Lovegood Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Tear, I tend to agree with Joe on the whole not taking her out for a fancy dinner. Although my reasoning is a bit different. The conversation that you're going to have with her isn't meant to be had in a romantic setting. Link to post Share on other sites
steammachine Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Unfortunately regardless of the outcome, this relationship is essentially doomed Link to post Share on other sites
USCGAviator Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Nobody said be aggressive towards her. Calm and collected is the way to be. Your idea of rewarding her with roses and a home cooked dinner and twinkles of love is your way of trying to make her feel guilty and sorry for you. And when you present her with the evidence after the loving gestures shes gonna know that after all your finding you still went out of your way to do so many nice things to her. And when she sees this....she will realize how much of a pushover you are and will know when she presents her lies to you that you will buckle, fold and shower her with more love for telling you the "truth". Think about that for a second before you go that route. Link to post Share on other sites
pookster72 Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 so how did you get her bank statement? Link to post Share on other sites
Author teardrop86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 I found it on the floor, and I didn't want her roommates to see her Visa number so I picked it up. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I don't want to be that aggressive in my approach. I was advised against it by everyone that I've asked. This liar will walk all over you if you arent a little aggressive here... Hell, she will probably make YOU feel bad for HAVING the evidence against her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teardrop86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 This liar will walk all over you if you arent a little aggressive here... Hell, she will probably make YOU feel bad for HAVING the evidence against her. If that's the case then she obviously has something to hide. I may be a bit of a pushover, but I'm not an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I think the clue that she had something to hide was that she lied to you about even looking up the plan b pill... You remember how good you felt after she lied to you about that? Remember how bad you felt when you found out that the good feeling you had was just a lie? Link to post Share on other sites
Author teardrop86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 Nobody said be aggressive towards her. Calm and collected is the way to be. Your idea of rewarding her with roses and a home cooked dinner and twinkles of love is your way of trying to make her feel guilty and sorry for you. And when you present her with the evidence after the loving gestures shes gonna know that after all your finding you still went out of your way to do so many nice things to her. And when she sees this....she will realize how much of a pushover you are and will know when she presents her lies to you that you will buckle, fold and shower her with more love for telling you the "truth". Think about that for a second before you go that route. This is so true. That's why I came to LS, for good advice like this. I'm not in the right frame of mind to be making decisions like this. Point noted, and heavily considered, she needs to know that I'm serious about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teardrop86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 I think the clue that she had something to hide was that she lied to you about even looking up the plan b pill... You remember how good you felt after she lied to you about that? Remember how bad you felt when you found out that the good feeling you had was just a lie? Yes it is a red flag FryFish, and I will address it. It's the basis of the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I'm not sure why the purchase of Plan B necessarily means that she cheated on you. Is it entirely possible, that she had a pregnancy scare, with YOU? Link to post Share on other sites
Author teardrop86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 I'm not sure why the purchase of Plan B necessarily means that she cheated on you. Is it entirely possible, that she had a pregnancy scare, with YOU? I asked her when I talked to her while she's been on vacation. I asked, did we have a pregnancy scare? Her response was no. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I don't want to be that aggressive in my approach. I was advised against it by everyone that I've asked. Dude, you're in a forum that is full of people that have been scorned and jilted. Cheated on and lied to. I can't begin to tell you the amount of people that didn't listen to what people in here were telling them. And that's okay. However, I've seen those people come back here and say, "Damn, you know what? You guys were right." Now, I don't know you guys from Adam; however, I could be wrong, but I believe her reaction is gonna be this. She's gonna get mad at you, How dare you spy on her an you have NO business looking at her credit card bill. She can't trust you anymore and she gonna tell you your relationship is over or threaten it. Keep this in the back of your mind when you talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teardrop86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 Dude, you're in a forum that is full of people that have been scorned and jilted. Cheated on and lied to. I can't begin to tell you the amount of people that didn't listen to what people in here were telling them. And that's okay. However, I've seen those people come back here and say, "Damn, you know what? You guys were right." Now, I don't know you guys from Adam; however, I could be wrong, but I believe her reaction is gonna be this. She's gonna get mad at you, How dare you spy on her an you have NO business looking at her credit card bill. She can't trust you anymore and she gonna tell you your relationship is over or threaten it. Keep this in the back of your mind when you talk to her. Like I told FryFish, if that's the case then so be it. She may very well have something to hide if she does something like this. It would be her loss too, because I treated her like gold. Link to post Share on other sites
forrest Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 This is so true. That's why I came to LS, for good advice like this. I'm not in the right frame of mind to be making decisions like this. Point noted, and heavily considered, she needs to know that I'm serious about this. I agree with Aviator and Joe. In this situation, your emotions will get you into trouble. They will cloud your judgement and make you see what you want to see, which is not always the truth. This is a serious matter. You are accusing your gf of cheating. There is no romance in that. Hence, why a romantic dinner is out of line. You need to be clear headed, neutral and decisive. After she tells her story, you have a very hard decision to make with a lot of analysis and data to peruse. I agree, you should do this in a safe place (her house, your house, not in a car or public place) and just the two of you. No dinner, no roses. The less you get emotions involved, the more clear headed you are, the more likely you will make the best decision for yourself and your relationship. Be it breaking up with her, or staying with her. Link to post Share on other sites
pookster72 Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I found it on the floor, and I didn't want her roommates to see her Visa number so I picked it up. it just seems weird that she would leave it out like that knowing you were worried about the plan B thing (and knowing you had a key to her place and a reason to be there). if she did cheat and then lie, she would be stressed out right now trying to cover her tracks, not leaving visa bills around. i'm not saying she did or didn't, but something seems off about the story. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegood Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Like I told FryFish, if that's the case then so be it. She may very well have something to hide if she does something like this. It would be her loss too, because I treated her like gold. I don't know if that is a fair indicator of her guilt though. I know that if I was accused of something that I <i>didn't</i>do, and my S/O had gone through my things looking for answers I would be insulted and quite possibly mad as well. The same reaction is entirely possible if she is guilty and wants to displace the blame. And of course it could go a totally different direction as well. It just depends on what kind of person she is, and how you decide to approach her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I asked her when I talked to her while she's been on vacation. I asked, did we have a pregnancy scare? Her response was no. Okay. I think then, the best thing to do would be to ask her about the purchase of it that you saw on her credit card bill. I know it's hard not to jump to conclusions and your mind is probably racing. Just try to remain calm and hope for the best outcome until you can have a face to face discussion with her in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I have to agree with the advice given here...no it was not invading her privacy...it was invading her secrecy. Trust yoru Gut...However You must not tip your hand as previously stated. I am afraid if you do that you will be more apt to believe her. and asking around to mutual friends was probably a terrible idea as I am sure this all got back to her and has also given her time to get her stories straight with her "Good friends" you asked. Sadly, as much as I know this may seem negative to you, I am afraid its the truth: Regardless of what advice you have been given, you will go forth with what your intentions are. I think you are in for a terrible weekend, I hope I am wrong but the fact this is tearing you up now makes certain that your will NEVER be able to trust her again. If I were you, I would end it upon her arrival, for it is pointless to ask her questions now. Her actions over the next few days will likely become distant if you stay with her, and she will tell you this is not working out. If I were you, Id head this off at the pass Remember that long term relationships are dress rehearsals for a life together and I sure hope you understand that none of us here wants to see you crushed. I have followed this thread myself and have not added anything you have not been told, but please, please please understand this not going to get any better... Best of Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author teardrop86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 it just seems weird that she would leave it out like that knowing you were worried about the plan B thing (and knowing you had a key to her place and a reason to be there). if she did cheat and then lie, she would be stressed out right now trying to cover her tracks, not leaving visa bills around. i'm not saying she did or didn't, but something seems off about the story. That's what doesn't make sense for me either. I was at her place before I drove her to the airport when she left, and there was no Visa bill on the floor. My guess is that it got knocked off from the TV, which is the closest object to place the bill on. I picked it up because the idea of having a visa number exposed is not a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 So, I read the thread, and remain confused. What about taking Plan B makes you think she cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 it just seems weird that she would leave it out like that knowing you were worried about the plan B thing (and knowing you had a key to her place and a reason to be there). if she did cheat and then lie, she would be stressed out right now trying to cover her tracks, not leaving visa bills around. i'm not saying she did or didn't, but something seems off about the story. Yeah, but she never would have thought he would have been able to assemble this puzzle. Visa statement would just say that a purchase was made at this pharmacy. Not as purchase was made for the plan B pill. It was just blind luck that he stumbled across a search for the pill and the price matched up with the cost of the pill to the penny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teardrop86 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 So, I read the thread, and remain confused. What about taking Plan B makes you think she cheated? December 6th PM was the day someone searched for Plan B, and Shoppers Drug Mart's price. On the Visa statement December 7th, there was a $41.43 charge on it from Shoppers Drug Mart. The price for Plan B with tax is $41.43, and it was on my girlfriend's Visa. She said she didn't know anything about it, or what it was, but yet, she's obviously bought it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegood Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 edit: Also, she works for my uncle as a hair stylist, and I want to know the truth because he shouldn't be employing someone who might be a liar and a cheat, especially because she handles the money there too. This was the specific quote I was calling into question. The whole "if she is a cheater then clearly she cannot be trusted with money" thing bugged me. By all means, confide in the Uncle, but I don't think this relates to her job. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 So, I read the thread, and remain confused. What about taking Plan B makes you think she cheated? He asked her if theyhad a pregnancy scare and she said no. What other reason would she need it for? Link to post Share on other sites
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