Got my second chance...BUT....

[IfiKnewThen]

WoW that IS shocking.

 

i just want to say that i felt bad that things went down the way they did for you..and that you used my words . so after i last wrote to you, i began to pray for you and your situation. and that something would give in your life. either he come around or you meet someone beyond fantastic.

 

it just feels like maybe a little answer to a prayer.

 

i am praying for good things

[Shatter3d]

Awww sweetie, please do not feel bad at all about that... I chose to use your words as I really liked them and they were similar to something I would say... The outcome wasn't ideal, but I still think he is confused and I think with time he may come around....just my hunch.

 

Thankyou for praying for me, you are a sweetheart, and please I dont want you to feel bad as you are already going through your own pain. You have been an IMMENSE help to me and I cant thank you enough.

 

I'm still shocked that he came around also, I wish he came around because he had a change of heart, but nevertheless he came around. He could have texted or phoned to see if his package had arrived. And then staying for 2 hours...whats that all about. I'm proud of myself that I didnt bring up any relationship talk other than the ' i got your last text and I'm ok with that' It was just a nice, friendly civil conversation. And then the hug at the end...well I melted when he held me. It just felt so right, so safe and warm...didnt want to let go.

 

I dont have a bad feeling about this at all... I feel in the future there may be some hope. If I stick to my game plan of NC then things may just turn around.

[Shatter3d]

Day 1 of NC - wish me luck, it's going to be VERY hard..

 

It helps to know we are all in the same boat though and that other people are feeling the same way.

 

I think I've come to the realisation that he wont be coming back. I feel that the hug we shared yesterday was a goodbye hug...

 

It sux, but he has truly lost out on a wonderful and caring human being. I wish him all the best in finding happiness.

[IfiKnewThen]

will be rooting for you and praying.

 

day 1...one day at a time

[Shatter3d]

Day 2 of NC - this is so hard, I dont think I can do this :(

 

I just want to slap some sense into him and make him realise what he is losing....will he one day realise this himself? I hope so.

[flow15]

Day 2 of NC - this is so hard, I dont think I can do this :(

 

I just want to slap some sense into him and make him realise what he is losing....will he one day realise this himself? I hope so.

 

I know exactly how u feel, I too wonder if my ex will realise what hes lost?

 

I am on day 7 NC. It is hard, but it gets better. At least u kno your not the only one

[Shatter3d]

Thanks Flow - it helps to know I'm not the only one...

 

I read somewhere that your Ex has broken up with you 3 or 4 times? What were his reasons? How long were you together etc?

 

This is the 2nd my ex has done this to me and I dont think I could handle it a 3rd time...

[Bateman]

On day 6 of strict NC. I'm fine when I'm busy with stuff but then something will trigger a thought of her and my heart will skip a beat or two.

[Shatter3d]

I'm on Day 3 - doesnt get any easier. I miss him more than life itself

[IfiKnewThen]

i know it stinks . but youre doing good ..hang in there.

 

i'll bet he does miss you too. they just want what they want at the time..even if its out.

 

just keep hanging in there. i have a very really good things to read for help and support if you want to look into it. i can send the links. but hang in there.

 

you sound like such a good person. his loss

[Shatter3d]

i have a very really good things to read for help and support if you want to look into it. i can send the links. but hang in there.

 

Thankyou, I would love something to read to take my mind off things.

 

I'm feeling very teary today...It's so hard to accept that it's over and that he doesn't feel the same for me as I do him.

 

I have lost the best thing that has ever happened to me...like your ex, mine was a total gem. He was very kind, loyal, caring, gentle, giving, thoughtful, he was just so good to me. He would do anything for me. I cant understand how his feelings changed overnight, I really cant.

[IfiKnewThen]

hug i am so sorry you are going thru this. i wish i could wave a wand and make him come to his senses.

 

yes its hard when they were good. to us

 

1) at first, this information may not help "right away' because it does center on N/C. it was written by a poster here named mcgrupp here on LS. but this may be too soon for you to read since this is still fresh for you and who knows ..he still may come back. we dont know. but this is good for when you really decide to move forward with the thoughts of his possible not coming back. its long so, it means reading all of mcgrupps posts (not the people who wrote to him). he lists how he got over the women he loved. its long. a real good read if you continue and follow his story. its straight forward. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244265/?highlight=mcgrupp

 

i started reading this when i really figured he might not come back and i wanted to know how to prepare myself so to speak.

 

2) this next thing is free online. there is some poetry in here that made me cry BUT...the self help about losing a love is excellent...and helped me know the pain will go away. i still have to finish reading this. here is the site. you start by reading each chapter...1 ..2...3...etc. its called HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS OF A LOVE ......

http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/sur/

[IfiKnewThen]

oh read the part "UNDERSTANDING LOSS ON THAT LAST SITE I SENT YOU. READ THAT BEFORE THE TABLE OF CONTENTS.

 

 

 

stay strong

[Shatter3d]

Thankyou so much, I'll have a read of them.

 

Now...just to try and get through this day..it's such a struggle. I know this sounds pathetic but I feel like my life has no meaning without him, there is nothing to look forward to anymore. Thats just how I feel right now, I'm hoping very soon that this will change.

[IfiKnewThen]

i understand..

 

 

keep the faith

[gator12]

Same place as you shattered..

Beautiful thing is, when you have no hope left the only place to go is up from there.

 

Hang in there

 

-Gator

[Shatter3d]

Thanks Gator

[gator12]

Haha no problem, us dumpees have got to look out for each other lol. How else will we remain sane?

[Shatter3d]

Yes we do need to look out for each other, no-one else will lol

 

p.s - I don't think you ruined your chances the other day...she is the one who rang you ( quite sneakily I must say). Ok so you argued, no biggie, it is what it is. You both needed to get some things off your chest. Now all you can do is sit back and let the dust settle, she is probably just trying to absorb things. Leave her be and go back to what you were doing before she interfered back into your life !

[flow15]

Thanks Flow - it helps to know I'm not the only one...

 

I read somewhere that your Ex has broken up with you 3 or 4 times? What were his reasons? How long were you together etc?

 

This is the 2nd my ex has done this to me and I dont think I could handle it a 3rd time...

 

Hi Shatter3d sorry for the late reply.

 

Yes we have broken up about 3 times... We were together for nearly a year.

 

His reasons were that he loves his freedom too much and cant be in a relationship.

Every time he came back he told me he loved me and missed me and realized what we had was rare and special, but every time we tried again he just felt too much pressure, i think he just can't handle relationships... he wants to do what he wants when he wants, and doesnt want to have to worry about anyone else.

Because of this we argued quite a lot, mainly because I could sense that I was losing him or I could sense that as much as he cares about me his heart wasn't in it, which obviously upset me and then made me pick arguments with him, which obviously pushed him further away and confirm even more that he couldnt be in a relationship.

 

This is what he told me, and I hope that its the truth and not because he has met someone else because that would just kill me. But Im pretty sure there wouldnt be anyone else otherwise he wouldnt have come back.

 

I dont think he'll be coming back again... and as much as I wish we could be together, I don't want him to come back because I know he'll just leave again and break my heart again.

I think he'll only ever come back once I've moved on and when he is ready for a relationship. But maybe by then it will be too late, he will probably have already met someone else who he is ready for a relationship with and I will probably have forgotten him. In that case, it just wasn't meant to be and wasn't true love. How can someone leave someone they truely love?

 

Its hard to accept, because even though he's hurt me so much, when we were together and when we were good... it was amazing, the first time either of us had felt that way, and its sad to think thats gone and i that i wont get that back...

 

But I just think, someone else will come along...and someone else will come along for you, someone who loves you and who won't want to leave you.

 

If your ex comes back, as happy as it will make you... you cannot trust that he won't leave again, and trust me it doesnt feel any better each time they leave. Please don't let him hurt you like that again, I'm gonna try do the same.

 

Sorry this has ended up being so long!

Edited February 3, 2011 by flow15

[Shatter3d]

In that case, it just wasn't meant to be and wasn't true love. How can someone leave someone they truely love?\

 

Thanks for sharing your story Flow....he sounds like he has a bit of growing up to do if you ask me...you need to let him go and explore his freedom, and if you are saying what you both shared was rare and amazing, trust me when I say he will be back...not now but as you say probably when you have moved on. When he realises that having his freedom is not as good as enjoying your life with someone you truly love, he will either try and come back or if he is stubborn, live with the biggest regret of his life.

 

With your quote above, how can someone leave someone they truly love? This is just something I cannot get my head around. I know I couldnt, no matter what he did, I would always be willing to try and sort things out...relationships are a work in progress, they dont always run smoothly, but both people need to be committed in order to make it work. Love is purely not enough as we both know.

 

My ex also said I was the best thing that has ever happened to him and that he has never felt this way about anyone. He treated me like gold, smothered me with love...heck we even put an engagement ring on lay-by..and in a matter of hours he just throws it all away in the trash? I dont get it, I'm driving myself insane trying to figure him out..after the argument he said its clear that we are not compatible and it wont work out...wtf? after 1 argument? Meh....this is doing my head in. Cant stand it any more. As much as I want him in my life, I know I couldnt possibly take him back...I dont trust myself though, if he came back now I dont know if I have the strength to knock him back...

 

Lets get through this together

Edited February 3, 2011 by Shatter3d

[flow15]

In that case, it just wasn't meant to be and wasn't true love. How can someone leave someone they truely love?\

 

Thanks for sharing your story Flow....he sounds like he has a bit of growing up to do if you ask me...you need to let him go and explore his freedom, and if you are saying what you both shared was rare and amazing, trust me when I say he will be back...not now but as you say probably when you have moved on. When he realises that having his freedom is not as good as enjoying your life with someone you truly love, he will either try and come back or if he is stubborn, live with the biggest regret of his life.

 

With your quote above, how can someone leave someone they truly love? This is just something I cannot get my head around. I know I couldnt, no matter what he did, I would always be willing to try and sort things out...relationships are a work in progress, they dont always run smoothly, but both people need to be committed in order to make it work. Love is purely not enough as we both know.

 

My ex also said I was the best thing that has ever happened to him and that he has never felt this way about anyone. He treated me like gold, smothered me with love...heck we even put an engagement ring on lay-by..and in a matter of hours he just throws it all away in the trash? I dont get it, I'm driving myself insane trying to figure him out..after the argument he said its clear that we are not compatible and it wont work out...wtf? after 1 argument? Meh....this is doing my head in. Cant stand it any more. As much as I want him in my life, I know I couldnt possibly take him back...I dont trust myself though, if he came back now I dont know if I have the strength to knock him back...

 

Lets get through this together

 

It sounds like our ex's are very similar! haha

 

Seriously after one argument my ex also said, apart from the fact that he doesnt want a relationship, he thinks that after one argument we won't work and that we have different characters... Like what the hell does that mean?! I was just trying to work things out, he said he felt pressure so I wanted to try and make it work so that he wouldn't feel pressure. I would have done anything to make us work, but like you said :

 

"relationships are a work in progress, they dont always run smoothly, but both people need to be committed in order to make it work."

 

And I don't think my ex realises that, or he just cannot be bothered, or he clearly doesnt love me enough!

 

MY ex also treated me like a queen... but I think we shouldn't focus on how they used to treat us cos that's not really helping us.. We should focus on how they are treating us now, how they can not be bothered to try and work things out, they won't give us the time or the effort, so we shouldnt waste our time or effort either! If they're willing to lose someone they love, then surely they cannot love us enough... and they don't deserve our love.

 

But it still baffles me...the one day we tried to make it work, my ex played me a song he had written for me.... i mean he clearly has strong feelings for me.. how the hell can he want to lose me?! He loves his freedom more, and like you said, he has some serious growing up to do!

 

If your ex comes back, you just have to keep telling yourself that he walked away and threw your relationship away after one argument, it will just happen again! And you deserve more than that! If you let him come back, it means that you think it was ok for him to do that to you. Who am I to talk though? I took my ex back 4 times!! But you live and you learn, I just hope I too will be strong if he comes back again, or I will at least make him work for it and not give it to him so easy.

But we shouldnt focus on that now. We need to move on... and yes we can get through this together!

[Shatter3d]

Meh...our ex's sound like twins lol !

 

Mine also said he just wanted to be on his own.....they just cant be bothered to put any effort in when the going gets tough.

 

This is my take on it....they treat us sooo good all the time and put heaps of effort in, then when we get ****ty about something or we have an argument they think to themselves, ' why do i bother putting in all this effort in'

 

Well we are women for god sake, we are going to get ****ty at times !! We cant always be 100 % rosy. So when the going gets tough they just cant be bothered and leave. They also know in the back of their minds how much we love them so they probably dont think they will lose us as we are sooooo invested in them.

 

Time to turn the freakin tables !!! I'll give him a bit of his own medicine back. If he ever does try to come back, he will have to move mountains, but knowing what he is like, moving mountains will be too much for an effort for him though.

 

Flow...they will move mountains for the right girl though,,,perhaps we are just not the ones for them Sad, isnt it ! Cos I think he is the right one for me goddamit !

[Shatter3d]

Meh...our ex's sounds like twins lol

 

Mine also said he just wanted to be on his own (ie freedom)....he just couldnt be bothered to sort anything out, it was all too much of an effort.

Here is my take on it....they treat us like gold, do everything for us, try and make us happy, but when something goes wrong and perhaps we get ****ty at something or if we have an argument they just feel like giving up because they spend so much time trying to make us happy and then we get ****ty at things.. they say to themselves ' why do I bother anymore, this is all too much' and they make a rash decision and just give up and walk away as it all gets overwhelming for them. But we are women for godsake, we are going to have our '****ty moments'..its going to be no different with any other woman they are with...perhaps even worse.

 

I'm the one who reached out to my ex last time and asked for another chance....this time he would need to move mountains to get me back....but you know what? He is too lazy to move mountains, he wont be bothered to move mountains, instead he will go on living his miserable life and maybe one day he will meet someone else, but in the back of his mind she will never compare to me (Im hoping this is the case)

 

Flow....they will move mountains for the right girl, and they will be bothered for the right girl, maybe we just arent the right ones for them? I know they love us to death almost, but why is it they cant be bothered? Why is it theyre willing to lose us? Do they think that we love them so much that we will never find anyone else and be there for them always?

 

Well its time to turn the freakin tables on him....I'm going to show him that I dont need him and that I wont be waiting around...either he gets a rocket up his ass and starts trying to mend this thing or he can kiss my ass and lose me forever..

can you tell I'm angry? lol

[Shatter3d]

lol, I typed out the first post and then lost connection so I thought it didnt post, so I had to try and remember what I said and type it again!! sorry for the double post !