Funsize Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 You make ultimatums then back off from them. How do you think that makes you look in her eyes? Its time to walk away, you have an irrational fear of being alone. But you need to realise you are already alone. You will meet someone else, There are over 8 billion people on this planet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 Originally Posted by Floridaman Odd so many of us ended up with low-drive spouses. No no no, you did not ended up with such a spouse. You wanted such a spouse! The best proof is that you have spoken in a negative way about girlfriends who had sex early. My diagnosis: you suffer from the Madonna-whore complex. Either a woman is pure and then she can't have passionate, natural, spontaneous sex. Or she can and then you think less of her . Judging by the way she willingly had sex with me prior to marriage, had no way of guessing she'd suddenly change.... and not want to anymore. Yes, regret getting sexually involved before marriage (we didn't advertise it) but we were in our 30s and I felt I "deserved" some things out of life. Neither of us had been married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 So, how did the wife's gyno visit go? Any physical reasons she should be in pain from intercourse? I personally know lots of women that are on female hormones( after menopause), so they have a happy fulfilling sex life with H. Nothing really came out of the visit. She hasn't gone on any follow-ups, or visits to other practitioners, as she was advised. Yes, I'm not happy about it either. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 You haven't been happy about any of it for a long time. And the dr visit turned up nothing. Hmmm So she just doesn't want to have sex with you. So now - what are YOU going to change? Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Floridaman, You O.K. out there? What is the latest update on your situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 Floridaman, You O.K. out there? What is the latest update on your situation? Beenburned, I'm still around. Need to post more updates. Thanks for the inquiry and sorry I'm not posting as much. Floridaman, Is there any update on your situation? I finally had a chance to read though most of your thread. There seems to be a pattern where you are engaged here when there seems to be hope and ideas for improvement. But when people start to suggest (such as I did lately) that your wife isn't interested in resolving the issue, you seem to fade away. How are things going? Jthorne, You're a very perceptive woman. Have read some of your posts (in the past, not recently). Thanks also for your inquiry. I've taken things into my hands more and am being "not so much of a gentlemen" anymore, as I posted earlier. This is bringing mixed results. But clearly, am not going to subserviate my sexual needs to her... and plan to just proceed... instead of being so timid. On another board, that got some "feminists" to rail against me, claiming I was encouraging rape or something. I had to explain the situation... The last time we ML was late March, so it's been 1 month+... However, am frequently out of town on business and she's in-between jobs, so some stress there. And I can't keep my hands off her. Was about to suggest counseling again.... The other night, she asked me if I would "like it" if she became "naughty" in bed.... TBH.... have never dated or had sex with a "naughty" woman in bed.... or someone sexually adventurous.... but think it would be great... Of course, I told her that would be fine and it wasn't anything a good Christian woman should be "ashamed" of, as it would be only between her and I and not leave our marital bed.... So there are some challenges. Again, appreciate everyone's concern and help here. The suggestions have not fallen on deaf ears. I do read the advice posted and try to follow some of the suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Beenburned, I'm still around. Need to post more updates. Thanks for the inquiry and sorry I'm not posting as much. Jthorne, You're a very perceptive woman. Have read some of your posts (in the past, not recently). Thanks also for your inquiry. I've taken things into my hands more and am being "not so much of a gentlemen" anymore, as I posted earlier. This is bringing mixed results. But clearly, am not going to subserviate my sexual needs to her... and plan to just proceed... instead of being so timid. On another board, that got some "feminists" to rail against me, claiming I was encouraging rape or something. I had to explain the situation... The last time we ML was late March, so it's been 1 month+... However, am frequently out of town on business and she's in-between jobs, so some stress there. And I can't keep my hands off her. Was about to suggest counseling again.... The other night, she asked me if I would "like it" if she became "naughty" in bed.... TBH.... have never dated or had sex with a "naughty" woman in bed.... or someone sexually adventurous.... but think it would be great... Of course, I told her that would be fine and it wasn't anything a good Christian woman should be "ashamed" of, as it would be only between her and I and not leave our marital bed.... So there are some challenges. Again, appreciate everyone's concern and help here. The suggestions have not fallen on deaf ears. I do read the advice posted and try to follow some of the suggestions. So she asked you - and you said yes. Why didn't you DO her right then? On THAT day? Take action! And pay attention! When a woman who hasn't had sex with you in a long time suddenly offers this "odd offer" out of the blue - something MAY be up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted May 3, 2012 Author Share Posted May 3, 2012 The other night, she asked me if I would "like it" if she became "naughty" in bed.... TBH.... have never dated or had sex with a "naughty" woman in bed.... or someone sexually adventurous.... but think it would be great... Of course, I told her that would be fine and it wasn't anything a good Christian woman should be "ashamed" of, as it would be only between her and I and not leave our marital bed.... So there are some challenges So she asked you - and you said yes. Why didn't you DO her right then? On THAT day? Take action! And pay attention! When a woman who hasn't had sex with you in a long time suddenly offers this "odd offer" out of the blue - something MAY be up! TBH, cannot recall when she brought that up. Methinks it was in bed as were about to go to sleep, late on a worknight, but am not sure. Not sure why I can't remember. Did try to pursue her the other night, but she said it was "too late" in the evening as it was past 11 p.m..... TBH.... have never dated or had sex with a "naughty" woman in bed.... or someone sexually adventurous.... but think it would be great... And yes, I realize some of my erroneous views on women, as others have pointed out. Don't think I was wrong in not pursuing sex to a great extent when I was single, but I get the points made here.... For the record, the only sex I've gotten in the last 2 months or so was in late March... on my birthday.... (a major birthday, i.e. 30th, 40th....) Was a surprise. Wasn't expecting it.... Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 I've taken things into my hands more and am being "not so much of a gentlemen" anymore, as I posted earlier. This is bringing mixed results. But clearly, am not going to subserviate my sexual needs to her... and plan to just proceed... instead of being so timid. When? Have you started? The other night, she asked me if I would "like it" if she became "naughty" in bed.... TBH.... have never dated or had sex with a "naughty" woman in bed.... or someone sexually adventurous.... but think it would be great... Of course, I told her that would be fine and it wasn't anything a good Christian woman should be "ashamed" of, as it would be only between her and I and not leave our marital bed.... What was her tone when she asked that? Was it accusatory? Or was it playful? Your response was....clinical. My H's response would have been something like, "Have you been a bad girl?" Why would you even bring up "Christian woman" and being "ashamed" in bed? Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 I scheduled us an appt with MC for next week. I don't want to be posting about this for two years. My sexless marriage must end. This thread makes me want to man up and take action Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 TBH, cannot recall when she brought that up. Methinks it was in bed as were about to go to sleep, late on a worknight, but am not sure. Not sure why I can't remember. Did try to pursue her the other night, but she said it was "too late" in the evening as it was past 11 p.m..... And yes, I realize some of my erroneous views on women, as others have pointed out. Don't think I was wrong in not pursuing sex to a great extent when I was single, but I get the points made here.... For the record, the only sex I've gotten in the last 2 months or so was in late March... on my birthday.... (a major birthday, i.e. 30th, 40th....) Was a surprise. Wasn't expecting it.... Just tell her it's part of a healthy and loving marriage to have sex everyday. Tell her that the new rule is: BEFORE dinner every night = WE have sex...THEN dinner! Make it part of your routine each day... Like brushing your teeth. Tell her those are YOUR expectations... And IF she's good and naughty at the same time - you'll have to spank her little a$$... Hehe Seriously - tell her you expect it - put YOUR expectations out there - invoke the change you wish to see! She's had it HER WAY (no sex) long enough - now its time for a round of YOUR WAY for at least a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Frootloop Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I really feel for both parties in this case. Yes, he should be able to expect sex in a marriage. But as a premenopausal woman, I can tell you that I have ZERO interest in sex with my husband or anybody else. The assumption cannot be made that it is because there is another man on the side as some posters have said. Sometimes, people are genuinely not interested in it anymore. My case is slightly different because I have several children and work a full time job, but when I get home, the last thing on my mind is pleasuring someone else. The first thing is what time I can go to bed. Whether or not someone wants to have sex is a very personal thing. She is allowing another person to literally enter her body. If the OP wants to have more sex, I seriously think he should find someone else, because in my current frame of mind, all of his overtures would really creep me out. As it is, the very graphic nature of his posts make me unsure where the sexual fantasy ends and the actual story begins. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Yeh.... I don't have much of a sex drive either. And it would REALLY annoy me if my husband suddenly became more aggressive about it when I am saying no. What turns ME on is when he helps out with my work so I have some time to relax. When instead of pouting and moping about lack of sex, he laughs and has fun with me. When he is kind and loving to me. Then, I find I suddenly DO have a sex drive again! Link to post Share on other sites
Frootloop Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) I know! Isn't it funny how that would work but some of our husbands can't figure that out? If he would help me, I would be less exhausted, and maybe I would feel more amorous! Edited May 16, 2012 by Frootloop Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I know! Isn't it funny how that would work but some of our husbands can't figure that out? If he would help me, I would be less exhausted, and maybe I would feel more amorous! Really? I doubt it! You are just not interested. I've done this (sharing duties running the household + raising kids) with my wife all throughout our marriage life and she still wan't interested. Many men here on LS have done that. Doesn't change anything. There's always some "other" unfathomable problem or issue... Link to post Share on other sites
happyme Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Well Giotto, it feels unfathomable because you don't know what it is, and for some reason there is resistance within you to being open to truly finding out. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Well Giotto, it feels unfathomable because you don't know what it is, and for some reason there is resistance within you to being open to truly finding out. I know exactly what it is in my marriage, thanks. If someone wasn't open about it, it was my wife. I managed to find out, at the end. Nothing I can solve for her, unfortunately. And I was talking in general terms... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happyme Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 okidoki, well in that case your situation has become clear to you. Somebody ele's situation may be caused by something completely different however, and as Fruitloop is talking about herself she probably also knows what is in her marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 okidoki, well in that case your situation has become clear to you. Somebody ele's situation may be caused by something completely different however, and as Fruitloop is talking about herself she probably also knows what is in her marriage. yep... she's just opened a thread! Link to post Share on other sites
happyme Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I'll go take a peep there later then, thank you And all the best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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