Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 I'm getting antsy... someone please tell me why texting him again would not be a good idea. Why is he taking so long to reply Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 I'm getting antsy... someone please tell me why texting him again would not be a good idea. Why is he taking so long to reply Texting him again isn't a good idea because you already sent one and he hasn't responded. And you're still feeling antsy because you're still waiting. Don't wait anymore. You've done enough. It's okay to give up so you can focus on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Its hard to not wait... I would just like to know where his head is at, so I can move on.. This silence is killing me...so depressed right now I just want to pick up the phone and call him.. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 i dont think he wants to burn his bridges with you and feels safer not saying anything. thats just my feeling. that he's in limbo. i know no one wants to be an "option". and there is the old saying.. dont make someone your priority while they only make you their option. but i you love him and want to work things out...you are essentially giving him the option. a lot of people wouldnt want this. but you are not saying...date and then come back to me. oh no. youre NOT doing that. its clear you are saying we have problems...i am opening to help fix them if you are too. so all you can do at this point is wait. i know it hurts. you want him to bang down the door. and we all think that should be the ONLY answer...or way. but things dont always work that way and people change. so you have to wait. work on you with the things you think you can work on and still hold your head up high. at work just be congenial and hi ..goodbye. if you see him. dont act upset or happy. just keep your cool. try to stay away from him though so not to create anxiety in yourself. really dont let him bother you. thats all you can do for now; seems like. Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 he doesn't want to burn his bridges as already said, best you can do is stand off my ex refused to say she doesn't love me only that loving someone wasn't enough no matter how much she wanted it to be, this is what drove me nuts as it leave the door open and give me false hope but that's all it is really is false hope try and not contact him as your going to see him in work and maybe he will say something really sorry i know how hard this must be for you as i'm going through similar pain myself as are a lot of people on the site. You don't really get to hear to many positive tails on here about people turning around relationships as thoes people don't really need to come on here but it does happen Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Ok guys , you're not going to like this but I caved in and rang him....pathetic and needy I know, but I just had to know the answer. We spoke for about half an hour civilly about stuff and then I asked him if the text msg upset him in anyway... he said no, that he has just been trying to absorb it all and have a good think about it. He had his daughter this weekend so he would have been too distracted to sit down and write a response. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me also... I asked him straight out 'Do you want me to move on' and he paused for quite a while and then said ' I don't know' .... I didn't get upset or angry I just said that's ok, I understand.. Well there is the answer I needed to move on, he might as well have just told me that. If someone doesn't know if they want to be with me or not, then they don't deserve to have me. I'm a good person and treat the person I love like gold, I deserve more than this. Strangely, I'm not too upset. In a way now I feel at peace. I tried to save it but the other person has to want it too, and he doesn't right now. Time for me to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
PowerOfOne Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 Well there is the answer I needed to move on, he might as well have just told me that. If someone doesn't know if they want to be with me or not, then they don't deserve to have me. I'm a good person and treat the person I love like gold, I deserve more than this. Right on!! Nobody should ever think anything different! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 So do you think Ive lost total dignity now? Should I just disappear or tell him that even though he is unsure I have decided I'm going to move on. I don't want him to think I'm waiting around for him that's all... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Ok, well I've just closed the door on him. I really don't like wishy washy answers and i don't knows and maybe's. I got off that phone thinking that he will just think I'm going to wait around for him to make up his mind. This is the final msg I have sent him : "I'm sorry this just hurts too much. I feel like you want to go out and see if you can find better and if not I'm your back up plan. I won't ever be somebody's plan B. Im sorry. Goodbye." Ok, I have now forced myself into NC. I could not possibly ever initiate a text or call to him again after this. He hopefully will now feel a sense of loss. And if he thinks I'm just bluffing then he has another thing coming. Thankyou all SO much for all your help and support. Link to post Share on other sites
PowerOfOne Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 It sounds like you've kept your dignity and self respect totally! This is an example of why NC for the sake of NC is a stupid princible. You communicated what you wanted and asked the questions you needed answers to. I hope you've got that now. You said yourself you deserve better. Everyone does. A healthy relationship should consist of both people wanting to be in it. Not one with a 'ehhhhhh' attitude towards it. Make him live with that decision and live a great life chasing your own dreams and adventures. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 This is an example of why NC for the sake of NC is a stupid princible. You communicated what you wanted and asked the questions you needed answers to. I hope you've got that now. this is exactly how i feel and what i have been saying all along. the sake of NC for the sake of NC ISSSSSSSSSSSS a stupid principle. i wish i communicated what i wanted and not beat around the bush. the 2nd biggest mistake of my life doing that. the first was to not treat him awesome like he deserved before he ended it. but he ended it in a cruel horrible painful way. being a mystery...saying nothing. lying and being passive aggressive. i am still messed up because of it. grieving so badly..i wish i never met him and i hate myself for messing up with him and losing him to begin with. but they NEED to know how you feel. spell it out for them. its crazy to assume they should know. thats not true. if you let them down..they may not belive you really love them. they may not believe you can and will change. you have to SHOW them and tell them and communicate. then when all hope is lost............move forward as best as you can and then NC to get that accomplished. otherwise you will end up feeling like i do. i pray God delivers me from this pain and mourning and hating that i never did things the right way. i really believe it would have gone in another direction. he is married now and has a step son and sounds mad happy. i am so sad...that thats not me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 I'm so sorry for your pain, I really am. I pray that you find happiness soon and have the freedom to move on. Just remember that even if you had of done things differently you still might be in the exact same position as you are now. It takes 2 people to 'want' the relationship to work, can't be all one-sided. Hugs to you xx Well, after I sent my goodbye text I wasn't expecting anything back but at midnight I got this "I don't know why you think that I said I don't know I didn't have much time to think about things because I had (daughter) and what you said in your last txt sounds the same as what you were saying in your txt from sat to me it sounds like your going around in circles sorry it's time to move on all the best for the future" He just had to have the last word didn't he !!! Didn't my text prior to that already indicate I was moving on ?!?! And I don't know what he is talking about where he says that text is similar to the one I sent the other day, that's bs, the texts the other day were asking for another chance for us and when I phoned him and he told me ' I don't know' thats when I decided to send him the goodbye text. How is that going around in circles? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 do whats best for you. but if it were me 9at this point) i would tell him exactly what you told us here: this part.. " the other day were asking for another chance for us and when I phoned him and he told me ' I don't know' thats when I decided to send him the goodbye text. How is that going around in circles?" i guess i would say.. " i thought i my my clear real clear in the first text about us both finding a way to work on things to connect again . when you said ( i dont know the phone) i sent the move on text. i know you've been busy and i appreciate that. but you sounded a bit under enthused too on this end. but in no way was i going round in circles. well maybe not those exact words. it hard to work on things when we dont know whats bothering them to begin with. it doesnt have to be that he doesnt love you anymore. i dont want to give you hope. but you shouldnt feel hopeless yet either. i's real obvious that there is misunderstanding...merely based on how he didnt read those two texts as separate and thinking youre going round in circles. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 typo i thought i my my clear real clear ugh lol. perhaps say: i thought i made myself real clear. but not condescending like Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Hi, I took your advice and sent him this: "Hello, I thought i made it clear in the first text about us both finding a way to work on things to connect again . when you said ( i don't know on the phone) i sent the move on text. i know you've been busy and i appreciate that. but you sounded a bit under enthused too on this end. but in no way was i going round in circles. I feel that we are misunderstanding each other with these txt msg's. How about we meet up in a few weeks over dinner or something and have a proper conversation face to face. Im willing to if you are" Im scared to see what sort of a reaction I will get from him, if any... Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 wow yikes. i didn't mean to use those words exactly but you made it all come together nicely when you ended with : I feel that we are misunderstanding each other with these txt msg's. How about we meet up in a few weeks over dinner or something and have a proper conversation face to face. I'm willing to if you are" you have moxy and sound strong and together. not weak. seriously Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 I know, but I actually liked your words so I used them. It was exactly how I felt/feel. Do you think he will text back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Ok so he texted back: "Maybe we are misunderstanding when we are txting because Im confused I thought it was all over a week or so ago I said that I feel it's better if we just move on you agreed after thinking about I still feel it's the best thing to do I'm sorry" One word, Gutted Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 So sad right now Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 ugh. so sorry. but seriously do not despair. i wish i did that. so he knows you would have tried. he knows he mattered to you. he knows you would have heard his side of things. now is the time to go N/C and you have to be strong. i think most will agree. but you did not make a mistake. YOU were you and he didnt control you speaking your heart of silencing your tongue and feelings. you were sweet and classy. i am dead serious. he WILL miss this somehow. dont respond. N/C now. avoid him till he comes to you in a way that is clear. he now needs to feel it and miss you and you DID give him something to miss. screaming yelling woman give them nothing to miss. you had heart and were classy. Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 So sad right now I'm sorry, I know how you feel.. I've been following your story and theres nothing more you can do now. At least you have closure now and can move on, and don't have to keep wondering 'what if?'..... It sucks right now... but time will heal. Just remember and keep telling yourself, he doesnt deserve you! Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 i am sorry too. please read my previous post. you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. he should be ashamed. you handled it with class. you still have N/C. thats why it should be the last thing you do. you have that. hold on and be strong. now he doesnt get to have you. his true loss. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 ((((hugs)))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Thankyou both... I just hope I didn't put my foot in it. He has all the power right now and I hate that. I know he is going to miss me, I treated him so well. I tried to save it for a 2nd time and he doesn't want it. I know he loves me, I just wish I knew what his problem is. Hopefully time and space will sort that out for him. I'm not going to respond to his text, I have nothing more to say, the horse has been well and truly flogged. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 He just came over....I was shocked. It was not to see me, he was expecting a package and he thought it had been delivered (the courier company told him it was delivered to my house... Why couldnt he just call to ask me if it was here? He ended up staying for about 2 hours and we just spoke about stuff that has been happening over the last few weeks - no relationship talk at all. I wasnt game enough to bring any of that up, I purely just said that I got his last text and I'm ok with it... He left and gave me a big hug and that was it... Link to post Share on other sites
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