Got my second chance...BUT....

[Shatter3d]

It failed

 

If you would like to read a bit of background please visit my thread here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t247946/

 

When he left me, I knew I had some things to work on, so I took myself to counselling and started working on myself. During this time, I tried to accept the relationship was over and started NC. Strict NC is not possible as we work together, but I stayed out of his way as much as possible. After about 3 weeks, I heard that his Dad was very sick...I immediately texted him to see how he was going, I didnt even have to think twice, I just wanted to reach out to make sure he was ok...we started texting back and forth and he would tell me about his Dad and how he was feeling etc...there was obviously no relationship talk or anything like that, this was about him and me being there to support him. A few days later I receive a text from him saying ' they are going to take my Dad off life support today and I dont know if I want to go to the hospital (he wasnt very close to his Dad and hadnt seen him in over 10 years and would have felt uncomfortable going to the hospital on his own). Anyway, I sent him a text back saying, well I think its a good idea that you go, and if you need me to come with you, I can...he accepted my offer and I met him at the hospital which was over 2 hours away...

 

That day his Dad died, it was very emotional and I was glad I was there to support him. He really has no-one else to rely on, he hasnt got many friends and his Mum was away at the time..That day we sat in the car and he cried and held me and apologised for everything...I just told him it was ok and not to worry about anything like that at the moment, as his situation was far more important. I left that day and just told him I'd be there for him if he needed me...I told him I didnt really want him to be on his own that weekend and if he wanted to he could come back to mine just for company and support - he declined and thats understandable.

 

About a week went past and I hadnt heard from him, so I sent him a text just to see how he was holding up. He said he was much better and even though it was sad his Dad died, it was for the best as he was a very sick man. I left the convo with - "Let me know if you want to hang out sometime" and he replied "that would be nice". So I had left the ball in his court...another few days went past and hadnt heard from him, and didnt see him at work as he was on holidays and the urge to break NC overcame me.

I texted him saying I would like to put the past behind us and start fresh etc etc...I thought I was going to get a negative response, however he immediately wrote back and said he would also like to put the past behind and start fresh and work on our issues...I was so happy...really really happy beyond words. 4 days went past and I hadnt heard from him again, and I was adamant this time that he would need to contact me first, as I was the one who really did initiate the reconcilliation. Sure enough I received a text and he invited me to the movies.

 

Well what can I say, it was a magical day and evening, it was perfect. We saw each other the next night and we had a deep conversation about everything. He said he could see that I had made some positive changes and he said he would like to get back together and move back in with me ! Even though my gut told me that was not a good idea and that I needed to take it slow, I agreed with the idea and within days he moved back in. The first 2-3 weeks felt like the honeymoon period all over again, he bought me flowers, took me to nice places, dinner etc. Then after that, things settled down and we got comfortable again, but it felt right and it was so nice.....until

 

We ended up having a silly drunken argument one night and he said its over again and started packing up his things - I mean this was a really silly pathetic argument and he threatened to end the relationship???? WTF? As it was so late, I just let him pack his things and went to bed, to be honest at that point I didnt care if he left or not..The next morning he apologised to me and said he didnt mean it...I told him that he cant keep threatening to end the relationaship every time we have a fight as its doing alot of damage! He agreed and said that is his defence mechanism and he knows he has to work on that.

 

We ended up having a really beautiful and special Christmas together and then the day after NYE we had another fight - this time it was something that was bothering me for a while and I needed to vent it. Perhaps the way I vented it wasnt so tactful, but nevertheless it had to be said. It was basically about his 8 yr old daughter who comes to stay once a fortnight...I just made a comment that there is not enough discipline on his side and things need to change...the argument got heated and yet again he threw in the towel and said, well if you cant handle my daughter then I'm leaving....I'm like WTF??? Did I say I cant handle her? I purely said that some things need to change in regards to discipline etc. He said that we obviously have different views on parenting and that it will never work.... I was absolutely gobsmacked to be honest...how could he break up over something like this? Was this just an excuse to get out of the relationship? I kept asking him what is the real reason you are breaking up with me and he just kept saying I've already told you, why do we have to go over this over and over again...

 

I told him if he left me again, that it would be it for good, that I could never take him back and that I would lose respect for him. He still left. Within days he secured a new apartment and was out of there. Again I was heartbroken, I just couldnt believe what was happening... Am I not allowed to vent my feelings and concerns? I do admit, that I need to communicate alot better and not be so harsh when I'm venting my feelings, but I do not feel that was a deal breaker to me...There is something more to it. The only contact I've made to him is to tell him I love him and to remember the good times...Why did I text him this? God knows why, so foolish. Anyway he replied back saying, I love you too, I will miss you, but its for the best. I replied back saying 'Yes i also agree its for the best, I need a partner who will stand by me through anything and not just throw in the towel when we have arguments..I wished him all the best and told him that its time to put the past behind me and move on with my life.... I havent heard from him since and that was about 4 days ago.

 

There were some major mistakes that were made in my opinion, firstly I am the one who initiated reconcilliation, he didnt have to 'win' me back as such it was too easy for him. The second mistake was that we moved too fast. I shouldnt have let him move back in straight away. Slow and steady wins the race.

 

Im just so stunned that he has just switched off again. I mean he acted like he was so happy, he would text me multiple times a day telling me he loves me and that I am his everything. He would almost smother me with love, he almost seemed infatuated with me, so how could he pick up so quickly and leave? Can someone tell me that? He is the type of person who hates confrontation and will just go with the flow in order to avoid conflict. I felt on alot of occasions he would just agree with me on many things even if deep down he didnt agree. I sometimes got the feeling he was too afraid to voice his opinion...but he is like this with everyone, not just me. Seems like he wants to go through life with no hassles...well that aint gonna happen, especially in relationships. He has only ever had 2 serious relationships, the first one he married, she dumped him after 10 years, the second he went out with her for 2 years and she dumped him also. He doesnt have any friends really and I know he is going to be lonely living on his own. I really want to know what is going through his head...

 

I know I shouldnt care, and I know I really need to move on, but I love this man with all my heart , it just felt so right. I know he loves me and I have this feeling he is going to regret his rash decision, but how can anyone give someone a 3rd chance? How can the relationship ever be the same? How could that trust ever be earnt back ? I know I need to walk away from this and let him go, but I dont want to give up on something that could be so good. It may be just some issues that he needs to sort out in his head and I think alot of space and time may do this for him....

 

For now Im going to stick to strict NC, when I see him at work I will act professional and courteous, not rude or bitter. I know this is a long read and I appreciate your time in reading this. Does anyone have some insight as to what is going on with this guy? What is the best plan of attack for me other than getting on with my life...I mean what if he texts or emails me and wants another chance? What do I do? I dont want to live this life without him. For the record, Im 38 and he is 37.

 

Thanks guys.

[Shatter3d]

Hi guys, any ideas at all ? I'm feeling pretty low today and would really love some advice

[Bateman]

What your ex did sounds a lot like what my ex does. She shuts down when there is any type of confrontation. She feels the need to wrap things up quickly and end the situation. She never wants to talk things through and always wants to break up. She would always say "Whatever, I'm over this," and then just turn away. Man it made me so mad. It was her answer to everything. Anyways, She lost her father when she was 9 and. Your ex lost his father recently. I don't know but maybe there is some kind of connection to the behavior. Maybe they got used to just ending things with little hassle. I agree with him though. It is a defense mechanism. My ex's last bf cheated on her and they tried to get back together, didn't work, got cheated on again. So our ex's have a similar history and have very similar ways of dealing with things.

 

I think NC might be the only way right now. Not sure as I am trying to get my ex back. But I am going to take a break from her. Maybe even start dating again to help me heal. Your situation is kind of similar to mine. You want to let them know that you still care but you can't keep falling into old habits and they definitely can't keep running away from the issues at hand. It's impossible to get them to talk without annoying them or pushing them away. I won't say I fully understand your situation but I think I know how you are feeling. Sorry I can't help more...but I think it helps to know some people are going through similar circumstances. Also, I have posted a few threads on here but have gotten no responses either. So I'll reach out to someone...hah. Good luck. Keep us updated.

[Country_Girl]

Yeah, it does sound like you guys moved too fast with reconciling, he should not have moved back in right away. But I get it, I understand not wanting to wait because you love the person and want them back in your life, back to how it was. Unfortunately, rushing things does not give enough opportunity for a change, and does nothing for underlying feelings.

 

This is one thing that has me weary of reconciliation stories- because at some point there seems to be an imbalance. One partner (usually the dumpee) is left walking on egg shells, afraid they cannot bring up issues in fear the person will leave again. That's not fair, so it's good you spoke your mind about how you felt. It's better you get it out, then let it build up over time. But since he was capable of already walking out once, had you took more time to re-start a relationship, you still would have no idea if he would have left you again even if you took things slower.

 

I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, and trust me, I have questioned my ex (in my mind) at his ability to just "switch" like that. How someone can be so impartial to you all of a sudden. But trust me, you won't find those answers, not from him, not from anyone. If anything, he just wasn't as emotionally invested as you were.

 

Also, you have to consider, he left you before. The dumper has the upper hand because they start to pull out from the relationship before you even know it's coming. Even with conflict/arguments, you assume all is well when things are patched up the next day- but a dumper is keeping tabs. They are adding things up and are long gone before they actually leave.

 

Stay strong, continue NC. It will be hard, but you need to leave this time with your dignity and self respect in tact. Any pleading, even if he did agree to come back- would result in him not coming back on "his terms" and the result will be a repeat performance. Keep it civil at work, but no more texts/emails/facebooks/phone calls.

[Shatter3d]

Thanks for your replies Bateman and Country_Girl, I really appreciate it

 

If anything, he just wasn't as emotionally invested as you were.

Very true Country_Girl, obviously he wasnt which makes me extremely sad, because I would have done anything for him and I would have never broken up over silly arguments...well I guess thats the difference between him and I.

 

What really kills me is that he will probably meet a new girl in the future and stay with her no matter what, even if they do have arguments...maybe I just wasnt the one for him....but if thats the case, why did he constantly tell me he loves me 10 times a day, wanted to marry me, said he never felt like this about anyone else bla bla bla. Why the hell say that ***** if you dont really mean it? The thing is, I know he meant it, but for some reason he just likes to run.

 

He wont run for the right one though. That is what I need to keep reminding myself. I have wishful thinking that he will realise he made a huge mistake and that I'm the love of his life and turn up on my doorstep and beg for another chance... doubt that will happen though. He is very stubborn and even if he wanted to reach out he wouldnt. He would rather suffer the rest of his life with his mistake...or perhaps its fear of rejection because I did say that if he walked out I would never take him back again..

 

Just needed to vent...thanks again

 

 

 

[Country_Girl]

Oh trust me, I'm in the same boat as you...asking why did he say that ****? I won't even touch the iceberg on my story because it's a long one, but he ended up breaking up with me over "his" issues, so he said. Professed his undying love for me, he wanted to marry me, we were supposed to get married but he lied and the paperwork never got filed, then 2 weeks before breakup he proposed to me a 2nd time. So it's like, why did you even do that, why did you mess with my emotions, if you didn't plan on staying. Ha, and even though they were his issues, I told him countless times I would fight for it- do whatever it takes that he needed. Guess I was the only one fighting for the relationship.

 

Bottom line, a relationship is give and take. If there is an imbalance on either side, it will never work :-(

 

I'm not trying to give you false hope, but if he ever does regret it (no matter how stubborn he is) - he will come back. I had the most stubborn ex come back, I really thought we were done, since I ruined things with: begging, pleading, phone calls, emails, hacking his email (and he found out about it it too). In my defense I lost my virginity to the guy so of course I just couldn't see it ending. I never expected to hear from him again. Go figure, he calls a little over a year later hinting at reconciling, but I had already moved on.

 

So yeah, chances are, if he does ever come around, at that point you will have most likely moved on. And I'm sure moving on right now sounds like a scary thought, but that's usually when ex's re-enter our life.

[Shatter3d]

Arghhh so angry right now. Was just browsing Facebook

and saw some photos of him on a mutual friends page (he doesn't have FB). He was at a party sitting in a hot tub surrounded by chicks in bikini's looking like he is having the time of his life, meanwhile I am sitting here at home, miserable, heartbroken, crushed and can't stop crying.

 

How can they just move on so quickly and be so happy? Doesn't it affect them at all... Life can be so cruel. I regret looking at those pics because now my mind is racing...

 

He never wanted to do any of those things while we were together, we would get invited to parties and bbq's etc and he didn't want to go as he would rather stay home with me. He told me on multiple occasions he didn't even like hanging out with these people, but now all of a sudden he is hanging out with them. I never stopped him from going anywhere or doing anything, I always encouraged us to get out and do things.

I don't want to feel like this anymore, it's so draining, I just can't take it anymore

Edited January 27, 2011 by Shatter3d

[marqueemoon4]

Do yourself a favor and stay off FB for a while.

[Shatter3d]

I know...Facebook is a killer. Even though he is not on facebook I just stumbled across it on a mutual friends page. It hurt like hell to see him out having fun..I just cant seem to pick myself up and get out of the house, all I want to do is mope around and cry. I know, thats pathetic right? I just dont seem to have the inner strength to do this.

 

I texted him earlier as the Electricity bill has arrived. I basically just said "Elec bill has arrived $xx amount, please let me know when you will pay it"

He didnt text back so I said "I would appreciate a text back in regards to this, this is the last thing we need to sort out"

He wrote back straight away saying he will pay it next week. Then he writes "So how have you been"

Well Im not going to respond to that....Although I felt like saying 'how the f*ck do you think I have been after you ripped my heart out and tore it to shreds?' But I wont give him that satisfaction ....No answer is the best answer !

 

Well I guess I need to go back to Day 1 of NC tomorrow seeing that I broke it today, although I feel it was a necessity and it was not regarding the relationship at all , so maybe it doesnt count as breaking it.

 

If I had one wish in the world right now and it was either a choice of getting him back or being over him completely I would choose the latter - he absolutely does not deserve my love.

[Shatter3d]

Just broke NC last night...sigh I'm so angry with myself, I have no self control whatsoever, now I'm back to square one !

 

My little neice came over last night and kept asknig me where he was and was looking around the house for him - it was heartbreaking....why did I feel the need to tell him that? I sent him a text saying "xx came over tonight and asked where you where...was heartbreaking" then a few minutes later I texted him back and said 'sorry dont know why I just sent you that, I know you dont care'

 

A few mins later he wrote back and said ' yes I do care, it must have been hard to know what to say to her'

 

Sigh....if you do care, then why the hell aren't you here with me ?!!!

I'm going through the sad and angry phase, one day I'm sad and the next I'm angry and keep thinking of all these conversations in my head that I would like to say to him...

 

This is way too hard..

[IfiKnewThen]

for whatever its worth..my heart goes out to you. i relate to the pain....and mine seems so final a loss, since he got married . i just keep praying for God to make this longing and regret and pain go away or for him to at least be decent and even have compassion.

 

 

i wish you guys could work it out. i wish he was willing to go to counseling with you ..anything. youre not weak for texting him. dont beat yourself up. you have been connecting with him on a daily basis forever and for it to go cold turkey over night and him be out of your life is a huge change.

 

i think if you ever get to talking with him again...tell him how you hurt (without crying) in a way that compliments him. that you miss the good things and wish the two of you could work on your differences. unlike most people here feel.....i feel there are windows of opportunites and that they come in the beginning when there is STILL a strong connection. i think as time passes it becomes your enemy to get them back. not your friend. time God willing is for healing when you lost them. i dont believe in begging . dont do that or crying... but i believe in being kind and trying to let them know you see their point and gently getting them to see yours. of course it is easier said then done. i think if i handled my situation differently i might have had a real good shot with him again. but who knows..

 

anyway i dont believe that a text here and there (not excessive)...is harmful) . anyway keep hanging in there. hugs

[Shatter3d]

Omg, thankyou so much for your reply, it has made me feel a bit better. I do also believe what you are saying and I feel that if too much time passes it's way harder to get them back. But I also know that if I push too hard too soon, then it will be ruined for good.

 

I need to learn to have some self control and patience. Patience that if it's meant to be it will be.. I just wish I could fast forward time.

 

I miss everything about him, he really was so good to me. I want him back so bad, but he needs to want to come back, and I'm not so sure that will ever happen, and that just breaks my heart. It's seriously so hard to get through each day without him. My life feels empty and meaningless without him.

[Shatter3d]

Oh my freaking god, I have really put my foot in it now... Someone needs to take my phone off me so I stop texting... Something just came over me and I just went text crazy.... I'm embarassed to show u guys what I wrote, but oh well I've already lost my dignity... Here is how it went down

 

Me

"I just wish we could have worked on our differences earlier, counselling, anything...in my mind it was worth saving"

 

Him

"Yes I guess we should have done something like you said then maybe things wouldn't have ended up the way things are now"

 

Me

"Trouble is I don't really think we had many differences and I'm still struggling to work out what I did wrong. I tried so hard the 2nd time around. We had 2 arguments in the time we were back together and both times u wanted to end it. Did you never argue with your previous girlfriends? I just don't get it. Alot of couples argue daily , we argued rarely and got on really well, so I thought anyway"

 

Then I didn't even wait for him to reply and sent him another one

 

Me

"I'm not trying to be mean in the previous text, it's just that I've had alot of time to think about things and now that my mind is clear I'm still struggling to come to terms with where we went wrong. 2 ppl in love don't break up. I mean, would u be willing to try and sort things out (not now) and really get to the core of our issues and what the problem is? Or is your heart finished with me for good? I guess I just need some closure, everything happened so fast and I'm still trying to absorb it. If you tell me that you don't want me in your life anymore, then I will have no choice but to walk away and not look back. If you tell me there is still love there and down the track you would like to try work things out, then we just both work on ourselves for now and meet up in the future to discuss it. This text is not about begging or pleading , I'm opening my heart one last time and throwing the ball in your court"

 

That's it, now waiting for a reply, I'll let u know what he says...although in my heart I already know what the answer is going to be, it's not going to be good.

 

At least I fight for something I live godammit unlike him! This at least will give me the answer to really move on and go strict NC

[IfiKnewThen]

hi

 

please dont panic. i dont know if i would have done it in the form of a text. i think its better to talk in person...via the phone or physically in person. but honestly...what you said doe NOT sound unreasonable AT ALL. i would wait for a reply. no matter how long it takes. try not to text anymore tonight (for sure). but honestly..i think your text was straight forward...honest...and very rational. this is the real you. this IS what you feel. you didnt sound pushy. you said words like "in the future".

 

 

i liked it. you should be proud of yourself. life is short. and i think you were just right. there was NOTHING over the top or insulting or pushy about that text.

 

please keep us updated. God bless and good luck. dont worry if he doesnt respond right away. i hope you get this message soon so yopu dont panic

[IfiKnewThen]

 

At least I fight for something I live godammit unlike him! This at least will give me the answer to really move on and go strict NC

 

 

bravo! you were YOU. this is no time to play games. its better to be real up front. you didnt cross any bounday lines. seriously whether he wants you or not in the long or short run..or whatever...he'd be crazy not to admire this. this was NOT begging. just right : )

[Shatter3d]

IfiKnewThen - you are truly lovely, thankyou.

 

You words are music to my ears... I mean eyes

 

So I haven't heard back yet and will now just play the waiting game. I suspect he has no idea what to say and is taking his time to think about it and reply properly. If I don't hear back from him at all, well then at least I know my answer. It would be cruel though if he didn't text me back tonight, it's not like I gave him an ultimatum or anything.

 

Thankyou for making me realise I did the right thing. At least I can walk away now with my head held high and fighting for what I love. You are right, this is ME and I didn't want to beat around the bush and play games. I laid it all out on the line and it's up to him now.

 

Now to play the waiting game.. I'll keep u updated if and when he replies. I'm already thinking about come backs for when he tells me it's over for good and to move on....

[broken-and-lost]

hey

 

I think it's a brave thing you did writing that and putting your heart on the line but just be prepared that it may not turn out the way your hoping

 

i did something similar only to get a reply i really didn't want i thought it would give me closure because i was like if she says no then at least i wont look back and think i didn't give it my best, it gives you closure in someways, but hasn't taken away the pain at all or my feelings towards her.

 

I'm a similar age, so know how difficult this must be for you. i really hope you get the response your looking for but if you don't i hope you can heal and the pain slowly goes away, but like a lot of people on here say NC is the only way to start the healing process but i think only after you have tried everything you need to try in order to try and accept in your mind when it's over.

 

Good luck wish my ex was more like you hope things work out for you

[Shatter3d]

Hi Broken-and-Lost

 

Thanks for your reply, I'm sorry things haven't turned out as you wanted. But at least u got an answer and can hopefully move on. And at least you can walk away knowing you tried your best.

 

I just don't understand how these people can love you one minute and then treat you like the plague the next day. How does one switch off their feelings so suddenly - it baffles me.

 

Well I haven't got a reply at all back from him tonight and it's been hours since I sent those msg's. I wonder if he is unsure of what to say? Maybe he just won't answer me at all? Well if he hasn't got the decency to even text me back then it will make it alot easier to get over him. It would be a cruel act if he did that, but at least I know that he just doesnt care anymore, and yeah the truth hurts, but the truth will set us free.

 

Tomorrow is another day, no doubt I will have my phoned glued to me just waiting for that response.... but if he wanted me out of his life wouldn't he have texted back saying it's over etc? Perhaps he is confused and is not sure if he really wants to let me go or if he wants to be with me. I hope I haven't pressured him or pushed him into a corner... Maybe I should have waited longer until I sent texts along those lines... I don't think he has had enough time to miss me and perhaps realise what he has lost.

 

All this over analyzing is so draining, I'm sick of it, I just want my mind to be free of him :'(

[broken-and-lost]

Hi Broken-and-Lost

 

Thanks for your reply, I'm sorry things haven't turned out as you wanted. But at least u got an answer and can hopefully move on. And at least you can walk away knowing you tried your best.

 

I just don't understand how these people can love you one minute and then treat you like the plague the next day. How does one switch off their feelings so suddenly - it baffles me.

 

Well I haven't got a reply at all back from him tonight and it's been hours since I sent those msg's. I wonder if he is unsure of what to say? Maybe he just won't answer me at all? Well if he hasn't got the decency to even text me back then it will make it alot easier to get over him. It would be a cruel act if he did that, but at least I know that he just doesnt care anymore, and yeah the truth hurts, but the truth will set us free.

 

Tomorrow is another day, no doubt I will have my phoned glued to me just waiting for that response.... but if he wanted me out of his life wouldn't he have texted back saying it's over etc? Perhaps he is confused and is not sure if he really wants to let me go or if he wants to be with me. I hope I haven't pressured him or pushed him into a corner... Maybe I should have waited longer until I sent texts along those lines... I don't think he has had enough time to miss me and perhaps realise what he has lost.

 

All this over analyzing is so draining, I'm sick of it, I just want my mind to be free of him :'(

 

Hi shatter3d

 

it's normal to over analyse the situation i know i've beaten myself up so many times does she is she will she but she has said she doesn't ever ???????? sound familiar ? you are bound to want him to give you straight answers but he sounds a little like my ex in many ways you might not get the straight answer ever.

 

he is confused yes maybe he does need too miss you before he knows one way or the other but that's the hard part can you disappear long enough to make him look at the situation without you in the picture?? and if you are going to do that you have to accept it's over otherwise you will continue to wait to hear or you may contact him putting him back to knowing your there whenever so he does not need to worry about it

 

I wish i could help but the sad fact is if we let them control the situation the only people that get hurt are us the best suggestion i can give you is you've told him how you feel time to back off if you can, if my ex sent me the text you sent him then i'd be banging down her door and wouldn't look back if he feels the same as you then this is what he should be doing at some point,.

 

The more you make yourself available the less likely he is to do it as he knows he's in control it's always easier to say this stuff for other people but when it's you your heart will always rule your head wish i could tell you i feel better and have closure for laying it all out on the table but i don't feel any better i just know that i now need to give up hope which i'm working on !! didn't help she e-mailed me a few days ago about nothing set me back a bit even tho i didn't reply some times people just feel guilty rather then actually wanting you back which they don't realise you don't need their guilt

 

i hope you find peace soon and the pain fades my thoughts are with you and your not alone in how your feeling if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me. Don't lose hope

Edited January 29, 2011 by broken-and-lost

[IfiKnewThen]

hang in there. i am glad you went with your gut and how you felt. they control you when they allow you to live in fear, fear of even being YOU. some are so happy they go NC. yes it good. but timing is everything in life. even in the bible it says to everything there is a season and TIME. but sometimes (now this is just me and my feelings on the subject) sometimes we go N/C too soon or too long...(sometimes). and we do it for the wrong reasons.....all around THEM. so they get to control what we want to say because we fear saying it or getting rejected. we hold off taking a chance. sometimes we feel we are in control when N/C...but wishing we could get to say all these things. so in a sense we are still NOT in control...like we think. i think n/c is good when you did all you could and said your piece and sort your closure and cut them them off on your good time. but again....you attract more flies with honey than vinegar so you have to be nice...but firm....but gentle..not attacking. this advise is for people who generally REALLY treated you good and right. if someone was always mean or bossy.......or ever abusive...and non remorseful....go N/C. people will mess up once and awhile, they are not perfect. but if they have a pattern of being a creep...they dont deserve to even hear your sweet voice. again, use discretion. i really hope and pray it works out. but at least you were you. and we wont have to reject the person you pretended to be...or accept someone you pretended to be. but you dont dump your entire self on their lap all at once. i am glad he knows you care and are a woman who is willing to try to work things out. it also says you accept him...to some degree. he wont find better than a woman who can compromise. and if he rejects that....that is truly his loss.

[IfiKnewThen]

me and my typos

 

i meant to say : they control you when YOU allow YOURSELF to live in fear, fear of even being YOU.

 

and meant to say : and HE wont have to reject the person you pretended to be...or accept someone you pretended to be.

[Shatter3d]

Thanks guys for your comments, it really helps and is making me feel better.

 

Well still nothing from him, it just hurts because I put my heart on the line, poured my heart out and all I get in return is silence. Well there is that saying that 'silence is golden'. I'm going to take his silence as being he wants me out of his life. He will get his wish, I am just going to disappear out of his life. Hard thing is I will still see him at work so can't do a complete disappearing act.

 

Onward and upward, that's all there is left to do now.

[0hpenelope]

Onward and upward, that's all there is left to do now.

 

That's the most important thing, are you kidding me?

 

To new beginnings! 2011 will be a GREAT year!

[Shatter3d]

That's the most important thing, are you kidding me?

 

To new beginnings! 2011 will be a GREAT year!

 

Well the time is going to pass anyway, so I might as well make the post of it...instead of moping around. I know he sure as hell isnt.

 

Why the silence though? Why didnt he just text back and say I've thought about it and I feel its best that we finish for good and move on with your life? Is that so hard to say? Maybe he doesnt want to hurt me anymore than what he has? But the silence is even worse, as I dont know whats going through his head..maybe he just genuinely doesnt know what to say at this time?

 

Oh well, I'm not going to cave in and text, although I feel like saying something like...well, did you receive my text and what are your thoughts?

But what would be the point of that?

 

Sigh..hopefully this gets better...

[Shatter3d]

if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me. Don't lose hope

 

I'm not exactly sure how to PM someone