.

She wouldn't even consider trying if I didn't beg her before,she's not scared confusedor anything like that.she just doesn't feel for me and is trying the best she can for not really wanting to try.

I stayed calm and tried talking to her but eventually she walked away and said once again another vacation has been ruined by a fight.

She keeps saying such shi--y things it makes this so hard.

Says that she's only thinking cause of our daughter and the begging(from before). She had such a perfect relationship of 4 months and she left that for me who was crappy for 11 years.

She can't imagine our life being great cause there was never a time in our 11 years where she cAn think oh I want us to be like that again.

Again I was calm thru this whole thing and tried to just talk to her but she walked away to the room where our kid is sleeping so no more talking about it now.

I truly think she's been telling me the truth about 99% of things. She's still friends with the og on facebook and says she needs to give him back a BBQ and since he didn't do anything wrong she wants to tell him first Instead of just deleting him out of nowhere.

I told her that I wanted to try but if she didn't then that was on her.her response was sure. You won't let me go be happy.

This fuc---g sucks! We had a good time today, made dinner and had some wine then this bs right before bed.

[Craig2425]

Even more great news. She contented to

To try and blame me for everything and I calmly said I will not take full blame. Started with her i didn't want to really try so I told her that I

Was here ready to try but if she didn't want to then that was on her.'she said ok I can live with that.

Then goodnight.

Yay......

[marqueemoon4]

at some point you have to tell yourself you've done everything you can and just walk away. sounds like you're getting to that point. time and space is the only thing that will heal the wounds you've inflicted on each other, and really, maybe you shouldn't be with her. i'm going through the same thing, my ex has someone else and doesn't care so she thinks she has the right to blame me for everything, and try and doormat me every chance she gets. I'm not taking it anymore, I finally see her for what she is and its not good. 100% focus on YOU and your kids. everything else will fall into place. be strong man.