Refusal-Long time refused & considering leaving...

[blaze918]

Hey man,

wow you got a ton of replies on this thread. I didn't really take the time to read everything, this may have already been mentioned. Hormones...One simple little word that can make all the difference in the world.

At her age its likely that her sex drive is way lower due to hormone imbalances or a lack of hormones in general.

The biology of our bodies is a powerful thing. She should get evaluated for hormone levels. Although she may be within "normal ranges for her age" consider hormone replacement therapy.

This may sound counter-intuitive but from what I've read a lot of women benefit immensely from getting testosterone shots (obviously very, very low doses like 25 mgs a week). Women report feeling a ton more energy, a way higher sex drive and more of a zest for life.

Be careful of her getting just estrogen replacement therapy, although its the primary sex hormone that women produce it can blunt their sex drive.

Best of luck man. You get her hormones fixed up in addition to everything else you are doing and you might just be completely shocked at how often she wants you.

[Floridaman]

Success .... sort of.

 

For the first time in who knows how long, we engaged in lovemaking the other night.

Started with a lot of holding and cuddling on the couch and we later ended up in the MBR.

 

Don't want to make this graphic....

Had to take it slow bec. she experiences pain, so I kept about a half-an-inch to an inch or so inside, occasionally going in deeper, where she felt some pain. It was hard, but tried to keep from plunging deeper.

Never climaxed, though likely could have if we'd gone much longer.

Touched a painful area so we stopped the PIV, but continued to cuddle, etc.

 

Tried again and actually got in much deeper, but not all the way. Still, it hurt her so stopped.

 

She says I can release onto her as long as I'm able to clean-up quickly (referencing an earlier posting in this thread). How I want to at least do that...

 

She is going to see a gynocologist. Due to some circumstances, had seen one but wasn't able to get the follow-up.

 

I feel we're closer than ever now, and am hoping this will lead to some improvement.

[xxoo]

Never climaxed, though likely could have if we'd gone much longer.

Touched a painful area so we stopped the PIV, but continued to cuddle, etc..

 

What is "etc"? You continue to sexual stimulate each other in ways that aren't painful (with hands, for example), until both are sexually satisfied?

[2sunny]

That is a start... It's surprising that you settle for so

little.

 

One thing that jumps out at me - she said you could finish on her as long as you clean up quickly... What is your wife's perspective on sex? Why does it have to be cleaned off quickly? Why wouldn't she just clean it off when you two are finished cuddling? Does she leave the clean up to you?

 

What is her outlook on sex in general?

 

Did she say when she would get to the dr to find out what the roadblock is? And what she can do about that roadblock?

[in_absentia]

Sounds like she's struggling with a lot of pain. I'm only 23 but I frequently am totally unable to have sex due to chronic pelvic pain syndrome. It drives me mad, I feel like such a tease to my bf, I feel pressured into going through it in agony even though the pressure just comes solely from me. I'm seeing all sorts of medical people and just can't get sorted but I feel for your wife.

[2sunny]

Sounds like she's struggling with a lot of pain. I'm only 23 but I frequently am totally unable to have sex due to chronic pelvic pain syndrome. It drives me mad, I feel like such a tease to my bf, I feel pressured into going through it in agony even though the pressure just comes solely from me. I'm seeing all sorts of medical people and just can't get sorted but I feel for your wife.

 

Is any abuse in your history? Any situations of not being able to feel safe with men?

[Floridaman]

What is "etc"? You continue to sexual stimulate each other in ways that aren't painful (with hands, for example), until both are sexually satisfied?

I'd like to try.

Always have my hands on her breasts, squeezing her, "exploring" her lower regions, going further there etc., but need to do more of that.

 

When I prepared to enter this time, I asked her to "guide" me in....

 

That is a start... It's surprising that you settle for so

little.

 

What is her outlook on sex in general?

 

Did she say when she would get to the dr to find out what the roadblock is? And what she can do about that roadblock?

Methinks she has a lot of hangups with sex.

She won't let me try oral on her and won't give me oral.

I don't necessarily need it done to me, but as I gained a taste for it in my late 20s, I sure want to give her OS.

 

She did begin caressing me (lightly) that night, so there is hope. It seems she's listening to me when I tell her she can caress me and I won't immediately deflect her.

 

She wasn't a virgin when we met. She only had 1partner years before me, a former fiance she engaged in sex with after engagement.

 

 

One thing that jumpsut at me - she said you could finish on her as long as you clean up quickly... What is your wife's perspective on sex? Why does it have to be cleaned off quickly? Why wouldn't she just clean it off when you two are finished cuddling? Does she leave the clean up to you?

What is her outlook on sex in general?

She seems repulsed by my semen.

After we last ML, some if it leaked out of her onto the sheets (we don't use birth control), creating a little stain. I quickly got a washcloth and wiped it off, but she seemed freaked-out about my juices like that.

Was kinda jarring. Don't think any other woman who'd taken me in like that would react so nervously to my "evidence," like there was something wrong with that.

 

 

Really appreciate everyone's concerns and postings here.

Edited December 6, 2011 by Floridaman

[2sunny]

I feel very sad for you. That must hurt a lot.

 

You need to let your wife find her way... Which hopefully will include an improved outlook toward sex and the male body and what that entails. Where did she learn such an attitude and perspective about men being revolting?

 

Why was it an attractive thought to marry someone with that attitude?

 

You can't change her mindset... She has work to do - but she may never address what roadblocks her. Is abuse in her history? It may be her issue. Is she willing to do counseling?

 

What if things stay the same; is this adequate for you?

[Floridaman]

I feel very sad for you. That must hurt a lot.

 

You need to let your wife find her way... Which hopefully will include an improved outlook toward sex and the male body and what that entails. Where did she learn such an attitude and perspective about men being revolting?

It may just be the semen.

Why was it an attractive thought to marry someone with that attitude?

Didn't know that about her.

We had sex before marriage (3-4 mos. into dating), but it started going directly to PIV, no oral or the stuff I did in my late 20s with 2 women:

a non-religious virgin and never-married non-virgin but limited experience woman...

 

TBH, was glad a woman wanted to ML with me, as only got some "everything....but."

Didn't have much sex 19-30, so for a lonely single guy like me, what she did for me was a blessing...

 

While not as strong religiously as had been in my early 20s, felt some guilt and thought PIV was sufficient until marriage when I thought it would improve and I could try some oral on her...

 

You can't change her mindset... She has work to do - but she may never address what roadblocks her. Is abuse in her history? It may be her issue. Is she willing to do counseling?

No abuse. Have asked her.

She does come from a Catholic family where her parents never or rarely expressed affection in front of their kids.

 

What if things stay the same; is this adequate for you?

Things cannot remain the same. I need to ML at least weekly. And I want to do some "other things" when she's not in the mood for me inside her.

Edited December 6, 2011 by Floridaman

[xxoo]

FM, the two of you need a sex counselor. You both need some sex ed.

 

"Making love" (by which you mean PIV) and "other things" are not separate. They are all part of a sex. "Everything....but" is only meaningful when you are a virgin--but you are married adults.

 

Most women NEED clitoral stimulation to get aroused enough to enjoy PIV sex. In the beginning of a relationship it might be less necessary, because new relationship "love hormones" are arousing. But a woman in a longer term relationship typically can not move straight to PIV with just some cuddlng as foreplay. This means fingers, hands, tongue, vibrator--directly on the clitoris--likely for more than 5 minutes.

 

What I'm hearing is that she will not allow that kind of foreplay. If that is the case--she is refusing it--things won't get better. She will never enjoy sex if she is never aroused.

 

Do you know what arousal looks like in a woman? Look for: flushed face, parted lips, legs falling open, wetness, swollen labia. THAT is when she is ready for penetration. If she is allowing penetration before that point, it is not because she is aroused. Unlike men, women can have sex COMPLETELY unaroused. But, yes, it is uncomfortable.

[giotto]

Things cannot remain the same. I need to ML at least weekly. And I want to do some "other things" when she's not in the mood for me inside her.

 

At least weekly? I think you are being very optimistic. IMO, there is a very slim chance that that will ever happen. How long are you prepared to wait, considering that this has been going on for an awfully long time?

[PinkInTheLimo]

She seems repulsed by my semen.

After we last ML, some if it leaked out of her onto the sheets (we don't use birth control), creating a little stain. I quickly got a washcloth and wiped it off, but she seemed freaked-out about my juices like that.

Was kinda jarring. Don't think any other woman who'd taken me in like that would react so nervously to my "evidence," like there was something wrong with that.

 

She has no clue about what loving a man means. Shows again that being married absolutely means nothing, it is no proof at all about love being there. When I love a man, I love nothing more than being sticky from his juices after ML. Don't feel the need to wipe it off within 5 seconds or jump in the shower right away. Just cuddle up and fall asleep is what I want...

 

Really appreciate everyone's concerns and postings here.

 

Yeah, but do you want to hear what we say. You did not like my reaction in another thread.

But I reacted to confront you with your double standards. The girls who did not have any hang-ups about making love were "easy" in your eyes (yet you did not refrain from getting involved with them, so you were "easy" as well).

 

You got what you deserve. You did not want to have an easy girl. Well there you go. Stuck in this marriage with this neurotic woman who makes you beg for something that should be totally normal in a relationship!!!

You have issues yourself because otherwise you would have divorced her a long time ago. But since you see women who love to give and receive sex as "easy", you will never have a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Edited December 6, 2011 by PinkInTheLimo

[xxoo]

You did not want to have an easy girl. Well there you go. Stuck in this marriage with this neurotic woman who makes you beg for something that should be totally normal in a relationship!!!

 

Very good point.

 

It is so unfair to label women who want sex while dating as "easy". And it is completely unreasonable to expect a woman who doesn't want to explore sexually before marriage to change after marriage.

[2sunny]

If she's consistent - you should expect more of what you have known over the years.

 

If its not enough for you - you can choose to leave. Do you think it could involve any sense of power on her part? What does your gut tell you?

 

If I were a man - and my gal had the mindset to view my body fluids as icky - that wouldn't work for me. If she also had trouble "inviting me in lovingly" - that wouldn't work for me either. Refusal shows in many ways - the mind is at the helm... It shows everything through the body, what the body will or won't go along with...

 

It would never feel like good balance... But that is just me.

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by Floridaman

Really appreciate everyone's concerns and postings here.

Yeah, but do you want to hear what we say. You did not like my reaction in another thread.

 

Pink,

Allow me to apologize for the way I reacted to your post in another thread.

Felt bad about it later and wished I could have edited that out. Sorry. That was uncalled for.

 

But I reacted to confront you with your double standards. The girls who did not have any hang-ups about making love were "easy" in your eyes (yet you did not refrain from getting involved with them, so you were "easy" as well).

SOME of them.

Only had casual sex with 2 women, 2 sep. encounters @25-26, and that was the only PIV I had 19-30, so it wasn't a repeating pattern or lifestyle.

But yes, I get your point here. Point taken.

Edited December 6, 2011 by Floridaman

[2sunny]

Easy is subjective.

 

A healthy woman enjoys her body and the pleasure she can get from it - especially if used in balance with a loving partner.

 

A healthy woman also never uses her body as a weapon to manipulate of control.

 

Some things she may want to look at - for instance, with holding sex can be viewed as manipulation and/or control. Extremes the other way too...can get out of balance...

[in_absentia]

Is any abuse in your history? Any situations of not being able to feel safe with men?

 

No, none whatsoever. If there were I'd have brought them up to people by now because I'm desparate to find a cure and I'll do anything. I'm currently on an epilepsy med, anti depressants, and a very strong anti nausea drug used to treat sickness in chemotherapy patients, all prescribed 'off licence' to target my pain. I take morphine when it gets really bad.

 

One nurse actually asked me if I'd ever been raped, and I said I hadn't but she kept pushing and pushing as though that could be the only reason for the agony, when in reality it was the bladder instillations and total lack of painkillers that were upsetting and frustrating me...

[2sunny]

What is the health issue you have that requires your use of the medication?

[The Blue Knight]

She has no clue about what loving a man means. Shows again that being married absolutely means nothing, it is no proof at all about love being there. When I love a man, I love nothing more than being sticky from his juices after ML. Don't feel the need to wipe it off within 5 seconds or jump in the shower right away. Just cuddle up and fall asleep is what I want...

I'm not sure all women are wanting to roll around in sticky semen after sex but Floridaman, your wife's reaction is very hard to understand. My wife is a lot like Pink in that she's content to just lay there and cuddle afterward. A towel later perhaps. Your wife is freaking out over semen? That's just not a very normal reaction to bodily fluids post intercourse.

 

I've read your stuff for the past few weeks and people have made a lot of good suggestions so I just stayed in the loop by reading them.

 

It's been brought up previously and I think it's very germane to your wife's issue but she's an ex-Catholic and that means she's got a head full of bad wiring over the sex issue. Or possibly there's some experiences from childhood that she's never divulged.

 

I come from a Catholic background myself as did my ex-wife and my present wife. These were not hangups for any of us. BUT there are some Catholics who have that sex is dirty message so drummed into them from youth that they can't get past it in adulthood.

 

Her reaction to oral sex is a prime example. If sex is for procreation as the Catholic Church has wrongly taught for 1500 years then oral sex has no purpose in her mind, and furthermore, the idea is filthy to her.

 

I think xxoo brought up more clitoral stimulation and as you no doubt already know, oral sex performed on her would probably get her to that point far quicker than any other method. Why is that such a barrier for her if you're so anxious and willing to please her that way? That part I don't quite get. But for me it comes back again to either the messed up Catholic thing or she was sexually / emotionally harmed in some way as a youth.

 

I was glad to see you bought and read Sheet Music by Kevin Leman. We saw him at a marriage seminar and bought the book. Very good material. But is she accepting of what it says?

 

She's old enough that turning her attitude around might be too late. Then again, if she's open enough to new programming and the idea from the Bible that sex is to be completely enjoyed by a married couple there might be some hope.

 

I noted also that she came from a non-hugging or no public affection kind of family. Were her parents old traditional Catholics where sex is for procreative purposes ONLY? I just have to wonder if Mom pounded this idea into her daughter or where she got so much of this misinformation from?

[LilMissMovinOn]

On another forum, some recommended lubrication like AstroGlde, which I have purchased.

They also recommend Coconut Oil. (CO is supposed to be like miraculous in that area).

I don't have experience with either but think that kind of aid might be a good help.

 

 

 

Can you believe how naive or ignorant I am on this kinda stuff?

I had no idea what that word meant.

 

Married 14 years and hardly know her "down there."

 

What does that tell you besides I'm so sexually conservative and ignorant?

 

OP pls forgive not reading entire thread b4 replying. It's 4am here. I feel for both u & yr W though. Just a cpl of things. It sounds to me as though yr not overly familar w the anatomy of. the vagina. Getting a book to help with this & sex in general might b helpful for both of u. Do u know if yr W masterbates herself to cliterol O's? I ask because this is a very handy skill for a man to master. Also see if she will do this & let u watch. U could self stimulate at the same time. It's a step short of oral sex but will arouse yr W if u can do this for her. Definately use proper lubricant (NOT coconut oil - water based lubricant is best as other kinds can cause an imbalance triggering thrush afterward in sum women). Also yr W is at an age where menopause & hormonal changes will definately affect her libido so do have this checked if she is willing. I dont think a lack of sex for such a long time is healthy & yr right to say there will come a time wen u feel u can no longer tolerate a sexless M. This is not b.cuz u only want to be M'd for the sex as that is obviously not the case. Rather sex is a healthy fundemental need, expression of intimacy & love. If she balks at cliterol stimulation explain tht God made women with that body part for the sole purpose of inducing pleasure (as this is true. The cliteros serves no other function). These are just a few thoughts. I would definately seek M counselling also. Women's arousal is triggered by emotional intimacy. If there are problems emotionally her sex tap will be turned off. If the problem is not emotional, but rather sexual seek professional sex therapy. Yr W needs to acknowledge tht yr need for sex is important & tht there is a fundemental problem in the M if this cant be addressed (all b it slowly as u are so obviously trying). I had a period of one yr w no sex in a defacto r.ship. There were various reasons for this but eventually I forced myself to 'just do it' to help overcome the hurdle. This eventually worked (altho the r.ship failed for other reasons). I wish u all the very best. U sound like a very loving H / yr W is lucky to hav u. U need to put the issue on the table tho & not fear the consequences of doing so. The likelihood is that u will eventually lose the M if this is not addressed. PS A female friend aged 54 & married for 25 yrs still enjoyed a pleasurable sex life right up until her H passed away recently. She was on hormone replacement therapy for meopause tho. This is also something for yr W to consider. & wear the pants to bed if yr W needs tht. This can b sorted out whilst respecting bounderies if yr both committed to resolving it.

[LilMissMovinOn]

ps pls excuse the typo's. im posting frm my ph. ie clitoris etc...

[Floridaman]

Hey man,

I didn't really take the time to read everything, this may have already been mentioned. Hormones...One simple little word that can make all the difference in the world.

At her age its likely that her sex drive is way lower due to hormone imbalances or a lack of hormones in general.

 

The biology of our bodies is a powerful thing. She should get evaluated for hormone levels. Although she may be within "normal ranges for her age" consider hormone replacement therapy.

 

This may sound counter-intuitive but from what I've read a lot of women benefit immensely from getting testosterone shots (obviously very, very low doses like 25 mgs a week). Women report feeling a ton more energy, a way higher sex drive and more of a zest for life.

 

Be careful of her getting just estrogen replacement therapy, although its the primary sex hormone that women produce it can blunt their sex drive.

Best of luck man. You get her hormones fixed up in addition to everything else you are doing and you might just be completely shocked at how often she wants you.

Blaze,

Meant to thank you for your thoughtful post.

This is something we need to look into.

 

Not wanting to reveal too much info here (she doesn't know I post this info. and I'd like to keep it that way), but she's always warm and has to have the AC running at low temperatures, to where I'm too cold, so there's definitely something physically "off" with her...

 

It's been brought up before but I don't recall seeing an answer. Did your wife go to the gynecologist and be frank and open about her lack of interest and her inability to respond without pain?

 

 

 

Another thoughtful post here. Thanks.

 

LadyGrey,

She did see a physician but now thinks she needs to see a specialist like a gynecologist.

She had some appointments but bec. of work and all, wasn't able to get the follow-up. Circumstances are changing and am trying to get her to make that appointment.

 

If she hasn't discussed with her doctor, that clearly shows you that what is going on is NOT a problem for her. She probably has hormonal issues and seriously repressed hangup's about sex but addressing the physical side 1st is most important.

Agreed.

You can be nice and cuddly and kiss her up all you want but clearly that isn't working. Nothing is going to change unless you convey to her that it is unacceptable and that the marriage will not go on unless she takes some concrete steps, (addressing the physical/hormone thing 1st and IC or marriage counselling.) You've been doing pretty much the same old thing and obviously it's not working.

 

If I were your wife, I'd have a lot of resentment for you because it's clear that you do all these things to get her to have sex with you.

Really?

Resent ME ??

 

You've just added to the problem I think, you need to get tough.

 

She would respect you and might gain some desire for you if you put your foot down and stop doing the same old, same old.

On some level, she probably enjoys having this much power over you and gets satisfaction from pulling your strings, making you weak and needy and you are letting her. You've gave her this power, you need to show her that she can't keep it.

This clarifies it.

Good points as well.

[Floridaman]

Easy is subjective.

 

A healthy woman enjoys her body and the pleasure she can get from it - especially if used in balance with a loving partner.

 

A healthy woman also never uses her body as a weapon to manipulate of control.

 

Some things she may want to look at - for instance, with holding sex can be viewed as manipulation and/or control. Extremes the other way too...can get out of balance...

By "easy," meant women who had sex with every guy she dated.

 

I know what you're talking about, being a loving partner. It's the promiscuity, or "less responsible" attitude women AND men have, was what repelled me for moral and religious reasons.

 

Not throwing rocks at anyone here, though, and over the last couple of years, have changed my views on sex considerably.

If I were to suddenly find myself single, or could go back to my 20s, things would be a lot different.

 

As I approach 5-0, am experiencing many changes and thoughts, evidenced from my rash of posts on a variety of web forums.

 

 

 

2sunny, you and XXOO have provided some good points.

I really appreciate what you, Blue Knight, LilMissMovinOn, giotto, KathyM and so many others have posted here.

 

Not able to always respond promptly to every post, but every post is definitely noted. Plan to respond to more posts later.

 

Do plan to re-read the posts and print some of the suggestions that I want to try.

[g450]

I think that when it comes to the point that you actually have to "ask" for sex (when you are married), the relationship is over. Or that part of it. Or all of it, if, for you, it's a deal breaker. Of course sometimes it's more complicated than that, but the result is still the same. Good luck! You are very patient man. I can tell she means the world to you.

 

 

Bingo!

 

I was in a similar situation with my XW until she divorced me 2 years back. I had to beg for sex. And this is not sexy to a woman. Looking back, she probably did me a favor divorcing me. In my case, my love for her was strong enough to put up with it. I was approaching my 50s and she was already there. I did not want to start over at that age.

 

And like another posted, dont rule out an affair. My XW acted axactly like the OPs wife towards me. Turned out she was having an online love / romantic affair with her ex high school bf from decades back and this was going on underneath my nose even before I knew there was a problem.

Not in a million years would I think she would have done this to me! Didnt find out until two months after the divorce sadly.

 

Only advice I can give is that the more you persue and pressure her, the less she will want you. She needs to do the work. If she doesnt see you as worth it then the marriage is already gone. No use beating a dead horse. And as others have said, the OP comes across as needy and not very manly. I used to be guilty of this as well. It was a direct result of how I was treated by her. Being emasculated for a long time will turn you into less of a man trust me. It's not necessarily the OPs fault. Been there done that. Not the case with my new girl now thankfully. OPs wife is simply being selfish. If she really loves her man then she needs to take care of him. Like the Nike commercial...just do it.

 

I hate to say it but if sex is important to you (like it was for me) then it's time to work out a bail out plan. Im working on my second marriage and sometimes I am amazed at the difference between these two women. My current fiancee actually encourages me every chance she gets and is a total horndog. It's like day and night and I am loving it.

[oldshirt]

Very interesting (and sad:( ) thread. Thank you FM for sharing your story and play-by-play commentary with us. I hope you continue to return to this thread for input and to provide updates on your progress.

 

I haven't read all the posts of course but I think I have the gist of it.

 

I have some random thoughts and ideas I'd thought I'd throw in that are in no particular order. Some may seem harsh or that I am being mean or putting you down but please please please realise I am trying to help and I want you two to work things out and have a healthy and satisfactory marriage if that is possible - and I hope if that is not possible I hope that you are able to end the marriage with as little damage and destruction as possible.

 

- For a year now people have been suggesting counseling and for her to see a physician for her pain. Have either of these things occured? Sex should not be painfull and there may be a serious or even life=threatening medical condition taking place.

 

- She seems like she has been raised and has lived in a very "sex negative" manner where she has deeply held beliefs that sex is dirty or wrong. That can be very harmfull and damaging to having a satisfying sexlife for either you.

 

- You also seem to have been brought up that sex is something offensive and disrespectfull to women. As such that has made you be a "nice guy" that talks about feelings and cuddles and is always "asking" what women want in bed and "asking" for sex. While those of us (yes I was one of these guys too) that were raised this way think that we are doing the right thing and think that we are treating women they want to be treated, the truth is most women find this approach very UNsexy and often a total turnoff.

 

Think of it this way, when a biker bangs a woman in a bathroom stall of a bar within 20 minutes of meeting her and she is screaming out one orgasm after another while he pounds her doggy-style while she is bent over the toilet, do you think he cuddled her for hours and asked her each step of the way if he could touch her or hold her and asked if he could just slip the first inch of his penis into her and asked if she wanted any more????

 

No! He approached her with masculine dominance and escalated the sexuality and generated ATTRACTION and sexual chemistry untill she WANTED him to pound her doggy style bent over the toilet. And the real kicker is she LOVED IT;)

 

You have been lied to for over 40 years. Women are very sexual and have a sexual capacity and energy that surpasses men's sexuality. But we have been brainwashed into thinking that women are less sexual and more uptight than men and that it disrespectfull and demeaning to women to be treated as sexual beings. The result of that is that men have been pussified and feminized into meek, timid little beta boys that ask women to cuddle and hope that they will allow them to stick their dicks into them at some point.

 

You have already spent 5 years on this little project of yours so why not try something different. Instead of focusing on relationship issues and how to appease her and accomidate her and suck up to her. Take on another project and devote yourself to it. Learn about female "SEXUAL ATTRACTION" and learn what women actually respond to sexually in the real world and not what your clergy or Oprah or the articles in cosmo or Maxim tell you. Women say one thing in public but DO completely different things in private.

 

Your wife may very well have some hormonal changes and menopausal issues going on but the root cause of all of your sexual problems with her is she is not sexually attracted to you and you do not turn her on sexually. Everything you have done has beta-boy written all over it and things you have done are the exact opposite of what actually turns women on to a guy.

 

Start studying female attraction and start trying to apply those principles in every day life. Once you get so you can consistantly generate attraction she may WANT to have sex with you and will drop all this blocking and resistance and will be smoking your pole and chugging your load without missing a drop.

 

And if she is still too uptight and dysfunctional sexually, you will be able to attract other women who can function sexually and you will have other options so you don't feel like this is your one and only chance for happiness and fulfillment. Sometimes it's easier to start a new relationship than to fix a broken one with a partner who is damaged goods.

 

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to fish and he can feed himself for life.

 

You feel like you were given a fish when you married your wife because you were not a lady's man and didn't have a lot of opportunities and felt she was your one chance.

 

Learn to attract women and you will see that sexually available women are actually everywhere and you can feed yourself for life and don't have to depend on the fish you were given that has now dried up and rotted away to the bone.