Author russell1968 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 I hate the fact that iv'e been played! Another sleepless night angry at myself!
robf1971 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I have them tues-thurs evening and i got them this coming weekend! You are luckier than most separated dad's. Let your wife deal with them on her own, just like you have to. Tomorrow night, pub, Fri night out with friends. Weekend, you and kids out. Sure if she wants to speak to her kids you can't stop her. If she rings when they are with you "Hi, just handing you to the kids" If she rings when you don't have them just ignore her, seriously.
Author russell1968 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 You are luckier than most separated dad's. Let your wife deal with them on her own, just like you have to. Tomorrow night, pub, Fri night out with friends. Weekend, you and kids out. Sure if she wants to speak to her kids you can't stop her. If she rings when they are with you "Hi, just handing you to the kids" If she rings when you don't have them just ignore her, seriously. i will ignore all texts as well, i have to see her wed-fri morning, so i will be cool and freindly
robf1971 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I hate the fact that iv'e been played! Another sleepless night angry at myself! Look, it's subconcious on her part, she isn't thinking about playing you. Human nature is to take the path of least resistance and you are allowing her to do that. Anyway whats done is done, you know what to do now.
hopesndreams Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I hate the fact that iv'e been played! Another sleepless night angry at myself! Don't be angry with yourself. It's beyond difficult to go against our true natures. You're not the miserable, uncaring H she has portrayed you to be after all. You want to be attentive, show her you love her and want the family back together again. That is normal, you are normal but when you are dealing with a WS, one who has physically and emotionally detached from you, you have to go completely against what your heart wants you to do and to think with your brain instead. Logic and reason. Emotion must take a back seat. The WS does not listen! It is all about them. Self-absorption. Show her you can live your life quite happily without her if need be. She can put a stop to this right now but chooses not to. She is having too much fun. It's time to take her fun away. As for the girls, they need an emotionally stable, healthy, happy dad, one they can look up to and admire. With all this crap going on, how is that possible?
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Don't be angry with yourself. It's beyond difficult to go against our true natures. You're not the miserable, uncaring H she has portrayed you to be after all. You want to be attentive, show her you love her and want the family back together again. That is normal, you are normal but when you are dealing with a WS, one who has physically and emotionally detached from you, you have to go completely against what your heart wants you to do and to think with your brain instead. Logic and reason. Emotion must take a back seat. The WS does not listen! It is all about them. Self-absorption. Show her you can live your life quite happily without her if need be. She can put a stop to this right now but chooses not to. She is having too much fun. It's time to take her fun away. As for the girls, they need an emotionally stable, healthy, happy dad, one they can look up to and admire. With all this crap going on, how is that possible? Some good point there! I'm a devoted father and my girls love being with me,, I have to see my wife a few times a week due to picking up the kids,so it's on these meetings where i need play it well!
robf1971 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 physically and emotionally detached from you, you have to go completely against what your heart wants you to do and to think with your brain instead. Logic and reason. Emotion must take a back seat. Yep, take a leaf out of your wife's book.
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 OK, I hope I haven’t gone backwards this weekend? I’m trying to focus on the positives from it! I know she still has feelings for me so I guess that’s’ something. Bu now I go distant!!
robf1971 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 OK, I hope I haven’t gone backwards this weekend? Whats one weekend in the scheme of things. But remember, going distant, doesn't mean being a jerk to her.
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Whats one weekend in the scheme of things. But remember, going distant, doesn't mean being a jerk to her. I agree, but i guess this is the difficult thing to do? Rob, This is hard as hell! I do really appreaciate all your help.! I'm close to her family and they all think she has gone off the rails and hardly hear from her, she comes from a family that a has a history of mental illness!
robf1971 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I agree, but i guess this is the difficult thing to do? Yeah but so is anything worthwhile. It also gets easier with practice and time. In fact it now comes naturally to me.
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Even now i'm not sure what i did that was so bad to make her walk out!
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Standard Walk away wife (WAW) script, I swear they have a handbook or something. What does i don't want you to wait around for me mean?
robf1971 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 What does i don't want you to wait around for me mean? I don't know, but it's probably b*llocks
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 I don't know, but it's probably b*llocks You right about that! When she thought i was seeing someone else she was round like a shot !!
robf1971 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 You right about that! When she thought i was seeing someone else she was round like a shot !! Exactly, just play it cool, don't be a c*ck and you've got a good chance at this.
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 It’s scary as you think 10-11 weeks into this so called separation and we are still apart, I guess there have been some slight improvements, but this looks like it’ going to take some time!
marqueemoon4 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 It’s scary as you think 10-11 weeks into this so called separation and we are still apart, I guess there have been some slight improvements, but this looks like it’ going to take some time! what is the length of separation before you can divorce in the UK again (if you have kids)? I recall it was a pretty long time.
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 what is the length of separation before you can divorce in the UK again (if you have kids)? I recall it was a pretty long time. Two years! But i could start proceedings in the morning as i have a case for unreasonble behaviour! Why do you ask?
robf1971 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 It’s scary as you think 10-11 weeks into this so called separation and we are still apart, I guess there have been some slight improvements, but this looks like it’ going to take some time! It ain't nothing 10 weeks, just forget about it and enjoy yourself. The quicker you can convey that attitude to your wife the quicker she will want back. Focus on you and the kids, stop wasting time worrying about her. Let her communicate with you. Once you start threatening divorce you're gonna look like a right idiot. It's just an ultimatum you won't go through with, she damn well knows it too. In fact don't ask or say anything about the relationship, let her bring all that stuff up.
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 It ain't nothing 10 weeks, just forget about it and enjoy yourself. The quicker you can convey that attitude to your wife the quicker she will want back. Focus on you and the kids, stop wasting time worrying about her. Let her communicate with you. Once you start threatening divorce you're gonna look like a right idiot. It's just an ultimatum you won't go through with, she damn well knows it too. In fact don't ask or say anything about the relationship, let her bring all that stuff up. Rob, you are right I’m not going to throw the chance of my family being together especially when I think thee is Avery strong chance I can save this! I know she doesn’t want a divorce; she hasn’t even signed the separation agreement. All she has said is she is unsure of what she wants, so it’s fair game I don’t want a divorce already had one back in 1999 and have a son growing up in Sweden who I hardly see. I was just answering marqueemoon’s questions ?
marqueemoon4 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Two years! But i could start proceedings in the morning as i have a case for unreasonble behaviour! Why do you ask? just curious.. its 12mos in the state I live in. So as long as she doesn't have anything on you for "unreasonable behavior" she can't file for a very long time.
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 just curious.. its 12mos in the state I live in. So as long as she doesn't have anything on you for "unreasonable behavior" she can't file for a very long time. I have offered her a divorce and she doesnt want it !
marqueemoon4 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I have offered her a divorce and she doesnt want it ! yea, still waffling
Author russell1968 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 yea, still waffling I honestly don't know what she wants! but neither does she
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